deltagyrl Girl you know you gotta tag me or I will be out eating cake and not paying attention, I forgot about this thread
Either the other guys didn't notice, didn't care or were so jacked up that I was focused on fixing them. Or I didn't respect them enough to care what they thought.
At first I thought he was trying to change me into who he thought I should be. Then I was offended because he's so blunt. Then once I calmed down and thought about what he was saying I realized that he was telling the truth about things I was/am doing within the relationship to get my way or manipulate things or avoid issues.
His communication style is much more direct than mine and that has taken some getting used to. I can see what I'm doing and to stop myself from self sabotaging.
.
I'm still learning him but I will say that he does not really have a filter. Whatever he is thinking, he is gonna say. Is that rude? Insensitive? Tactless? Maybe. Mean spirited? I don't feel like it is. Is he trying to pick me apart to make me insecure?I'm a bit of a saboteur and didn't realize it.
I haven't seen heartless. He's actually quite tender with me at times.
What I was trying to say was that all my insecurities and issues have bubbled to the surface this go round and I don't know why.
He isn't walking around berating me or verbally abusing me.
When I do things that are a direct contradiction to what I've said that I want in a relationship, he points that out to me and challenges me to figure out why I did it. He will often tell me why I did it but I'm too stubborn to say that he's right.
It just scares me that he can see through my wall.
Does that make sense?
Ahh the love and bluntness of a Sagitarrius
As Hopeful said I don't have enough details about the man to say he's mean or verbally abusive. I'm not getting a mean vibe from him?? It's a new relationship so I'd take it slow, try to learn more about him. He's not being untoward just a bit obtuse? Right??
OK-SO I'm using that zodiac bit because it stands out the most in this personality trait. But moreso, I will use myself as an example of being exposed because I can totally relate to just about all of this.
I was a relationship sabateur, I loved people, but I never gave my whole heart to them if that makes sense-looking back I always held back. But not because I didn't feel it just because I couldn't give into it. I think I thought I did, I really did! I loved but never allowed myself to BE truly in love and vulnerable with any man. I don't even want to be saying this in this thread now to all of ya'll-
you know I don't deal in feelings much but for you today I will because I can rememeber the ephinany of being exposed.
I am a control freak by nature, I wanted to always be in control of my relationships and love because I feared being loved and having it control me. I knew I was deserving of love and always got what I wanted, I was very manipulative in relationships
I always dated good wonderful men but I gave them enough to keep them and have them love me 100% but I gave the bare minimum. I can remember my ex-fiancee saying You're here physically but you're never here emotionally. I was like yea OK, that's too below the surface, holla
. So I said I wanted this and wanted that and I met DH and he was like "you're a fraud" I remember just thinking *** you what a jerk?!! But he wasn't mean about it....he was just like letting me know and he said Whether it be with ME or the next MAN, you gotta let x, y, z go and open up. It was also DH who was also the person that really got me to openly discuss my lack of emotion, lack of expressive love due to my infant abandonment whereas I was always flip about it like 'doesn't bother me, I don't care about her'. I STILL struggle with that, that's why I'm always like no one is leaving me, I will do the leaving. But you can't love like that you know?
Again using his zodiac bit because you're not giving me details--- let me again say some personality traits I notice in these men. These men ARE direct, they are forward, they are blunt. I intially would get my feelings hurt then I realized they aren't coming from a place of feelings, they are just speaking facts and really aren't trying to come off that way. They are also controlling and can be manipulative but not in a bad way IMO. They have their problems, like I think they are always victims
Controlling in that, they are masculine men, if that's not your game then don't apply. It's not for everyone. They will give you advice and expect you to follow it and adhere. I'm a very very very cautious person. But he's never steered me in the wrong direction in any decision he 'directed' me to take.
Even if this man isn't for you, you could probably learn somethings that you may not have known about yourself. If you are in fact a relationship sabatuer or the one that is never culpable for their errors in past relationships. That's something to be learned. I actually called an ex while I was dating DH to tell him I was sorry about being so emotionally unavailable to him during our relationship. I ended the relationship and blamed him when it was all me. But is this man ----sweet, loving, caring? In the midst of his bluntness? Is he fun and challenging? Is his directness tempered with challenge for you to be a better person? I think that is the vibe I'm getting from your posts, I'm not sure though.
