Sex or no sex?

[tlbaby23]

I've known this guy for awhile but we only hung out twice in the 2 yrs that I've known him. The last time we hung out last week I was attracted to his ambition. Sexy black man, athletic, going to Howard university for law under a scholarship, both parents still together and with very successful careers. The problem? It's hard to understand his intentions. He said he wants a relationship in the future but for now doesn't want the distraction because he's focused on his career, understandable. He is def sexual attracted to me n constantly hints that he wants to...ya know. Part of me wants to because I haven't done anything since my breakup in february but yet I would love him to get to know me first. He wants to hang out tmrw but I'm not sure how this night will go down. What would u do? ADVICE !

 

[Lilmama1011]

Explain that sex with you means a relationship and if he expects sex without it your not the one. Don't waste your time nor his. But if you give him sex without the commitment of a relationship he will think its ok despite that fact if you tell him you want to.

 

[TrueToHair]

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[B_Phlyy]

My vote is for no sex for all the reasons that TrueToHair said. He wants to "hang out" at night after only talking to you twice in 2 years. He's had ample time to pursue a relationship with you if he wanted. He hasn't because he maybe didn't know you were available, but my guess is he just didn't want to. And it's more than possible to be in a relationship and in school.

Hang out with him if you want, make your feelings and intentions know, and keep your clothes on.

 

[TrueToHair]

....................

 

[Spongebob]

So he wants to enjoy you, but have no form of commitment towards you? That is a man's dream. But you are a consenting adult. So it depends entirely on you.

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

As usual, I'm in the minority. If you want to have sex with him, do it. If you have a bad feeling about it, don't do it.

 

[hopeful]

You say, "It's hard to understand his intentions."

But you said, "He said he wants a relationship in the future but for now doesn't want the distraction because he's focused on his career, understandable."

He has been very clear. If it were me I wouldn't give him the time of day until and if he was ready. He's told you how he feels, believe him and wait for a guy who is genuinely interested in you.

 

[RocStar]

I've known this guy for awhile but we only hung out twice in the 2 yrs that I've known him. The last time we hung out last week I was attracted to his ambition. Sexy black man, athletic, going to Howard university for law under a scholarship, both parents still together and with very successful careers. The problem? It's hard to understand his intentions. He said he wants a relationship in the future but for now doesn't want the distraction because he's focused on his career, understandable.

Tell him you don't want to distract him and sex with you might do that.

He is def sexual attracted to me n constantly hints that he wants to...ya know.

Because he drops hints that he wants to hit it, doesn't mean he is sexually attracted, it just means he wants sex...you know, most men will get it how they can.

Part of me wants to because I haven't done anything since my breakup in february but yet I would love him to get to know me first. He wants to hang out tmrw but I'm not sure how this night will go down. What would u do? ADVICE !

If you want him to get to know you first, then stick with that. Why does he have time to "hang out" but doesn't have time for a relationship?

Whatever you decide, just remember that he has basically told you that he doesn't want a relationship...don't hold out too much hope that there may be one in the future. If a guy wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make time. When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship now because he needs to focus or something, I usually take that to mean that he doesn't want to commit to just one girl at the time.

 

[LuvlyRain3]

If you have an itch that needs to be scratched and you want him to do the scratching then go right ahead. He's made it clear what he wants now you need to decide what it is that you really want.

I wouldn't even try to be in a relationship with him. There's no point right now because it's not what he's looking for at the moment. If you have sex with him make sure you are doing it for your own pleasure and not out of hope for the future.

No point in trying to use sex as a bargaining tool for a relationship. If you want a relationship then I think its best that you just be friends with him for the time being and date other people.

Also I side eye any guy that says he wants to hang out or chill. I have my reasons.

 

[Caramelangel247]

You find time when you are truly interested.

My boyfriend lived an hour away, and I was pregnant and working two jobs. The only way we had time to be together was for him to stay the night on wed, Fri, sat, Sun (he worked the night shift). It meant hanging out in my studio apartment waiting for me to come home and 2am dinner at an all night perkins.

He was even willing to go with me to the midnight party for the final Harry Potter book and that totally wasnt his style.

Schedules. Life. Busy. None of that matters when you are interested in being with someone. This guy sounds interested in having something pretty on the side to spend time in bed with but that is all. When you see someone in a light like that it is hard to reverse your opinion later if they want something more serious. If you want an honest chance with him say no even if your hormones say yes.

I'm sure there are plenty of women on here to tell you war stories from when they gave in and dropped the panties. Too many STD's. save the panties for someone who is interested in actually EARNING the privilege!

 

[Caramelangel247]

However, if you JUST want great sex and he wants the same thing then go get yours! But just sex is just sex. You give up your right to complain if you only hear from him after nine pm, if you only eat at taco bell, and he doesn't want to go to a party with your friends.

 

[nlamr2013]

It seems you want to be with him but he clearly just wants to get down. somebody will be upset. Probably you. I would say wait until you find someone who is willing to commit to you.

 

[kismettt]

if you want a relationship with him, don't do it b/c he obviously only wants sex with you.

if you want sex and he wants sex and everyone knows what it is, go'head.

"i'm not looking for a relationship right now" means nothing. irrelevant. do you want to have casual, no strings sex with him is the only thing you should consider.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

For those that say just do it, that is why the stats in our community is on rise... erplexed... Jus saying...

 

[kismettt]

For those that say just do it, that is why the stats in our community is on rise... erplexed... Jus saying...

i think anyone who engages in casual sex knows what steps to take to protect themselves (and if they don't they are willfully being ignorant b/c "wrap it up" is everywhere). and fully acknowledges there is a degree of risk involved.

if she's considering it, but the only hangup is the whether or not he wants a relationship, then i assume she has considered the risks to her sexual health and is now considering emotional/mental factors. if you don't believe in casual sex, it would have been a "no" before the proposition even came out of his mouth.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

I would keep it moving. Like many posters have said, this man has made it clear that he is not looking for a relationship. Many women think that they can change a man's mind and convince them to be in a relationship with them if they give up their goodies. This is so not the case! At least he had the dignity to be honest and admit that he does not wish to be in a relationship. What a blessing. Some men won't even admit that.

 

[ctosha]

He wants a friends with benefits type thing. If you want a relationship I say just dont do it you will be hurt; however if your ok with this set up then fine go ahead get yours. If you want a relationship and choose to have sex with him just know when he does want a relationship he will look elsewhere you will now the FWB girl and that is all he will see you as. Just my opinion based on my observations from things I've seen and heard from acquaintances and friends in this situation.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Iunno, for me casual sex is just a no... I think with women, imho, feelings will and do get caught up into situation... Not to mention the energy that is being intertwined... erplexed...

Aural Energy

 

[PeaceFlow]

Everyone warned me against this when I set up my first FWB with SO lol. Sexually it was great and I did very well with keeping my feelings out of it. He ended up being the one who fell in love -_- I hear its quite common for emotional complications to happen. I think he was used to it always being the woman though.

As a side point... meeting up for sex coincided with spending time together with each other for the first time without loads of friends/aquaintences around. He saw me in a different light 1 on 1 and vice versa.

If a man had hung out with me alone a few times and STILL decided to give me the "no relationship" warning, that means it's not going to happen imo. Listen to what he's saying. He wants sex. If you want sex only, have sex with him. Judging by you wanting him to get to know you a bit first I dont think you are cut out for it with this guy. Wish you luck though

 

[tinkat]

I say don't do it. The fact the you are wondering what his intentions are leads me to believe that you are not looking for a fwb situation. I agree that he is not looking for anything serious but if you are willing to put out then he will oblige.

If you are ok with having sex with no strings attached then go for it although I don't recommend it bc most of the time someone end up catching feelings.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[FelaShrine]

For those that say just do it, that is why the stats in our community is on rise... erplexed... Jus saying...

yes because other races stay virgins until marriage

anyway OP sounds like you wnat a relationship with this dude so imma have to say let him go

if you DO see him, let it be in public. dont fall for the "we will just chill" crap esp when its obvious that you are attracted to him so avoid such traps for your own piece of mind

 

[SummerSolstice]

don't. are u in college? college boys just want to slang it everywhere and KIM. and he goes to howard... i couldn't stand howard boys when i was college age... they're so cocky

 

[Arcadian]

If you're looking for a relationship with him? No, don't do it. He already told you (but you weren't listening) that he's not interested in a relationship, he just wants to ****.

If you just want to ****, no feelings attached, and can dump him when you're done, do you.



-A

 

[Le Papillon]

Just remember once you open that can of worm, it will be nearly impossible to close it back up.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

@FelaShrine, no one said ANYTHING ABOUT OTHER RACES...

She is grown but for people just to be like drop drawls for a dude that is not your man is BS... I been there done that, but wish people would not act as if it is soo easy... Some women will get caught up in feelings... ok, bye....

 

[Skyfall]

...

 

[FelaShrine]

@FelaShrine, no one said ANYTHING ABOUT OTHER RACES...

the comment was about black people was it not?

 

[Mai Tai]

What do you mean you don't know what his intentions are OP? This man very clearly stated that he doesn't want the relationship with you but still wants the benifits of one.

Stop assuming he means anything more then what he's saying. Stop being blinded by the fact that he looks good on paper and open your ears.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I don't get what so confusing OP. He's made his intentions quite clear. He wants to f%^* without a relationship. Momma always said when a man (or anyone) shows you what they're about, you better listen. Because if you get screwed, it's your fault for not listening. I wouldn't do it because I know I'd catch feelings, and you seem to be holding out hope that he'll want something beyond sex with you so it sounds like you can't either. I'd say no to sex and if you hang out with him make sure it's in public. None of this 'chillin' and his place or your place. I've heard of too many guys trying the 'okie dokie' and women falling for it.