Sex and the Christian Single

An unmarried Christian couple is allowed to (please choose all options that apply):

  • Hold hands and hug chastely

    Votes: 26 92.9%
  • Kiss chastely (brush of lips)

    Votes: 21 75.0%
  • Flirt sexually (in face-to-face, phone, text, and email conversations)

    Votes: 6 21.4%
  • French kiss (with tongue)

    Votes: 12 42.9%
  • Lie on a horizontal surface together, intertwined, and CLOTHED

    Votes: 10 35.7%
  • "Make out" or fondle each others' private parts

    Votes: 4 14.3%
  • Lie on a horizontal surface, intertwined and UNCLOTHED

    Votes: 2 7.1%
  • Have oral sex

    Votes: 2 7.1%
  • Have penetrative sex

    Votes: 2 7.1%

  • Total voters
    28
Status
Not open for further replies.
As you get closer to God, the less likely you are to ignore what the scripture says on sex before marriage, the more you spend time with God the more you understand and start to see things his way, and become more sensitive to things that may lead the wrong may IMO. I don't know about kissing being a sin or anything, but it does have something to do with personal boundaries. A lot of books and generalized advice tell everyone not to kiss or hold too long, but for some people it really "doesn't do anything for them" different things get to different people, some may find a peck on the lips or a hand on the back too hot and heavy and some will find may not find anything enticing about it. Things like being naked intertwined, fondling, all that I really do not agree with, like Shimmie said, but I do understand in some areas its about being sensitive to the Spirit and being real with yourself about "what gets the car started for either party" I know some couples who do not even peck piss and others who tongue kiss and see nothing wrong. While I personally would not say tongue kissing is fine, it is about your conviction, sensitivity to God, and obeying reasonable limits (I am really not trying to say that you can so anything as long as you don't feel "guilty").
HTH

ETA: I really do not understand why some people would vote for the bottom four in all seriousness, especially the last one, but hey, its between them and God...
 
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As you get closer to God, the less likely you are to ignore what the scripture says on sex before marriage, the more you spend time with God the more you understand and start to see things his way, and become more sensitive to things that may lead the wrong may IMO. I don't know about kissing being a sin or anything, but it does have something to do with personal boundaries. A lot of books and generalized advice tell everyone not to kiss or hold too long, but for some people it really "doesn't do anything for them" different things get to different people, some may find a peck on the lips or a hand on the back too hot and heavy and some will find may not find anything enticing about it.

Things like being naked intertwined, fondling, all that I really do not agree with, like Shimmie said, but I do understand in some areas its about being sensitive to the Spirit and being real with yourself about "what gets the car started for either party" I know some couples who do not even peck piss and others who tongue kiss and see nothing wrong. While I personally would not say tongue kissing is fine, it is about your conviction, sensitivity to God, and obeying reasonable limits (I am really not trying to say that you can so anything as long as you don't feel "guilty").
HTH

ETA: I really do not understand why some people would vote for the bottom four in all seriousness, especially the last one, but hey, its between them and God...

I don't think that it was a Christian who did it. :nono:

"We" know right from wrong. And I can't get past the feeling that this topic is a 'set-up' . Please forgive me if I'm wrong. But 'think' about it. Why such a big deal about a Christian's sex life? Why are we under a microscope as weird specimens?

Christians are human beings created and designed by God as are all other humans beings. Same features, same needs for food, air and water and sleep and vacations in Hawaii.

The difference in us is the Lord Jesus Christ. We purpose to live by the Word of God and not that of man. Choosing to not have sex is not the issue. Rather, it's those who oppose it and are getting messed up left and right and right and left.

I can't believe the mess that's going on with folks. Sex is a game of 'anything' with 'anyone' goes. That's just plain crazy.

BTW: You have an excellent post. I love how you expressed: "As you get closer to God..." beautifully said and the total Truth, Aviah. Thank you for saying that. :up:
 
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Having sex isn't the proof of having loving feelings for someone. It's not 'Rocket Science' to be aware of your feelings for someone without having sex with them. Being Christian doesn't mean we are robots. If nothing more, we as Christians love all the more and we cherish all the more every aspect of love, spirit, soul and body. I'd rather have these elements of a relationship in tack before committing to marriage and making love.
To the bold: DEFINITELY NOT, of course not. But that wasn't what I asked about. Like I said, the *gray area*?

Leaving the sexual act aside (which wasn't what I was focussed on) - how do you interact with each other? If he can't hold your hand, touch you, cuddle you, or look at you in any way that would "cause love to arise", does that create an emotional distance between you? Does he have to keep watching himself and thinking: "OK, this is allowed. This isn't." "This hug is lasting too long, let me step back."

I'm not debating, I really want someone to break it down for me like I'm a 4 year old. What can be said and done, when and where are you allowed to be alone, etc. I guess I want the "rules" and there really aren't any.
From what I've seen, (including on here) some Christian ladies may have some issues with negotiating that space. And from my personal experience with guys who take Christianity seriously, they sometimes seem uncertain what to do: how to approach a female, make their interest clear, gain her affections, but still remain "proper". So they may seem jittery and standoffish / lukewarm. But maybe that's just because they were young and shy anyway.

A lot of folks these days (in all walks of life) are touching and leaving. It's a 'Touch Phone' mentality with people, touching (scrolling) through one menu after another who can't figure what they really want.
Quite true. That has never been me though, which is why I've been celibate perhaps 97% of my life, and single nearly as much.
I'm not Shimmie but I'll take a shot at this. Through the mind. Even in marriage, the best sex starts in the mind. There's nothing more "sexy" than a spiritual man who loves G-d first and loves and respects you second (his mother 3rd lol) and is intelligent and well-balanced. Physical sex is important but connecting through the mind and heart is worth much more. The key is communication.
Oh please do – I requested other ladies who have courted and married to answer.

I definitely agree that good sex has to start with the mind. This is something I've always said: Ironically, nothing is sexier or more attractive than a guy who can spend time with me, in close proximity, without becoming an octopus trying to grope me everywhere. The mental and emotional connection has to be there. Sadly, some guys don't seem to get that, and think that every woman wants to hear right off the bat comments about how sexy she is, compliments on her body parts, flowery words, etc etc. Very quick to jump to "dirty talk" before even taking the time to really get to know you. They think *that* is a turn on.
 
ETA: I really do not understand why some people would vote for the bottom four in all seriousness, especially the last one, but hey, its between them and God...
Yeah, I was wondering about that. I have a feeling someone just decided to be mischievous. For some reason, it appears that it's hard to have honest discussion about these things w/o people acting like the teenage joker snickering in the back of the classroom.

"We" know right from wrong. And I can't get past the feeling that this topic is a 'set-up' . Please forgive me if I'm wrong. But 'think' about it. Why such a big deal about a Christian's sex life? Why are we under a microscope as weird specimens?
You know what? I think it is problematic that someone can't ask straightforward genuine questions, and get straightforward genuine answers without all the suspicion and aside comments. I don't know who has attacked you guys in this forum, and if that is the case, then you may have grounds to be wary, so I'll attempt to understand. However, all you have to do is a search of my posts to see that I'm always interested in genuine enquiry and arriving at truth.

My reasons for asking my questions are (1) I am an intellectually curious being - I always want to figure out why? how? (2) I have been exploring Christianity recently - I'm reading a number of books like "The Case for Christ", (3) I interact with devout Christians as family members (but some things you don't ask your mom(!)), friends, potential mates, and (4) some of the posts on the forums caused me to raise my eyebrow and think, "Wow, this person's version of Christianity is a lot more permissive than the one I'm familiar with."

Re your other point about Christians knowing right from wrong? It's not as cut and dried as that. (Or there would be no need for some of the books some posters mentioned). As you have said, Christians are human. I'm sure people have thoughts, doubts, failures and triumphs with this issue, and they are probably afraid to discuss it openly in a forum like this because it would seem like they are not one of the perfectly holy.

With that, I'm done. Anyone who wishes to actually *answer* the questions and give their experiences from here on out, may comment. I'm not interested in debate and defensiveness, just discussion and understanding. (And please, this is nothing personal against anyone, just frustration with the way everyone is so afraid of everyone else).
 
To the bold: DEFINITELY NOT, of course not. But that wasn't what I asked about. Like I said, the *gray area*?

Leaving the sexual act aside (which wasn't what I was focussed on) - how do you interact with each other? If he can't hold your hand, touch you, cuddle you, or look at you in any way that would "cause love to arise", does that create an emotional distance between you? Does he have to keep watching himself and thinking: "OK, this is allowed. This isn't." "This hug is lasting too long, let me step back."

I'm not debating, I really want someone to break it down for me like I'm a 4 year old. What can be said and done, when and where are you allowed to be alone, etc. I guess I want the "rules" and there really aren't any.

From what I've seen, (including on here) some Christian ladies may have some issues with negotiating that space. And from my personal experience with guys who take Christianity seriously, they sometimes seem uncertain what to do: how to approach a female, make their interest clear, gain her affections, but still remain "proper". So they may seem jittery and standoffish / lukewarm. But maybe that's just because they were young and shy anyway.

Quite true. That has never been me though, which is why I've been celibate perhaps 97% of my life, and single nearly as much.

Oh please do – I requested other ladies who have courted and married to answer.

I definitely agree that good sex has to start with the mind. This is something I've always said: Ironically, nothing is sexier or more attractive than a guy who can spend time with me, in close proximity, without becoming an octopus trying to grope me everywhere.

The mental and emotional connection has to be there. Sadly, some guys don't seem to get that, and think that every woman wants to hear right off the bat comments about how sexy she is, compliments on her body parts, flowery words, etc etc. Very quick to jump to "dirty talk" before even taking the time to really get to know you. They think *that* is a turn on.

I'm not creating a debate, but I dunno... :nono: I just don't see the problem or the issue. Or the big 'interest' about this regarding Christians. It's not making any sense.

I simply know what I'm not supposed to be doing and I choose not to do it. Of course there are 'moments' and challenges. We are all created by God as 'sexual beings'. We ARE human, not aliens from Jupiter or Mars. :drunk:

I love being a woman and all that goes with me. And I love that my Sweetheart is a man who is 'manly' about being a man. Neither one of us have any doubt about one another's gender or our purpose and functions. :lol: His deep voice, his strength, just the fact that he's a man, makes him worth being in love with, that and all of his other qualities.

Christians are no different than any other human beings, we fall in love and we love that we do. I'd be devastated if I didn't have these feelings or if the man I love didn't share them. It's "Love for Love", but there's a time and a place for it to happen.

As for these 'grey' areas. There are none. Gee whiz, hold hands, kiss, just don't get carried away with it. YOU know what not to do or makes you tempted. You also know when a man is thinking about being 'with' you without him ever saying a word. A man will 'look' at you and you can read right through him. Please. You know what he's thinking and what he wants. You know he's interested. You KNOW. :yep:

His eyes will 'follow' you and when he's in love, you will see his eyes melt and his face has a smile that he gives to no one else.

If you're asking about how do you express affection for someone you care about? Express it! Just don't go over the line. It doesn't matter what on the list of ABC and 123.

We know that French kissing is an arousal; it an oral penetration which simulates penal penetration. It's foreplay. Men especially become quite aroused when they place their tongue inside of a woman's mouth. He's sending the message that he wants to go further.

Fondling: It's an arousal to having sex. You cannot touch a persons anatomy without it becoming stimulated. Fondling is preparation for penetration.

Lying in bed together, clothed or unclothed:

Just be prepared to have sex. Be it 'Sahara' or 'Oasis' (Dry or Wet); that's what you are preparing to do. You are in a lying position to have sex and it will happen.

It doesn't matter who says they do this and find nothing harmful or wrong with it. They are 'pushing' the edge to see just how far they can go without completing the act. But they have already done it. In their hearts and in their minds.

Bottomline: The posted poll doesn't have squat to do with Christianity. It has no purpose as a Christian inquiry as it does not pertain to us. There are no 'gray' neither grey areas with this issue. It's as simple as that. Sex is still sex no matter how one thinks they are not actually doing it. :lol:

Again, I don't see the problem or what the big issue is which made it necessary to even ask.

No.... to be more truthful, I've never 'made' it a problem. That's a better answer. I just never made it an issue or a problem. :yep:

Peace and blessings...
 
I met and was courted by husband as a thirty-something single mother with a teenage girl who had been celibate for several years. I was threatened by mother not to get pregnant because "your daughter is watching everything you do." A close friend told me that when you become engaged, it is more difficult to remain celibate because you are already emotionally committed to that person.

We discussed the fact we were not vigins or kids and I knew the depth of my sexual appetite. It is best to limit time alone. And it may be prudent to limit the length of engagement. As was said earlier, we are human with all too human desires. It's dangerous to kid ourselves and think we can play with temptation.
 
I'm not creating a debate, but I dunno... :nono: I just don't see the problem or the issue. Or the big 'interest' about this regarding Christians. It's not making any sense.

I simply know what I'm not supposed to be doing and I choose not to do it. Of course there are 'moments' and challenges. We are all created by God as 'sexual beings'. We ARE human, not aliens from Jupiter or Mars. :drunk:

I love being a woman and all that goes with me. And I love that my Sweetheart is a man who is 'manly' about being a man. Neither one of us have any doubt about one another's gender or our purpose and functions. :lol: His deep voice, his strength, just the fact that he's a man, makes him worth being in love with, that and all of his other qualities.

Christians are no different than any other human beings, we fall in love and we love that we do. I'd be devastated if I didn't have these feelings or if the man I love didn't share them. It's "Love for Love", but there's a time and a place for it to happen.

As for these 'grey' areas. There are none. Gee whiz, hold hands, kiss, just don't get carried away with it. YOU know what not to do or makes you tempted. You also know when a man is thinking about being 'with' you without him ever saying a word. A man will 'look' at you and you can read right through him. Please. You know what he's thinking and what he wants. You know he's interested. You KNOW. :yep:

His eyes will 'follow' you and when he's in love, you will see his eyes melt and his face has a smile that he gives to no one else.

If you're asking about how do you express affection for someone you care about? Express it! Just don't go over the line. It doesn't matter what on the list of ABC and 123.

We know that French kissing is an arousal; it an oral penetration which simulates penal penetration. It's foreplay. Men especially become quite aroused when they place their tongue inside of a woman's mouth. He's sending the message that he wants to go further.

Fondling: It's an arousal to having sex. You cannot touch a persons anatomy without it becoming stimulated. Fondling is preparation for penetration.

Lying in bed together, clothed or unclothed:

Just be prepared to have sex. Be it 'Sahara' or 'Oasis' (Dry or Wet); that's what you are preparing to do. You are in a lying position to have sex and it will happen.

It doesn't matter who says they do this and find nothing harmful or wrong with it. They are 'pushing' the edge to see just how far they can go without completing the act. But they have already done it. In their hearts and in their minds.

Bottomline: The posted poll doesn't have squat to do with Christianity. It has no purpose as a Christian inquiry as it does not pertain to us. There are no 'gray' neither grey areas with this issue. It's as simple as that. Sex is still sex no matter how one thinks they are not actually doing it. :lol:

Again, I don't see the problem or what the big issue is which made it necessary to even ask.

No.... to be more truthful, I've never 'made' it a problem. That's a better answer. I just never made it an issue or a problem. :yep:

Peace and blessings...

Okay, thanks Girl. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I guess I'm a bit "clinically minded" when I start querying things - I get all detailed and anal about it and don't think in personal terms how people might react. (E.g. how explicit choices in the poll would put people off).

I will take more time to think things over when I'm in a more settled frame of mind (right now I have lots to do and am procrastinating.)
 
It appears that some people are getting defensive and I am not really sure why. I believe it is a valid question and see nothing wrong with it being asked. As far as why it is such a big deal? Well Christians are expected to adhere to certain behavior and standards. And when others see someone who identifies them self as a Christian yet partakes in behavior that seem to be contradictory it opens the door to these questions. But beyond that this is about having an open and honest dialogue about what is acceptable and what isn't in a relationship between a man and woman who are in a relationship but not yet married.

There are many other things that I would like to express but I don't see the point, as I will just be attacked and judged and I don't feel like having my faith questioned today nor do I feel like dealing with others opinions of me and my lifestyle as a Christian.

It's really unnecessary to question peoples motives about such things, as Christians we are supposed to be open and expressive about our beliefs and the word of God and living the life that God says we must live. If we are so quick to make assumptions about people who ask questions of us Christians, I believe that it turns people off from accepting anything else we might have to say. I mean really if we as Christians get so defensive about such a simple question how can others take us seriously when we finally do choose to share our thoughts and feelings with them.

Just my $0.02 :look:
 
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Yeah, I was wondering about that. I have a feeling someone just decided to be mischievous. For some reason, it appears that it's hard to have honest discussion about these things w/o people acting like the teenage joker snickering in the back of the classroom.


You know what? I think it is problematic that someone can't ask straightforward genuine questions, and get straightforward genuine answers without all the suspicion and aside comments. I don't know who has attacked you guys in this forum, and if that is the case, then you may have grounds to be wary, so I'll attempt to understand. However, all you have to do is a search of my posts to see that I'm always interested in genuine enquiry and arriving at truth.

My reasons for asking my questions are (1) I am an intellectually curious being - I always want to figure out why? how? (2) I have been exploring Christianity recently - I'm reading a number of books like "The Case for Christ", (3) I interact with devout Christians as family members (but some things you don't ask your mom(!)), friends, potential mates, and (4) some of the posts on the forums caused me to raise my eyebrow and think, "Wow, this person's version of Christianity is a lot more permissive than the one I'm familiar with."

Re your other point about Christians knowing right from wrong? It's not as cut and dried as that. (Or there would be no need for some of the books some posters mentioned). As you have said, Christians are human. I'm sure people have thoughts, doubts, failures and triumphs with this issue, and they are probably afraid to discuss it openly in a forum like this because it would seem like they are not one of the perfectly holy.

With that, I'm done. Anyone who wishes to actually *answer* the questions and give their experiences from here on out, may comment. I'm not interested in debate and defensiveness, just discussion and understanding. (And please, this is nothing personal against anyone, just frustration with the way everyone is so afraid of everyone else).

I honestly believe this is something you have to answer for yourself...
I have seen couples who sit a seat away from each other in the movies... which was laughable to me, but for them it mightve been right cuz they cranked out like 6 kids back to back so I'm guessing they were UBER horny lol for lack of a better word...
Other people I know kissed, napped together, etc...
Its all about your own personal conviction and how God speaks to you personally...
Go to Him and ask what He expects of you...
I wouldn't get the advice off of here... you can answer your own question better than all of the woman on LHCF, Christian or not...
God will give you all the step by step instructions you need if you listen... who knows the path or reason why anyone (including me) is telling you what to do... thats just me hope that helps...
and trust me, this is not an easy fight, ALL OF US STRUGGLE WITH THIS
 
As you get closer to God, the less likely you are to ignore what the scripture says on sex before marriage, the more you spend time with God the more you understand and start to see things his way, and become more sensitive to things that may lead the wrong may IMO. I don't know about kissing being a sin or anything, but it does have something to do with personal boundaries. A lot of books and generalized advice tell everyone not to kiss or hold too long, but for some people it really "doesn't do anything for them" different things get to different people, some may find a peck on the lips or a hand on the back too hot and heavy and some will find may not find anything enticing about it. Things like being naked intertwined, fondling, all that I really do not agree with, like Shimmie said, but I do understand in some areas its about being sensitive to the Spirit and being real with yourself about "what gets the car started for either party" I know some couples who do not even peck piss and others who tongue kiss and see nothing wrong. While I personally would not say tongue kissing is fine, it is about your conviction, sensitivity to God, and obeying reasonable limits (I am really not trying to say that you can so anything as long as you don't feel "guilty").
HTH

ETA: I really do not understand why some people would vote for the bottom four in all seriousness, especially the last one, but hey, its between them and God...

I really agree with what you've said here.

Ephesians 5:3 states "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality...because these are improper for God's holy people."

However, there's always going to be the debate concerning what is and isn't "allowed". I personally don't like the word allowed in this sense, because it's almost as if one is asking "what can I get away with?"

In terms of what is acceptable, I do think it is pretty well written out in scripture. I also definitely agree with the bolded above. I feel as if my relationship with God has really grown this summer, and what is 'acceptable' in terms of pre marital relations has become pretty clear.

Of course, there isn't a list in the bible of what can and can not be done, but I like to go to Romans in cases such as this:

Romans 14:22 - 23 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

What I take from the above is that, in some circumstances, just because something may be a sin for one, does not make it a sin for all, and vice versa. God gave us our conscious for a reason. However, like Aviah pointed out, just because one doesn't feel guilty about something doesn't make it alright.

To answer your question, the bible does say not to act out of lust, and not to tempt another to fall. So I would say that anything that corresponds with one of these between an unmarried couple would be 'off limits'. However, what causes these can definitely differ between different people.

Ultimately, I think this is a situation that really has to be between a Christian and God.

Personally, I'm really trying hard to:

"not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon 8:4)
 


It appears that some people are getting defensive and I am not really sure why.


I believe it is a valid question and see nothing wrong with it being asked. As far as why it is such a big deal? Well Christians are expected to adhere to certain behavior and standards. And when others see someone who identifies them self as a Christian yet partakes in behavior that seem to be contradictory it opens the door to these questions. But beyond that this is about having an open and honest dialogue about what is acceptable and what isn't in a relationship between a man and woman who are not in a relationship but not yet married.

There are many other things that I would like to express but I don't see the point, as I will just be attacked and judged and I don't feel like having my faith questioned today nor do I feel like dealing with others opinions of me and my lifestyle as a Christian.

It's really unnecessary to question peoples motives about such things, as Christians we are supposed to be open and expressive about our beliefs and the word of God and living the life that God says we must live. If we are so quick to make assumptions about people who ask questions of us Christians, I believe that it turns people off from accepting anything else we might have to say. I mean really if we as Christians get so defensive about such a simple question how can others take us seriously when we finally do choose to share our thoughts and feelings with them.

Just my $0.02 :look:
Let's get something clear about what I posted and I mean every single word of it.

This thread 'seems' to put Christians under a social survey, social experiment or microscope as if there's something 'wrong' or 'weird' with Christians because we choose to honor the sanctity of sex. The interest is as OP said, was presented as too clinical which is exactly as I perceived it to be. And why? We're not aliens over here.

Folks are playing games. Note: I'm not necessarily saying this about ebonylocs, the OP of this thread, but the 'spirit' of it is here. I can sense it.

There are people here who are flesh and blood human beings with hearts and feelings and we should be respected as such. They've been through many a trial and heartbreak and as Christians they are striving to have peace in their lives and to leave Godly and at peace with everyone if possible. They do not deserve to 'mocked' for their faith and strivings to live right for God.

The 'world' and the lurkers of this thread don't care that we value sex or why we choose to place a value on our relationship with God. They're looking for more reasons to mock and joke about 'us' and to use it as an insult rather than commend us.

That poll is raw, way too explicit and extremely offensive to the Body of Christ. Why even dare 'assume' that we would even 'go there' or to see if there would be a tally of those who do. But it's there as an afront to say, "Yeah, Right". And here's the clue: Most of the folks who are not Christians, have been lurking here just to see how many would select the raw and explicit options on that poll. Look at numbers of those who are viewing this thread. 90% are not Christians seeking advice. Rather they are Lurkers seeking to accuse or to be amused.

You want to call me 'defensive', you better believe that I am. I cherish this forum and I will defend it. I'll stand toe to toe with anyone who opposes me and I will not back down. I care about the needs of the people here. They come to me for prayer everyday and I am not going to bail out on them or the Lord.

There's a 'spirit' that has come into this Christianity forum, a spirit of 'mockery' of the Christian faith, as an 'afront' to God. I'm watching and I'm praying. You don't have to like it. But it's what I'm called to do. Watch and pray.

Me Defensive? ... Yeah! You better believe it! :yep:
 
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As you get closer to God, the less likely you are to ignore what the scripture says on sex before marriage, the more you spend time with God the more you understand and start to see things his way, and become more sensitive to things that may lead the wrong may IMO. I don't know about kissing being a sin or anything, but it does have something to do with personal boundaries. A lot of books and generalized advice tell everyone not to kiss or hold too long, but for some people it really "doesn't do anything for them" different things get to different people, some may find a peck on the lips or a hand on the back too hot and heavy and some will find may not find anything enticing about it. Things like being naked intertwined, fondling, all that I really do not agree with, like Shimmie said, but I do understand in some areas its about being sensitive to the Spirit and being real with yourself about "what gets the car started for either party" I know some couples who do not even peck piss and others who tongue kiss and see nothing wrong. While I personally would not say tongue kissing is fine, it is about your conviction, sensitivity to God, and obeying reasonable limits (I am really not trying to say that you can so anything as long as you don't feel "guilty").
HTH

ETA: I really do not understand why some people would vote for the bottom four in all seriousness, especially the last one, but hey, its between them and God...


I remember an old Real World episode that had a christian guy who had a girlfriend. He was going on and on about his walk with the L-rd and how they set boundaries...but they had naked oral sex...in the same house as his roommates. I was like :ohwell: He was a young guy and he thought they were still virgins as long as he never penetrated her.
 
Not there yet but once he arrives as he surely will..there will be close cuddling, deep kisses, no fondling and absolutely no penetration of any body parts beyond the kisses. I've had enough sex to last me a lifetime so if marriage brings a less than satisfactory penetration..no biggie..we'll have so many other things going on that it will be a sideline to the deeper friendship, love and sharing of life. Hey, a do right dream is worth the patience..God will bring me the right one who is on the same wavelength when it is time.
 
You know what? I think it is problematic that someone can't ask straightforward genuine questions, and get straightforward genuine answers without all the suspicion and aside comments. I don't know who has attacked you guys in this forum, and if that is the case, then you may have grounds to be wary, so I'll attempt to understand. However, all you have to do is a search of my posts to see that I'm always interested in genuine enquiry and arriving at truth.

My reasons for asking my questions are (1) I am an intellectually curious being - I always want to figure out why? how? (2) I have been exploring Christianity recently - I'm reading a number of books like "The Case for Christ", (3) I interact with devout Christians as family members (but some things you don't ask your mom(!)), friends, potential mates, and (4) some of the posts on the forums caused me to raise my eyebrow and think, "Wow, this person's version of Christianity is a lot more permissive than the one I'm familiar with."


Hi Ebonylocs,

(1) I, too, an an intellectually curious individual as well, which is why I've come to the conclusion that figuring out the why/how people do certain things is not feasible.
(2) I think its great that you are exploring Christianity. A great book regarding this thread topic is " Choosing God's Best". It discusses this topic and courtship in great detail.
(3-4) Unless you feel your family, friends, and potential mates would not give genuine answers, I think it would actually be a great discussion topic for them as well. ( especially potential mates since it would directly involve them)

In response to the bolded:

Ebonylocs, I have to say that Christianity is a matter of the heart. Therein lies ones' convictions and most vulnerable emotions. On the surface it may seem as though some Christians are at peace doing things they know do not please God. However, we are not cognizant of the conflict that may live in their hearts. I've had people dispute my stance (not here but IRL) on this and quote the bible saying, "You can tell a tree by the fruit it bears." (I'm not sure of the exact scripture, though I should be as many times I've heard it in discussion.) While that may be true in most cases, some "trees" may not have reached the season to bear fruit just yet. Sometimes as Christians our actions may not always line up with what's in our hearts as strange as it sounds. This is called a stronghold.

The statement in red was my interpretation on what a stronghold is, but the following is more insightful :
(copied from http://www.spiritualwarfaredelivera...irit/html/what-are-spiritual-strongholds.html)


Spiritual strongholds are strongly established sinful ways, false beliefs, and behaviors, that have gained a strong influence over a person to the extent that each stronghold “sets itself up against the knowledge of God” (v.5). In areas that the strongholds are established, an individual is either unable to consistently follow God’s word or is unable to accept it because these spiritual strongholds have an excessive influence on him.
Strongholds are high levels of demonic influence (not possession) in any area(s) of the spiritual faculties of an individual. Our spiritual faculties consist of our minds, our emotions and our will power). Think of people caught up in some sinful behavior like atheism, unbelief, stealing, greed, alcohol addiction, drugs, sexual sins, promiscuity, pornography, homosexuality, uncontrollable anger (temper tantrums), compulsive gambling, and so on. They feel easily pulled to or controlled by whatever matter that is entrenched into their lifestyle.
Strongholds are divinely demolishable through our indirect weapons of spiritual warfare and deliverance. They are not demolished by directly confronting certain assumed spirits in geographical territories, familiar spirits, generational spirits, Jezebel spirits, spirits of division, spirits of unforgiveness, spirits of addiction, spirits of this and that.




As far as what is permissable, most of the poll options definitely are not permissable. Are there Christians that know this and continue to struggle?:yep: ( myself included)
However, daily as a Christian woman, I thank God for His grace and mercy. I thankful that I worship a forgiving God, but I do routine "inventory" on my spirit to make sure I remember that His grace is not to be abused. Everyday Christians go to battle- spirit against flesh (not necessarily in sexual nature). Unfortunately, we DON'T always win, which IMO is a good thing because it keeps us humble.

Just one last point (didn't mean to have such a long post)-

While there may be some lost "battles" in our spiritual lives that are visible, please keep in mind that there may be many more "battles" that person has won that may not be as blatant. Please keep an open mind throughout your exploration of Christianity and remember that even as Christian human beings that we are still multi-faceted.

** Please read the scripture under my avatar. Thanks.
 
Bottomline: The posted poll doesn't have squat to do with Christianity. It has no purpose as a Christian inquiry as it does not pertain to us. There are no 'gray' neither grey areas with this issue. It's as simple as that. Sex is still sex no matter how one thinks they are not actually doing it. :lol:

Again, I don't see the problem or what the big issue is which made it necessary to even ask.

No.... to be more truthful, I've never 'made' it a problem. That's a better answer. I just never made it an issue or a problem. :yep:

Peace and blessings...

Just like those wishing to formally convert to a form of christianity like orthodoxy or catholicism or perhaps judaism, to see if it's something they can actually live with (confessing sexual sin to another person, realizing that such sin breaks union with G-d or mortally etc. [not the case with other forms of christianity] or in ultra orthodox judaism, sex 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off and no touching in between for marrieds).

I believe the inquiry serves as a seeking just how viable that lifestyle will be pragmatically and if they will be happily faithful to that particular decision to convert. For example, in the Coptic faith, dating, period, is considered a sin. On the real! It can land you in big trouble with Abouna (Father/priest). I mean going to the movies, declaring somebody a "boy/girlfriend." You are supposed to court and that means in the presence of family. Maybe they allow courtship without anybody else present but courtship comes about as the result of a religious ceremony declaring the two on the path to marriage. It is a blessed path by the Church. I think it was a very valid inquiry considering the examples I provided because there are aspects of any faith that seekers want to know up front and beforehand. No one wise will make a decision to follow a faith without delving deep into it's precepts and rules.

As for mocker of the faith? So what? People will mock catholics right and left. So what? They don't know what I know. People will mock judaism, the start and meat of the christian faith. They will mock pentecostals (okay, I even mock pentecostals lol) and evangelicals and snake-handlers. So what? They can mock all they want. What's more important? Living your found truth, that's all. I don't think of this forum as some kind of privileged shelter from the real world. L-rd knows, I get and have gotten lots of negatives myself in here...Richard Twiss and the Native Americans...will never forget the "christian" ugliness that ensued. Nonetheless, I choose to come in here and relate to others. It makes me aware of the diversity in the world and gives me an appreciation of it all. This is not the new segregated Eden, it's a forum for discussion. If it ever comes to the point that x-people here are mandated to share the exact same religion and experiences, then I'll exit. Up until that time, I think we're all mature enough to just live out our truths and allow others the dignity of inquiry. If there are those who mock the faith, I'm sure they will be swiftly rebuked lol. But that doesn't give any of us the right to suspect another without proof as it becomes an accusation. I think that is unjust. IMHO.
 
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Omg LOL that is so funny...
a new married couple lol
when I get married I'm puttin a pic of Jesus right above the bed and I'ma stare him straight at the eye while I'm on top and say THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!
lol its a gift indeed I can't wait

LOL. It reminded me of a movie I saw with this newly married couple and Jesus and Mary were on the wall above their bed and he couldn't get his groove on :lachen::lachen::lachen:He made her cover the icons.
 
Let's get something clear about what I posted and I mean every single word of it.

This thread 'seems' to put Christians under a social survey, social experiment or microscope as if there's something 'wrong' or 'weird' with Christians because we choose to honor the sanctity of sex. The interest is as OP said, was presented as too clinical which is exactly as I perceived it to be. And why? We're not aliens over here.

Folks are playing games. Note: I'm not necessarily saying this about ebonylocs, the OP of this thread, but the 'spirit' of it is here.I can sense it.

There are people here who are flesh and blood human beings with hearts and feelings and we should be respected as such. They've been through many a trial and heartbreak and as Christians they are striving to have peace in their lives and to leave Godly and at peace with everyone if possible. They do not deserve to 'mocked' for their faith and strivings to live right for God.

The 'world' and the lurkers of this thread don't care that we value sex or why we choose to place a value on our relationship with God. They're looking for more reasons to mock and joke about 'us' and to use it as an insult rather than commend us.

That poll is raw, way too explicit and extremely offensive to the Body of Christ. Why even dare 'assume' that we would even 'go there' or to see if there would be a tally of those who do. But it's there as an afront to say, "Yeah, Right". And here's the clue: Most of the folks who are not Christians, have been lurking here just to see how many would select the raw and explicit options on that poll. Look at numbers of those who are viewing this thread. 90% are not Christians seeking advice. Rather they are Lurkers seeking to accuse or to be amused.

You want to call me 'defensive', you better believe that I am. I cherish this forum and I will defend it. I'll stand toe to toe with anyone who opposes me and I will not back down. I care about the needs of the people here. They come to me for prayer everyday and I am not going to bail out on them or the Lord.

There's a 'spirit' that has come into this Christianity forum, a spirit of 'mockery' of the Christian faith, as an 'afront' to God. I'm watching and I'm praying. You don't have to like it. But it's what I'm called to do. Watch and pray.

Me Defensive? ... Yeah! You better believe it! :yep:


Yikes..
people use forums for different things, its not your place to decide what spirit is in here... blah blah blah etc.
I think when people have questions they are looking for an answer and that is their right...
While you're praying you should pray for your own discernment as well... and for the Lord to open your heart to productive discussion, as should the rest of us so that we are not bringing each other down...
And to the bolded parts, those are your opinion... which is nice... but really... demanding us and making all these outright statements like you are the end-all supervisor is kind of counter productive to all of us growing and learning... that's really and honestly not to be rude sistah...
While I did make a joke at the beginning... I think it was a good survey because it came from her, and that was what she wanted to do... that is her right.
We can't decide what is demeaning to the body of Christ because I bet some people learned something from this thread... and honestly, we have Christ in our hearts, but at the end of the day we are supposed to be like Him, we can never BE Him... catch my drift?
The prayer threads are where we can support each other, the sharing threads really do encourage each other, and the questions can make us think... There's nothing wrong with thinking... thats why we have a brain...
:perplexed
 
Omg LOL that is so funny...
a new married couple lol
when I get married I'm puttin a pic of Jesus right above the bed and I'ma stare him straight at the eye while I'm on top and say THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!
lol its a gift indeed I can't wait

You can expect either of these lol (I'm going straight to confession for that one lolol! Thank G-d it's tomorrow :lachen:)

"attaway, child!"


OR


" Oy vey! Ver's ze respect!!!"
 
Just like those wishing to formally convert to a form of christianity like orthodoxy or catholicism or perhaps judaism, to see if it's something they can actually live with (confessing sexual sin to another person, realizing that such sin breaks union with G-d or mortally etc. [not the case with other forms of christianity] or in ultra orthodox judaism, sex 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off and no touching in between for marrieds).

I believe the inquiry serves as a seeking just how viable that lifestyle will be pragmatically and if they will be happily faithful to that particular decision to convert. For example, in the Coptic faith, dating, period, is considered a sin. On the real! It can land you in big trouble with Abouna (Father/priest). I mean going to the movies, declaring somebody a "boy/girlfriend." You are supposed to court and that means in the presence of family. Maybe they allow courtship without anybody else present but courtship comes about as the result of a religious ceremony declaring the two on the path to marriage. It is a blessed path by the Church. I think it was a very valid inquiry considering the examples I provided because there are aspects of any faith that seekers want to know up front and beforehand. No one wise will make a decision to follow a faith without delving deep into it's precepts and rules.

As for mocker of the faith? So what? People will mock catholics right and left. So what? They don't know what I know. People will mock judaism, the start and meat of the christian faith. They will mock pentecostals (okay, I even mock pentecostals lol) and evangelicals and snake-handlers. So what? They can mock all they want. What's more important? Living your found truth, that's all. I don't think of this forum as some kind of privileged shelter from the real world. L-rd knows, I get and have gotten lots of negatives myself in here...Richard Twiss and the Native Americans...will never forget the "christian" ugliness that ensued. Nonetheless, I choose to come in here and relate to others. It makes me aware of the diversity in the world and gives me an appreciation of it all. This is not the new segregated Eden, it's a forum for discussion. If it ever comes to the point that x-people here are mandated to share the exact same religion and experiences, then I'll exit. Up until that time, I think we're all mature enough to just live out our truths and allow others the dignity of inquiry. If there are those who mock the faith, I'm sure they will be swiftly rebuked lol. But that doesn't give any of us the right to suspect another without proof as it becomes an accusation. I think that is unjust. IMHO.

GV, I thanked you but what's your point?
 
GV, I thanked you but what's your point?


:lachen: I wondered about that. :lachen: I mean to say that some people ask because they sincerely wish to know. She never mentioned the sect of christianity...might involve a full and formal 6-month to 1-year long conversion...or longer. Rules and regulations? Present living style? Compatibility? I think we can allow questions without accusations of mockery.
 
:lachen: I wondered about that. :lachen: I mean to say that some people ask because they sincerely wish to know. She never mentioned the sect of christianity...might involve a full and formal 6-month to 1-year long conversion...or longer. Rules and regulations? Present living style? Compatibility? I think we can allow questions without accusations of mockery.
Okay... You lost me with my ancestors (Native Americans). :drunk:

So, in other words, Christianity is not a revolving door or a discount shoe store. Where some may come to try what they like and maybe come back for more. :rolleyes:
 
Okay... You lost me with my ancestors (Native Americans). :drunk:

So, in other words, Christianity is not a revolving door or a discount shoe store. Where some may come to try what they like and maybe come back for more. :rolleyes:

LOL no. But there may be very great differences between what is allowable or considered serious sin from sect to sect...and in the way they deal with them. Seriously, yours and mine are just that different, that they are different religions. She may not be able now to put up with such vast changes.
 
LOL no. But there may be very great differences between what is allowable or considered serious sin from sect to sect...and in the way they deal with them.

Seriously, yours and mine are just that different, that they are different religions. She may not be able now to put up with such vast changes.
:yep: Okay, I understand. Thanks GV.
 
I thank the author of this post. I am a single Christian woman and I struggle with this tremendously. It is obvious that early Christians struggled with sexual immorailty otherwise this would not have been addressed so specifically in the bible. At the time Paul wrote his letters he was also addressing a rampant problem of incest in the lives of early Christians (and these guys had seen Jesus!!) The specific details in your poll help those seeking counsel to determine what is meant by this broad term of sexual immorality. How far should we go? How far we should advise our daughters to go. God did make us sensual human beings and instead of condemning each other we should embrace each other with love and provide good counsel. Jesus didn't condemn the prostitute or the woman with many husbands instead he counseled them wisely. Christians should be able to come to each other and expose their weaknesses and talk about problemssuch as sex before marriage,ponography, homosexuality, paedophilia and adultery which are as rampant in the church as they are in the world.

My best friend agreed with her now husband not to have sex before marriage and after their marriage she found out he suffers from ED. She now has many regrets and wonders if it was the right thing to do. She is a Christian and loves God.

I am now on a journey to remain pure and holy before God but my view is that God judges all sin equally we are not better Christians because we are sexually pure but then hate or judge our brothers and sisters or dishonour our parents or are full of pride.

I hope God continues to provide a sense of community in this forum where I often come to lurk for advice or to be inspired by the many stories here. God bless all.
 
Let's get something clear about what I posted and I mean every single word of it.

This thread 'seems' to put Christians under a social survey, social experiment or microscope as if there's something 'wrong' or 'weird' with Christians because we choose to honor the sanctity of sex. The interest is as OP said, was presented as too clinical which is exactly as I perceived it to be. And why? We're not aliens over here.

Folks are playing games. Note: I'm not necessarily saying this about ebonylocs, the OP of this thread, but the 'spirit' of it is here.I can sense it.

There are people here who are flesh and blood human beings with hearts and feelings and we should be respected as such. They've been through many a trial and heartbreak and as Christians they are striving to have peace in their lives and to leave Godly and at peace with everyone if possible. They do not deserve to 'mocked' for their faith and strivings to live right for God.

The 'world' and the lurkers of this thread don't care that we value sex or why we choose to place a value on our relationship with God. They're looking for more reasons to mock and joke about 'us' and to use it as an insult rather than commend us.

That poll is raw, way too explicit and extremely offensive to the Body of Christ. Why even dare 'assume' that we would even 'go there' or to see if there would be a tally of those who do. But it's there as an afront to say, "Yeah, Right". And here's the clue: Most of the folks who are not Christians, have been lurking here just to see how many would select the raw and explicit options on that poll. Look at numbers of those who are viewing this thread. 90% are not Christians seeking advice. Rather they are Lurkers seeking to accuse or to be amused.

You want to call me 'defensive', you better believe that I am. I cherish this forum and I will defend it. I'll stand toe to toe with anyone who opposes me and I will not back down. I care about the needs of the people here. They come to me for prayer everyday and I am not going to bail out on them or the Lord.

There's a 'spirit' that has come into this Christianity forum, a spirit of 'mockery' of the Christian faith, as an 'afront' to God. I'm watching and I'm praying. You don't have to like it. But it's what I'm called to do. Watch and pray.

Me Defensive? ... Yeah! You better believe it! :yep:

You are entirely too sensitive. There is no mocking going on in this thread. And yes, quite a few people have viewed this thread but I choose to believe that it's because people would like insight on how Christian women are able to deal with any temptation they might face in their relationship. It's people like yourself that turn people off from Christianity with the holier than thou, rigid attitude.

There is nothing raw or explicit about the poll, it's about sex, and there is nothing wrong about discussing sex and how Christians handle sex in their lives. If anything it can inspire others to follow whatever example they admire and give others the strength to persevere in an hour of temptation. And as Christians, of course we are under a microscope!!! How could we not be? Especially when there are some who insist on placing themselves on a pedestal. Anyway, I am done trying to discuss this. I am just simply appalled at the response that this thread has gotten. Go ahead and be defensive, I haven't the energy to waste on that nonsense :nono:
 
You are entirely too sensitive. There is no mocking going on in this thread. And yes, quite a few people have viewed this thread but I choose to believe that it's because people would like insight on how Christian women are able to deal with any temptation they might face in their relationship.
It's people like yourself that turn people off from Christianity with the holier than thou, rigid attitude.

There is nothing raw or explicit about the poll, it's about sex, and there is nothing wrong about discussing sex and how Christians handle sex in their lives. If anything it can inspire others to follow whatever example they admire and give others the strength to persevere in an hour of temptation. And as Christians, of course we are under a microscope!!! How could we not be? Especially when there are some who insist on placing themselves on a pedestal. Anyway, I am done trying to discuss this. I am just simply appalled at the response that this thread has gotten. Go ahead and be defensive, I haven't the energy to waste on that nonsense :nono:
What pedestal? You just placed me there. Obvisoulsy your issue is with me personally, not this thread. :yep: And do you really think I care?
 
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