She has more drama than a lil bit...(advice??)

[LBoogie]

One of my girlfriends has been with this guy for about two years…He is everything she never wanted, short, beyond bony, (he’s about 5’3 and saying he’s 120 is generous – while she is about 5’8 135 or so) he's not cute, drama out of the wazoo (two kids, ex wife, baby mama and her second baby daddy drama – she always said she would never date a man with kids, this fool went with a man that has TWO!). He’s 10 years older than her, etc…Anyway, She blew him off for two years and went back to her hometown (couldn’t afford to finish school). After the two years hiatus, she started seeing him against her own and everyone elses better judgement, because she looked at him as a quick way out…he promised to help her get back into undergrad and move her back to the state he was in (where she initially started undergrad). He ended up moving im (he was still married)…she went through his divorce drama with him while his ex wife shacked up in his house with her new man. He and she ended up moving again (this time her name is the only one on the lease) and THEY got a car together (he had to give his truck up in the divorce and doesn’t have a license so his name is only on the car note, not the registration, etc).

Now, her issue is, he’s always broke (child support is a *****) but he pays all of the bills, she recently got a job making a few dollars (shes been job hopping for years) but not enough to support herself and has a year left in undergrad. she is really down on herself for even being with him, she just wants him gone but keeps him around for financial purposes. She has no real friends (Ive only seen her 3 times in the whole time she’s been back and we only like about 20 minutes away, we communicate via IM) because of him and his insecurities. There is always drama every other weekend (when his kids go to spend the weekend with “them” because she has told him she doesn’t want a relationship with his children (he knew this BEFORE he even met her, he knew he wasn’t her type before he met her as well, but he pressed a mutual friend of theirs to introduce them and she [my friend] made sure he knew these things after the fact).

I really don’t know what to tell her other than the things I already have which are…cut him loose and struggle because stuggling financially is better than wasting years with someone you cant stand.

what more can she do, better yet, what more can I tell her?

Just in my chats with her she isn’t the same person she once was, its like her spirit has been broken down.


There is more to this whole things but I didnt want to overload you guys so I just gave the basics. LOL

 

[MizAvalon]

OMG!! All of this drama for someone that she isn't even married to?

She better get out of there quick before she gets sucked into this black hole even more. Millions of people put themselves through school and support themselves at the same time.

If she isn't into this guy, what is she waiting for? To finish school? What is she going to do, break up with him the day she graduates? Is he actually paying for her education? I am really confused.

 

[LBoogie]

OMG!! All of this drama for someone that she isn't even married to?

She better get out of there quick before she gets sucked into this black hole even more. Millions of people put themselves through school and support themselves at the same time.

If she isn't into this guy, what is she waiting for? To finish school? What is she going to do, break up with him the day she graduates? Is he actually paying for her education? I am really confused.

Yes ma'am

She has even told him "I dont want to marry you, I dont want to have any kids with you" but he sticks around (I personally think he's crazy)

heck no he isnt paying for her schooling, she has student loans. He can barely manage to pay the rent (dude makes about 80k a year..SMH!) and they got evicted from the last place they lived at (his name was on the lase only, she took hers off after about 3 months in case it came up in his divorce) and the rent there was only 1400 a month.

She said thats her plan, which is why she got the townhouse in her name only..to stick with him until she can afford to put him out, but I just dont see how its worth it for her with all that she's going through on a beyond regular basis. I mean she as told me that he has broken into her voicemail, checked her online phone records, just crazy stuff.

 

[phynestone]

Things won't get better if she marries him. She deserves SO much better and what can he offer her? Nothing and he doesn't have a pot to piss in, even for his kids.

 

[LBoogie]

Things won't get better if she marries him. She deserves SO much better and what can he offer her? Nothing and he doesn't have a pot to piss in, even for his kids.

Thats the one thing she says she wont do.
I told her I'd kill her if she even thought about changing her mind. LOL

 

[KaiT]

I remember a similar story like this locally about 10 years or so ago, this guy supported his girlfriend financially..put her through school..bought her a car..everything. Well, when she was through with him ..she quickly left him and got engaged to someone else...May she rest in peace....He followed her to the post office one day in broad daylight and killed her....

 

[firecracker]

I remember a similar story like this locally about 10 years or so ago, this guy supported his girlfriend financially..put her through school..bought her a car..everything. Well, when she was through with him ..she quickly left him and got engaged to someone else...May she rest in peace....He followed her to the post office one day in broad daylight and killed her....

dang! How much time did he get?

 

[Country gal]

She chose to put her self in this drama under the guise of using him for school. I don't really feel sympathy for her and in fact kinda think she is getting what she deserves. She knew this man was not her type but got with him for financial reasons. Does anyone else see this as a f*cked up reason to choose a mate? I know people do it all the time but I don't feel sympathy for them when they do.

 

[KaiT]

dang! How much time did he get?

Life!! (no possibility of parole)

 

[simone103]

She chose to put her self in this drama under the guise of using him for school. I don't really feel sympathy for her and in fact kinda think she is getting what she deserves. She knew this man was not her type but got with him for financial reasons. Does anyone else see this as a f*cked up reason to choose a mate? I know people do it all the time but I don't feel sympathy for them when they do.

I agree she did put herself in this situation. But unfortunately, a lot of people do get involved in relationships purely for financial reasons and it is wrong and there are definitely consequences for their actions.

I don't think there's anything else you could really say to her, because it sounds like as long as he's paying the bills the longer she'll stay in a miserable relationship.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

I'm with Country Gal & Simone. There are plenty of other broke college students out there, and she can be one of them; she's with him because she wants to be. And the way she feels towards his children makes me cringe.

 

[firecracker]

I wouldn't do it but lots of people do. She values her education to that degree. Let's just hope he doesn't snap and off her behind.

 

[miss_brown]

She chose to put her self in this drama under the guise of using him for school. I don't really feel sympathy for her and in fact kinda think she is getting what she deserves. She knew this man was not her type but got with him for financial reasons. Does anyone else see this as a f*cked up reason to choose a mate? I know people do it all the time but I don't feel sympathy for them when they do.

I'm with you, girl.

Also, lboogie, what is the benefit to them being together? On the one hand, you say he's always broke b/c he's paying child support, but then you said your friend is staying with him for financial reasons. What "reasons" are those? To learn from example how not to manage your money? Your friend sounds like she just doesn't want/know how/really care about breaking up with this guy. She should cut him loose before she ends up Baby Momma #2 on accident.

 

[BohemianChic]

Take this from an experience I went through with a dear friend. This man sounds like he is squirreling away money to keep her tired to him. There is no way, (going on the information provided above) that he is making 80K and is constantly broke. The fact that he is 10+ years older that her, and is in control of all the money, tells me that he wanted a woman he could control.



Now, I don’t know if your friend is one of the reasons behind his divorce, but this man sounds as if he feels that she owes him! He keeps her tied up with other dramas, so that she won’t socialize with other people. Think about it, if you were her would you want to tell someone you just met about the things going on? She has to resort to friends that knew her when this mess began; however, I am pretty sure she has exhausted her resources there, too.



Suggest an escape plan to your friend; this will be helpful should she try to leave him. (This may take some time, but it is better for her to have a plan especially when young children are involved.)



BTW, I am not saying that anybody is right or wrong in this situation, both people sound like they have some serious emotional issues. However, think it would be a tragedy if she didn’t seek some help soon.



Just my 2 cents….hope this helps

 

[LBoogie]

I'm with you, girl.

Also, lboogie, what is the benefit to them being together? On the one hand, you say he's always broke b/c he's paying child support, but then you said your friend is staying with him for financial reasons. What "reasons" are those? To learn from example how not to manage your money? Your friend sounds like she just doesn't want/know how/really care about breaking up with this guy. She should cut him loose before she ends up Baby Momma #2 on accident.

My sentiments exactly...When she says he's broke she's saying he is not able to just go off the handle with things I guess...She used to date "ballers" and he appreared to be one when they intially got together but what a tangled web he weaved and she was the dumb fly that got trapped. He also owes the IRS bigtime.

These arent things Ive discussed with her. I mean I dont know, Im pretty much at my wits end with the situation. I think the main problem is that she doesnt want to "struggle" she's rather be "okay" actually she'd be "well kept" LOL than "struggle"

But at the same time, she says she cant wait to make good $$ because she knows he uses the fact that he is her primary financial support to "keep her." I dont know, it seems like theyre both trying to play some kind of Jedi mind trick on the other

 

[LBoogie]

Take this from an experience I went through with a dear friend. This man sounds like he is squirreling away money to keep her tired to him. There is no way, (going on the information provided above) that he is making 80K and is constantly broke. The fact that he is 10+ years older that her, and is in control of all the money, tells me that he wanted a woman he could control.



Now, I don’t know if your friend is one of the reasons behind his divorce, but this man sounds as if he feels that she owes him! He keeps her tied up with other dramas, so that she won’t socialize with other people. Think about it, if you were her would you want to tell someone you just met about the things going on? She has to resort to friends that knew her when this mess began; however, I am pretty sure she has exhausted her resources there, too.



Suggest an escape plan to your friend; this will be helpful should she try to leave him. (This may take some time, but it is better for her to have a plan especially when young children are involved.)



BTW, I am not saying that anybody is right or wrong in this situation, both people sound like they have some serious emotional issues. However, think it would be a tragedy if she didn’t seek some help soon.



Just my 2 cents….hope this helps

THE KILLER HERE IS...she KNOWS these things, she herself has said them and all I can do is look at my IM screen with a blank face. LOL

She claims she has formulated her escape route but that cant come into play until she starts making good $$...She got the place in her name only so she plans on simply putting him out. *shrugs*

But my concern now is that she just seems really blah like this whole thing is doing more than taking its toll on her.

 

[JaneiR36]

This is how people age themselves well before their time... WTH?

 

[pressncurl]

Yikes! :crazy: . . . and I only got through the first paragraph. I don't really have any advice, except the obvious.