Self-love/knowing Your Worth...what Helped You To Build That.

After reading the Narcicist thread, this thread is ever more important to me. As a matter of fact, I'm going to see if I can re-word it.
 
nlamr2013 said:
I never struggled with this( thanks mommy!) So I would say just mothers, big sisters, aunts instill this into your little girls.
oh and obviously realizing that I was born on purpose
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I have dealt with this issue some and it caused some major problems for me in relationships.

I would be surprised if my girls had this issue. They are constantly taught self-care, self-love, and self-respect.
 
Many years ago, I remember something Oprah said on this subject. She was interviewing some country star, I think it was either Tim McGraw or Billy Ray Cyrus. Anyway, the guest had daughters and Oprah asked the star how would he deal with boys when the girls start dating. The star was kind of joking and said something like "I'll have a shotgun ready".

Oprah then said, paraphrasing, "If you teach them their self-worth, you won't have to ever need a shotgun." She said it with emphasis and repeated it as well. I started doing that with my girls and so far my one teen daughter definitely has high standards. I think instilling self-worth is even more effective when it comes from a dad to the daughter.
 
To answer your OP, I think it's just basic self-love. Knowing that you are absolutely okay without a guy and that if he comes along, he better put in tons of work to get with someone as worthy as you. Taking pride in and taking care of one's body, appearance, and having a clean living space also helps.
 
I think on top of all of these answers I would say the way I relate to other people.

I have this belief that other people have value. I'm respectful of other people (that's how I was raised) and when I think of why (outside of rearing) it's because that person has value.
 
I thought about this a lot for myself over the years and what I've learned is that for me self-worth is a two part. On a physical level-I work to get in shape, keep myself up, tell myself I look good and other positive things to uplift myself. It works as a first step but for me it was never deep enough. I found myself in certain situations thinking my self-esteem/worth couldn't have been as healthy as I thought it was to do this, put up with this, etc...

Then the other part is the spiritual side that says that I am enough as I am. But the I AM is not what I look like, who I'm married to, how far I am in my career, etc....but the spirit that God created from love and in His image. I think that for me I go hard in one area and neglect the other and that has been where my personal challenges arise. For me I need to balance of both.
So I don't have any advice but reading the other posts inspired me to share what I'm going through.
 
Knowing the God is with me is really the one thing that truly helped me get through struggling with issues of 'self'.

I am the type of person who gets tired of things fairly quick.
If I'm dealing with someone or a situation and I don't understand something, it feels weird and I am hurting, I stop and walk away from it. It can't be fixed.

With people in my life who have REALLY loved me, there is no confusion, I don't feel weird and they're not hurting me.
They're just simply loving me.
 
A friend and I sat down together yesterday and decided to try a "Focus on Ourselves" Challenge for the remainder of this year. We're both young, around the same age, and want to be married, but for whatever reason haven't found "The One" yet.

For a long time, I think my friend and I were making our "search" for The One the main focus of our lives, and in turn feeling downhearted if things with a particular guy didn't work out, etc. But now that we've started this Focus on Ourselves Challenge for the mid-point part of the year and onward, I think it's going to completely change our focus for the BETTER. :yep:

We wrote down goals, hobbies, activities and things we want to accomplish for the remainder of this year. Not only are we both on a health and fitness challenge already, but we're also focusing on getting back into some of our hobbies (reading, sewing, knitting, cooking, jewelry-making, traveling, etc) again, and finding time to do things that we may have put on the back burner.

Personally, I'm excited!!! :grin: And I think this will also in turn help us to recognize our self-worth, and not base our self-worth on OUTSIDE factors (ie. being single vs. being married, dating vs. not dating, etc...) . Not only that, but I think our self-esteem will grow, and because we're focused on ourselves, that will probably be when we actually find someone instead of spending our years anxiously waiting or searching for "The One".



SunRai Naturals said:
I thought about this a lot for myself over the years and what I've learned is that for me self-worth is a two part. On a physical level-I work to get in shape, keep myself up, tell myself I look good and other positive things to uplift myself. It works as a first step but for me it was never deep enough. I found myself in certain situations thinking my self-esteem/worth couldn't have been as healthy as I thought it was to do this, put up with this, etc...

Then the other part is the spiritual side that says that I am enough as I am. But the I AM is not what I look like, who I'm married to, how far I am in my career, etc....but the spirit that God created from love and in His image. I think that for me I go hard in one area and neglect the other and that has been where my personal challenges arise. For me I need to balance of both.
So I don't have any advice but reading the other posts inspired me to share what I'm going through.
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^^I just had to say that I LOVE everything you wrote!!! :up: I feel the exact same way. :yep: When you have a close relationship w/God, I think that helps you to have a healthier self-image as well. :yep:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
A friend and I sat down together yesterday and decided to try a "Focus on Ourselves" Challenge for the remainder of this year. We're both young, around the same age, and want to be married, but for whatever reason haven't found "The One" yet.

For a long time, I think my friend and I were making our "search" for The One the main focus of our lives, and in turn feeling downhearted if things with a particular guy didn't work out, etc. But now that we've started this Focus on Ourselves Challenge for the mid-point part of the year and onward, I think it's going to completely change our focus for the BETTER. :yep:

We wrote down goals, hobbies, activities and things we want to accomplish for the remainder of this year. Not only are we both on a health and fitness challenge already, but we're also focusing on getting back into some of our hobbies (reading, sewing, knitting, cooking, jewelry-making, traveling, etc) again, and finding time to do things that we may have put on the back burner.

Personally, I'm excited!!! :grin: And I think this will also in turn help us to recognize our self-worth, and not base our self-worth on OUTSIDE factors (ie. being single vs. being married, dating vs. not dating, etc...) . Not only that, but I think our self-esteem will grow, and because we're focused on ourselves, that will probably be when we actually find someone instead of spending our years anxiously waiting or searching for "The One".
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I love this. :yep: I kind of inadvertently ended up having to do the same, but it's been good.

I also realized that a big part of my problem is positioning. I do not do anything or go anywhere conducive to meeting new people- male or female. Being such an introvert, I don't spend a lot of time outside my comfort zone. I've even had to stop myself from looking for apartments in my neighborhood, because I know it just means more of the same. I've joined a few meetups that are really active, but just the thought of showing up to an event where I know NO ONE is panic inducing. :lol:
 
MzLady78 said:
I love this. :yep: I kind of inadvertently ended up having to do the same, but it's been good.

I also realized that a big part of my problem is positioning. I do not do anything or go anywhere conducive to meeting new people- male or female. Being such an introvert, I don't spend a lot of time outside my comfort zone. I've even had to stop myself from looking for apartments in my neighborhood, because I know it just means more of the same. I've joined a few meetups that are really active, but just the thought of showing up to an event where I know NO ONE is panic inducing. :lol:
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Don't give up!! Get out and just jump in it! You can do it! :yep: :up: Life is too short to just wonder "what if".... My friend (the one doing this challenge with me) is actually pretty shy and introverted herself, and one of the things she put on her list of things to "improve on" was being more "sociable" and getting out of her comfort zone. :yep:

Some things I put on my list were:
-learn how to sew at least one dress/skirt before the end of the year
-host more social events
-work on my daily bible reading and make it consistent :yep:
-work on my "feminine essence" and improve my feminine "radiance" (charm, feminine dress & grooming, being light and easy-going, relaxing instead of trying to control, letting go...etc. :yep: )
-stay in the "here and now" instead of anxiously worrying about the future, or ruminating about the past (boy do I need to work on this!)
-STOP with the overanalysis (yet something else I need to desperately work on)
-Go to at least 1 museum before the year ends
-finish reading one book by the end of the summer
and much much more! :yep:

I think you should set some goals for yourself to complete before the end of this year. Sometimes just writing down and putting your goals down on paper makes a huge difference. :yep: But by all means, don't give up!

Do you get social anxiety?
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I think you should set some goals for yourself to complete before the end of this year. Sometimes just writing down and putting your goals down on paper makes a huge difference. :yep: But by all means, don't give up!

Do you get social anxiety?
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Yeah, I have some things on my list, starting with going back to school. I'm in the process of applying.

I definitely have a bit of social anxiety. But I'm going to try to do better.
 
This made me remember my daddy. He used to introduce me whenever we went somewhere or someone came over as if they'd never met me. I don't care who it was he'd say to them..."Hey do you know who that is?" and point to me and proceed to say "that's Annie Oakley right there...did you know that?". If it were just the two of us and I looked like I was vexed about anything he'd say "Hey I heard you could shoot the head off a match" .

Now my 5 year old self knew that I couldn't but my self esteem was born from this man and his "high-falutin" thoughts of his "big daughter". As an adult and raising my three kids as a single parent, no matter how down I got or how bad things got (and they got pretty bad sometimes) I'd always say to myself ...this is nothing...I can shoot the head off a match".
 
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The other thing that builds self esteem and confidence is to master something. It doesn't have to be anything grand - just a challenge for you. The reason why people get addicted to challenges is because it feels so good when you accomplish them. Currently, I'm trying to master the head/handstand. That confidence then exudes to other areas of your life
 
When I stopped comparing myself to others, my whole outlook on life changed. My goals were usually based on inspirations or comparing myself to someone. Which I usually never accomplished because my motivation was created from a false sense. When I decided to let go and concentrate on being the best mshoney I can be everything changed. I replaced looking at Nicole Murphy and saying I want abs and a butt like hers and making that my motivation. With looking at myself in the mirror and creating my ideal self based on me. From that point I started doing something every single day to accomplish my goals. My motivation has yet to plateau.
 
mshoney2u said:
When I stopped comparing myself to others, my whole outlook on life changed. My goals were usually based on inspirations or comparing myself to someone. Which I usually never accomplished because my motivation was created from a false sense. When I decided to let go and concentrate on being the best mshoney I can be everything changed. I replaced looking at Nicole Murphy and saying I want abs and a butt like hers and making that my motivation. With looking at myself in the mirror and creating my ideal self based on me. From that point I started doing something every single day to accomplish my goals. My motivation has yet to plateau.
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That is wonderful advice and very well said
 
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