Rape: Should We Change How We View Men as Christian Women?

[Shimmie]

I have skimmed through this thread and agree that women have to protect themselves and no one ever deserves to be raped.

Before coming to the Lord, I remember when I was about 18. I went out with some friends and we met these guys, they seemed nice. (dumb, I know). Well, we did not have cars at the time and they gave us a ride to their house in the 'country'. We started playing cards and drinking. It was after I got tipsy, that I realized I had put myself in a bad situation. I hoped that somehow we would get out of this situation without being raped. One girl did not drink. She was kind of looking out for us and I believe this is the reason we were not taken advantage of. I tried my best to not go to the restroom or outside of the living room area. After that, I vowed to never put myself in a situation like that again.

I've done some unwise things too; I am far from innocent. Thank God for His undying grace and mercies over my life.

I'm hardcore on 'prevention' now because some women will not listen and think I'm just being nice and that I'm just looking out for them.

Ummmmm, no I'm not being nice. I'm being this and I'm looking out for them.

But nice, No. This is too serious for cupcakes and pink icing.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

I understand being aware of te devil's tactics and I am not trying to be facetious but not everyone is saved or even Christian. They are NOT aware. So what are those women to do? What are the implications for them? What is our role as Christian women toward these women? Blame them? Accuse them? Is that doing any earthly good?

Blaming them is like raping them all over again. You can only tell them to use wisdom and discern their surroundings. Using examples of other women who were not 'aware' is a good tool. I was not a Christian at the time of my situation but I could tell that I was in a bad situation.

 

[LoveisYou]

Blaming them is like raping them all over again. You can only tell them to use wisdom and discern their surroundings. Using examples of other women who were not 'aware' is a good tool. I was not a Christian at the time of my situation but I could tell that I was in a bad situation.

I do agree prevention is necessary but how do we respond to those who were raped after the rape?

 

[Rainbow Dash]

I do agree prevention is necessary but how do we respond to those who were raped after the rape?

The only way we should respond is through love and support. The damage is done and can't be taken back. Even if the person did not use good judgement, it is not okay to blame them. Maybe this is why many women do not report their rape. I would not dare blame a person for being raped. I would be scared that God would strike me down. That person is torn, the soul has been bruised, and a lot of healing has to take place.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Tho thread is quite unsettling to me....Not because I don't believe women shouldn't be wise and protect themselves but because I sense that some posters are blaming victims of rape. Rape, something that God does not condone.

You know, I'm aware that people have issues with my method of communication. They think I'm combative and that I try to "start" things. But honestly, it's posts like this that annoy me to no end. It has been stated numerous times that no one blames women for being raped. Why would you continue to say that people ARE blaming victims? Why are you unable to separate and recognize the difference between blame and taking precautions? Why must people always have endless discussion about issues of power and dominance when it comes to rape in order for their commentary not to be seen as blaming the victim? Why can't people view rape cases with a critical eye to protect BOTH parties?

 

[Shimmie]

I understand being aware of te devil's tactics and I am not trying to be facetious but not everyone is saved or even Christian. They are NOT aware. So what are those women to do? What are the implications for them? What is our role as Christian women toward these women? Blame them? Accuse them? Is that doing any earthly good?

If I can learn from someone else's experience, than trust me, I'm not going to waste time being unsettled when they're trying to save me from something.

As women we do not have to be victims. Whatever I can learn from to protect myself, I'm going to learn it.

The very fact that women in any situation can be harmed, is enough for me to learn self-defence meassures and beat the living devil out of any man or woman who may attempt to bring harm on me or someone I care about.

I know what it's like to be beat black and blue; to have my hair pulled out by the roots, to be dragged across the floor, and viciously raped with raw skin and bruises between my thighs, abrasions on my genitals and a broken spirit. My first husband put me through one abusive attack after another and it was my father who finally came to my rescue to protect me from him.

I was an innocent victim and was trapped by someone who was cruel and vicious. I was told by the police that a husband could not 'rape' his wife. I was threatened day and night that if I went to the police ever again that he would kill me, our two babies and then himself. Yeah.... I lived through that horror.

I thank God that I was one of the ones who was able to escape as I know that many women do not.

So please, do not assume that it is thought of in this thread that some women deserve to be raped. It could not be further from the truth.

Since my experience, I have learned how to fight back and not be a victim ever again and there are ways for a woman to protect herself.

Let me point out that I am a 'girly girl' to the utmost. I am utra feminine, I am not afraid to dress like a woman and flow with all of my feminine attributes. I'm short, cute and sassy and I love being a woman.

However, I have the mindset that I am not a victim; I refuse to wimper and cry and run into a corner because of some bully; that if anyone approaches me wrong, that someone is going down and it's not going to be me. I won't take foolish chances, however if I have to pick up a stick or a brick and bust someone in the head to protect myself, I will and get forgiveness later.

Babygirl, please don't allow this to offend you. Instead, be a fighter; fight for your God given rights to have life and to have that life more abundantly.

Use that 'unsettled' feeling you have to your advantage. Use it to become your arsenal against being fearful. Learn to protect yourself. Even if all you can do is carry a can of wasp spray with you to spray into the eyes of an attacker which allows you space to run to safety. God is on your side, ride the fear, don't let it ride you.

Because what this 'unsettled feeling' all comes down to is fear of being a victim, which is quite understandable, but you can have weapons to overcome it.

As for those who don't know, learn it, pay it forward and teach it to them...

 

[LoveisYou]

If I can learn from someone else's experience, than trust me, I'm not going to waste time being unsettled when they're trying to save me from something.

As women we do not have to be victims. Whatever I can learn from to protect myself, I'm going to learn it.

The very fact that women in any situation can be harmed, is enough for me to learn self-defence meassures and beat the living devil out of any man or woman who may attempt to bring harm on me or someone I care about.

I know what it's like to be beat black and blue; to have my hair pulled out by the roots, to be dragged across the floor, and viciously raped with raw skin and bruises between my thighs, abrasions on my genitals and a broken spirit. My first husband put me through one abusive attack after another and it was my father who finally came to my rescue to protect me from him.

I was an innocent victim and was trapped by someone who was cruel and vicious. I was told by the police that a husband could not 'rape' his wife. I was threatened day and night that if I went to the police ever again that he would kill me, our two babies and then himself. Yeah.... I lived through that horror.

I thank God that I was one of the ones who was able to escape as I know that many women do not.

So please, do not assume that it is thought of in this thread that some women deserve to be raped. It could not be further from the truth.

Since my experience, I have learned how to fight back and not be a victim ever again and there are ways for a woman to protect herself.

Let me point out that I am a 'girly girl' to the utmost. I am utra feminine, I am not afraid to dress like a woman and flow with all of my feminine attributes. I'm short, cute and sassy and I love being a woman.

However, I have the mindset that I am not a victim; I refuse to wimper and cry and run into a corner because of some bully; that if anyone approaches me wrong, that someone is going down and it's not going to be me. I won't take foolish chances, however if I have to pick up a stick or a brick and bust someone in the head to protect myself, I will and get forgiveness later.

Babygirl, please don't allow this to offend you. Instead, be a fighter; fight for your God given rights to have life and to have that life more abundantly.

Use that 'unsettled' feeling you have to your advantage. Use it to become your arsenal against being fearful. Learn to protect yourself. Even if all you can do is carry a can of wasp spray with you to spray into the eyes of an attacker which allows you space to run to safety. God is on your side, ride the fear, don't let it ride you.

Because what this 'unsettled feeling' all comes down to is fear of being a victim, which is quite understandable, but you can have weapons to overcome it.

As for those who don't know, learn it, pay it forward and teach it to them...

I am not unsettled because of fear. Thanks be to God I don't struggle with that fear. There is nothing in any of my posts to even suggest that I don't take self-protective measures....nothing. If you knew my testimony you would know I am a fighter, I am nobody's victim because through Christ I am more than a conqueror.

I am unsettled by Christian women blaming victims of rape, that's the only thing that's unsettling to me in this thread.

 

[Shimmie]

I am not unsettled because of fear. Thanks be to God I don't struggle with that fear. There is nothing in any of my posts to even suggest that I don't take self-protective measures....nothing.

I am unsettled by Christian women blaming victims of rape, that's the only thing that's unsettling to me in this thread.

Okay Love, tell me who they are. Who are the Christian women who are blaming victims of rape? Tell me so that I can set them straight.

I'm very serious about this. Who are they?

 

[Shimmie]

Where's my lawyer?

"NG' where you at? I'm officially turning myself into custody. ::

 

[LoveisYou]

No not my style, it's implied in some of the posts in here. I don't want this to be a combative thread, I posted my observations and that's that. This is all I have to say on the topic and in the thread. We don't have to agree but we can do so without bickering. So I'll simply agree to disagree and move on.
Now ladies, have a Happy New Year!!!!

 

[Shimmie]

No not my style, it's implied in some of the posts in here. I don't want this to be a combative thread, I posted my observations and that's that. This is all I have to say on the topic and in the thread. We don't have to agree but we can do so without bickering. So I'll simply agree to disagree and move on.
Now ladies, have a Happy New Year!!!!

Happy New Year to you too, and this is not a cliche', I mean it sincerely.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Okay Love, tell me who they are. Who are the Christian women who are blaming victims of rape? Tell me so that I can set them straight.

I'm very serious about this. Who are they?

I would like to know as well.

 

[LoveisYou]

So did I. I really don't want this to turn into a thread where we are at each other's throats, it's just an issue I feel strongly about. I have a passion for fighting for those I believe have been victimized.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Where's my lawyer?

"NG' where you at? I'm officially turning myself into custody. ::

right here, Shimmie.

 

[MonPetite]

.................

 

[nathansgirl1908]

So did I. I really don't want this to turn into a thread where we are at each other's throat, it's just an issue I feel strongly about. I have a passion for fighting for those I believe have been victimized.

LoveisYou

It doesn't have to be combative. But if you are going to accuse people of something so heinous, then you should be willing to be honest about who you are referring to. You're not the only one fighting for victims. That's great that you are passionate but it doesn't mean you should ignore reality and have tunnel vision either.

 

[Shimmie]

Thank you for sharing your harrowing account with us. I did not know you lived through such a thing and it further explains why you have such great wisdom to share with women like myself.

I find it unnerving that people still think men can't rape their wives. It is as unsettling as thinking a woman has to make a man not rape her, or that she is such the property of someone else that it's a non-issue. Where's the common sense in that?

LittleGoldenLamb, thank you. God made me an overcomer. It is God who gets all of the glory.

 

[Shimmie]

right here, Shimmie.

Thanks 'Lady Counselor'.

 

[Laela]

LoveisYou, I don't think anyone here is blaming the victim (that's not where I'm going with this). Seems there is more concern for consequences of poor choices than events happening beyond one's control. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. That is why being in tune with the Holy Spirit is important, and with all the common sense in the world, there are times the Holy Spirit trumps common sense. For some, it's: "something told me" or "I feel this strongly in my spirit". Psalms 91:12 comes to mind. Can God work with our mistakes? I believe so...

Then, there is this:

I'd heard a testimony from a Christian woman (Lawrence Hilton Jacobs' mom) who was raped in her home during an invasion. She was home, alone. The robber gave her a choice of being raped or getting killed and she chose to get raped. I remember her saying she prayed during the ordeal. I'll try to find this testimony for you, because I can't remember what became of the robber. It's a situation many can easily judge this woman for, in some way; but I remember feeling sad and being confused when she shared that painful part of her life. She didn't appear bound by this experience; and clearly she didn't live in fear after, but was able to share it with others in a public testimony. Look what happened to Job, yet he remained faithful to God, like this woman did.

I'll try to see if I can find her testimony....she'd shared that during a visit to our church when I was a teen.

Happy New Year to you!

So did I. I really don't want this to turn into a thread where we are at each other's throats, it's just an issue I feel strongly about. I have a passion for fighting for those I believe have been victimized.

 

[Shimmie]

LoveisYou

It doesn't have to be combative. But if you are going to accuse people of something so heinous, then you should be willing to be honest about who you are referring to.

You're not the only one fighting for victims.

That's great that you are passionate but it doesn't mean you should ignore reality and have tunnel vision either.

Thank you, because we're all fighting for victims. I've learned some things in this life; some lessons I didn't appreciate and I have deep regrets. But I still have to learn from them, mistakes and all.

I don't know everything, there's a whole lot more I need to know, as each day teaches us something more. If I can help someone from what I do know, then I'm here to do just that.

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

this right here is golden...some of us have had some horrendous experiences but God brings healing when we let him...when you can look back at an experience with out pain or bitterness ,you know that you are totally healed from that thing...this is where God wants us to get so we can truly walk in his fulness and real freedom that this walk can bring...

didn't appear bound by this experience; and clearly she didn't live in fear after, but was able to share it with others in a public testimony. Look what happened to Job, yet he remained faithful to God, like this woman did.

 

[LoveisYou]

LoveisYou

It doesn't have to be combative. But if you are going to accuse people of something so heinous, then you should be willing to be honest about who you are referring to. You're not the only one fighting for victims. That's great that you are passionate but it doesn't mean you should ignore reality and have tunnel vision either.

I find it difficult to see where you see tunnel vision in my posts especially sine I clearly stated that I believe women should be wise and take preventative measures. I guess perception is indeed reality.....

Where do we draw the line when it comes to rape victims? Is wearing a short skirt a mitigating circumstance? Hanging out with a man without someone else present? Even if "you" think those actions are unwise do they make rape less black and white? Is the act of rape then in a grey area?????? I can't see rape as a balancing act. I can't view it from both sides. It is wrong!!!! Again women should be wise but being unwise certainly doesn't justify or mitigate such a violent act.