*sigh* What is the protocol for dealing with an "ex"??

[Crystalicequeen123]

Okay... I'll try to make this as short and sweet as possible.

This guy and I were never really boyfriend and girlfriend...hence why I say "ex", but I guess you can say that there was an attraction there at some point between us, but we always remained "friends".

Anyway... a few months back he started dating this other chick. I'm cool with it now...it took me a little while to get over some of the pain, but I've definitely moved ON from him. Now that I've seen his true colors, I don't even like him in "that way" anymore.

But now lately, we've been coincidentally running into each other at different events held by mutual friends of ours. Sometimes he's with the girlfriend...and sometimes he's not. I've noticed however, that when he's NOT with the gf, he acts somewhat decent around me. Sometimes he's even downright flirtatious. But whenever I'm in a situation where the gf is around...he treats me coldly...even downright meanly. You would think we didn't even have a history of being friends!

Just this past weekend however, he went waaaay too far. A mutual friend of ours had invited me to this little party she was having. Of course he and the gf were there. But when he saw me, he looked so mad/angry and when he greeted me, he tried to imply that I was "following him" and that I'm "everywhere he is"! And trust me...I could tell from his face that he was NOT joking. Then he stated something about those friends at the party being "his people", and basically kind of made it clear that he didn't really like my being there.

Umm...first of all, where does he get off trying to "own" people?? Anyway, I was too shocked to even say anything, and second of all he has lost his mind if he thinks that I'm trying to maneuver things to run into him or pine away for him like some sick puppy dog. WHATEVER!

But anyway...I guess my question is.... *When you and a guy have had a falling out (I guess...in a romantic way) and you two have mutual friends, do you AVOID places and decline invitiations to things where you might see him and his new gf??*

I really don't know the protocol, because it wasn't like we were even really dating! I was just going because it sounded like a good time, and his friends are cool w/me. Obviously he's mad at me for some reason, but I don't even know why!

I don't know what he's said about me to his gf (if anything at all), but apparently it hasn't that great, because now days his gf gives me the once over with a snotty look on her face sizing me up like I'm competition or something. Whatever! I don't even want him anymore! I've long since decided that this guy is NOT for me.

So ladies...what would you? How would you handle this situation? Do you say: "forget him! I can go wherever I dang well please!" and continue to accept invites from friends of his? OR...do you just try to keep your distance and stay low-key for a while until the "dust" settles??

I'm so mad right now I don't know what to do.

 

[JustKiya]

*kissesteeth*

Sounds like he's got a personal problem, and I most certainly would not allow his 'issues' to impact or curtail my social life. That's what happens when you have mutual friends after a 'breakup'.

I might drop a note in the friends ear letting them know that X seems to have some issues, and you aren't interested in him, nor are you trying to stir up trouble - just to give them a heads up.

 

[Ramya]

Ignore him and keep it moving. He can't police who you hang with after the breakup. Those are your friends too. The more negative he is to you, the more attention he gets from you. Ignore him and he'll get over himself.

 

[Connie]

You shouldn't have to rearrange your social circle for your ex's benefit, but personally I would avoid going anywhere where I know the ex will be, even if he's not with his girlfriend, just so I wouldn't have to deal with any BS and drama. But that's just me.

 

[bimbabe]

Keep on doing what you are doing!
Don't let him and his obvious issues prevent you from going out and having a great time.
He doesn't own his friends...and he cannot control who you associate with or where you go.

Personally, in that type of situation I believe that he is not "over" you. Men are selfish like children....he wants the girlfriend but he wants you as a side dish.... IGNORE HIM

 

[ThickHair]

Go where ever you please and ignore him. If he says something to you, give him the weird\I don't know what you are talking about look.

I have had run ins like you and I didn't know how to handle it either and he accused me of following him. My sister told me about the "I don't know what you are talking about look". Don't laugh when you do it, look very serious and speak to him in a serious tone. Everyone will start thinking he is crazy.

 

[tiara76]

he has some sort of issue with you

if you care enough to know what it is you can ask him one on one what his problem is

I can tell you from personal experience that some men acting off the wall has to do with some of the most mundane egotistical things that bring up insecurities within them that they attribute to you being the cause of

if you don't "care" either you ignore him (which is easy to do when you aren't emotionally charged by his behavior) or don't go to the places you get invited to by mutual friends where you know he will be either solo or with his girl (which wouldn't be an option if you weren't emotionally charged by his behavior)

sounds like you "care" in some way since you are upset about it all

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thank you ladies for your inputs. This is helping a lot.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one thinking that his behavior was rude and uncalled for at that party.

But now keep in mind however, that these are HIS friends. I don't know if I made this clear in my previous post. He was the one who introduced me to his friends about 3 years ago. They just happened to be cool people, and we all clicked, so over the years every now and then they'll invite me somewhere. So, with this in mind, do you still think that I should go whenever I'm invited by them, or whenever I may be in a situation where I MIGHT see my "Ex" guy friend? We live in a small town/area, so it's not that uncommon for our paths to cross unfortunately. Or...do you think that in order to keep the peace, I should just try to avoid all places where he might be & friends that we have mutually in common? Don't get me wrong, I have PLENTY of friends. I don't need his in order to have a social life. We just get along that's all.

Another question: Do you suppose that perhaps he's treating me this way in order to respect his gf?? And if so, I don't see why he has to DISrespect me, in order to respect her.

It's already apparent to me that she must view me as "competition", but if she does it would ONLY be because he told her something. Otherwise, whenever we're in each other's company, I try to keep my distance from my guy friend. I don't try to be flirty with him. In fact, I barely even acknowledge him!

 

[tiara76]

so people have dibs on friends nowadays...you don't consider the people your friends at all....it doesn't matter if you met them through him if you became cool with them and they are cool with you to the point where they include you in invitations regardless of whether you come with him or not then they are not "HIS" people....if they only associated with you because of him then they would also disassociate with you because of him since you two don't associate anymore together....

instead of asking us what we think you should do...let us ask you what do you think you should do....what do you feel about it

 

[Connie]

It depends on how much you're up to the impending drama/BS. If you don't want to deal with it, it may come down to declining invitations from his friends to go to places/events where you know your ex will be, especially if he tends to act out the moment he sees you.

On the other hand, if you get a little ego boost seeing your ex go a little ballistic when you're around, especially if his girl is around, by all means, accept your/his friends' invitations.

Personally, I'm BS/drama intolerant so I would avoid going anywhere I know the ex will be and I would distance myself from his friends even if they did become friends of mine. Sometimes when you insist on holding on to ties to the ex (i.e., friends, relatives, etc.), although innocently on your part, it can give your ex the false impression that you still want him even though you insist you're moved on. Why give that impression, kwim?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

so people have dibs on friends nowadays...you don't consider the people your friends at all....it doesn't matter if you met them through him if you became cool with them and they are cool with you to the point where they include you in invitations regardless of whether you come with him or not then they are not "HIS" people....if they only associated with you because of him then they would also disassociate with you because of him since you two don't associate anymore together....

So true. He doesn't "own" people. Last I checked, individuals don't "own" people anymore in this country.

It depends on how much you're up to the impending drama/BS. If you don't want to deal with it, it may come down to declining invitations from his friends to go to places/events where you know your ex will be, especially if he tends to act out the moment he sees you.

On the other hand, if you get a little ego boost seeing your ex go a little ballistic when you're around, especially if his girl is around, by all means, accept your/his friends' invitations.

Oh heck no! I don't get some type of "glee" seeing him get upset or whatever whenever he happens to see me some place that he wasn't expecting. If anything I wish that we could be cordial...like nothing ever happened between us. Like I stated earlier, I think it more so has to do with HER than it really has to do with me, because he only acts that mean whenever she's around.

Me personally, I wish things could just be normal again between us. Plain and simple. But obviously I make him and/or his gf uncomfortable, so I may try to consciously avoid his friends for a good six months or so. Idk...

Sometimes when you insist on holding on to ties to the ex (i.e., friends, relatives, etc.), although innocently on your part, it can give your ex the false impression that you still want him even though you insist you're moved on. Why give that impression, kwim?

This is so true, and this would be the ONLY reason why I would give our mutual friends a "break". I wouldn't want to give him OR his gf (goodness knows what he's told her about me) the impression that I'm "clinging on" like some desperate chick. HA! Whatever! She can have him for all I care. He's got issues anyway...my eyes have been opened.

I just find it a shame that he can't even be himself anymore. I could see if I were really his "Ex", but I'm not! So...I don't think I should be made to be the "enemy". I never did anything to her!

instead of asking us what we think you should do...let us ask you what do you think you should do....what do you feel about it

Fair enough.

Okay feel free to weigh in...

I have definitely decided to pull him off to the side sometime this week (we are in an environment where we see each other every week) and just calmly, yet firmly let him know that I didn't appreciate his behavior.

I will state that:
-I didn't appreciate his comments towards me at the party this past weekend
-I'm going to go wherever I please
-I'm happy for him & his gf as long as he's happy
-But if he has a "problem" with something I'm doing, I'd appreciate it if he would be upfront and tell me point blank instead of resorting to sarcastic remarks, or snide comments/angry glares
-I thought that he and I were friends, but that when someone repeatedly treats me in a certain way and I don't even know the reason why, then I'm going to address the issue.
-Lastly, I'll let him know too that our paths may keep crossing in the future, and that we should just work on being civil towards each other.

That's the gist of it. Bottom line I want him to know that I don't have any ill will towards him and his gf, and that I personally don't tolerate any disrespect. He has crossed the line one too many times. I think after this I will also delete him from my fb too. I don't need this...

So...what do you think?

 

[bimbabe]

Crystalicequeen123
Your plan sounds foolproof...but the man seems to be a fool... Me personally I wouln't waste my breath on him. But if that plan of action makes you most comfortable I say go for it hun!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Seriously...bring a date to the next event and look HOT. This won't solve any issue, but you will feel damn good about it!

 

[aribell]

Fair enough.

Okay feel free to weigh in...

I have definitely decided to pull him off to the side sometime this week (we are in an environment where we see each other every week) and just calmly, yet firmly let him know that I didn't appreciate his behavior.

I will state that:
-I didn't appreciate his comments towards me at the party this past weekend
-I'm going to go wherever I please
-I'm happy for him & his gf as long as he's happy
-But if he has a "problem" with something I'm doing, I'd appreciate it if he would be upfront and tell me point blank instead of resorting to sarcastic remarks, or snide comments/angry glares
-I thought that he and I were friends, but that when someone repeatedly treats me in a certain way and I don't even know the reason why, then I'm going to address the issue.
-Lastly, I'll let him know too that our paths may keep crossing in the future, and that we should just work on being civil towards each other.

That's the gist of it. Bottom line I want him to know that I don't have any ill will towards him and his gf, and that I personally don't tolerate any disrespect. He has crossed the line one too many times. I think after this I will also delete him from my fb too. I don't need this...

So...what do you think?

I think your bullet points sound great. You'll get to see how he responds. Personally, I'd want to ask him what difference it makes to him whether you are there or not--especially since you never actually dated.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think your bullet points sound great. You'll get to see how he responds. Personally, I'd want to ask him what difference it makes to him whether you are there or not--especially since you never actually dated.

Well...I'm no mind-reader, but I'm thinking that perhaps he doesn't want his GIRLFRIEND getting the wrong idea about me and then flying off the handle. Goodness knows what he's told her. Maybe somewhere deep down he thinks that me being there will ruin things with him & his gf. Idk... Or perhaps seeing me brings back some hurt memories or something.

Plus, he may feel like I'm "stalking him" because I'm still "sprung". Whatever buddy! I really wanted to say to him: "Ha! Don't flatter yourself!" But...of course, it was too late.

 

[LookingandListening]

When the girlfriend jumped in my face, called me a beotch and threatened me, I kind of chilled on being at the same functions as my ex. Even though she started with me, folks blamed me for just "being there" I think they were mad that they had to get her out of there quick because they knew that after shock wore off I was about to GET IN THAT A$$. I took a second for it to register because she barely spoke English and I thought it was a joke. We still have many mutual friends but it took us a minute after that to be able to attend the same functions.

I'm sorry for the rant but the post brings back memories

I was just thinking about the fact that THE GROUP of friends in question still kick it and that they are my girls and his boys who were introduced to eachother by me. It's been 10 years. They are MY PEOPLE!!! J/K LOL!!

 

[Kerryann]

Okay here is my 2 cents if they are his friends well so what if you guys clicked and form your own friendship thats great. I dont know why the ex always want their friend to drop you when there is a break up who freaking cares.

When you go to these events make sure you are sexy as all hell and what you need to do is go with some girlfriends for some support because for some reason if you go by yourself it might seem that you are there for him.

Are you Dating someone yet? If you are take that person with you

I agree with a poster look at him as in are you talking to me and are you serious and as a matter of fact ask him these questions while looking at him like he is stupid as hell and walk of while shaking your head boy trust me he will feel exxxxxxxxxxxxxtraaaaaa stupid and his girlfriend will think he has a problem and he cant get over you.

whenever he is by himself again dont say a word to him no matter what he tells you. If you see him turn in the next direction and if you see him on the same side of the street cross the darn street and make him feel like an imbasil

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

ok...i ain't read all the replies, but imma tell u what da real deal holyfield is...

first of all phuck him n feed him beans. go where u wanna go. no one should have the much control over you to question or validate where you go and who invites you. second, da only reason why he throwin u shade is because, like most dumb azzzz men, he done told his current girl aboutchu to make himself look good, now when he see you, he treats u like garbage cuz for fear that u may pull his trump card to his girl....das how dem bamas roll chile....he know he been flirtin witchu cuz he wanted another piece of you...see, men always wanna keep their foot in da puddi door, for just in case..... now every event you go too, he's there. das cool. i wouldn't even pay him any mind, nor would i let him see that he can get to me like dat. and see, im da type of broad that would make sure i show up at every event lookin real cute...chile puleez....

i would get my flirt on with otha brothas and pay him no mind cuz see, he likes attention, and men hate to be ignored. i would treat him like da piece of shyt he is....phuck him n keep it pimpin...dont let nobody have that much mind control ova you, and don't let him or his bytch live rent free in ur mind..... like kat williams say..u got 5 haters today, make 5 more da next....if u don't have any, u ain't doin sumfin right...so u are obviously doin sumfin right if your mere presence bothers him that much...keep doin whatchu doin

 

[brownelovely]

Girl, ignore him immediately! Next time your in the same place don't even bother to speak cordially...just ignore him. Obviously he's an arse and probably mad cause ur not going after him so hence his attitude. He's a loser.

Hang out with your friends...if he feels that uncomfortable he'll leave.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

When you go to these events make sure you are sexy as all hell and what you need to do is go with some girlfriends for some support because for some reason if you go by yourself it might seem that you are there for him.

Yeah I did make sure I was looking FIERCE when I went to that party!

Are you Dating someone yet? If you are take that person with you

No...unfortunately I'm not. And I'm not of the mind-set to just take a guy I'm not even interested in and use him as my "date" just to make my guy friend jealous. That's so low IMO. I sooo wish I were dating someone though! That would shut him up real good. I need a NICE guy...a guy that I'm actually into.

I agree with a poster look at him as in are you talking to me and are you serious and as a matter of fact ask him these questions while looking at him like he is stupid as hell and walk of while shaking your head boy trust me he will feel exxxxxxxxxxxxxtraaaaaa stupid and his girlfriend will think he has a problem and he cant get over you.

LOL!!

ok...i ain't read all the replies, but imma tell u what da real deal holyfield is...

first of all phuck him n feed him beans. go where u wanna go. no one should have the much control over you to question or validate where you go and who invites you. second, da only reason why he throwin u shade is because, like most dumb azzzz men, he done told his current girl aboutchu to make himself look good, now when he see you, he treats u like garbage cuz for fear that u may pull his trump card to his girl....das how dem bamas roll chile....he know he been flirtin witchu cuz he wanted another piece of you...see, men always wanna keep their foot in da puddi door, for just in case..... now every event you go too, he's there. das cool. i wouldn't even pay him any mind, nor would i let him see that he can get to me like dat. and see, im da type of broad that would make sure i show up at every event lookin real cute...chile puleez....

i would get my flirt on with otha brothas and pay him no mind cuz see, he likes attention, and men hate to be ignored. i would treat him like da piece of shyt he is....phuck him n keep it pimpin...dont let nobody have that much mind control ova you, and don't let him or his bytch live rent free in ur mind..... like kat williams say..u got 5 haters today, make 5 more da next....if u don't have any, u ain't doin sumfin right...so u are obviously doin sumfin right if your mere presence bothers him that much...keep doin whatchu doin

HAHAHAH!!! JerseyGirl...Your post had me rolling and cracking up!! It was just what I needed.

Yeah I think you are so right! We never even dated! So his gf has no right to be giving me the "evil eye". The more and more I see his/her actions and behavior towards me, and the more I see the slight contrast between how he treats me when she's around and when she ISN'T around, the more I realize that he has most likely told her something about me. Plain and simple. Knowing him...being a man...he probably spun the tale that "Oh...she was sooo into me. I didn't really like her like that...blah blah...but she just can't get over me! Blah blah blaaaaaah..."

Nevermind about him telling HIS side of the story! How he was inviting me places, being all flirtatious (and still IS at times w/me), getting jealous whenever other guys would be interested in me, blocking any other guy who tried to step to me, etc. Nevermind about THAT! I'm sure he didn't tell that half of the story.

Anyway, she can have him. I used to like him quite a lot...but now after his behavior lately, I barely even like him as a friend. You don't treat a friend like that. Now I really see that guys and girls just simply CANNOT be "just friends", because if your relationship turns sour when one has a gf or a bf, then guess what?? You guys were never really "just friends" to begin with! UGh!

 

[new-life]

Crystal, i wouldn't even bother to approach him to say anything to him if i were you. Don't entertain him in your mind, don't entertain him when you see him. Like a couple of other posters said, when you see him- whether or not he's w/his gf, even if he's just coming to say hello- ignore him, because this dude is a loserrrrrr lol ughhh.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Girl, ignore him immediately! Next time your in the same place don't even bother to speak cordially...just ignore him. Obviously he's an arse and probably mad cause ur not going after him so hence his attitude. He's a loser.

Hang out with your friends...if he feels that uncomfortable he'll leave.

Yeah, unfortunately I think it may end up coming to this.



So now the question still remains.... :scratchch

Should I have a talk with him and call him out on his behavior?
OR...
Should I just let things go?

Is having a "talk" with him even worth it? I wanna take the high road and come out smelling like "roses"...let HIM look like the fool and the bitter one around his gf whenever I'm in the vicinity.

The only problem is, we still have to see each other at our place of worship, so it's not like we can avoid each other completely. I don't want to start anything or make any enemies, and I'm trying to imitate Jesus and let love cover over thoughtless behavior, but at the same time I don't want to be seen as a doormat either. I guess I don't know the proper balance.

I'm just wondering if completely ignoring him everywhere I see him would be the best thing, or if I should just address his attitude at the party.

 

[new-life]

Yeah, unfortunately I think it may end up coming to this.



So now the question still remains.... :scratchch

Should I have a talk with him and call him out on his behavior? NO
OR...
Should I just let things go? i would let it go.

But it seems like you really wanna talk to him so do whatever you feel is right.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystal, i wouldn't even bother to approach him to say anything to him if i were you. Don't entertain him in your mind, don't entertain him when you see him. Like a couple of other posters said, when you see him- whether or not he's w/his gf, even if he's just coming to say hello- ignore him, because this dude is a loserrrrrr lol ughhh.

Oh okay...I'm just now seeing your post.

*sigh*

I guess maybe I should just let it slide I suppose. I think I'll play it by ear. Maybe you're right.

But the NEXT time he says something rude like that, I think I should just call him on it right then and there.

 

[Xerxes]

This guy and I were never really boyfriend and girlfriend...hence why I say "ex", but I guess you can say that there was an attraction there at some point between us, but we always remained "friends".



I'm so mad right now I don't know what to do.

Ok, I'm going to tell you my advice first then ask you questions later. lol

My advice: Avoid and ignore this fool when your paths do cross. Do not go to places/events where you know you'll have to deal with him. Stop the madness now.

If you were truly over this dude, his temper tantrums wouldn't be worth a post. Of course, I'm from the school of thought where my exes are as good as dead to me once the relationships ended. If I can't avoid speaking to them, I just say "hi" and leave. I have never gotten romantic with a friend although some have tried because I know that will kill the relationship. Lovers and friendship just don't mix.

So if you were never his GF, what did you two do that has him all worked up when he sees you and has you worrying about his actions?

If you just slept together, just call it par for the course and leave him and his friends alone. He needs the space to start his new relationship with his GF and you need to be around new men to enjoy yourself without having to see him unless you still want him back in your life but aren't sure how to get him back (which I think is the root cause of your thread).

I think you miss your old buddy with benefits. Remember what broke you'll up in the first place and find a new friend with better benefits, it'll save you from further embarrassment.

 

[brownelovely]

So true. He doesn't "own" people. Last I checked, individuals don't "own" people anymore in this country.



Oh heck no! I don't get some type of "glee" seeing him get upset or whatever whenever he happens to see me some place that he wasn't expecting. If anything I wish that we could be cordial...like nothing ever happened between us. Like I stated earlier, I think it more so has to do with HER than it really has to do with me, because he only acts that mean whenever she's around.

Me personally, I wish things could just be normal again between us. Plain and simple. But obviously I make him and/or his gf uncomfortable, so I may try to consciously avoid his friends for a good six months or so. Idk...



This is so true, and this would be the ONLY reason why I would give our mutual friends a "break". I wouldn't want to give him OR his gf (goodness knows what he's told her about me) the impression that I'm "clinging on" like some desperate chick. HA! Whatever! She can have him for all I care. He's got issues anyway...my eyes have been opened.

I just find it a shame that he can't even be himself anymore. I could see if I were really his "Ex", but I'm not! So...I don't think I should be made to be the "enemy". I never did anything to her!



Fair enough.

Okay feel free to weigh in...

I have definitely decided to pull him off to the side sometime this week (we are in an environment where we see each other every week) and just calmly, yet firmly let him know that I didn't appreciate his behavior.

I will state that:
-I didn't appreciate his comments towards me at the party this past weekend
-I'm going to go wherever I please
-I'm happy for him & his gf as long as he's happy
-But if he has a "problem" with something I'm doing, I'd appreciate it if he would be upfront and tell me point blank instead of resorting to sarcastic remarks, or snide comments/angry glares
-I thought that he and I were friends, but that when someone repeatedly treats me in a certain way and I don't even know the reason why, then I'm going to address the issue.
-Lastly, I'll let him know too that our paths may keep crossing in the future, and that we should just work on being civil towards each other.

That's the gist of it. Bottom line I want him to know that I don't have any ill will towards him and his gf, and that I personally don't tolerate any disrespect. He has crossed the line one too many times. I think after this I will also delete him from my fb too. I don't need this...

So...what do you think?

This could work but I wouldn't do it. Acknowledging his immature behavior is what he wants you to do. Any attention or rise he can get out of you is what he takes pleasure in. If you ignore him....he'll have to move on or show what a fool he really is to everyone else. Remember, he's trying to make YOU look bad.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

HAHAHAH!!! JerseyGirl...Your post had me rolling and cracking up!! It was just what I needed.

its all good in da hood...see, he mad cuz u ain't sweatin him...das all shug..his pride a lil jive messed up, and he know he messed up cuz he can't get da puddi like he use too, so it is what it is... see, he wants u to sweat him, and ur not....das how dumb these men are...so now, he gotta new piece, so trust, when he hears ur gonna be at a party or whateva, he's gonna bring her to piss u off, and his broad is dumb cuz she don't even see da game...

pull up ur big girl pannies and be like... "hey yall ..wassup" and keep it pimpin.... u really wanna piss dem off, that's whatchu do. das how a LADY does it..show'em how a playa does it, and it's all good. i guarantee you that one day....it may be 3, 6, 9 months down the line, he is going to call. i don't care how long it takes but dem bamas ALWAYS call back..believe dat. then when he calls....he's gonna be off da.. " i hadn't seen u in a while, and i just wanted to check on you..blah blah blah.."....dat der is dat bullshyt. by dat time, you'll be with someone else...

ur doing everything right..keep da game tight by lookin fierce, be confident, and you'll be fine chile..he ain't even worthy of this thread, fa real fa real...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

My advice: Avoid and ignore this fool when your paths do cross. Do not go to places/events where you know you'll have to deal with him. Stop the madness now.

Hmmm...okay...I'm listening!

If you were truly over this dude, his temper tantrums wouldn't be worth a post.

Oh no...I'm over him now believe me. His actions in the past few months have really crossed the line. I just don't like being treated disrespectfully or unfairly when I feel like I haven't done anything to warrant his actions. How did I become the enemy?? It's not like we barely knew each other. I couldn't care less if it were some guy I would never have to see again. But I do have to see him again, so that's why I'm wondering how to handle certain situations.

So if you were never his GF, what did you two do that has him all worked up when he sees you and has you worrying about his actions?

Ugh...girl...it's a loooong story. If you read some of my previous posts on the relationship thread and see the mention of a "guy friend"...that's him. I think it was mainly a LOT of misunderstandings on both of our parts over the years....I admit, A lot of it was probably romantic in nature. Plus, I now see that he's got some issues....so, enough said!

If you just slept together, just call it par for the course and leave him and his friends alone.

No way! Thank goodness! That would make things even MORE complicated! I'm trying to save myself for my future HUSBAND...whoever he may be.

He needs the space to start his new relationship with his GF and you need to be around new men to enjoy yourself without having to see him

Yeah I agree with that.

unless you still want him back in your life but aren't sure how to get him back (which I think is the root cause of your thread).

Oh HECK no! That's not the purpose of my thread at all. As much as it may hurt, I have long since realized that he is not the right guy for me. I just want things to be normal. I don't like to make enemies...especially when I have to see someone every week. It's a burden when you have to see someone that you used to be friendly with, who's now giving you the cold shoulder for some reason. Even worse is when a guy treats you one way when his gf is around, and ANOTHER way when she's not around. I just can't take the dual personalities anymore. Either hate me 24/7, or love me 24/7...but don't do this "bait and switch" depending on who's around, or whichever way the wind blows, etc.

But you're right. I think I'll just try to distance myself, and ignore him completely. Sometimes friendships end for no good reason at all I guess.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Haha...I guess I should clarify. We NEVER actually "dated"...not really. We weren't bf and gf. There were feelings there yeah...but it was a crazy mix-up stupid situation. Misunderstandings in other words. Also, we NEVER slept together (thank goodness!).

So...with that said...

I don't think he's trying to parade his gf around me cuz he knows I'm going to be somewhere. I really don't. I think he's just getting caught off-guard because I happen to have a LOT of friends and I am a social butterfly, so he's having to see me in places that he wasn't expecting. Knowing men and their silly ego's, he's probably ERRONEOUSLY ASSuming that I'm trying to sabotage things with him and his gf. Puh-leeeze... They can have each other. And I'm happy for him if he's happy.

I think you're right though. I'll continue to conduct myself as a "lady" with CLASS. I don't need to react to his childish immature behavior. In fact, I'm actually glad I DIDN'T say anything in retaliation to him that night, because we probably would have gotten into an argument, and then GUESS who would have looked like the "crazy one"??

I know his teeth and neck thank me too.

its all good in da hood...see, he mad cuz u ain't sweatin him...das all shug..his pride a lil jive messed up, and he know he messed up cuz he can't get da puddi like he use too, so it is what it is... see, he wants u to sweat him, and ur not....das how dumb these men are...so now, he gotta new piece, so trust, when he hears ur gonna be at a party or whateva, he's gonna bring her to piss u off, and his broad is dumb cuz she don't even see da game...

pull up ur big girl pannies and be like... "hey yall ..wassup" and keep it pimpin.... u really wanna piss dem off, that's whatchu do. das how a LADY does it..show'em how a playa does it, and it's all good. i guarantee you that one day....it may be 3, 6, 9 months down the line, he is going to call. i don't care how long it takes but dem bamas ALWAYS call back..believe dat. then when he calls....he's gonna be off da.. " i hadn't seen u in a while, and i just wanted to check on you..blah blah blah.."....dat der is dat bullshyt. by dat time, you'll be with someone else...

ur doing everything right..keep da game tight by lookin fierce, be confident, and you'll be fine chile..he ain't even worthy of this thread, fa real fa real...

 

[Xerxes]

Hmmm...okay...I'm listening!



Oh no...I'm over him now believe me. His actions in the past few months have really crossed the line. I just don't like being treated disrespectfully or unfairly when I feel like I haven't done anything to warrant his actions. How did I become the enemy?? It's not like we barely knew each other. I couldn't care less if it were some guy I would never have to see again. But I do have to see him again, so that's why I'm wondering how to handle certain situations.



Ugh...girl...it's a loooong story. If you read some of my previous posts on the relationship thread and see the mention of a "guy friend"...that's him. I think it was mainly a LOT of misunderstandings on both of our parts over the years....I admit, A lot of it was probably romantic in nature. Plus, I now see that he's got some issues....so, enough said!



No way! Thank goodness! That would make things even MORE complicated! I'm trying to save myself for my future HUSBAND...whoever he may be.


Yeah I agree with that.




Oh HECK no! That's not the purpose of my thread at all. As much as it may hurt, I have long since realized that he is not the right guy for me. I just want things to be normal. I don't like to make enemies...especially when I have to see someone every week. It's a burden when you have to see someone that you used to be friendly with, who's now giving you the cold shoulder for some reason. Even worse is when a guy treats you one way when his gf is around, and ANOTHER way when she's not around. I just can't take the dual personalities anymore. Either hate me 24/7, or love me 24/7...but don't do this "bait and switch" depending on who's around, or whichever way the wind blows, etc.

But you're right. I think I'll just try to distance myself, and ignore him completely. Sometimes friendships end for no good reason at all I guess.

Great, so there's no reason for either of you two to be at odds against one another.

Keep on waiting for the right guy and don't worry about why he's upset with you. This too shall past and I bet there's a better friend waiting for you to forget about this guy. I wish you the best.