Question - What Would You Do?

[Saludable84]

@yaya24 went to sleep, woke up and @Theresamonet @Crackers Phinn and @Sosoothing basically said everything I wanted but just needed more facts. I don’t disagree with any of their advice, but I’d just say no. If you want to help, do it 100% on your terms ( everything Crackers suggested) and make sure you’re getting paid and it doesn’t come out of what he’s already giving you. I don’t even think what he’s asking for is a wifely thing; support is a wifely thing, everything else cost.

 

[NijaG]

I won’t say much because lots of good advice posted already.

That trust comment is a (lean back and observe) red flag for me.

As for the job thing.... it is also an opportunity to observe him in an everyday setting without that dating filter. It will also show you, if he’ll respect any input and advice you give to him about his business and how he may want to integrate you into that aspect of his life.

If you do get married, don’t work in any of his businesses unless you own some % of it (caveat: as long as it legit and/or not a failing company).

 

[Kurlee]

This sounds borderline manipulative. I'm curious as to whether he's wanted this from former women in his life. Why would you have to learn the business before you become his wife when you're already doing your own thing?

Op, this is a red flag to me. I would not put my business on hold to help grow his. Especially since the only thing you have to go on that your efforts will someday benefit you is him saying “trust me”.

It sounds to me that maybe he is still not sure if he wants to marry you, and this is some way for you to prove your worth to him. If you’ll drop everything, fix his business, and make him some money THEN, he’ll know you’re the one. That’s doing too much.

He gets annoyed & says I don't believe in him leading us. Says he's been asking for months & feels I should see the big picture & that I can see he needs my support [now] and that I'm refusing to trust him.

As others have said, this is a red flag. He seems like he has the propensity to be controlling and selfish. He shouldn't put you in this position if he sees you as his equal and it troubles me that this seems like some kind of audition. Use your gut.

 

[Sosoothing]

He gets annoyed & says I don't believe in him leading us. Says he's been asking for months & feels I should see the big picture & that I can see he needs my support [now] and that I'm refusing to trust him.

He says, "have I not proven to you that I'm serious".

I'm scared tbh...
Not scared of him, but of the unknown.

This is it right here sis. Doubt means Don't.
Him questioning your trust is manipulative in a way IMO. Instead of questioning you, doing all that talking, what does he plan to do about it? He needs to be more about actions (that make you feel comfortable and secure).

 

[yaya24]

Thanks ladies.

I woke up to my mom being admitted to the ER with Pneumonia in her lungs. *please keep her lifted in your thoughts today*

I'm appreciating all the advice.

I LOVE MY LHCF FAM ♡

I'm going to stick with my gut feeling on this one and let him know I'm still only ok with helping out very part time. If that's a "dealbreaker" then on to the next one.

I don't like feeling like someone is lowkey trying to pressure me into something I'm not 100% ok with. Lol.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

@yaya24 I'm lifting your mom in prayer.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

 

[yaya24]

@yaya24 I'm lifting your mom in prayer.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

Thank you.

She's still here. She was having shortness of breath and has been on oxygen and an IV.

She's feeling better with the antibiotics and they gave her morphine for her chest pain.

Mom's only 60 and healthy. Very scary to see her like this.

I spent the night here last night to give my Dad a break.

Hoping she gets released Monday.

 

[blackbarbie986]

Praying for your mom and this situation.

 

[Theresamonet]

Wishing for a speedy recovery for your mom!

When things like this occur, it does provide a clearer perspective on other situations. Life is too short, and full of twists and turns to be playing around with people. Your SO’s proposition wasn’t bad, but his intent behind it seemed off. I think you’re making a good decision to decline for now. He seems like a good catch otherwise, so I wish you two the best in working this out. But remember: YOU are the prize. If anyone should be jumping through hoops and making compromises at this stage, it should be him.