Relationship Red Flags

esoterica

esoterica

New Member
People always talk about "seeing the signs" before it's too late. What specific signs have you seen in relationships that made you leave? Or in hindsight, what signs did you miss/ignore? Feel free to be specific, I'm sure many ladies here will find this helpful. I'm taking notes. :lachen:
 
There's always some reason or another why quality time can not be spent.
 
A man raising his voice at me while grabbing my hands roughly when he was mad...talk about w-i-f-e b-e-a-t-e-r!

A guy who was always "forced" to take other women out on dates. Man, I was so naive. "Her mom wants me to take her to the fund-raiser, I really don't like her but I feel bad for her and her mom and my mom want me to do them a favor."

A guy who was always trying to get me home alone. Always.
 
-Your gut feeling's telling you something's very wrong <-- very important!

-Lame excuses when it's really uncalled for

-Stupid lies that are totally see-through

-doesn't even bother to call you on your birthday

-Can't keep stories straight (inconsistencies in what he says)

-Tells you he doesn't care if his mom or siblings die (that was creepy)

-he tells you he spends his whole paycheck at the casino gambling

-He has a lot of female "friends"

-His female friends tell you they'd never date him cause he's such a player
 
signs I saw early
>he was a player- (if 4 totally different girls are eyeing u up and down in a NON-CROWDED CLUB ON A WED. NITE...b/c they used to date ur man...yea he's been around) so i knocked him out the ballpark

>doesn't know how to treat a lady properly- (right before date #2, i hear a girl yelling at him in the background while we were on the phone. apparantly it was a girl he used to see and she was mad he met someone new so he literally kicked her out the car WHEN THE CAR WAS MOVING) outta here buddy

>he wasn't that into me- (i call and leave a voicemessage. he didn't get it. he gets everrrrrybody elses calls but mine.) ur not fooling anyone

>he really is a 2min bro- (he blamed the 'short film':rolleyes: on a toothache.) nahhh i don't buy it
 
poochie167 said:
signs I saw early
>he was a player- (if 4 totally different girls are eyeing u up and down in a NON-CROWDED CLUB ON A WED. NITE...b/c they used to date ur man...yea he's been around) so i knocked him out the ballpark

>doesn't know how to treat a lady properly- (right before date #2, i hear a girl yelling at him in the background while we were on the phone. apparantly it was a girl he used to see and she was mad he met someone new so he literally kicked her out the car WHEN THE CAR WAS MOVING) outta here buddy

>he wasn't that into me- (i call and leave a voicemessage. he didn't get it. he gets everrrrrybody elses calls but mine.) ur not fooling anyone

>he really is a 2min bro- (he blamed the 'short film':rolleyes: on a toothache.) nahhh i don't buy it
Click to expand...
:lachen:your whole post is funny! i was laughing the whole time.
 
Reslnt1 said:
There's always some reason or another why quality time can not be spent.
Click to expand...

YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, that goes hand in hand (to me) with them saying "Let's take things slow," AFTER y'all have been going out regularly for months and being intimate!
 
Last edited:
Bunny77 said:
YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, that goes hand in hand (to me) with them "Let's take things slow," AFTER y'all have been going out regularly for months and being intimate!
Click to expand...

the 1st time was when he told me he was going to Va beach for the weekend...he tells me this on thursday and he was leaving on friday...now this is a man that i speak to everyday, all day,....so i'm like WTF!!!!...few weeks later a chic from guess where??...va beach is on his myspace page...we separated and got back 2gether and i go look at his myspace pics and he's showing the pics from his va beach trip....and i am assumig she was behind the camera taking them
 
Reslnt1 said:
the 1st time was when he told me he was going to Va beach for the weekend...he tells me this on thursday and he was leaving on friday...now this is a man that i speak to everyday, all day,....so i'm like WTF!!!!...few weeks later a chic from guess where??...va beach is on his myspace page...we separated and got back 2gether and i go look at his myspace pics and he's showing the pics from his va beach trip....and i am assumig she was behind the camera taking them
Click to expand...


hmmmm that myspace is a killer!! i think i may do a thread:grin:
 
is it really myspace being a killer or was he just a DUMB F***???... I told him he needed to tighten his game b4 he got himself hurt
 
-Never hearing his cellphone ring.

-Suddenly has brothers and sisters, family that you've never heard about until its time to go and "spend time" with them.

-Suddenly broke, but didn't acquire anything to your knowledge to make him broke(Ex. new car, house, lost job, etc.)

-His kissing and bedroom style changes.

-He starts to be either extremely nice or extremely mean in the relationship.
 
esoterica said:
Hilarious! :funny:
Click to expand...


yea i thought it was hilarious too.....It was even more funny when he told me WHICH tooth it was. It was his wisdom tooth on the lower right side. He said it needed to get pulled out and it was bothering him. He was not given medicine b/c the medicine had an ingredient he was allergic to. So he was left wiltering with pain and that's why he couldn't perform as normal.:think: (kudos for the thought process of lie tho)
 
MizzBrown said:
-Never hearing his cellphone ring.
Click to expand...
unbelievable, are men still using that one? :lachen:

MizzBrown said:
-Suddenly has brothers and sisters, family that you've never heard about until its time to go and "spend time" with them.
Click to expand...
wow, some people have no shame....

MizzBrown said:
-His kissing and bedroom style changes.
Click to expand...
interesting...

MizzBrown said:
-He starts to be either extremely nice or extremely mean in the relationship.
Click to expand...
definitely smells like cheating to me.
 
poochie167 said:
yea i thought it was hilarious too.....It was even more funny when he told me WHICH tooth it was. It was his wisdom tooth on the lower right side. He said it needed to get pulled out and it was bothering him. He was not given medicine b/c the medicine had an ingredient he was allergic to. So he was left wiltering with pain and that's why he couldn't perform as normal.:think: (kudos for the thought process of lie tho)
Click to expand...
go easy on him girl, that wasn't too bad of a lie. in fact, i think it's one of the more original ones! :lachen:
 
caribeandiva said:
-Your gut feeling's telling you something's very wrong <-- very important!

-Lame excuses when it's really uncalled for
-Stupid lies that are totally see-through
-doesn't even bother to call you on your birthday
-Can't keep stories straight (inconsistencies in what he says)
-Tells you he doesn't care if his mom or siblings die (that was creepy)
-he tells you he spends his whole paycheck at the casino gambling
-He has a lot of female "friends"
-His female friends tell you they'd never date him cause he's such a player
Click to expand...
man, this whole post is one huge red flag. :nono:
 
Extensively talking greasy about his ex in the "getting to know you phase"
~As time went on I realized that the things he said were not only probably exaggerated but most likely the cause of something he did based on what I saw in him later

Borderline gossiping about things his friends or family have said or done under the guise of just chatting or sharing information
~He ended up blabbing my info to other people later on

Arriving late for the first date
~He was late for almost every date for the rest of the relationship
 
MizzBrown said:
-Never hearing his cellphone ring.

-His kissing and bedroom style changes.

-He starts to be either extremely nice or extremely mean in the relationship.
Click to expand...

so agree with these......

also a man who has multiple email accounts that he never mentions to you. ever.

his work schedule switches up suddenly yet you call his work # and he never picks up.

he starts critiquing you...why don't you cut your hair/grow it longer? why don't you cook x,y,z? why don't you wear more skirts, etc.
 
NVYBEAUTY,
YES! The critiquing! I forgot about that.

-Why did you cut your hair?
-Why do you wear makeup?
-Why can't you dress up more for me when I come around?
-Why can't you wear more skirts, dresses, etc.

ALSO:
-The holidays, he calls at the END of the day.

-He won't let you around his family for friends.

-He KNOWS what day Xmas, b-day, V-day is on but he suddenly starts to come up short financially on or around those days.

-He doesn't want to hear about your problems, how your day went, etc. the phone calls between the two of you are merely "checking in/checkup" calls just to make sure you're still alive i presume.

-Inconsistencies in storytelling. Main reason why i will ask a guy the same question yet in a different manner over and over to try to catch him...
 
MizzBrown said:
NVYBEAUTY,
-Inconsistencies in storytelling. Main reason why i will ask a guy the same question yet in a different manner over and over to try to catch him...
Click to expand...

I do this all the time!!! And I have tripped many a man up.

-If he consistently is not home at night and he doesn't work overnight. He may not be cheating but he's doing something he has no business doing.

-He always speaks highly of his friends girlfriends and compares you to them, that should have been a beacon to me.
 
poochie167 said:
signs I saw early
>he was a player- (if 4 totally different girls are eyeing u up and down in a NON-CROWDED CLUB ON A WED. NITE...b/c they used to date ur man...yea he's been around) so i knocked him out the ballpark

>doesn't know how to treat a lady properly- (right before date #2, i hear a girl yelling at him in the background while we were on the phone. apparantly it was a girl he used to see and she was mad he met someone new so he literally kicked her out the car WHEN THE CAR WAS MOVING) outta here buddy

>he wasn't that into me- (i call and leave a voicemessage. he didn't get it. he gets everrrrrybody elses calls but mine.) ur not fooling anyone

>he really is a 2min bro- (he blamed the 'short film':rolleyes: on a toothache.) nahhh i don't buy it
Click to expand...

HAHAHA!!! :lachen: This had me in hysterics! :D
 
-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.
 
NYCQT16 said:
Extensively talking greasy about his ex in the "getting to know you phase"
~As time went on I realized that the things he said were not only probably exaggerated but most likely the cause of something he did based on what I saw in him later

Borderline gossiping about things his friends or family have said or done under the guise of just chatting or sharing information
~He ended up blabbing my info to other people later on

Arriving late for the first date
~He was late for almost every date for the rest of the relationship
Click to expand...
uh oh, the guy i'm dating has been doing this.
 
Reslnt1 said:
is it really myspace being a killer or was he just a DUMB F***???... I told him he needed to tighten his game b4 he got himself hurt
Click to expand...

It is the freaking internet period. My friend broke up with her boo after she saw pics of him with his other baby's mother at their recent babyshower on facebook. She didn't even know the chick was pregnant with his second child.:perplexed
 
Lotus said:
-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.
Click to expand...

I can say that I have experienced 13 of these red flags in my current relationship of 2 years:perplexed:ohwell::wallbash:
 
Any of these passive/aggressive behaviors are red flags:

*FEAR OF DEPENDENCY - Unsure of his autonomy & afraid of being alone, he fights his dependency needs - usually by trying to control you.
*FEAR OF INTIMACY - Guarded & often mistrusful, he is reluctant to show his emotional fragility. He's often out of touch with his feelings, reflexively denying feelings he thinks will "trap" or reveal him, like love. He picks fights to create distance.
*FEAR OF COMPETITION - Feeling inadequate, he is unable to compete with other men in work and love. He may operate either as a self-sabotaging wimp with a pattern of failure, or he'll be the tyrant, setting himself up as unassailable and perfect, needing to eliminate any threat to his power.
*OBSTRUCTIONISM - Just tell a p/a man what you want, no matter how small, and he may promise to get it for you. But he won't say when, and he"ll do it deliberately slowly just to frustrate you. Maybe he won't comply at all. He blocks any real progress he sees to your getting your way.
*FOSTERING CHAOS - The p/a man prefers to leave the puzzle incomplete, the job undone.
*FEELING VICTIMIZED - The p/a man protests that others unfairly accuse him rather than owning up to his own misdeeds. To remain above reporach, he sets himself up as the apparently hapless, innocent victim of your excessive demands and tirades.
*MAKING EXCUSES & LYING - The p/a man reaches as far as he can to fabricate excuses for not fulfilling promises. As a way of withholding information, affirmation or love - to have power over you - the p/a man may choose to make up a story rather than give you a straight answer.
*PROCRASTINATION - The p/a man has an odd sense of time - he believes that deadlines don't exist for him.
*CHRONIC LATENESS & FORGETFULNESS - One of the most infuriating & inconsiderate of all p/a traits is his inability to arrive on time. By keeping you waiting, he sets the ground rules of the relationship. And his selective forgetting - used only when he wants to avoid an obligation.
*AMBIGUITY - He is master of mixed messages and sitting on fences. When he tells you something, you may still walk away wondering if he actually said yes or no.
*SULKING - Feeling put upon when he is unable to live up to his promises or obligations, the p/a man retreats from pressures around him and sulks, pouts and withdraws.
 
Last edited:
Lotus said:
-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.
Click to expand...

girl that is some list! a good one at that.
 
Lotus said:
-Never 'likes' or feels 'comfortable' around your friends or family.
-Doesnt introduce you to his friends or family, but speaks fondly of them.
-Mean to children and/or the elderly.
-Small children (in general) dont like him.
-Speaks about himself in the 3rd person.
-Is never really remorseful, wrong and/or always has a 'justification.'
-Will not be 'respectfully' affectionate in public places.
-Cares more about what his friend/family with think than he cares about your feelings or the truth.
-Doesnt like you to use his cell phone or computer.
-Doesnt trust you.
-Text message replace phone calls.
-Tries to manipulate you with his actions.
-Doesnt make an attempt to share or express any interest in your hobbies or favorite past times.
-Doesnt make an attempt to involve you in any of his hobbies or past times.
-Stops giving you trinkets of affection & taking you out.
-Tries to make plans or dates w/you at the last minute.
-Will not make 'small' sacrifies for your betterment (or just to make you happy) w/out gaining something in return.
-Keeps score or is overly competative w/you.
-New underwear, style of dress and/or gym memberships.
-Makes major decisions w/out talking to you (sharing not asking permission).
-Doesnt look or glance at you during sex.
Click to expand...

my ex did 90% of what is on this list...hence the ex part. :perplexed
 
aja1121 said:
I can say that I have experienced 13 of these red flags in my current relationship of 2 years:perplexed:ohwell::wallbash:
Click to expand...

Experiences or Traits? Behavior patters or isolated incidences?

*Dont throw the baby out with the bath water!
or
*I cant make you act like you got some hot d@mn sense, but I can make you with you did!




@Sweetag- Yep, not too proud of it :nono:. Can we say craaazy, Derrrranged!Those were some of the negative personality traits of my 3 most influential relationships.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top