Sex and the Christian Single

[♥Lamaravilla♥]

What pedestal? You just placed me there. Obvisoulsy your issue is with me personally, not this thread. And do you really think I care?

Thank you for showing others what a Christian shouldn't be like.

 

[Raspberry]

Also she was explaining how even when married oral and anal sex, even fondling each other, and masturbation is not to be allowed because you are un-fruitful. Yes, God gave us sex to enjoy with our partners in marriage, but also to have children.

Ok this should probably be another thread, but there really is no scripture that states exactly what married people should be doing between the sheets. There is also no scripture that states that sex is only for procreation - the Bible is actually fairly realistic that people want to have sex because of other desires besides having children. To me it's obvious that the author has a personal bias against certain acts. The Song of Solomon is all about a couple enjoying each other's bodies and company for it's own sake, not just for childbearing. Forgive my explicitness, but is touching a woman's breasts forbidden because it doesn't produce children? Wouldn't that exclude kissing too?

If a person feels personally convicted against fondling and oral sex or whatever, that's on them .. but to come up with arbitrary rules for what married Christians should be doing in bed is unnecessary and just causes confusion. This could really cause young Christians strife in their marriage.

 

[Raspberry]

What pedestal? You just placed me there. Obvisoulsy your issue is with me personally, not this thread. And do you really think I care?

Shimmie, you have a big heart and offer countless insight in this forum but in this particular thread I think you may need to relax a bit.

Sex is a big issue for many Christians, especially since a lot of us aren't virgins. There are many Christian women having sex or having a hard time stopping, partly because their mindsets are warped because of their upbringing, lack of solid teaching in church, and past sexual experiences. The post by authentictymanifesting was particuarly thought provoking because I do believe that since God created sex as a shadow of true intimacy between Himself and his people, it is the ideal area for the enemy to set up mental and emotional strongholds.

Now while a lot of issues about pre-marital sexual conduct is clear to me and I don't struggle with gray areas anymore, that is a result of my mind being renewed by the Word and the Spirit over time. All of us are in the process of being renewed and believers are supposed to be available to counsel each other in weak areas. A lot of Christians don't have anyone in real life they can be honest with about their sexual histories or struggles.. we should keep that in mind.

 

[Raspberry]

As a non-Christian, some of the recent posts by Christians in OT and this forum have piqued my interest.

Maybe because I grew up in a country that tends to view and enact Christianity very conservatively, my image is that anyone professing to be a "Christian" would be expected to remain chaste in thought, word and deed until marriage. So thinking of or calling someone as "sexy" would be out of the question, so would any kind of sexual interaction (words, touching) with someone not your husband.

So what exactly is allowed? Where are the lines drawn? What makes the forbidden forbidden? Is it the absence of sanctification by God? Is it the element of lust / objectification - (and if so, would that mean that some types of sexual behaviour are prohibited even after marriage)?

Please respond to the poll, and your thoughtful, honest answers would be appreciated.

When it comes to acts that are not expressly forbidden in the Bible we have to learn to follow the Holy Spirit in other matters. in John 16 Jesus tells us that God sent the Holy Spirit to convict us of sin, guide us into all truth and righteousness, and give us everything Jesus died for us to have.

We can make rules on these things but that is inferior to what God intends. The purpose of life is for us to grow in His love, grown in the knowledge of Him, and become more like Him - not just to follow a list of dos and donts. Jesus died so that we can have that relationship with the Father and know His heart through the Spirit. Even the law of Moses, which was a perfect law given by God himself was not enough to change the hearts of the people. Instead, like Paul talks about in Romans 7, the law cause people to be hyper aware of sin and thus even more tempted. Paul contrasts this compulsive and frustrating battle with sin with life lived according to the Spirit in Romans 8 where freedom from sin and continual life and peace are what define your life.

I said all of that to say that our conduct either strengthens our relationship with God or does not. Practically speaking, living according to the Spirit means your mind is focused on spiritual things that pertain to growth and joy. If you do not have peace in your conduct that is the Spirit telling you something is wrong. If your conduct causes you to focus on selfish desire or your own pleasure and magnifies lust, than you know it is not godly. As you grow in God and use the Word as a mirror into your heart and life, it becomes very clear what actions please or displease Him. Obey the promptings of the Spirit (that nudging in your heart), they become clearer over time.

 

[chicacanella]

The bible says it is good for a man not to touch a woman and oh how right they are....

"Love" is awakened very easily, its best not to touch each other at all. Especially, if your really attracted to the person. Caring for someone makes it feel impossible not to want to love them up.

Sigh...I need to go pray.

OMG...I'm glad I came in here. I was praying about something and The Holy Spirit said it was a slippery slope. I had to think about it and said, "a slippery slope?" A slope is going downward anyway and if it's slippery, then it would be very difficult to stop going down hill.

So, I think it had to do with french kissing. Now, the flesh in me would make excuses like, "Well, if a slope does sort of have a leveled plane at the top, then maybe we could just stay there."

But then, I know that these are just excuses so what I'm going to do is go in prayer and try to get another confirmation from The Holy Spirit.

illustration below:

 

[chicacanella]

Ty Adams explains how anything other than holding hands and a peck is wrong when you are engaging in these activities before marriage. Even thinking about lustful acts, and not phycially acting out on them is wrong. In scripture it says;

Matthew 5:28 (New International Version)
28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Also she was explaining how even when married oral and anal sex, even fondling each other, and masturbation is not to be allowed because you are un-fruitful. Yes, God gave us sex to enjoy with our partners in marriage, but also to have children.

The book gets way deeper than this, and I am still reading it. Now, some of the things I was reading, I was shocked to find out too, and Lord knows that temptation is always out there lurking, but I do agree with most of the things she is writing about.

Well, I definitely have to pray on this. Okay, I just don't understand how you are actually going to be prepped for sex as a woman without fondling. So, I went and looked for definitions.

fondle: to pamper
to handle tenderly, lovingly or lingerly: caress
to show affection or desire by caressing.

Maybe I am misunderstanding, is she saying that if it isn't a precursor to sex then don't do it. I can't just see someone kissing and keeping their hands to themselves, then finally the man jumping to penetration.

I would really like to understand this because of course, it's knowlege and just cause I want something doesn't mean I'm going to ignore something that may help me get closer to God. Please write back.

As far as individuals posting about their experiences goes, I think we have to remember that even if a person is celibate now, that doesn't mean they always were. So if someone writes in OT as if they know what sex is like, it doesn't necessarily mean that they approve of sex outside of marriage, just that they've been there before.

Personally, I think that until marriage anything sexual is out of order, sexual as in pertaining to and leading up to sex. I don't think that all physical affection is foreplay, though. Kissing is ok with me. Tongue, probably not.

I need to pray cause' I thought nothing was wrong with tongue, until I was praying and if The Holy Spirit said it was a slippery slope. I think I was praying about the tongue thing.

As you get closer to God, the less likely you are to ignore what the scripture says on sex before marriage, the more you spend time with God the more you understand and start to see things his way, and become more sensitive to things that may lead the wrong may IMO. I don't know about kissing being a sin or anything, but it does have something to do with personal boundaries. A lot of books and generalized advice tell everyone not to kiss or hold too long, but for some people it really "doesn't do anything for them" different things get to different people, some may find a peck on the lips or a hand on the back too hot and heavy and some will find may not find anything enticing about it. Things like being naked intertwined, fondling, all that I really do not agree with, like Shimmie said, but I do understand in some areas its about being sensitive to the Spirit and being real with yourself about "what gets the car started for either party" I know some couples who do not even peck piss and others who tongue kiss and see nothing wrong. While I personally would not say tongue kissing is fine, it is about your conviction, sensitivity to God, and obeying reasonable limits (I am really not trying to say that you can so anything as long as you don't feel "guilty").
HTH

ETA: I really do not understand why some people would vote for the bottom four in all seriousness, especially the last one, but hey, its between them and God...

I thought that in the Songs of Solomon, they kissed before married. I'll go try and find the scripture.

Let's get something clear about what I posted and I mean every single word of it.

This thread 'seems' to put Christians under a social survey, social experiment or microscope as if there's something 'wrong' or 'weird' with Christians because we choose to honor the sanctity of sex. The interest is as OP said, was presented as too clinical which is exactly as I perceived it to be. And why? We're not aliens over here.

Folks are playing games. Note: I'm not necessarily saying this about ebonylocs, the OP of this thread, but the 'spirit' of it is here.I can sense it.

There are people here who are flesh and blood human beings with hearts and feelings and we should be respected as such. They've been through many a trial and heartbreak and as Christians they are striving to have peace in their lives and to leave Godly and at peace with everyone if possible. They do not deserve to 'mocked' for their faith and strivings to live right for God.

The 'world' and the lurkers of this thread don't care that we value sex or why we choose to place a value on our relationship with God. They're looking for more reasons to mock and joke about 'us' and to use it as an insult rather than commend us.

That poll is raw, way too explicit and extremely offensive to the Body of Christ. Why even dare 'assume' that we would even 'go there' or to see if there would be a tally of those who do. But it's there as an afront to say, "Yeah, Right". And here's the clue: Most of the folks who are not Christians, have been lurking here just to see how many would select the raw and explicit options on that poll. Look at numbers of those who are viewing this thread. 90% are not Christians seeking advice. Rather they are Lurkers seeking to accuse or to be amused.

You want to call me 'defensive', you better believe that I am. I cherish this forum and I will defend it. I'll stand toe to toe with anyone who opposes me and I will not back down. I care about the needs of the people here. They come to me for prayer everyday and I am not going to bail out on them or the Lord.

There's a 'spirit' that has come into this Christianity forum, a spirit of 'mockery' of the Christian faith, as an 'afront' to God. I'm watching and I'm praying. You don't have to like it. But it's what I'm called to do. Watch and pray.

Me Defensive? ... Yeah! You better believe it!

Shimmie, I wanted to say that I had a dream about this forum. And it something that The Holy Spirit was trying to explain to me but there is a certain spirit that comes and goes on this forum and dictates what kind of topics are brought up, what we speak about, who even comes on this forum.

 

[chicacanella]

I thank the author of this post. I am a single Christian woman and I struggle with this tremendously. It is obvious that early Christians struggled with sexual immorailty otherwise this would not have been addressed so specifically in the bible. At the time Paul wrote his letters he was also addressing a rampant problem of incest in the lives of early Christians (and these guys had seen Jesus!!) The specific details in your poll help those seeking counsel to determine what is meant by this broad term of sexual immorality. How far should we go? How far we should advise our daughters to go. God did make us sensual human beings and instead of condemning each other we should embrace each other with love and provide good counsel. Jesus didn't condemn the prostitute or the woman with many husbands instead he counseled them wisely. Christians should be able to come to each other and expose their weaknesses and talk about problemssuch as sex before marriage,ponography, homosexuality, paedophilia and adultery which are as rampant in the church as they are in the world.

My best friend agreed with her now husband not to have sex before marriage and after their marriage she found out he suffers from ED. She now has many regrets and wonders if it was the right thing to do. She is a Christian and loves God.

I am now on a journey to remain pure and holy before God but my view is that God judges all sin equally we are not better Christians because we are sexually pure but then hate or judge our brothers and sisters or dishonour our parents or are full of pride.

I hope God continues to provide a sense of community in this forum where I often come to lurk for advice or to be inspired by the many stories here. God bless all.

When you speak about your best friend, how could having sex before marriage been right? I mean, if she tried to have sex before marriage she would've found out and probably tried to do something to help him. She's had sex now as married and is...still likely doing something to help him. I mean, the problem is still there either way so I really don't see her regrets. They have pills and all kind of stuff to help men with ED and don't forget he can be healed by the stripes of Jesus Christ.

I can't see someone who is in love with a man, saying, "I no longer want to love you because of this or that ailment." Granted, she could've rejected him because of this flaw but if it was ordained by God, I couldn't see her doing this. And if she was thinking about dumping him because of this, that is really harsh for her to tell someone about it. So, I'm just feeling that this wasn't the reason she wanted to know beforehand.

 

[Leife]

So to be clear she never said she "did not want to love him because of this ailment" and she still believes that sex before marriage is wrong. However she would have appreciated knowing before the marriage. Sex is important in a marriage if you want to have children, if you want to feel loved etc and men with this problem are highly embarrassed about it and tend to reject their partners which creates other problems in the marriage. My point in bringing this up is that it was the first relationship in which she decided to remain pure and she has regrets that there is no sex in her marriage and she feels let down. Many Christians (wrongly) believe that they should experience that part of a relationship before committing to marriage and as a result the whole spectrum of what is sexual immorality is always greatly debated. Some Christians believe it is okay to have sex in a full committed relationship many live together before marriage.

When you speak about your best friend, how could having sex before marriage been right? I mean, if she tried to have sex before marriage she would've found out and probably tried to do something to help him. She's had sex now as married and is...still likely doing something to help him. I mean, the problem is still there either way so I really don't see her regrets. They have pills and all kind of stuff to help men with ED and don't forget he can be healed by the stripes of Jesus Christ.

I can't see someone who is in love with a man, saying, "I no longer want to love you because of this or that ailment." Granted, she could've rejected him because of this flaw but if it was ordained by God, I couldn't see her doing this. And if she was thinking about dumping him because of this, that is really harsh for her to tell someone about it. So, I'm just feeling that this wasn't the reason she wanted to know beforehand.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I thank the author of this post. I am a single Christian woman and I struggle with this tremendously. It is obvious that early Christians struggled with sexual immorailty otherwise this would not have been addressed so specifically in the bible. At the time Paul wrote his letters he was also addressing a rampant problem .

And this is definitely one case in which historical perspective is incredibly important. Cases of incest were obviously different than the "dating" scene, which was non-existant. Righteous people didn't date, they neither held hands. Ultra-orthodox Jews today do NOT touch the opposite sex, period. This was also then. So, a woman and man betrothed to each other, remaining righteous, did not touch, no kisses, hand-holding...nothing. They were also chaperoned.

We obviously do not live in the Middle-east today and modern dating is just that, modern. It didn't exist in the past. There is so much for us to try and figure out...what is righteous living in this culture we live in now. Timely topic.

About the guy with ED, I think he must have known before he got married. Surely, a doctor would have diagnosed him. I believe that withholding such info from a potential spouse would be grounds for a divorce or annulment as an invalid marriage. If she wanted children...and certainly an enjoyable sexual life, he should not have kept this info from her. He himself would have known he couldn't raise his member. How? Men masturbate all the time. How incredibly selfish of him.

Incidentally, I have friends this happened to. The men were sterile, even possessing only 2 members, not all three. The women wanted children. They were lucky the women stayed with them...but they were not completely happy. Sex is important to marriage and certainly for having children. I would not have married someone who was incapable of having sex. That would be my right and it wouldn't be a marriage "ordained" by G-d. He should have loved her enough to let her go but he was scared...and selfish...and embarassed to allow a doctor to help him prior to the marriage.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

When it comes to acts that are not expressly forbidden in the Bible we have to learn to follow the Holy Spirit in other matters. in John 16 Jesus tells us that God sent the Holy Spirit to convict us of sin, guide us into all truth and righteousness, and give us everything Jesus died for us to have.

We can make rules on these things but that is inferior to what God intends. The purpose of life is for us to grow in His love, grown in the knowledge of

That's actually where the Church comes in to provide the guidance, the rules and forbiddences, under the guiding of the Holy Spirit, where the Church says "no" and the members comply in faith. Of course, I'm catholic, so it's a set and done deal for us. We know exactly what is allowable and what is not.

But what about protestants? Do any of your single denominations/congregations set up such guidelines? Do your pastors go through a list of do's and don'ts for the congregants in sermons or special seminars for singles or married? If so, how do congregants take the teachings? I truly wish to know. I'm thinking "Paul Washer" types of pastors.

Lastly, despite the clash of personalities in this thread....this discussion is truly progressing into an intelligent one so we should not hinder that. I hope we can continue it because it's thought-provoking and obviously needed. I don't think we've been quite this honest for a few months!

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you for showing others what a Christian shouldn't be like.

I don't have that to worry about...

 

[Shimmie]

Shimmie, I wanted to say that I had a dream about this forum. And it something that The Holy Spirit was trying to explain to me but there is a certain spirit that comes and goes on this forum and dictates what kind of topics are brought up, what we speak about, who even comes on this forum.

I know...I've been 'aware' of it for a while. Review your last 8 threads and the thread topics that followed them. See what God shows you in prayer. :Rose:

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

What pedestal? You just placed me there. Obvisoulsy your issue is with me personally, not this thread. And do you really think I care?

Huh? Why? I don't understand LOL...

Shimmie, you have a big heart and offer countless insight in this forum but in this particular thread I think you may need to relax a bit.

Sex is a big issue for many Christians, especially since a lot of us aren't virgins. There are many Christian women having sex or having a hard time stopping, partly because their mindsets are warped because of their upbringing, lack of solid teaching in church, and past sexual experiences. The post by authentictymanifesting was particuarly thought provoking because I do believe that since God created sex as a shadow of true intimacy between Himself and his people, it is the ideal area for the enemy to set up mental and emotional strongholds.

Now while a lot of issues about pre-marital sexual conduct is clear to me and I don't struggle with gray areas anymore, that is a result of my mind being renewed by the Word and the Spirit over time. All of us are in the process of being renewed and believers are supposed to be available to counsel each other in weak areas. A lot of Christians don't have anyone in real life they can be honest with about their sexual histories or struggles.. we should keep that in mind.

Agreed...

 

[HeShotMeBangBang]

it seems that when you're a christian it wards off the men anyways, so I won't be having sex for a very long time. But in the back of my head I think what guy would stick around that long and wait? We'll see cuz right now I'm not in the position to marry.
I can't see marrying an option for the next 12-15 years...

 

[Renovating]

I guess it really isn't anything new under the sun. Ebonylocs and interested others see this thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=56207

 

[chicacanella]

So to be clear she never said she "did not want to love him because of this ailment" and she still believes that sex before marriage is wrong. However she would have appreciated knowing before the marriage. Sex is important in a marriage if you want to have children, if you want to feel loved etc and men with this problem are highly embarrassed about it and tend to reject their partners which creates other problems in the marriage. My point in bringing this up is that it was the first relationship in which she decided to remain pure and she has regrets that there is no sex in her marriage and she feels let down. Many Christians (wrongly) believe that they should experience that part of a relationship before committing to marriage and as a result the whole spectrum of what is sexual immorality is always greatly debated. Some Christians believe it is okay to have sex in a full committed relationship many live together before marriage.

Yeah, that is a problem with alot of single Christians. It is VERY rampant in some churches and a big problem that is accepted.

But don't they have pills for that stuff? Does she believe that God can heal?

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

it seems that when you're a christian it wards off the men anyways, so I won't be having sex for a very long time. But in the back of my head I think what guy would stick around that long and wait? We'll see cuz right now I'm not in the position to marry.
I can't see marrying an option for the next 12-15 years...

Its tough but the right guy will stick around...
that doesn't really speak for all the lonely nights... argh...
but I think God proves to be comforting at all times, even though the world we are in is so difficult...

 

[Netta1]

[/COLOR][/B]
I wanted to say that I had a dream about this forum. And it something that The Holy Spirit was trying to explain to me but there is a certain spirit that comes and goes on this forum and dictates what kind of topics are brought up, what we speak about, who even comes on this forum.

Whats that you say? After a few post... the "spirit" here can be easily discerned...here are a few...

1. The spirit of religion
2. The spirit of witchcraft i.e. control
3. The spirit of arrogance
4. The spirit of the false prophet

 

[Leife]

She is praying about it. It's very difficult as they have been married for only18 months and she married at 39 years old... God is good.

Yeah, that is a problem with alot of single Christians. It is VERY rampant in some churches and a big problem that is accepted.

But don't they have pills for that stuff? Does she believe that God can heal?

 

[jwhitley6]

And this is definitely one case in which historical perspective is incredibly important. Cases of incest were obviously different than the "dating" scene, which was non-existant. Righteous people didn't date, they neither held hands. Ultra-orthodox Jews today do NOT touch the opposite sex, period. This was also then. So, a woman and man betrothed to each other, remaining righteous, did not touch, no kisses, hand-holding...nothing. They were also chaperoned.

We obviously do not live in the Middle-east today and modern dating is just that, modern. It didn't exist in the past. There is so much for us to try and figure out...what is righteous living in this culture we live in now. Timely topic.

About the guy with ED, I think he must have known before he got married. Surely, a doctor would have diagnosed him. I believe that withholding such info from a potential spouse would be grounds for a divorce or annulment as an invalid marriage. If she wanted children...and certainly an enjoyable sexual life, he should not have kept this info from her. He himself would have known he couldn't raise his member. How? Men masturbate all the time. How incredibly selfish of him.

Incidentally, I have friends this happened to. The men were sterile, even possessing only 2 members, not all three. The women wanted children. They were lucky the women stayed with them...but they were not completely happy. Sex is important to marriage and certainly for having children. I would not have married someone who was incapable of having sex. That would be my right and it wouldn't be a marriage "ordained" by G-d. He should have loved her enough to let her go but he was scared...and selfish...and embarassed to allow a doctor to help him prior to the marriage.

Hi GV...regarding the bolded, if they "remained righteous" during the courtship would make it possible for him not to know about his ED? What if he and his fiance were abstaining nor did he masterbate? That's a whole 'nother topic. I'm sure there are women who may be frigid and not know if they've never "gone there". We live in a human body that we should know and respect. Our bodies have natural functions and sex is one them. I know how my heart, lungs, and digestive tract work...it's not taboo to discuss these issue openly. Why is sex so different. I think so many couples have sexual issues in their marriages because they fail to discuss these things because it's "sinful"...Jesus delivered us from sin and shame yet we hide from each other behind our fig leafs...

To answer the OP's question, which I think is more than reasonable, I think that depending on the couple, it's okay to cuddle while clothed. What's wrong with taking a nap together if you are both physically and spiritually mature enough to respect your boundaries? Honestly, I would not want a man that could not resist molesting me just because we're close to each other...could he resist other women if the temptation arose?? I do believe grinding and genital contact is pushing it, though.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Spirit on the forum...why couldn't it just be attributed to preference of discussion regarding a subject? Those other topics that get few responses...I can guarantee you...people have nothing to add but they are reading, praying, listening and learning in respect. We're kinda acting like sex is taboo. Sex is not dirty and to talk about the specifics in the way we have on here is not at all out of line. But then again, that "spirit" of puritanism still remains in this culture.

I just wish that accusations alluding to deceiver, satanist, non-christian infiltrator...whatever....would not fly around here. Just because it's a topic folks flock to doesn't mean there's some demon wreaking havoc on the saints. Of course, according to some, I'm not even one of you...and that's okay...I'm one of Tunkashila's, Elohay, Yeowah. Must be my horse spirit. erplexed Thinking that one can toss remarks above the spiritual radar of a person just speaks volumes. But silence is golden.

Human beings are sexual and it's second nature to be attracted to anything dealing with it, even christian discussion. I just hate the underhanded comments that somebody is "evil" because this forum is not currently being directed per the status quo. That is a blow below the belt that cannot be justified because feelings are being ruffled up. Then the tag-teaming on the RT thread as though no one notices. That's an auto-conversation. We cannot tag-team with G-d, including ME. I'll be the first to admit it.

And private revelation should be taken up with the church elders for all to know, witness, discuss and determine if it is in fact true. It can be a dangerous thing and I know this from personal experience with people.

But can we get back to the subject? If I'm with my man, I want to gallop that horse off into the distance. But I cannot. Do I allow any kind of fondling? What is fondling? How far does it go? Is it considered petting....heavy petting?

No breast touching
No groin contact whatsoever
No tongues anywhere
Do not grab my butt
And thighs are incredibly sensual...as in "accidentally" brushing thighs while seated together...that can lead to the bedroom in my book.
Even footsies is sensual and requires either someone seated in your lap, or reclining position on a sofa...Danger Danger Will!

 

[OhmyKimB]

The bible says it is good for a man not to touch a woman and oh how right they are....

"Love" is awakened very easily, its best not to touch each other at all. Especially, if your really attracted to the person. Caring for someone makes it feel impossible not to want to love them up.

Sigh...I need to go pray.

I just have to agree with the very easily part....no I agree wholeheartedly with the whole thing....the go pray also

 

[OhmyKimB]

I don't think that it was a Christian who did it.

"We" know right from wrong. And I can't get past the feeling that this topic is a 'set-up' . Please forgive me if I'm wrong. But 'think' about it. Why such a big deal about a Christian's sex life? Why are we under a microscope as weird specimens?

Shimmie I don't know your age or much about your personal life.

But I've just turned 23 and besides all of my friends who sometimes I feel are closer to God then I am. And even in a personal situation (where I've been told the future outcome) and I'm seperate although together, and this is a issue that is very much being dealt with...among other things. But it may feel like a set up to you but it's blessing me very much, and this whole thread is helping to be the wisdom in the foundation that God is building in me. And it's helping to prove a couple of points I was making but felt I had no true back up in the situation. I know that maybe not for you or other members on this board...but for at least the ppl in my fam, or that I deal with...blessed or not...grew up with God or not we are all finding that being a Christian and being 20-24 is REALLY hard for us. A couple of us grew up sheltered with only God, went into the world and know we don't want to be there, but then besides scripture and God, why wouldn't he use other believers to help inspire and grant wisdom for one another?

Same as my friends who haven't grown up that way but are trying to change. Set up or not this does help raise questions and even force others to to turn to God to gain even more of his wisdom and understanding. So to you it may be weird and unneccessary but looking around at my friends at least. Especially this valley I'm in. This is helping a lot of things. Just as many other things that you and others post. To me you never really know when God is using something you feel is stupid or unneccessary to bless another person.

 

[OhmyKimB]

I can't believe the mess that's going on with folks. Sex is a game of 'anything' with 'anyone' goes. That's just plain crazy.

But as a believer we each have our own way to God,and we each go through different stuggles. Just because one person can stay on the road doesn't mean that another doesn't have ADD and saw something shiny.

It's not always anything goes. So I just feel like that takes away from teaching anyone anything. It is statments like this that sometimes makes someone feel bad for the mistakes that they are already paying for.

 

[OhmyKimB]

It appears that some people are getting defensive and I am not really sure why. I believe it is a valid question and see nothing wrong with it being asked. As far as why it is such a big deal? Well Christians are expected to adhere to certain behavior and standards. And when others see someone who identifies them self as a Christian yet partakes in behavior that seem to be contradictory it opens the door to these questions. But beyond that this is about having an open and honest dialogue about what is acceptable and what isn't in a relationship between a man and woman who are in a relationship but not yet married.

There are many other things that I would like to express but I don't see the point, as I will just be attacked and judged and I don't feel like having my faith questioned today nor do I feel like dealing with others opinions of me and my lifestyle as a Christian.

It's really unnecessary to question peoples motives about such things, as Christians we are supposed to be open and expressive about our beliefs and the word of God and living the life that God says we must live. If we are so quick to make assumptions about people who ask questions of us Christians, I believe that it turns people off from accepting anything else we might have to say. I mean really if we as Christians get so defensive about such a simple question how can others take us seriously when we finally do choose to share our thoughts and feelings with them.

Just my $0.02

We never know what may help someone with a struggle. And what issues what is faced with in life. At any point in life someone may come to Christ and this may be a thread that another person shows them to give them some wisdom and insight.

 

[OhmyKimB]

I feel like this thread is a blessing because even just recently my pastor asked for all the young peoples attention and annouced. Sex is good...when you married. He talked for a mintue or two but I think that it would have been better if we had an issues forum with some of the adults and young adults in my church. To help advise and teach us different things about our actions that we don't or have not learned from our parent's. Many of us see a lot of what happens in the world, and it is a struggle at times, but even despite the arguing I do apperciate all the insight and those who have shared verses and brought understanding with those verses also. No matter how long you've been with Christ there is a new trial that you will face each day.

Growing up in God is one thing, however being with and in God is another. And to shed the world off you is sometimes a process for different people. I notice that it seems like I'm part of a why generation. We all look for a bit a knowledge in what we are doing. Especially when you are mocked. And this come from someone mocked, at church, inside a christian school, and at work. To look for understanding is not bad when the whole world and even other "christians" are laughing at you and you must fight your own human tencdancies.

 

[yodie]

I can honestly understand why men and women in the bible got married so young. I even understand arranged marriages. It's hard being "grown" and trying to maintain myself, which I only do by the grace of God. Thank the Lord.

I didn't vote on any of the choices simply because one thing really does lead to another. When and if I were to "slip" sexually, I risk losing my authority, covering, anointing and I've learned that only character can keep me where God's anointing takes me. I've gone there and it's left me with heartache, heartbreak, etc.

 

[Shimmie]

But as a believer we each have our own way to God,and we each go through different stuggles. Just because one person can stay on the road doesn't mean that another doesn't have ADD and saw something shiny.

It's not always anything goes. So I just feel like that takes away from teaching anyone anything. It is statments like this that sometimes makes someone feel bad for the mistakes that they are already paying for.

Don't Sweetheart, please don't take my posts in this thread out of context. There's more going on beneath the surface and within that you are obviously not aware of.

Let me be clear on what you quoted by me.

In the world we live in sex is not respected as God so intended. And it IS anything goes. Adultery, Swinging, homosexuality, beastiality, and whatever folks deem to be okay and what they feel that they can do without conscience.

Therefore it IS crazy and it does not make sense.

NOW I did not say that Christians should not have a discussion regarding sex. Let me be clear. The problem that I have with this thread is as follows:

1. It was originated by a non Christian
2. The poll selections are offensive and should not be applied to Christians.
3. It 'appeared' that the sex lives of Christians were being viewed as under a microscope; social experiment; mockery of our Christian values. (i.e. Let's see just how far their Christian ethics go with sex). As you can see, the poll has the offensive issues checked off as Christian sexual behaviour. To me, that's an afront to God to be in public display.

I do not have a problem discussing life's issues (which includes sex); however if anyone as a Christian is depending upon a thread to get them through their sexual struggles then they are in for a huge disappointment. One should know that the way through a struggle is by getting closer to God and a thread is not going to take them there. This thread is not the "Cross", Jesus is.

As for everyone 'has his own way to God', there's only ONE way. And tomorrow is promised to no one.

As for people's feelings, I spend my life uplifting and encouraging people from all walks of life everyday and I do this from my heart. Please do not ever accuse me of hurting anyone ever again, that has never been my intent and it never will be.

There are times when the truth will hurt. People have said hurtful things to me almost everyday in one form or another. From a nasty cashier, to a disagreeable person on the phone and most definitely in this forum. I get over it and get it right with God. It's God who rules, not man.

Please be blessed. :Rose:

 

[yodie]

I started thinking...

All of the choices listed in the poll are in reference to dating or trying someone out. Dating, although I have done it, DOESN'T exist as it relates to the bible. There's no such!! Dating, aka, testing out the possibility of a future mate, gives place to many of the choices listed in the poll. This leads to sin and stepping out of God's will for marriage/sex. Dating also teaches us that "try 'em and leave 'em" mentality. I know it's part of our culture, but that's definitely not the way God designed it, which is why people were married (in God's eyes) when they became physical with one another.

 

[OhmyKimB]

Ok I see what you mean Shimmie and by own way I don't mean like there's a back door. I mean that we each have different struggles and storms that we go through which God can and does use to wake us up and show us what we are doing. And he leads us to him so that later we can be a testimony of his goodness and he recieves the glory. Not as in there is a side entrance or a lopehole or the like.