Shutting them down

[softblackcotton]

I met the guy online a few weeks ago. He seems nice enough. He's 25. We are in a getting to know you stage. I noticed right away that he had the annoying habit of marathon texting. We texted up to 2 whole days without even hearing each other's voices. He is also into concise, vague answers. It's a total waste of my time because you can't really get know someone through texting for hours on end. We are not dam teenagers. By the 3rd day, I was already up to my limit with his marathon half azzed texting. So I told him straight I don't take guys seriously who text all the time. He asked seriously? I said Dead Serious. He finally picked up the phone and called me twice. First call was good. On the second call, he put me on hold for about 5 mins. When he came back on he said he would call me back. Fast forward a few hours later, he texts me back and proceeds to try and converse through text instead of actually calling me back. I cut him off to go to bed. He has been texting me since that last call a week ago like he totally forgot what I told him. To remind him, I ask him to call me because I don't have time to be texting for hours and he says he will but doesn't. Then he has the nerve to text me the next day like nothing. Yesterday, he texted me, but I cut him short again and told him I didn't feel like texting and was going to read until I feel asleep. All he said was Wow! Okay. Then there is this other guy who texts me between 1am-2am. I answer him the next afternoon and tell him no texts after 11pm. The fool was actually offended! Ugh! Now just so you understand I've had poor experiences in the past with guys who use text as a primary form of communication when trying to get to know a woman or within a relationship. POOR horrible experiences that I refuse to repeat. My new standard is that if he can't call more than he texts, he is not worth my time or attention. My friend says I shut these guys down to quickly for something as minor as bad texting habits. However I feel it's a sign of them being not all that interested in getting to know me and they want to see how much they can get by doing as little as possible. Like most of these losers out here. What do you think I'm being too harsh and picky?

 

[hopeful]

No, you are not being too picky or harsh, if anything you sound way too patient. Texting back and forth for three days? Tell him to stop, you wait on hold for 5 minutes, then he proceeds to text again. Ain't no way I'd be begging someone to call me. Texting constantly would simply = no response. Call = conversation.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I don't think you are being harsh or too picky at all. You are exactly right, trying to see how much he can get by doing as little as possible. IMO, a man who mainly uses text to try get to know you/get closer to you is lazy and may also have intimacy issues. If you are looking for something serious continue to shut those types down and keep it moving.

ETA: I also find these types usually have something to hide. They tell on themselves with that behavior, especially if its consistent. Where is he or who is he around all the time that he can't use his vocal chords for more than a few minutes?

 

[SelahOco]

When my dh calls me I always answer because I enjoy talking to him. Most other people get my voicemail and a text response. A text is a great way to blow someone off and it's also a great way to be in the same room with your woman while texting a little hottie you wanna smash.

Men are so disrespectful. And they pretend not to listen to you when they gears full well what you said.

 

[ThickHair]

For goodness sakes please stop responding to text msgs. If they have something to say and if it is important they will call. If not, they will fade into the background and get out of your hair.

No, I do not think you are over reacting but you are going along with their schtick. You are texting to say stop texting, bad girl.

 

[CurlyNiquee]

A text is a great way to blow someone off and it's also a great way to be in the same room with your woman while texting a little hottie you wanna smash.

Men are so disrespectful. And they pretend not to listen to you when they gears full well what you said.

......

 

[faithVA]

I have no more to add. After you have told them, if you even choose to do that, stop texting them back. I wouldn't even read them.

 

[ZLUVSNEWZEE]

I don't mind texting as much but I wouldn't put up with someone constantly texting me after I said not to. He is clearly at home with his wife and can only text. Note that he called twice after you first said something then put you on hold for 5 minutes...that's cau se his wife was on the other line. I found that a lot if men I met online were looking for a thrill outside if their relationship and it showed in their style of communication. You can do better and your time is too precious to waste

 

[MD_Lady]

I don't think you're being harsh or too picky at ALL, softblackcotton. It is EXTREMELY important for two people to be on the same page when it comes to communication. Ignoring a major difference now will only lead to problems later.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

I don't know because I'm personally not a phone person. Unless you're my mother, everyone goes to voice mail unless you text me instead. HOWEVER, this guy is young so I can understand why he doesn't see anything wrong with texting. Younger guys usually don't. You're probably his age too but the majority of females like phone conversations anyway.

No, I don't think you're wrong. It's just simply your preference.

 

[Theo]

I dunno why ppl always want to tell you that you're being to harsh or too picky. Just cuz certain behaviors are okay for them has no bearing on you. You should enforce whatever barriers YOU need to ensure that YOU feel comfortable. YOU are the one talking to this dude, not them.

So honestly, who gives a flip what the next chick thinks? Do you, girl.

 

[UmSumayyah]

If you put me on hold for more than 60 seconds or so I hang up. I don't leave people hanging on hold either. If you can't "click over" or handle whatever in a minute or less just call them back.

As for texting, that should be for short messages like "Running late" or "7pm showing is sold out, can we go to the 9:30?" Not for real conversation.

 

[PeaceFlow]

It might be a personal thing IDK.

I've met a few amazing guys online that I didn't talk to on the phone much (when I say amazing I mean very eligable and respectful). Personally I don't want to talk to them on the phone and was ok with the texting, or IMing and just chat properly in person. Although it wasn't like they were insisting on texting.

Someone who seems suspect, not keeping promises, or disrespectful (contacting in the middle of the night) I haven't ran into yet.

One of them I am still friends with and we still don't talk on the phone I prefer IM myself or text these days. Back in the day I loved phone calls to epic bill proportions, but not anymore.

If talking on the phone is important to you, you need to find a guy that likes to talk on the phone.

 

[softblackcotton]

It might be a personal thing IDK.

I've met a few amazing guys online that I didn't talk to on the phone much (when I say amazing I mean very eligable and respectful). Personally I don't want to talk to them on the phone and was ok with the texting, or IMing and just chat properly in person. Although it wasn't like they were insisting on texting.

Someone who seems suspect, not keeping promises, or disrespectful (contacting in the middle of the night) I haven't ran into yet.

One of them I am still friends with and we still don't talk on the phone I prefer IM myself or text these days. Back in the day I loved phone calls to epic bill proportions, but not anymore.

If talking on the phone is important to you, you need to find a guy that likes to talk on the phone.

It's more than just talking in the phone. The point is respecting my wishes if he is really trying to pursue me. I mean I out right told him something simple I require and he didn't feel it was important enough to follow through. Bad sign.

 

[PeaceFlow]

It's more than just talking in the phone. The point is respecting my wishes if he is really trying to pursue me. I mean I out right told him something simple I require and he didn't feel it was important enough to follow through. Bad sign.

Yeah, I've never really asked. But yeah if they were disrespectful and ignored my requests I'd end it very quickly.

 

[NYAmicas]

Naw, they sound like losers anyway, esp with him not keeping his word for calling you back and then he starts that texting crap again. I totally ignore texts and phone calls if people waste my time or dont respect it.

 

[Lucie]

You sound like a woman that knows what she wants. I do not think you're being too picky. Texting is okay when I am at work or with others but if we keep going back-and-forth I'd rather converse on the phone. If we are getting to know each other, the phone and in-person is the best way to do it.

 

[Charz]

For goodness sakes please stop responding to text msgs. If they have something to say and if it is important they will call. If not, they will fade into the background and get out of your hair.

No, I do not think you are over reacting but you are going along with their schtick. You are texting to say stop texting, bad girl.

agreed. Stop responding esp that fool texting at 2am..wtf?

 

[chocolat79]

I've said my peace on text-only fools and all the OP's here have already said what I would've said regarding that, BUT, I just have to add: I wish I WOULD stay on hold for a ninja for 5 minutes! He MAY get a minute. *********!

 

[jazzerz]

BUT, I just have to add: I wish I WOULD stay on hold for a ninja for 5 minutes! He MAY get a minute. *********!

Right!

Am I the only one that will count to 30 in my head and hang up if they don't click back over? I've always operated under the assumption that if you want to have a conversation with that person on the other line - you'll know as soon as you hear their voice. If not... you can text them.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[softblackcotton]

agreed. Stop responding esp that fool texting at 2am..wtf?

Yeah I didn't respond to him until the next afternoon when I told him I don't accept texts after 2am family and best friends are exceptions but they never text me at that time unless it's an emergency. He got offended saying oh I'm a stranger now? I was yes that's exactly what you are. Fool. I'm starting to really hate dealing with these guys.

 

[CarLiTa]

Yeah I didn't respond to him until the next afternoon when I told him I don't accept texts after 2am family and best friends are exceptions but they never text me at that time unless it's an emergency. He got offended saying oh I'm a stranger now? I was yes that's exactly what you are. Fool. I'm starting to really hate dealing with these guys.

I think you're giving him too much info. All this pretend offending is just that... Pretending. He probably thinks you're kinda silly, because he's unfortunately clearly not taking you seriously.
I think at this point, this isn't someone who is going to call you (I don't think I'd even want to talk to him anymore if he called ME lol), so let him go, and next time set boundaries clearly and strongly in the very very beginning.

 

[C(squared)]

You better than me because I just don't respond. They either take the hint or stop texting all together.

 

[hopeful]

Yeah I didn't respond to him until the next afternoon when I told him I don't accept texts after 2am family and best friends are exceptions but they never text me at that time unless it's an emergency. He got offended saying oh I'm a stranger now? I was yes that's exactly what you are. Fool. I'm starting to really hate dealing with these guys.

He sounds really ignorant. But a man who texts a woman at 2am is ignorant IMO. You are treating these men like children, explaining over and over that you don't like texting, explaining to a grown fool to not text at 2am. They are not children. They are grown and they are fools, and ignorant. Quit wasting your time on these type of men.

 

[Misseyl]

No you are not being picky.

I don't text so I don't have that problem but I see it's gonna be with my son because he's always texting.

 

[NOEChic]

In this situation, if he texted me and I rather talked I would call him. If he didn't answer the phone and then texted me right back, without a good explanation of why he couldn't answer, then I would blow him off. Every time he text and you text back regardless if it is conversation or just telling him that you don't like texting you are sending him a mixed message.

 

[softblackcotton]

In this situation, if he texted me and I rather talked I would call him. If he didn't answer the phone and then texted me right back, without a good explanation of why he couldn't answer, then I would blow him off. Every time he text and you text back regardless if it is conversation or just telling him that you don't like texting you are sending him a mixed message.

Good point. I actually did call him once and got a text back. He was at work. I was expecting him to call me later after work and he proceeded to text.

 

[sky_blu]

You have 60 seconds to put me on hold...after 60 seconds I hang up and if you dont call me back you wont hear from me. It is hard to get to know someone via text but I must admit Im a chronic texter and I only answer if I really want to talk to you.

 

[hopeful]

Right!

Am I the only one that will count to 30 in my head and hang up if they don't click back over? I've always operated under the assumption that if you want to have a conversation with that person on the other line - you'll know as soon as you hear their voice. If not... you can text them.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

You have 60 seconds to put me on hold...after 60 seconds I hang up and if you dont call me back you wont hear from me. It is hard to get to know someone via text but I must admit Im a chronic texter and I only answer if I really want to talk to you.

to the bolded. I'll even hang up on my own mother if she puts me on hold too long.

 

[softblackcotton]

Update.
Last Tuesday, he texts me at 9:30pm. I tell him I'm going to sleep because I'm tired of texting. He replies wow okay!

Forward to Thursday, he texts me at 9:15pm I tell him I'm going to sleep. Goodnight. He replies are you brushing me off? I say yes. He says why. I say because you keep texting me when I asked you to call. So goodnight. He says ok.

Today. He texts me with an lol following behind it. I will proceed to ignore him because now he is just doing it to annoy me since I brushed him off. I hate that. Who is raising these type of males?