Rocky Start, Good End?

[aribell]

It's always nice to hear the stories that go like, "He knew I was the one from our 2nd date and it's been blissful ever since." But I'm curious about those who are happy in their relationships now and see those relationships going somewhere, but whose start with their SO or DH wasn't quick, easy, or smooth.

Please share your experiences. And what do you feel helped things get on the right track?

 

[Carolina18]

Great question. I've been wondering about the exact same thing, especially if scenarios exist in which people faced considerable obstacles to their relationship in the beginning which should, judging by most of the advice we receive these days, have indicated that the person was not right for them - yet years later they're relationship worked out. Is it always blissful and straightforward in the beginning when you're supposed to be with someone?

*waits for responses*

 

[Barbie83]

bumping.....hello people! I want to know! lol

 

[honeycomb719]

Well, I add that my relationship with my fiance was a bit iffy from jump. Our conversations was a bit stranded. I wasnt sure I liked his personality, and vice versa. We did have a common thread that kept hope alive for us and that was our views on what family life we wanted for ourselves and our children.
The biggest thing that has helped us overcome some HUGE battles was understanding our differences culturally and respecting that we may not always see things eye to eye, but be understand to each others viewpoints.
Also, we knew from the beginning we didnt and wouldnt have the mushy your my soul mate type of relationship. Its just not in our fabric or who we are or our expectations. I believe going into any relationship thinking that there is suppose to be no problems for you to feel like you two are meant to be will lead to many disagreements and unrealistic expectations. Lifes not a fairytale, and for those who are living a fairytale life with their SO lucky them, just hope that can face the hard stuff when it comes along.

 

[ljf67]

I have a co-worker who could tell a great story about this.

 

[Carolina18]

I have a co-worker who could tell a great story about this.

Are you able to share? No one seems to be chipping in yet.

 

[calmsensual1]

yeah i'd like to see some more stories about this. Me and my BF are def having a rocky start...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I was just coming here to post this question. I was talking with a couple over the weekend who have been together 8 years and 5 kids, and I asked them if they ever went through problems and of course 'OH yeAh!' I asked them if they ever had any splits and it was 'Nooooo!' Then the guy said, 'Now if you are talking a week or so and we just pissed off and gone get back together yeah, but I believe if something ends and you seeing other people it's done.'

That resonated with me, because I've always believed the same thing, like if a relationship can't be worked out and it ends, and especially if one or both parties moves on in the sense of dating someone else, then it wasn't meant to last. One of the reasons I never go back to exes.

But I got to thinking, in dating everyone puts on their best face and are more POLITE than they are REAL for fear of rocking the boat and messing up the tranquility of finding someone you like and are in love with and can be mushy with. There is a saying I remember "You can't go back to holding hands" after an unpleasant interaction with your love muffin. What if you have two people that eventually want the same things as far as family and children and really love each other and their lives are a good 'fit' ready for the same things, but they both have two totally different thought processes and the way they communicate and the way they take things differ from each other and cause miscommunication where an argument or conflict takes place? If they are both willing to get through the conflict, I actually believe it will make their bond stronger than just continuously floating onto a cloud on the way to the altar.

I believe when two people, each with drastically different experiences in their past, join lives, conflicts should be expected, differences should be expected, it's all about how you get through them that counts. I enjoy the honeymoon phase but I always welcome the tests, if it lasts through them, I feel it makes it deeper, and more real.

*awaiting stories*

 

[aribell]

Hmm...now I really want to know if happily married/coupled people always start out that way.

I do know of some happy-ending stories of rockiness, but I guess it would depend on what the definition of "rocky" is. For instance, I know of some women who had to give ultimatums to their spouses, who did end up proposing, but it wasn't like he was going to anytime soon, or of women who felt more ready than their SOs to move the relationship further but who eventually did. I don't know about the happiness of the marriages involving ultimatums, but in the instances where the woman was simply ready before the man, it seemed to work out fine. It was more a timing thing.

 

[AnnDriena_]

I'm interested in this too because to me too many times depending on what the rocky start involves, it's just red flags for the future. And when women choose to ignore them the red flags just get bigger and the relationship doesn't get better.

Stagnant conversation is all the "rocky" i'm gon' tolerate.
Selfishness, possesiveness, dishonesty. That's a no go. That ain't rocky. That's impossible terrain right there.

 

[Farida]

I guess mine is a little different because we did have a short, initial "good period. It wasn't a dramatic ultimatum-type thing either.

DH and I's like first 2 months were great...the rest of that first year was a lot of arguing, heartache, tears, almost breaking up, in fact sometimes I look back like I'm surprised we stayed together.

The next 3 years were great, and we got married.

To me it was us adjusting to each other, learning to let go, to share, to communicate, our love languages etc. Nothing really surprises me about him anymore.

 

[aribell]

I'm interested in this too because to me too many times depending on what the rocky start involves, it's just red flags for the future. And when women choose to ignore them the red flags just get bigger and the relationship doesn't get better.

Stagnant conversation is all the "rocky" i'm gon' tolerate.
Selfishness, possesiveness, dishonesty. That's a no go. That ain't rocky. That's impossible terrain right there.

This probably gets more to the heart of the matter-understanding the difference between tolerable and expected challenges and serious red flags. I agree that anything that down the road could lead to infidelity or the dissolution of the relationship is unacceptable.