Relationship opinions, plz

[kaykari]

Alright, lets say your man tells you that you did something that is disrespectful to him, or maybe you did something to make him angry or even hurt his manly feelings.

You do not believe this action is remotely disrespectful, hurtful or worthy of ire (whichever the situation happened to be).

You tell him that you dont feel its disrespectful or hurtful, that wasnt your intent. You feel that in order for for you to change your actions to "make it better", you would be enabling him to be weak. So if the situation comes around again, you'd do the same thing. You tell him this.

What do yall think of said woman, and what would you think about their relationship (from what you could glean from the post)?

Also, if the situation were reversed, and if the man said it to the woman, would that change your opinions?

Why or why not?

 

[ladysaraii]

Personally I would think that she didn't respect him or his feelings. It's not up to her to decide what should hurt. The fact is, it bothered him and he's allowed to feel that way. If I were with someone that told me they would keep doing it or just disregarded my feelings, it'd probably be the end BC to me, I'm not important enough to you.

 

[LovelyLouboutin]

I agree she doesn't respect him or his feelings. If it continues one might say she is emotionally abusing him. It's like if my man called me fat and I told him I didn't like it and it hurt my feelings and he kept doing it.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

You feel that in order for for you to change your actions to "make it better", you would be enabling him to be weak. So if the situation comes around again, you'd do the same thing. You tell him this.

Whaaaaat? Just say you're sorry, if it wasn't the intent, then you should feel bad that something you've done has hurt someone you love. Period. Gender doesn't matter.

 

[kaykari]

Thx for the responses, but dont forget to say if the situation changes if the gender roles were opposite.
This is a real situation , and while its not mine, after hearing about what happened it caused a very unique discussion with some of my friends earlier (both male and female).

 

[hopeful]

Male or female it is not a very loving or kind response. I would not pursue a long-term relationship with someone who responded to me this way.

 

[ladysaraii]

Thx for the responses, but dont forget to say if the situation changes if the gender roles were opposite.
This is a real situation , and while its not mine, after hearing about what happened it caused a very unique discussion with some of my friends earlier (both male and female).

Can you tell us or give an example of what she said? I'm curious as to how she feels that a correction would be enabling weakness

 

[Jasmataz]

It depends what he feels disrespected about. I've seen men claim that they felt disrespected over things that they knew dang well they didn't deserve respect for.

For the most part, I think that when a person says they feel disrespected or hurt you should honor those feelings whether or not you feel their feelings are justified.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

It depends on what she did that hurt his feelings. Suppose he feels disrespected because she didn't make him breakfast, or because she spoke up about something that he did that bothered her?

Sometimes our feelings are hurt due to our own issues and projections, and not because the other person actually did or said something wrong. It happens on this board all the time.

 

[Sosoothing]

The described scenario is somewhat vague so bare in mind my response just may be different if it were more specific.

I agree that it's not up to you what hurts the other person. Their feelings are their own and if you care about them, hurting them isn't something you should do and an apology is a good idea.
What makes a man weak is really subjective. Who are you to decide how to make him "unweak" or how to be a man? If the scenario comes up again I'm guessing it's because he's comfortable with it and doesn't think there's a problem with his manliness.

If that happened to me repeatedly, the relationship wouldn't last. I decide how to be a lady and I wouldn't date any man who thinks it's his place to tell me how to be lady like.

 

[chronicity]

Without telling us specifics, there is no way I can really entertain this question.

I once had a guy get offended because I took a seat next to a guy (who was a stranger) in a crowded movie theater. His feelings got out of a wack because I didn't take the ailse seat. Did I apologize? Hell no.

I'm a big believer in honesty. If someone is not actually sorry for their actions, then them lying and saying they are sorry is not giving the other person the truth. Regardless of whether an apology is justified, people should know if their SO's actually care about their feelings so they can make informed decisions about their relationships.

 

[kaykari]

I actually dont have specifics, lol. Sorry yall