She's Finally starting to Get It...

[pjbapb]

I was out with my daughter who is 12 last night and she told me a story. There are two girls in her class who have recently gotten perms. One of them though is always wearing a head wrap. You all know how kids are, so when my girl asked what was up with the head wraps, the girl took it down and showed her the burned patches on her hairline and her crown where she lost all of her hair! My daughter was like, now I see why you are so hardcore! I must admit, it was gratifying that she is finally understanding that I'm not just trying to make her life miserable.

But, in the meantime, I feel so bad for this little girl and I want to send my daughter to school with a note with resources for her and her mom, but I'm not sure that it's my place to do that. What would you all do?

 

[Kalia1]

It's unfortunate that the little girl had to endure this especially being a pre-teen.
I am happy that your daughter is finally understanding your viewpoint. She will begin I am sure to be a voice that her peers will listen to.

I would suggest perhaps asking your daughter to confer some more with the girl and then have her ask her Mom if you can send her a note with some advice from you or better yet can you two speak via phone.

I am sure the mother needs some support too. I know I would be devastated if that happened to my daughter.

 

[pjbapb]

That's probably what I'm gonna do. My daughter is gonna call me hardcore again, but I don't care. That poor girl! She doesn't deserve to have to go through this.

 

[ms.blue]

The relaxer experience must been improperly done to damage the girl's hair/scalp like that. I do agree with Kalia1 and give advice to the girl's mother but do it in supportive way since this is a sensitive subject.

 

[pjbapb]

Yeah I talked to my daughter and she is totally underwhelmed. I hope she doesn't come at the girl all crazy. I think I'll have another conversation with her tomorrow...

 

[Aireen]

You're coming from a good place, I just hope it doesn't backfire. Everyone interprets things differently so I suggest when you write this note to watch out for the tone and have someone else read it to get a second opinion. I agree with the poster that says to have your daughter talk with the other child more.

 

[QueenFee]

I been there with the burned scalp....thanx mom

 

[pjbapb]

Been there with the mis-interpretation! I'm posting it up on here first!

 

[Aireen]

Been there with the mis-interpretation! I'm posting it up on here first!

Ohhh good idea!

 

[My Friend]

Maybe your daughter can tell her 4-5 things she needs to do to her hair. Have your daughter tell her a couple steps per week. This builds a positive relationship between them and reinforces the information to your daugther.

 

[Sianna]

OP, I commend you, not only for wanting to help your daughter's classmate, but for actually taking steps to accomplish it! I see people all the time who could really use some hair advice, but I've never been so bold as to say anything, mostly because I don't want to offend them. I'll give advice if it's asked for, but other than that I just try not to stare at their burned, broken off edges and KIM.

As it was previously mentioned, this is a very sensitive subject for a lot of women and girls. I worry, as well meaning as your intentions are, that the girl's mother will be offended, no matter how carefully you word the letter. It might come off as if you are pointing out flaws in how she is caring for her daughter, and I don't know how someone wouldn't be offended by that.

Your plan of posting the letter here before you send it to the mother is a really good idea though! I hope it goes well, and I'm sure I don't have to ask (though I'll do so anyway) for you to update us on what happens!

 

[bride91501]

I think you've been given good advice OP.

Assuming that the little girl meets your "friends standard" for your daughter (I know you know what I'm talking about lol), I would suggest that you "suggest" to your daughter to invite the girl over for playdates or whatever they're calling them these days . Given the little girl's age, this would probably require you to communicate with the mom.

After their relationship is more established, and you have more of a rapport with the mom, I would then gently make the reggie suggestions.

HTH

 

[Freespirit02]

Omg..My heart goes out to that girl. I hate hearing/seeing stories like that. The poor girl must of been in pain..probably complained about it..and the "hairstylist" (using that term loosely) probably sprayed her with oil sheen and kept it moving. I would be careful when talking to them mom..and take a look at her hair as well..that may explain her daughter's experience..

oh..how was the girl's hair before this happened?

 

[pjbapb]

I don't know how her hair was before hand because I haven't actually met the girl. I am strictly going off of secondhand info. I believe it though because my daughter would NEVER initiate a hair conversation with me EVER! LOL I think the idea of befriending her and letting things develop is a great one, but I'm not sure that we live close enough to the girl for them to spend a realistic amount of time together outside of school and they aren't in the same class. Believe me I am treading very carefully on this one!

I was thinking though about what I would suggest that she try. So far, I am thinking about castor oil and deep conditioning along with a good sulfate free shampoo. I don't really get down too tough with the SF Shampoos, can someone suggest a good moisturizing one? Or is their a "hair growth" line that someone would recommend? Also scalp massages if that isn't too painful for the girl. Along with the silk scarf/bonnet/pillow case too.

Hair handling tips for especially dry damaged hair. Any suggestions aside from gentleness?

I was thinking about sending mom here and to some other forums so that she could search for some more specific advice on her daughter's issues as well. Also a few YT channels so she can search for others with hair similar to her daughters (pre-damage if course.)

Lastly, a lot of love and support during what has to be a difficult time for her daughter. Thank God it's just hair and it grows back. Hopefully no permanent damage was done. Did I miss anything? Let me know what you think. I also posted this on my blog so you can feel free to leave a comment there as well. Thanks again for all the support. Good vibes go a long way and maybe the little girl is feeling them right now! I know...I'm a cornball! LOL

 

[imaccami]

Maybe it would be more natural for your daughter to just tell the girl about this website. The way kids are with one another she could easily give this website's info without the girl getting her feelings hurt.

I think it's going to be very difficult to educate the mom without her getting offended, especially considering that she doesn't know you.

If you send a letter, you can tell her not to apply the relaxer to the scalp, to not leave it in longer than 22 minutes and basically find a nice way to say to follow the directions.

I don't think she should put any oils on her scalp or do any massages until it has healed.

Your heart is in the right place, hopefully the mom will be open to it.

 

[pjbapb]

Well my daughter talked to the girl and the girl wasn't interested. Sigh...maybe she'll change her mind one day. Thanks so much for all your advice I do appreciate it.

 

[Aviah]

Well my daughter talked to the girl and the girl wasn't interested. Sigh...maybe she'll change her mind one day. Thanks so much for all your advice I do appreciate it.

Well, you can take a horse to the water...
At least your daughter sees what improper haircare can lead to...