Protective Styling and Men

[Thiends]

I reached my length goal, but suffered a setback when I had my hair layered and chemically treated. I dislike the layers and the last 8" of my hair are damaged from being processed twice (my thread on Ouidad explains). I estimate that it will take me 2 years to grow out the layers and damage. Having grown out my hair before, I know exactly what to do: Protective styling.

However, I know that men love bouncy, flowing hair and as a single woman, I am very conscious of being attractive to the opposite sex (Just keeping it real). So, do any of you have suggestions for how I can make up the difference in attractiveness between loose hair and hair gathered in updos? Also, have any of you noticed that protective styling has affected your love life? Might wigs be a good idea?

Maybe this belongs in off topic. I am not sure. It is about hair, but not really about hair.

 

[SEMO]

This is not off-topic (and has been discussed in the hair forum before). It's a legitimate concern, and as a fellow single woman I completely understand.

For me, I think that low manipulation styles can also serve as protective styles, while allowing the hair to be worn down some. For example, braidouts work really well for me. When I'm around the house my hair is in braids and protected by my satin scarf. But then I can take the braids down and fluff my hair when it's time to leave the house.

Of course, I can't get away from buns and ponytails completely and still do wear a lot of those. But that's mostly at work (and I'm not checking for anybody I work with ).

 

[Ms. A.Sunshine]

I will be watching this.....I have the same concern.......Thanks OP.

 

[Triniwegian]

I don't think, let me re-phrase that; I know it doesn't matter..I met my SO when I was bunning...two years later I am still bunning and he still thinks I am the sexiest woman alive.
Hair does not determine whether or not a man is attracted to you...It's how you feel about yourself.

Wear you hair in a style that is both protective and makes you feel sexy and the men will catch on

 

[LushLox]

Hair that incorporates soft curls and waves then gathered up at the top of the head always look quite nice, then a few tendrils around your face. It's not totally a protective style because of the exposed ends, but at least it acts some way as a compromise and the hair is off the shoulders.

I'm not one to use a 24/7 protective styling system, it may certainly get you to your goals quicker but if you're not entirely happy with doing that then what's the point. You need to be able to reward yourself along the way imo as it makes the long term commitment easier to deal with.

 

[briana87]

I understand exactly how you feel because I'm single also. Maybe if you could find some styles that allow you to wear your hair down (braids or twists). When I had my twists (the ones in my avi) the only people who complimented me were other guys. I don't think I got any compliments from any females (which didn't make any difference to me). If you don't like braids or twists, you could try to add some cute hair accessories to your style. But it's definitely possible to appeal to the fellas with protective styles. Just experiment with a few and maybe ask some close male friends what they think (even if you're just friends and not potentially dating). Good luck!

 

[Lylddlebit]

I reached my length goal, but suffered a setback when I had my hair layered and chemically treated. I dislike the layers and the last 8" of my hair are damaged from being processed twice (my thread on Ouidad explains). I estimate that it will take me 2 years to grow out the layers and damage. Having grown out my hair before, I know exactly what to do: Protective styling.

However, I know that men love bouncy, flowing hair and as a single woman, I am very conscious of being attractive to the opposite sex (Just keeping it real). So, do any of you have suggestions for how I can make up the difference in attractiveness between loose hair and hair gathered in updos? Also, have any of you noticed that protective styling has affected your love life? Might wigs be a good idea?

Maybe this belongs in off topic. I am not sure. It is about hair, but not really about hair.

If your beautiful you will still be beautiful in a updo or bun or other ps. I try to make sure my buns are always neat. Even if it is a messy bun some effort in making sure my actual hair looks presentable, is soft and smells good gains hair touches and compliments. Clear skin always makes anything happening with your hair pop. The clothes you wear will take away or add to your look. (think fresh salon hair in pj's(pajamas)...u still look togeher, think a messy bun in slacks and heels: you still look together...you can offset your hair with clothes and and skin).

 

[darlingdiva]

I understand exactly how you feel because I'm single also. Maybe if you could find some styles that allow you to wear your hair down (braids or twists). When I had my twists (the ones in my avi) the only people who complimented me were other guys. I don't think I got any compliments from any females (which didn't make any difference to me). If you don't like braids or twists, you could try to add some cute hair accessories to your style. But it's definitely possible to appeal to the fellas with protective styles. Just experiment with a few and maybe ask some close male friends what they think (even if you're just friends and not potentially dating). Good luck!

I was just going to say this! There are plenty of decorative hair clips that could use. Also, wearing the hair up allows for a great opportunity to wear other accessories, like earrings, bracelets, and necklaces.

It really is all about confidence, though. If you feel sexy, men will pick that up and act accordingly.

 

[Thiends]

Thank you for the responses so far and for the reassurance!

I am not natural, so twists and braids do not work for me. My protective styles consist of updos with ficcare clips and claw clips. Those of you who have suggested accessories are absolutely right. My accessory game is on point because I have hair zings, flexi-8s, and a lot of elaborate hair combs and clips from longhairgirl.com. I am always complimented on my accessories and updos. Accessories are a must to prevent the look of an updo from being too severe. I am good at leaving tendrils for a Helena Bonham Carter sort of look and know my hair looks nice. I guess I am doing all that I can and my concerns are more about a feeling than about actions I am not taking. Sometimes, I feel as if I might be missing something, since updos just do not have the same eye-catching flamboyance of long hair worn down.

Theo, thank you for the reassurance. It can be hard out here for a single lady, and silly as it might sound, sometimes I wonder if wearing my hair down will attract more men and bring me the man of my dreams faster.

Lylddlebit, I think you are right. I will just have to make sure that the rest of me (clothes, make-up, skin) is as impeccable as possible.

 

[Thiends]

Question for the wig-wearers: How do you "come out" to men as a wig-wearer? I wonder if it will be awkward if I start wearing a wig, meet a great guy, and then have to tell him that I was unbewiggable when we met. Granted, it might be a pleasant surprise for him to find that my natural hair is longer and thicker than the wig. What experiences have you ladies had with wearing wigs and explaining to others? (Do you just not tell?)

 

[MizzBrown]

I don't think, let me re-phrase that; I know it doesn't matter..I met my SO when I was bunning...two years later I am still bunning and he still thinks I am the sexiest woman alive.
Hair does not determine whether or not a man is attracted to you...It's how you feel about yourself.

Wear you hair in a style that is both protective and makes you feel sexy and the men will catch on

If you look good, then you look good. Period. Hair aint gonna make or break you. And when you DO let it down, it'll just send him over the edge. Foreplay basically.

Men don't care.

 

[Nonie]

I don't think, let me re-phrase that; I know it doesn't matter..I met my SO when I was bunning...two years later I am still bunning and he still thinks I am the sexiest woman alive.
Hair does not determine whether or not a man is attracted to you...It's how you feel about yourself.

Wear you hair in a style that is both protective and makes you feel sexy and the men will catch on

I agree with Theo, plus I think it's kinda cool for a guy to be attracted to you before you are looking your bombest, so that on a special occasion you can come out blazing and blow his mind.

I remember when I first joined the forum and people were complaining about how boring protective styling is, and I was thinking how cool it is coz there's nothing more sexy than pulling out hair sticks or a clip and letting your hair cascade down your back when spending a romantic evening with your special someone.

Looking sexy all the time can get old real quick. Plus who wants all the hassle from lechers. I think we get enough hell from men w/o even trying. I prefer to keep some of my sexy on the DL and let the ONE I deem worthy get to be the one to experience it. Makes it special.

This doesn't mean that I will only ever wear my hair down when we're home alone. But on a night out, when I'm on his arm and safe from lechers, I can let my sexy glow and feel like a million bucks and let him feel like the king with the queen on his arm. To me that is so much more fun than having my hair looking fly and flowing every day, and then on the day I'm supposed to be really dressed to the nines, folks are like "Oh so you decided to keep it casual, huh?" coz they've seen it all before.

 

[Thiends]

I agree with Theo, plus I think it's kinda cool for a guy to be attracted to you before you are looking your bombest, so that on a special occasion you can come out blazing and blow his mind.

I prefer to keep some of my sexy on the DL and let the ONE I deem worthy get to be the one to experience it. Makes it special.

Nonie, I like your thinking here. This is a very helpful perspective.

 

[Filmatic]

I don't do buns really. I didn't start wearing them until I got to BSL and then I cut it off. I still got hit on with the buns. I'm pretty no matter the style. If you accessorize you will be fine.

My protective style is braids. I weave or usually wig it. I tell men from jump: my hair changes a lot. That's within one of our first convos. They usually say okay and move on. I think my confidence helps it, because I'm like yeah I wear a wig so what.

 

[NIN4eva]

Faux Bangs! I have 3 Bang Thing bangs cut to different lengths. I think they're super hot with my buns.

tee hee

 

[drappedup]

Honestly, I can see how people are saying if a guy is attracted to you he is attracted to you, bottom line. That is definitely true.....he will find you attractive with your hair up, your hair down, etc., etc. However, at the same time, as a fellow single lady, I also feel like legitimately what is a big factor of when men initially notice a female, hair is a playing factor. I think that's a fair thing to say, because it's true, and while there are many men who enjoy short hair or don't mind updos, there are just as many who tend to notice flowy, feminine hairstyles like having it down, too. I know when my hair was longer I definitely received more attention (though that could very well have to do with my confidence since I genuinely feel I look better with longer hair). Though I do have to admit, now that I wear my hair up all the time, when I do get attention, it seems to be a lot more facially focused, which is flattering. The other day I was told I was Halle Berry, and while that is completely cheesy and clearly not true whatsoever (obviously no one can touch Halle! She's in her own league!) it was nice to hear, because Halle is one of those females whose face is so attractive she got tons and tons of attention even with super short hair. So yeah, I think it's a mixture. I think you're typically and generally noticed more by a larger percentage of men when your hair is longer, but when you're approached with short hair/updo it seems to be far more based on genuinely having an attractive face to that guy, which I guess in a way is more complimenting. Depends how you look at it, really.

 

[Nali1987]

Honestly, I can see how people are saying if a guy is attracted to you he is attracted to you, bottom line. That is definitely true.....he will find you attractive with your hair up, your hair down, etc., etc. However, at the same time, as a fellow single lady, I also feel like legitimately what is a big factor of when men initially notice a female, hair is a playing factor. I think that's a fair thing to say, because it's true, and while there are many men who enjoy short hair or don't mind updos, there are just as many who tend to notice flowy, feminine hairstyles like having it down, too. I know when my hair was longer I definitely received more attention (though that could very well have to do with my confidence since I genuinely feel I look better with longer hair). Though I do have to admit, now that I wear my hair up all the time, when I do get attention, it seems to be a lot more facially focused, which is flattering. The other day I was told I was Halle Berry, and while that is completely cheesy and clearly not true whatsoever (obviously no one can touch Halle! She's in her own league!) it was nice to hear, because Halle is one of those females whose face is so attractive she got tons and tons of attention even with super short hair. So yeah, I think it's a mixture. I think you're typically and generally noticed more by a larger percentage of men when your hair is longer, but when you're approached with short hair/updo it seems to be far more based on genuinely having an attractive face to that guy, which I guess in a way is more complimenting. Depends how you look at it, really.

Some ladies actually look more beautiful with short hair. Long hair tends to overshadow how pretty their faces actually are. For example Halle Berry, Ginnifer Goodwin and Eva Pigford. I think it's more about being confident more than anything else. You can wear a bun with sultry smokey eyes and glossy lips and still look just as beautiful as a girl with flowing hair.

 

[drappedup]

Some ladies actually look more beautiful with short hair. Long hair tends to overshadow how pretty their faces actually are. For example Halle Berry, Ginnifer Goodwin and Eva Pigford. I think it's more about being confident more than anything else. You can wear a bun with sultry smokey eyes and glossy lips and still look just as beautiful as a girl with flowing hair.

.....oh, I know. I didn't mean to come off like I was saying that wasn't the case. That goes without saying (like with my whole spiel about Halle Berry). But there are also women who look good with longer hair. It's different for everyone, and primarily depends on facial features. Some look better with short hair, some look better with long hair, etc.

 

[lolascurls]

I agree with Theo, plus I think it's kinda cool for a guy to be attracted to you before you are looking your bombest, so that on a special occasion you can come out blazing and blow his mind.

I remember when I first joined the forum and people were complaining about how boring protective styling is, and I was thinking how cool it is coz there's nothing more sexy than pulling out hair sticks or a clip and letting your hair cascade down your back when spending a romantic evening with your special someone.

Looking sexy all the time can get old real quick. Plus who wants all the hassle from lechers. I think we get enough hell from men w/o even trying. I prefer to keep some of my sexy on the DL and let the ONE I deem worthy get to be the one to experience it. Makes it special.

This doesn't mean that I will only ever wear my hair down when we're home alone. But on a night out, when I'm on his arm and safe from lechers, I can let my sexy glow and feel like a million bucks and let him feel like the king with the queen on his arm. To me that is so much more fun than having my hair looking fly and flowing every day, and then on the day I'm supposed to be really dressed to the nines, folks are like "Oh so you decided to keep it casual, huh?" coz they've seen it all before.

ITA with the bolded!
I really wanted to make buns as a child and didn't know that even my SL hair could do that because my mum didn't know how to do one!
I think it is a ladylike thing although it can be a bit reminiscent of the "librarian"! But letting the hair down and having cute flowing locks is definitely worth it!

 

[LadyAmazon]

My SO recently told me that he preferred a sew-in or a bun to wearing a wig. He told me it seemed like I was trying to hide something.