Realistic hair goals

[PassionFruit]

I was told I would be ripped a new one if I posted this on LHCF.... but I aint skurred....... here it is


so telling someone to have realistic goals and expectations is being negative??

there are some things that are likely NOT to happen... why would you want someone to lie to you and say Anything is possible when it isnt....

all the growth aids in the world cant change certain things


background story: happened elsewhere but....someone asked what was the most amount of hair growth anyone got in a month

I said, the person was looking for false hope and should have their own realistic goals & expectations...

then I was told I was a hater & dream killer and negative...

I said, no, having unrealistic goals leads to disappointments and then giving up....

 

[Neith]

I agree.

Not trying to offend anyone, but the last thread that I saw that sticks out is the 12 inches in 12 months thread.

Not saying it is impossible, but it sure as heck is improbable.

Be patient. Don't set yourself up for disappointment.

We're only human and human hair only grows so fast. No amount of vitamins or special care is going to make your hair grow at an inhuman rate.

 

[anon123]

I agree, too. But then again, maybe I have the problem in not shooting for more. I just hope people aren't too emotionally invested in extreme hair goals, because it is nothing to be disappointed in if you aren't growing an inch of hair every month or getting 3" of growth over the one season of summer.

 

[brittanynic16]

Just because it isn't probable for you doesn't mean it isn't probable for someone else. I've gotten 3 inches in 3 months, and I have the pictures to prove it. So, I don't think that is unrealistic.

To me being unrealistic is practicing unhealthy hair care and expecting hair
retention. In that case then some tough love may be needed. But, at the same time I am a big believer in energy and negative thoughts. I don't like when someone sends me negative energy and "puts their words on me." Saying someone can't do something is willing them to fail IMO.

 

[jaded_faerie]

^^
I agree with everything brit said

 

[PassionFruit]

Just because it isn't probable for you doesn't mean it isn't probable for someone else. I've gotten 3 inches in 3 months, and I have the pictures to prove it. So, I don't think that is unrealistic.

To me being unrealistic is practicing unhealthy hair care and expecting hair
retention. In that case then some tough love may be needed. But, at the same time I am a big believer in energy and negative thoughts. I don't like when someone sends me negative energy and "puts their words on me." Saying someone can't do something is willing them to fail IMO.

no one said it CANT be done... the statement said make realistic goals... that doesnt mean ya cant go for 3 inches in 3 months.... it means that you need to keep in mind your personal hair growth history, more importantly your regimen and growth rate, etc and not hope/expect 3 inches in 3 months simply because Sally on LHCF got it so I can too

 

[Neith]

Just because it isn't probable for you doesn't mean it isn't probable for someone else. I've gotten 3 inches in 3 months, and I have the pictures to prove it. So, I don't think that is unrealistic.

To me being unrealistic is practicing unhealthy hair care and expecting hair
retention. In that case then some tough love may be needed. But, at the same time I am a big believer in energy and negative thoughts. I don't like when someone sends me negative energy and "puts their words on me." Saying someone can't do something is willing them to fail IMO.

I've gotten close to an inch a few months here and there.

However, it's TRULY not common for someone to consistently get that type of growth.

It's a FACT that someone who grows 12 inches of hair in a year is growing it a heck of a lot faster than the average person.

I'm not being a pessimist.

We always should dream big, but it's also important to be logical and realistic.

 

[Cichelle]

The thing is, what's realistic for one person may or may not be for another. I cannot tell someone else that, for instance, gaining an inch in one month is unrealistic, because I don't know how fast or slow their hair grows. I just don't want to put anyone's goals down like that when I truly can't say. I know what the average hair growth is and understand that some things are more or less likely to happen. But I think it best not to speak negatively about someone else's goals....especially people on message boards whom I don't even know. With my close friends and family I am more open with my opinions because I know them. Still, I try not to put a pin in the balloon.

I think everyone has to judge for themselves what is possible and what is not and I would imagine there is a time when you don't know....so why not shoot for the most? Yes, it could lead to being let down, but it's not my job to protect others from disappointment. Most people will learn along the way and adjust their goals accordingly.

After I did the big chop I did a lot of visualization and set goals for myself. I would have hated for someone to tell me that I had false hope or that my goals were unrealistic.

Now there is another category, where people claim that they have met certain goals when they haven't. But that is something entirely different and even then, I am usually likely to keep my mouth shut.

 

[brittanynic16]

no one said it CANT be done... the statement said make realistic goals... that doesnt mean ya cant go for 3 inches in 3 months.... it means that you need to keep in mind your personal hair growth history, more importantly your regimen and growth rate, etc and not hope/expect 3 inches in 3 months simply because Sally on LHCF got it so I can too

I understand that there are multiple factors in the equation. We are all different and have different bodies so everything has different affects on us. So, no one can accurately predict what my body or anyone else's body will do. But, I don't see the harm in trying. Desire leads to discovery. If it doesn't work then that person will eventually find out. Why stomp someone's dreams before they begin? If that doesn't work then it may lead them to find something that does. Why encourage someone to stop before they start? Negative energy IMO. Saying someone shouldn't expect something is pretty much the same as saying you can't do it "in a nice way".

 

[FemmeCreole]

I started a thread with that same title some months ago...... but it was about realistic hair goals for me

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=205449

 

[Neith]

The thing is, what's realistic for one person may or may not be for another. I cannot tell someone else that, for instance, gaining an inch in one month is unrealistic, because I don't know how fast or slow their hair grows. I just don't want to put anyone's goals down like that when I truly can't say. I know what the average hair growth is and understand that some things are more or less likely to happen. But I think it best not to speak negatively about someone else's goals....especially people on message boards whom I don't even know. With my close friends and family I am more open with my opinions because I know them. Still, I try not to put a pin in the balloon.

I think everyone has to judge for themselves what is possible and what is not and I would imagine there is a time when you don't know....so why not shoot for the most? Yes, it could lead to being let down, but it's not my job to protect others from disappointment. Most people will learn along the way and adjust their goals accordingly.

After I did the big chop I did a lot of visualization and set goals for myself. I would have hated for someone to tell me that I had false hope or that my goals were unrealistic.

Now there is another category, where people claim that they have met certain goals when they haven't. But that is something entirely different and even then, I am usually likely to keep my mouth shut.

I see where you are coming from.

I usually don't comment either.

I never said it's impossible for anyone to do anything. I would never put my limitations on someone else, heck even my hair can grow more than 6 inches in a year.

However, when it gets too extreme... I understandably have doubts.

That's true though, I wouldn't actually flat out tell a person that they're not going to reach their goal. I think that'd be a bit harsh.

 

[Ediese]

I'm really on the fence with this. I understand where the OP is coming from. However, how will anyone know if it's truly unrealistic if they never try? Even going by your hair history will not always give you a measure of how long your hair can potentially grow.

I've seen countless foktis with women that had short, unhealthy hair all their life, but as soon as they started to take care of it, years later it was down to MBL or WL. They never even thought that was possible.

On the other hand, I don't believe that everyone can grow WL hair, but I guess we should at least try to achieve our longest lengths. idk

 

[ladylibra]

no OP, i don't think it's being negative to tell people to have realistic goals. but it can be seen in a negative light, depending on the way it was said and how the other person takes it.

i mean, not everyone wants opinions or advice... i don't even bother trying to talk sense to people that don't wanna hear it

 

[Mrs. Verde]

Just because it isn't probable for you doesn't mean it isn't probable for someone else. I've gotten 3 inches in 3 months, and I have the pictures to prove it. So, I don't think that is unrealistic.

To me being unrealistic is practicing unhealthy hair care and expecting hair
retention. In that case then some tough love may be needed. But, at the same time I am a big believer in energy and negative thoughts. I don't like when someone sends me negative energy and "puts their words on me." Saying someone can't do something is willing them to fail IMO.

I agree health is the key. However, not everyone can or will be able to grow 3 inches in 3 months, PERIOD. People do need to be realistic about their goals.

 

[Menina Preta]

I was told I would be ripped a new one if I posted this on LHCF.... but I aint skurred....... here it is


so telling someone to have realistic goals and expectations is being negative??

there are some things that are likely NOT to happen... why would you want someone to lie to you and say Anything is possible when it isnt....

all the growth aids in the world cant change certain things


background story: happened elsewhere but....someone asked what was the most amount of hair growth anyone got in a month

I said, the person was looking for false hope and should have their own realistic goals & expectations...

then I was told I was a hater & dream killer and negative...

I said, no, having unrealistic goals leads to disappointments and then giving up....

I agree about being realistic. What I really, really want is BSL hair (which is about 4 inches more hair than I currently have). Though in my siggy and the little thing under my name at the top says MBL, I only put that there b/c I was always taught to set an even further away goal as your goal point, so if you don't meet it you won't be too disappointed with what you've accomplished (in my case, hopefully, BSL). I just want a 'hair change' and I'm too chicken to cut it or color it, so I'm just trying to grow it.

*MBL would be nice, but I need to see if I can get to BSL first, so I'm not even worrying about MBL right now, lol.

 

[Whimsy]

Screw all you haters! My hair is growing 2 inches this month! F yall!

 

[plastic]

IMO I make goals for myself that can be termed unrealistic .. for example - After every touchup i have goals of getting an inch per month til my next touchup, when my hair grows on average 1/4 inch per month. But in reality it isnt unrealistic at all, im sure if I stop drinking soda, tea , eating all of the junk I eat , clean out my colon "again", eat nasty vegetables, fruit and start taking my vitamins... I would be very close to getting an inch per month. But im not that hardup for growth, I would like it .. but im also quite lazy and comfortable when it comes to those things (my diet). If someone ever had to tell me I could never get an inch per month ... well then it's on. I just love proving people (especially people that are just sad that they don't meet their own goals as planned, not saying that to the OP ofcourse) WRONG.

I dunno PassionFruit... the way you have it laid out here seems quite "" but when I checked out that "thread" , I thought what you said sounded a bit .

 

[Whimsy]

IMO I make goals for myself that can be termed unrealistic .. for example - After every touchup i have goals of getting an inch per month til my next touchup, when my hair grows on average 1/4 inch per month. But in reality it isnt unrealistic at all, im sure if I stop drinking soda, tea , eating all of the junk I eat , clean out my colon "again", eat nasty vegetables, fruit and start taking my vitamins... I would be very close to getting an inch per month. But im not that hardup for growth, I would like it .. but im also quite lazy and comfortable when it comes to those things (my diet). If someone ever had to tell me I could never get an inch per month ... well then it's on. I just love proving people (especially people that are just sad that they don't meet their own goals as planned, not saying that to the OP ofcourse) WRONG.

I dunno PassionFruit... the way you have it laid out here seems quite "" but when I checked out that "thread" , I thought what you said sounded a bit .

well, in that case, you can never get an inch per month!
prove me wrong!!!

 

[long2short2_?]

I agree about being realistic. What I really, really want is BSL hair (which is about 4 inches more hair than I currently have). Though in my siggy and the little thing under my name at the top says MBL, I only put that there b/c I was always taught to set an even further away goal as your goal point, so if you don't meet it you won't be too disappointed with what you've accomplished (in my case, hopefully, BSL). I just want a 'hair change' and I'm too chicken to cut it or color it, so I'm just trying to grow it.

*MBL would be nice, but I need to see if I can get to BSL first, so I'm not even worrying about MBL right now, lol.

i'm right along with you gurl. my goal is BSl and im in the MBL by Dec '09 challenge. Do i think my hair will be MBL by December? Not at all! but if ikeep doing what i am doing i will have BSL which was my goala to begin with. it would be nice to have MBL but i will be happy with BSL. i know that length is more realistic for me right now. and one thing i dont enjoy is disappointment with my hair especially when i've been doing all the "right things" and babying it.

 

[Creatividual]

A person's hair journey and goals are their's rather they are realistic or not. Like one of the other posters said some people dont care about what's logical or realistic. But I do think some of us put too many expectations on ourselves. I know I used to when I first joined and I did get kinda discouraged and wanted to just cut my hair and be done with it but when I looked at my LHCF inspirations I noticed that most of them didn't invest in all these "growth" enhancing bandwagons and got the average inch every 2 months. They took good care of their hair and let their hair do the rest. You have to have patience. The ladies on here willl find that right balance through trial and error and tweek their goals as necessary. It's all a part of the journey.

 

[JustKiya]

Just because it isn't probable for you doesn't mean it isn't probable for someone else. I've gotten 3 inches in 3 months, and I have the pictures to prove it. So, I don't think that is unrealistic.

To me being unrealistic is practicing unhealthy hair care and expecting hair retention. In that case then some tough love may be needed. But, at the same time I am a big believer in energy and negative thoughts. I don't like when someone sends me negative energy and "puts their words on me." Saying someone can't do something is willing them to fail IMO.

The thing is, what's realistic for one person may or may not be for another. I cannot tell someone else that, for instance, gaining an inch in one month is unrealistic, because I don't know how fast or slow their hair grows. I just don't want to put anyone's goals down like that when I truly can't say. I know what the average hair growth is and understand that some things are more or less likely to happen. But I think it best not to speak negatively about someone else's goals....especially people on message boards whom I don't even know. With my close friends and family I am more open with my opinions because I know them. Still, I try not to put a pin in the balloon.

I think everyone has to judge for themselves what is possible and what is not and I would imagine there is a time when you don't know....so why not shoot for the most? Yes, it could lead to being let down, but it's not my job to protect others from disappointment. Most people will learn along the way and adjust their goals accordingly.

After I did the big chop I did a lot of visualization and set goals for myself. I would have hated for someone to tell me that I had false hope or that my goals were unrealistic.

Now there is another category, where people claim that they have met certain goals when they haven't. But that is something entirely different and even then, I am usually likely to keep my mouth shut.

Co-signing with all of the above, and esp. the bold.

At work, we have things we like to call 'stretch' goals. It basically means that a combination of luck, timing, serendipity, and a touch of blessing will be REQUIRED in order to pull it off to 'goal' - but even without that, even attempting it (stretching for it) will get you further along than if you just sat back and said - well, it ain't possible, so I ain't even gonna try for it.

I'm down on that sort of attitude on so many levels - there is a sis here who has a quote from KillBill in her siggy - something about, no wonder you are failing! You believe you cannot before you even start! Humph! I love that quote, and I hold it to heart.

Do I think that everyone and their mama can GET 12 inches in 12 months? No. Do I think that everyone and their mama will retain more hair if they are ATTEMPTING to get 12 inches in 12 months than they are if they are not attempting that? Without a doubt. It might be 6 inches, it might be 8 inches, it might be 11 inches - but the making and working towards the goal - EVEN if you don't achieve it - seems most valuable to me.

I don't start worrying til sistas start making comments that make me worry about their mental state or self-worth if they DON'T get there.

Heck, do I REALLY believe I'll be tailbone in 2011? *sucksteeth* I don't know, but I'm trying. Come back and holla in 2011 and we'll see where I'm at - but I can assure you, I will be CLOSER to tailbone than I would be if I shrugged my shoulders right now and said 'That's unrealistic, so why even try?'.

 

[doublejo]

Reading the 12 inches in 12 months story is inspirational. If you take your inspiration and put forth a valid effort most times you won't be disappoint. For example, if you only get 8 inches you'll be happy to have achieved 8 if you were only getting 2 previously. If the occasional inspirational story is seen as setting someone up to fail, the whole premise of this board would be seen as negative. I don't think most are so naive to think that they will achieve what another has achieved. How ever most do use it as their inspiration.

 

[Neith]

Co-signing with all of the above, and esp. the bold.

At work, we have things we like to call 'stretch' goals. It basically means that a combination of luck, timing, serendipity, and a touch of blessing will be REQUIRED in order to pull it off to 'goal' - but even without that, even attempting it (stretching for it) will get you further along than if you just sat back and said - well, it ain't possible, so I ain't even gonna try for it.

I'm down on that sort of attitude on so many levels - there is a sis here who has a quote from KillBill in her siggy - something about, no wonder you are failing! You believe you cannot before you even start! Humph! I love that quote, and I hold it to heart.

Do I think that everyone and their mama can GET 12 inches in 12 months? No. Do I think that everyone and their mama will retain more hair if they are ATTEMPTING to get 12 inches in 12 months than they are if they are not attempting that? Without a doubt. It might be 6 inches, it might be 8 inches, it might be 11 inches - but the making and working towards the goal - EVEN if you don't achieve it - seems most valuable to me.

I don't start worrying til sistas start making comments that make me worry about their mental state or self-worth if they DON'T get there.

Heck, do I REALLY believe I'll be tailbone in 2011? *sucksteeth* I don't know, but I'm trying. Come back and holla in 2011 and we'll see where I'm at - but I can assure you, I will be CLOSER to tailbone than I would be if I shrugged my shoulders right now and said 'That's unrealistic, so why even try?'.

I see what you mean.

It's just that I think differently. Not that I have a problem on a personal level with your methods.

I'm very rational, methodical... in a different way. If I wanted to get to waist length, I would look at how fast my hair grows on average and work it out from there. It's not that I would work any less hard at it as a dreamer type would... I'm just different in that way.

So I guess to people like me... just don't really understand.

It's a form of encouragement that doesn't appeal to me. I'd rather think smart and plan it out and work on it.

It's like... you know when people say they're going to lose 30 pounds in 30 days? It just seems excessive even if it is POSSIBLE.

I'm the type that would shoot for losing the same amount of weight in 6 months the smart way.

I'm not implying that anyone is wrong for feeling a certain way or motivating themselves, just explaining it from my perspective.

 

[loulou82]

IA with many of the responses in this thread. I was privy to the original connversation which precipitated. There are direct yet honest ways of saying what you believe to be achievable or possible without distain and negativity. Realism is subjective and many factors come into play.

(I think if the OP wants to present a complete picture of what happened she could include BOTH links to the threads she responded to (although at this point it's unnecessary to bring the drama here)).

 

[PassionFruit]

IA with many of the responses in this thread. I was privy to the original connversation which precipitated. There are direct yet honest ways of saying what you believe to be achievable or possible without distain and negativity. Realism is subjective and many factors come into play.

(I think if the OP wants to present a complete picture of what happened she could include BOTH links to the threads she responded to (although at this point it's unnecessary to bring the drama here)).

Oh Im sorry, I wasnt told sugar coating, picking cliques and kissing behind was a prerequisite for giving advice

you can link if ya so choose since ya brought it up... I thought it better to not cross reference and bring drama from elsewhere here which is why I didnt even mention it... talk about bringing negativity

 

[BirdieGray]

no OP, i don't think it's being negative to tell people to have realistic goals. but it can be seen in a negative light, depending on the way it was said and how the other person takes it.

i mean, not everyone wants opinions or advice... i don't even bother trying to talk sense to people that don't wanna hear it

I agree. How you say it makes all the difference in the world. When it comes to things like this, one has to master the art of being "real" with people without hurting their feelings.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I agree. I think people should try to focus on keeping their hair as healthy as possible. With health comes growth, so why not focus on keeping those hair and scalp as healthy as possible

 

[Nightingale]

I agree.

Not trying to offend anyone, but the last thread that I saw that sticks out is the 12 inches in 12 months thread.

Not saying it is impossible, but it sure as heck is improbable.

Be patient. Don't set yourself up for disappointment.

We're only human and human hair only grows so fast. No amount of vitamins or special care is going to make your hair grow at an inhuman rate.

I'm part of that challenge and in my opinion I figured it was more about maximizing our growth then actually getting the 12 inches. Even if you "fail" at 12, you have gained something if you get 7. You know, that whole "shoot for the moon and at least you'll land on a star" thing...( Sorry, I'm a kid at heart, lol) That probably wasn't the goal of the challenge starter, but I spin things the way I like.

ETA: I see I wasnt the only person to interpret the 12 in 12 thread this way. Should have read all the responses and just cosigned.

 

[loulou82]

Oh Im sorry, I wasnt told sugar coating, picking cliques and kissing behind was a prerequisite for giving advice

you can link if ya so choose since ya brought it up... I thought it better to not cross reference and bring drama from elsewhere here which is why I didnt even mention it... talk about bringing negativity

As you please PassionFruit.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

My thoughts...a lot of the goals that people mention here are highly unlikely but not impossible. But threads such as the 12 in 12 months I will not go in a voice my opinion about it in the thread because thats not how I roll. I know for myself I cant even keep up with taking a multi vititamin for a solid week let alone half of what some of these folks are doing.

Anywho I notice that most folks who set up mini goals for themselves show the fastest and most consistent progress. Take Cichelle for example. Her hair has grown to great lengths in a short amount of time. But I noticed that in her albums she would set her goals in 6 month incriments. In October she would be slightly past BSL and she would state that based on how her hair grows she should be at XYZ by June...and she would make her goal everytime. Chicoro does the same thing. It works.