Post-divorce: Amicable?

[Daughter]

Going through it... my ex husband is still angry about the whole situation. I just want to live in peace for the sake of the kids and my own peace of mind, but he certainly does not make it easy. How has it been with you? And do you have children and how much of that is a factor?

 

[OneShinyface]

I have no contact with the ex. At all. He doesn't even know where I live. We've blocked each other's phone numbers and there's no contact on social media. Our children are adults so I think that makes it easier. I was dealing with a narcissist so the rules are a bit different than with the average person.

How old are your children @Daughter?

 

[Kim0105]

Going through it... my ex husband is still angry about the whole situation. I just want to live in peace for the sake of the kids and my own peace of mind, but he certainly does not make it easy. How has it been with you? And do you have children and how much of that is a factor?

Going through it right now and would love to have only 'as needed' contact. Like yours he is angry and I have to be mindful of what I say and not engage. If it weren't for our children I would have no contact as I am also dealing with a narcissist.

 

[Daughter]

I have no contact with the ex. At all. He doesn't even know where I live. We've blocked each other's phone numbers and there's no contact on social media. Our children are adults so I think that makes it easier. I was dealing with a narcissist so the rules are a bit different than with the average person.

How old are your children @Daughter?

They're under 10

 

[Daughter]

Going through it right now and would love to have only 'as needed' contact. Like yours he is angry and I have to be mindful of what I say and not engage. If it weren't for our children I would have no contact as I am also dealing with a narcissist.

I think my ex has narcissist tendencies but I don't know if I can call him an actual narcissist. If I'm polite, not appreciated. If I'm curt, I get flak too

 

[Kim0105]

I think my ex has narcissist tendencies but I don't know if I can call him an actual narcissist. If I'm polite, not appreciated. If I'm curt, I get flak too

I'm not keen on labeling others but everything I have researched and read along with the psychologist's diagnosis of him confirms this. This diagnosis was done after him having several sessions on his own with the psychologist.

 

[Daughter]

I'm not keen on labeling others but everything I have researched and read along with the psychologist's diagnosis of him confirms this. This diagnosis was done after him having several sessions on his own with the psychologist.

Oh I didn't doubt you at all!

 

[Lady_NakoPenda]

We are really amicable now but there was a period where we stopped talking. I cut off contact because I felt like he was crossing too many boundaries (and myself also). We were separated but still acting like a couple with him getting to have that connection with me but still do what he wants. It was healthy for me and necessary to heal.

 

[Froreal3]

Amicable. Divorce was straight forward. We aren't best friends or anything anymore, so there's no "Hey, how's it going?" random convos/texts, but we communicate for our child and respect one another as parents.

 

[movingforward13]

I have only "as needed" communication regarding child contact. We are civil. I am sure he would LOVE to be friends with me and since I refuse, he is angry about everything. I barely acknowledge him.

 

[Dee_33]

We have no contact with each other. We didn't have kids so there was no need to keep in touch.

 

[Evolving78]

They're under 10

I have school aged children. I have tried the friend route. But nope, not anymore. I barely contact him concerning the children. He isn't invested, or involved. This is my punishment for kicking him out of the home...his words.. he truly isn't a nice person, and he does things like he is doing me a favor. You can't be friends with a narcissist. You can't be their supply anymore. You will always end up hurt, and confused. You always have to watch what you say and do around them.

 

[Evolving78]

Going through it right now and would love to have only 'as needed' contact. Like yours he is angry and I have to be mindful of what I say and not engage. If it weren't for our children I would have no contact as I am also dealing with a narcissist.

Does he spend time with the children? Do you feel the need to keep him informed on things? I used to feel that way, but he isn't involved like that. I was doing all of that just so I can say I was doing everything not to look like a bitter ex wife. I would send pictures, inform him of achievements, invite him to different events, tell him about doctor appointments, etc..
he didn't care... and I used to get mad about it. But not anymore. He can fall in a black hole.

 

[Kim0105]

Does he spend time with the children? Do you feel the need to keep him informed on things? I used to feel that way, but he isn't involved like that. I was doing all of that just so I can say I was doing everything not to look like a bitter ex wife. I would send pictures, inform him of achievements, invite him to different events, tell him about doctor appointments, etc..
he didn't care... and I used to get mad about it. But not anymore. He can fall in a black hole.

Just seeing this. Yes, he spends time with the kids. He has them on the weekends although lately it's rarely overnight. My son who is 5 always asks to come home. I keep him informed of things they have going on with school if it isn't on the school calendar and doctor appointments. We both get a school calendar at the beginning of the year so if he misses something that's on there, that's on him. I pass information on only once, again if he misses something that's on him as I am not his personal assistant.
I rarely send pictures of anything, not my style at all.

 

[Evolving78]

Just seeing this. Yes, he spends time with the kids. He has them on the weekends although lately it's rarely overnight. My son who is 5 always asks to come home. I keep him informed of things they have going on with school if it isn't on the school calendar and doctor appointments. We both get a school calendar at the beginning of the year so if he misses something that's on there, that's on him. I pass information on only once, again if he misses something that's on him as I am not his personal assistant.
I rarely send pictures of anything, not my style at all.

Have you started dating yet?

 

[Kim0105]

Have you started dating yet?

No, I haven't. Then again I hardly go out. Trying to change that some this summer as my kids are spending the summer with my mom. No excuses to get out and mingle.

 

[Evolving78]

No, I haven't. Then again I hardly go out. Trying to change that some this summer as my kids are spending the summer with my mom. No excuses to get out and mingle.

That's good you have support. even if you don't get back into dating, get out and do some things for yourself. I don't get out alone at all, but I'm ok with that.

 

[shortycocoa]

We have no contact with each other. We didn't have kids so there was no need to keep in touch.

This is my situation. I was talking to my best friend last week and he happened to tell me that one of his friends that is also friends with my ex-husband was telling him that my ex was asking for my phone number.

My best friend wasn't about to give him my number though, but he asked me anyway just to confirm that my answer was no. So when I got that text saying my ex was looking for my phone number because he wanted to talk to me, I told my best friend to tell his friend to tell my ex to eat a D...straight like that.

I would have been open to talking to him a few years ago, but now, not anymore. I actually wanted to take the high road and be friends after we divorced and parted ways. He was the one saying he wanted to cut off all contact. So don't look for me now.

 

[Daughter]

I pass information on only once, again if he misses something that's on him as I am not his personal assistant.
I rarely send pictures of anything, not my style at all.

THIS. All day.