SERIOUS QUESTION-MOLESTATION/FORGIVENESS

Would you forgive husband if you found out that he had molested your son/daughter?

  • Yes

    Votes: 12 16.4%

  • No

    Votes: 59 80.8%

  • Maybe

    Votes: 2 2.7%
  • Total voters
    73
S

sugarbelle

Member
I'm doing research on this topic and I have a question for you all and I want to see how some of you would answer it, particularly from a christian standpoint....If you found out that your husband had molested your daughter or son 1) Would you stay with him?,if yes=why? and 2) Would you forgive him?... Even if you are not married, I'd still like to hear how you might react to this if you found yourself in this situation.

Thanks for your responses!
 
pretty08 said:
I'm doing research on this topic and I have a question for you all and I want to see how some of you would answer it, particularly from a christian standpoint....If you found out that your husband had molested your daughter or son 1) Would you stay with him?,if yes=why? and 2) Would you forgive him?... Even if you are not married, I'd still like to hear how you might react to this if you found yourself in this situation.

Thanks for your responses!
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1. I would not stay with him. How could I after hurting my kids continue to pour salt on their wounds.
2. Can my child forgive. I would be very hurt

My play aunt's step daughter was molested by her step father. The guy went to prison. The mother stood by her man even after losing temporary custody to my aunt and her dad. She said she loved him. The young lady was very promiscous with boys. When my aunt step daughter became of age she went back to live with mother and molester then moved far away. My aunt said she forgave him. Why is she dating women? I personally think she hates men now.
 
First let me start off by saying this. I am a Christian and I am a survivor of molestation. I was molested by my baby-sitters brother at a very early age. Now if my mate, spouse, SO or whoever molested my child, no I would not be able to stay. I won't pretend to say I would forgive, because it would take some time - a lot of time to get to that point. I recently read about a man who raped his own daughter, to "break her in." My heart hurt for her, but luckily she was able to tell someone and her mother pressed charges against her long-time love. I can't see how a father would do something like this to his child, and I really can't see a mother turning her back on her child to be with a man. JMO
 
Absolutely not! A mother's duty is to protect her child. I know to many people that were molested by their father/stepfather and the lifelong damage it can do. I thinking staying with the molester is a betrayal to your child, they need all the support they can get.

I have two friends that were raped by their father, one giving birth to her fathers' child. One is gay and hates men, the other one grew very promiscuous. Both mothers' initially left the molester of their children, both are now back with their husbands. In the case of the woman who gave birth to her father's child, the mother and the molester are raising the child as their own. The child has no clue that his sister is his mother.
 
joyous said:
Absolutely not! A mother's duty is to protect her child. I know to many people that were molested by their father/stepfather and the lifelong damage it can do. I thinking staying with the molester is a betrayal to your child, they need all the support they can get.
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I agree.

Ordinarily, my first loyalty is to my spouse but NOT with something like this. I could forgive but we would no longer be a family.
 
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I would be able to forgive him, but as a human being, I probably would not be able to forget unless my husband became a changed man through the help of God. If he did not change, I may be able to get over it better if he was in jail, dead, or basically out of my life.
 
Now, this is a touchy one for me. I would definitely have to rely on God to help me forgive him. I know as Christians we should forgive no matter what, but the truth is we don't. No, I would not stay with him. My step dad molested me as a child for years. When I finally told my mom she left him, but guess what a few years later she went back to him. That messed me up..I felt like I was being pimped. So, I know first hand the emotional turmoil that could cause to a child.
 
The Holy spirit in me will lead me to forgive Him but as a mother, I have to protect my child, and get far away.

WOW@ joyous, so sorry to hear about your friends, thats just mind blowing! especially with a child from that union, I dont think abortion is right but in such a situation, I'd support it. I pray for your friend, her mother and the child who didnt ask to be born through such means.
 
I could forgive but could no longer be with that person. I would do everything possible to see that he spends the rest of his life in jail.
 
It would take some serious time for me to forgive and, yes, we would part like the Red Sea.

ITA w/ DLewis....I would try to put him under the jail.
 
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I would never stay with a man who molested my children...to me that's one of the most evil things anyone could ever do. Our marriage vows would be shattered beyond repair.

And I would have to pray on it unceasingly, it really would take the Lord's guiding hand to help me forgive any man that dared hurt my child.
 
That nullifies the marriage contract. Forgiveness aside, any woman who stays with a man and who knows that he molests her children should not be allowed to be a mother and should have her kids taken from her. The man obviously has some stronghold on him that is not of the Lord and that type of evil should never be suffered on innocent children.
 
calliope said:
That nullifies the marriage contract. Forgiveness aside, any woman who stays with a man and who knows that he molests her children should not be allowed to be a mother and should have her kids taken from her. The man obviously has some stronghold on him that is not of the Lord and that type of evil should never be suffered on innocent children.
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Thank you, I feel the same way.
 
No the marriage/relationship/friendship is over. He would become public enemy number one and my life focus would be sending him to prison and getting help for my child. I would no longer be obligated to the covenant between husband and wife because he broke it in the worst type of "adultry" a person could have. He also broke the covenant between him and the child. As a parent my priority would automatically shift to protecting and restoring the child that has been abused and protecting anybody else within his grasp.
 
i counsel a young lady who was molested by her dad -- after he was let back in the home after molested his older daughter. i have had to walk with her through the anguish, the issues, which have included promiscuity, abortions, gangs, drugs, you name it.

we worked to a place of forgiveness toward her father, so that she could start to walk free. Extending the forgiveness was one of the best things she could do! she expressed it gave her so much relief and victory!

however, she is still working on forgiving her mother who let him back in the home and continues to walk in rejection, neglect and denial toward her daughter...

so if my husband did do that, i would definitely go into protective mode for the child...i could forgive, but he would not get an opportunity to do it again. also he would have some legal obligations...to report to jail to do his time...
 
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I would forgive him but I certainly do NOT believe I could remain with this person. No way no how!
 
I really don't know what I would do in this situation, but this is what I think I would do. For sure, without a doubt I would leave, or preferibly he would leave and never see my children again, until it was up to my children to make that decision. As far as forgiveness, I sincerely hope that I would be able to.
 
joyous said:
Absolutely not! A mother's duty is to protect her child. I know to many people that were molested by their father/stepfather and the lifelong damage it can do. I thinking staying with the molester is a betrayal to your child, they need all the support they can get.

I have two friends that were raped by their father, one giving birth to her fathers' child. One is gay and hates men, the other one grew very promiscuous. Both mothers' initially left the molester of their children, both are now back with their husbands. In the case of the woman who gave birth to her father's child, the mother and the molester are raising the child as their own. The child has no clue that his sister is his mother.
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So the mother stayed with the molester and he gets to raise a child and be near children? That is scary. Does this child have major health issues since it is a product of incest?
 
WomanlyCharm said:
I would never stay with a man who molested my children...to me that's one of the most evil things anyone could ever do. Our marriage vows would be shattered beyond repair.

And I would have to pray on it unceasingly, it really would take the Lord's guiding hand to help me forgive any man that dared hurt my child.
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Amen......
 
calliope said:
That nullifies the marriage contract. Forgiveness aside, any woman who stays with a man and who knows that he molests her children should not be allowed to be a mother and should have her kids taken from her. The man obviously has some stronghold on him that is not of the Lord and that type of evil should never be suffered on innocent children.
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Amen again
 
I'm a survivor of molestation myself. I have educated myself pretty thoroughly on the subject, and sadly I have to say that from what I've learned, it's very very common for the mother to 1. accuse the child of lying about the abuse 2. choose to stay with the molester.

It's so sad that the Christian mandate to forgive has been perverted (in my view) and twisted into badgering survivors into "forgiving" thier molestors.

For instance, a survivor who won't allow the molestor access to her children is told she is supposed to forgive and forget. The thinking is "Hey, he promised he wouldn't rape your daughter like he raped you! Isn't that good enough?"

God forgives me, why can't you? :barf: :barf: :barf: so much evil in this world.
 
:angry2: After some type of violent act and maybe a night in jail I'd leave him.

Men are replaceable! MY CHILD IS MY LEGACY! I would not allow them to have to endure that pain over and over by looking at that person everyday. They'd be living a life of fear!:nono:

Of course, it would be a very long time before I think I could honestly FORGIVE that person. Even then, I wouldn't try to force a "quick recovery" on my child. No one can judge how fast a persons "wound" should heal!
 
I would have to forgive, but that would take time. I wouldn't stay. I don't want my children to have to feel that they can't be safe in their own home. I don't want to feel unsafe in my own home.
 
Wow, I was raised by a single father. My mom left when I was three. He loved me and NEVER touched me inappropriately. I can't imagine a father doing that to his child. I just cannot even wrap my mind out around it. My heart goes out to anyone that has to endure that type of turmoil.

For me, I am paranoid. The number of children who are molested at some point during their childhood is absolutely staggering! I've seen the statistics and I FEAR for my son's well-being when I'm not around or when I'm at work. I just pray that the people I have placed my trust in to take care of him in my absence will not disappoint me. However, it never occurred to me to be conserned about the acts of a man in my own home. Particurlarly the acts of a man who helped me create the child. That is absolutely abominable and there is no way in creation that I would stay. I would not stay if my child was abused mentally, emotionally or physically. My ultimate job is to protect my child. I will not set him out on a silver platter to be victimized again and again. Forgiveness, I don't believe that the bible means for us to forgive those who do not seek it. I may be off in my belief but that is how I feel. God does not forgive our sins until we repent of them (turn away from them) so I don't think he expects us to forgive those who harm us without apology. Forgiveness...I don't know...he'd be lucky just to leave with his life let alone with my forgiveness. If I did forgive, it would be for my own inner peace than for the perpetrator but that would occur only with God's help because I couldn't do it on my own.
 
I answered the poll based on would I be able to forgive. After some time I would be able to forgive because God commands that of me. However, I would not stay and my children, all of them, would be removed from that situation in an instant. I would be so hurt at first and even after I forgave him I would still be hurt, but more than anything I would be hurting for my child. The innocence of my baby has been ruined and it would be so hard to forgive that.
 
This subject touches me deeply and i would have to say that if anyone, husband included did something like that to my child I would make sure he's locked up and there is no way on earth id stay with someone like that my child's well being is more important than a man, its not fair for a child to have to live under the same roof, being with that person day to day going through such emotional pain and turmoil for the rest of their lives . Over time i would have to forgive but id never forget.
 
I have several people close to me that experienced horrific rape and abuse. It leaves scars that never go away. I am an abuse survivor.

I could not stay with a man like that, because God entrusts us with the care of our children. We cannot allow them to be in a situation where someone is allowed to bring harm to our babies.

It would be hard, I must be honest, but as a Christian I believe it would be my duty to forgive him, because if we do not forgive others, Christ will not forgive us. However forgiveness and condoning the behavior are two separate issues entirely.
 
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