Scared For A Family Member

[MsCarmenP]

I haven't posted in a long time (never really posted a lot; mostly lurked) but I need advice, opinions, thoughts, something.

Today a family member sent me a message asking if she can ask me something without any questions. Then she asked if I will make sure her kids are ok if something happens to her. Now I'm scared, hurt, angry and just feel lost. I'm thinking the issue is her blood pressure. It's been high for a while. Last I heard, it was 160/100. She's struggling to lose weight (I don't feel she's putting in enough effort). She doesn't take the medication the doctors prescribed because she says she's scared because she keeps reading about side effects like heart attacks, strokes and death. And I honestly think she's been suffering from postpartum depression (her last child is almost two). Over the past few months, she's made comments about being scared and so tired she can't force herself to get out of bed. Another family member said she told them she's pretty sure she's dying.

I don't know what to do. I obviously can't force a grown person to take care of their health but I can't just give up on her either. Should I go to her house and force her to talk to me about what's going on? What can I do when it seems like she's given up? She's only 34. I'm stressing and worried and don't know what to do.

 

[Mai Tai]

It sounds like she is suffering from severe depression or she may feel her life is in danger due to an abusive relationship. If it were me I would invite myself over to check in on her and if she opens up, encourage her to get help asap.

 

[Daernyris]

That high blood pressure ain't nothing to play with. It's serious business.

The vessels were not meant to withstand all that force. I scan young people all the time with old people problems. I know depression and what it does to you but an ischemic stroke could not only kill her, it could leave her trapped in a body that no longer works properly. She really needs to get that under control and it could possibly help with her energy level

Sorry I don't have any better advice for you.

 

[LostInAdream]

I would definitely go over and see how she's doing. I wouldn't force her to do anything as that can add to her stress and blood pressure. Simply bring food for her and the kiddies or cook( something healthy ). See where her head is at, if she mentions anything ask her who else has she spoken with to get help. If she hasn't suggest she talks to her primary care provider about all the issues including the symptoms to the medicines she's prescribed. Tell her they can find alternatives, they'll tell her they weighed the risks and she should be fine or to contact them ASAP.

Lastly, she probably is depressed and just reaching out for help because she feels helpless. Be extremely cautious as you don't know the depth of her feelings/thoughts.

Good luck with whatever you chose and hope she pulls through.

 

[Lylddlebit]

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[MsCarmenP]

@Mai Tai , thanks, I never even considered it could be related to her relationship. That's something I need to try to look into more. To answer a few questions, I've talked to her and tried to get her to ask her doc about different medications. She's adamant that she doesn't want to take any medication at all. So we talked about lowering her BP naturally, mainly by eating healthier, exercising and losing weight. I've even offered to meet her and work out with her.

@Lylddlebit, I really don't know. Some of her children already don't live with her. I'm pretty sure when she asked if I would make sure her children are ok, she was only talking about the ones who live with her.

 

[PJaye]

IMO, the best solution would be to tackle the depressed mood first because that is major. She won't have the energy or wherewithal to do anything until that issue is resolved.

 

[chocolat79]

Well, the first order of business is her blood pressure. If her blood pressure is out of control, she WILL have a stroke. The question will only be if she will live through it and if so, what deficits will she have. I see it all the time and age doesn't matter. And whatever she's dealing will be exacerbated so much more because then she'll have additional issues related to the stroke.

Agree with @Daernyris and @Mai Tai 100%.

 

[MsCarmenP]

Thanks! She's off work tomorrow, so I'm going to go by and visit, maybe even try to convince her to take a short walk with me so we can talk. I agree that the blood pressure is the biggest thing we need to tackle. Just need to come up with a way to convince her to at least try the medication. As for the depression, I don't think she's even mentioned it to her doctor because she's afraid they'll commit her and take her kids.

 

[PJaye]

Thanks! She's off work tomorrow, so I'm going to go by and visit, maybe even try to convince her to take a short walk with me so we can talk. I agree that the blood pressure is the biggest thing we need to tackle. Just need to come up with a way to convince her to at least try the medication. As for the depression, I don't think she's even mentioned it to her doctor because she's afraid they'll commit her and take her kids.

Her fears are unfounded. This is not the 1930s. No one can have her committed and take her children away without just cause. At most and in severe cases, they can ask a magistrate/judge for an involuntary hold (sometimes referred to as an IVH or 5150) and only after certain criterion has been met: (1) she's a danger to herself; (2) a danger to others; and (3) is extremely incapacitated (in that she cannot take care of herself, i.e., feed and clothe herself, in addition to obtaining shelter; along with the ability to seek assistance from friends and/or family to procure these things). And even then, these holds are temporary - lasting either 72 hours or 7 days. There are simply too many people on the planet who are suffering with mental issues for the powers that be to involuntary commit anyone just for having one and/or for admitting that fact to their physicians.

Please, impress upon her the need for her to tell her doctor about her hesitance to take medication, as well as her depressed mood. Stress the fact that he/she needs to have all of the information possible in order to help her get better. Also, make clear that, despite being interdependent, until her psychosocial health improves, she won't be able to adequately address her physical health. Depression is a vicious cycle. It frequently manifests itself in the degradation of one's health, appearance and living environment, which serves to make the depression worse; which then results in further degradation of one's health, appearance and living environment. The cycle won't end until the depression is effectively addressed. If all else fails, surreptitiously guilt her with a "If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your kids. Have the strength and courage to do what's necessary to keep living because they still need you" and a "If you take the medication, there's about a 3% chance that you may have a stroke as a side effect; but if you don't take the medication, there's about a 90% chance that you will have a stroke as a result of your high blood pressure. Which math would you rather bet on?" I wish you both the best.