Relationship Red Flags

[BeautyPoint]

• Asks to borrow money and he hasn't known you very long. And when he asks for money he is not the least bit ashamed to do so.
• If he has college aged kids, he always uses the excuse that he has to drive them somewhere. According to him, the majority of his "free time" is spent hauling them from place to place.
• You call his phone and leave him a message, he replies to your voice message with a text reply.
• Always talking about how his ex is sweating him, is crazy, and blowing up his phone wanting to get back with him. Well, I've been in 2 situations where it was eventually brought to light that he was STILL messing with the ex.

 

[MJ]

He never says "Thank you" or rarely does.

 

[PapillionRouge]

One of teh best lists so far. This needs to be printed and copyrited! lol

-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.

 

[locabouthair]

He hardly calls.
Ask you for money or the put your name on a bill after only knowing you for two weeks.
Tells you he loves you too soon.

 

[JFemme]

Speaks negatively about his ex's ...
Calls women females...

 

[Mik]

My bs alarm starts to go off whenever a man:

-Is overtly jealous of or threatened by any close relationships you have that don't involve him.

-Has a long list of people he isn't cool with anymore. (maybe its him, not them)

-Blames others for his actions (NOTHING is his fault).

-Guards his cell phone with his life.

 

[tatiana]

-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.

I agree with list. I would like to add animals to the bold part. Pets know a no good person when they see one.

I would also like to add accusing you of flirting, cheating, or lying when you haven't done a thing. Normally this means he has been flirting, cheating, or lying.

Finding a condom wrapper in your car two days after you cleaned it. He was the only other person that has been in your car besides you.

He only calls when he wants something. He calls when it is convenient for him. He expects you to drop everything for him. You call him and he is ALWAYS busy.

He won't help you with nothing. He wont help fix your vacuum cleaner, toilet, look at your car, and etc. In fact sends you to Lowes to buy a cordless drill erplexed so you can put on your own window treatment.

 

[envybeauty]

He hardly calls.
Ask you for money or the put your name on a bill after only knowing you for two weeks.
Tells you he loves you too soon.

not even my husband better turn around to ask me for money. either you got the cash/credit to buy what you want or you don't bruh. i still can't believe it when i see a woman will reach into her purse to hand over $20 for gas, food, etc. to a grown ass man who is working.

no.

 

[MizzBrown]

I agree with list. I would like to add animals to the bold part. Pets know a no good person when they see one.

I would also like to add accusing you of flirting, cheating, or lying when you haven't done a thing. Normally this means he has been flirting, cheating, or lying.

Finding a condom wrapper in your car two days after you cleaned it. He was the only other person that has been in your car besides you.

He only calls when he wants something. He calls when it is convenient for him. He expects you to drop everything for him. You call him and he is ALWAYS busy.

He won't help you with nothing. He wont help fix your vacuum cleaner, toilet, look at your car, and etc. In fact sends you to Lowes to buy a cordless drill erplexed so you can put on your own window treatment.

I asked my ex to teach me how to locate the spare in my car and to help me practice how to change the tire myself. He finally did it but i had to nag him about it and ask "why wouldnt you want your girlfriend to know how and why wouldnt u teach her?"...I learned from that. If he doesnt want to be handyman then what the hell is he around for? Decoration? FIX MY SH!T!

When i finally brought my EX over to visit, i was hoping that the family dog would like him. Max, the dog, can sense a drug dealer, liar, cheater,etc. and I have personally seen it w/ my own eyes so when he came over and Max didn't have a fit or try to bite his leg off, i sighed a breath of relief. PETS KNOW A NO GOOD PERSON! TRUST!

 

[Bunny77]

^^^I need to borrow Max!

 

[Bunny77]

Speaks negatively about his ex's ...
Calls women females...

Okay... folks don't seem to get that "females" thing... but I notice when men use that word, they generally have negative feelings about women in general...

Oh, and on Lotus' list, I remember as a little girl being scared of a man that my godmother was dating. He was a big ex-football player and I think I was scared of his size and deep voice because he wasn't a mean guy.

But my godmother said later that she should have paid attention to me because he turned out to not be **** later... plus, I was around other big men when I was a child (like my uncle and his kids) so I didn't have a problem with size... but something about THAT guy scared me, I guess!

 

[gabulldawg]

Okay... folks don't seem to get that "females" thing... but I notice when men use that word, they generally have negative feelings about women in general...

Oh, and on Lotus' list, I remember as a little girl being scared of a man that my godmother was dating. He was a big ex-football player and I think I was scared of his size and deep voice because he wasn't a mean guy.

But my godmother said later that she should have paid attention to me because he turned out to not be **** later... plus, I was around other big men when I was a child (like my uncle and his kids) so I didn't have a problem with size... but something about THAT guy scared me, I guess!

I've never heard of that one before. Thanks for the knowledge! I don't really have anything to add. Just came in to learn something from you ladies!

 

[jade998]

-doesn't even bother to call you on your birthday

Been there and proceeded to stay in the relationship for another 4 months , granted we had been dating for 4 months before, but still at least a phone call

NVYBEAUTY,
YES! The critiquing! I forgot about that.
-Why did you cut your hair?
-Why do you wear makeup?
-Why can't you dress up more for me when I come around?
-Why can't you wear more skirts, dresses, etc.

Been here too...Man I choose the wrong men - Or maybe I let the wrong men choose me

 

[ladylibra_30]

no peers in his age range (all younger)

going out to the club 2-3 times a week every week

negative talk about your girlfriends for no valid reason

ALL the exes did him wrong

calling women derogatory names

stingy

etc, etc, etc.

 

[caribeandiva]

Been there and proceeded to stay in the relationship for another 4 months , granted we had been dating for 4 months before, but still at least a phone call


Been here too...Man I choose the wrong men - Or maybe I let the wrong men choose me

Been there too. then i discovered WMLB and it's been a completely different story ever since.

 

[Twisties]

just laughing at the lists and stories here, esp. about non handyman types.

 

[envybeauty]

Okay... folks don't seem to get that "females" thing... but I notice when men use that word, they generally have negative feelings about women in general...

"female" or "chick" one guy i dated called every woman a chick (except mama of course ). didn't matter if the woman was a lady in every which way, she was still some "chick".

he also cursed like a sailor. an occasional here and there, but almost every sentence ended in something.

His job was very stressful, his family was dysfunctional, and he had anger issues. Avoid those.

 

[jade998]

Been there too. then i discovered WMLB and it's been a completely different story ever since.

hey what is WMLB - Sound like something i should know

 

[winterinatl]

- won't give you the house phone
- When you meet,gives a cell number, but when you call it goes straight to voice mail
- won't bring you to da house, always an excuse
- When speaking about his past relationships, it was always her fault
-^^ When speaking about past relationships, he refers to the women as "crazy" and describes lots of spectacular things they "did to him" (what did he do to deserve it, is what I want to know...)
- likes running over kittens and puppies
- can't hold a job
- refers to women in past relationships as 'b's' and "ho"s
- Thinks the world is against him, and that bad things that happen to him are a matter of mere luck.

 

[caribeandiva]

hey what is WMLB - Sound like something i should know

It's the book: Why men love b*tches by Sherry Argov. What a lifesaver! One of the best books i ever read. It's so easy to read and funny too. There's been numerous threads about it on this board. Just search for wmlb.

 

[esoterica]

-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.

wow. i hope this wasn't all from one guy. erplexed

 

[esoterica]

- won't give you the house phone
- When you meet,gives a cell number, but when you call it goes straight to voice mail
- won't bring you to da house, always an excuse

sounds like he's not single!

- When speaking about his past relationships, it was always her fault
-^^ When speaking about past relationships, he refers to the women as "crazy" and describes lots of spectacular things they "did to him" (what did he do to deserve it, is what I want to know...)
- refers to women in past relationships as 'b's' and "ho"s
- Thinks the world is against him, and that bad things that happen to him are a matter of mere luck.

i hate people that cannot take responsibility for their actions.

- likes running over kittens and puppies

people do that!!??

 

[crlsweetie912]

no peers in his age range (all younger)

going out to the club 2-3 times a week every week

negative talk about your girlfriends for no valid reason

ALL the exes did him wrong

calling women derogatory names

stingy

etc, etc, etc.

Ain't nothing worse than some stingy man. LAWD.
I once asked this guy that I was dating for 30.00 to go toward my phone bill (I had it, but I wanted to see what he would say)
He said "I don't have it"
Me:

Then a couple of days later proceeds to tell me about how he was about to put 1500.00 worth of work into his car.

Me:

His butt was HISTORY!:thatsall:
And he's still trying to figure out why!

 

[N.P.R. Addict]

• Asks to borrow money and he hasn't known you very long. And when he asks for money he is not the least bit ashamed to do so.
• If he has college aged kids, he always uses the excuse that he has to drive them somewhere. According to him, the majority of his "free time" is spent hauling them from place to place.
• You call his phone and leave him a message, he replies to your voice message with a text reply.
• Always talking about how his ex is sweating him, is crazy, and blowing up his phone wanting to get back with him. Well, I've been in 2 situations where it was eventually brought to light that he was STILL messing with the ex.

Had one like this. He would reply to the v-mail with an e-mail.

Another alarm: He never argues with you. I am not talking about picking fights but genuinely expressing dissent if there is real conflict of interest.

 

[_belle]

signs I saw early
>he was a player- (if 4 totally different girls are eyeing u up and down in a NON-CROWDED CLUB ON A WED. NITE...b/c they used to date ur man...yea he's been around) so i knocked him out the ballpark

>doesn't know how to treat a lady properly- (right before date #2, i hear a girl yelling at him in the background while we were on the phone. apparantly it was a girl he used to see and she was mad he met someone new so he literally kicked her out the car WHEN THE CAR WAS MOVING) outta here buddy

>he wasn't that into me- (i call and leave a voicemessage. he didn't get it. he gets everrrrrybody elses calls but mine.) ur not fooling anyone

>he really is a 2min bro- (he blamed the 'short film' on a toothache.) nahhh i don't buy it

 

[_belle]

-Small children (in general) dont like him.

 

[LittleGirlBlue]

Amen, Ladies!! Y'all betta preach!

I just learned a personal red flag: Wanting to have that "Where is this going?" talk. People aren't meant to date for months and months and months. I used to think that men didn't know what dating was anymore. Now I realize that I just didn't see the signs. If I even think about having that talk, it's over. You're obviously not interested enough to make this something real.

A guy thinking that inviting you over to watch tv or a movie is an acceptable 1st date. Red Flag.

That infamous "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. If a relationship is what you want, and he's not ready to commit-- just move on.

 

[Naturallong81]

That infamous "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. If a relationship is what you want, and he's not ready to commit-- just move on.[/quote]


--Fell for that one. You cant change no mans mind about having no relationship.
----When a man asks you for money big no! no!
----When he leaves things out of the story like: "Oh i thought you knew i had kids"
----When you just meet him and he wants you to do a big favor or says " i need you to go to such and such and pick up such and such and, tell so and so your so and so".
----He don't pick up your call right away but picks up after you leave a message.
----He's always talking about what he's working on but never has anything soild in the works.
----Never introducing you to family or introducing you to soon.
----Being to familar with your friends. Not being friendly, but always wanna know who your home girls is seeing or trying to hook her up his boys all the time, or is he comming to the party. uhmmm

We need more i feel like i'm releasing! WooSaaa!

 

[LittleGirlBlue]

----When he leaves things out of the story like: "Oh i thought you knew i had kids"
----Never introducing you to family or introducing you to soon.

We need more i feel like i'm releasing! WooSaaa!

TRUTH!!! It's funny how men think omitting or "forgetting" to mention things is different or better than lying. Naw, dude! Same thing!!

 

[esoterica]

.....bump......