Polyamory. Any insight?

[C@ssandr@]

I am curious about polyamory. Are there any studies, data, info about people who are in healthy successful relationships of this nature?

Here is the type of polyamory I'd like to discuss here:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning "many" or "several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes)

Please note the definition. I also don't want to argue the "morality" of it. It already exists and I'd like to know how people manage.

 

[Honey Bee]

I am curious about polyamory. Are there any studies, data, info about people who are in healthy successful relationships of this nature?

Here is the type of polyamory I'd like to discuss here:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly], meaning "many" or "several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It is distinct from swinging (which emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) and may or may not include polysexuality (attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes)

Please note the definition. I also don't want to argue the "morality" of it. It already exists and I'd like to know how people manage.

keyawarren, Yeah, but I don't think this is the site to find it, iykwim.

But if you wanna talk anecdotes, I got a few.

 

[C@ssandr@]

keyawarren, Yeah, but I don't think this is the site to find it, iykwim.

But if you wanna talk anecdotes, I got a few.

I'm not sure what the bold means

I know what I'm in for...sorta, I guess. But I noticed there are one or 2 members on here who have spoke openly about it, they can't be the only ones. Yes, any input is welcome. You are also free to inbox me instead.

 

[FlowerHair]

I know there was one married poster here a long time ago who had a relationship with another man with her husband's blessing. She didn't go into details, though...

 

[C@ssandr@]

It's sunday, no bites?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I know a friend of mine is trying to "get into" this type of relationship. She met a woman who is already involved with a man. No real insight.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I know a friend of mine is trying to "get into" this type of relationship. She met a woman who is already involved with a man. No real insight.

I was reading about this stuff in a forum somewhere ...and it sounds complicated. One woman was seeking advice because her bf and his wife...shut her out. Apparently they had an emergency situation and left her out of the loop. It's probably not funny, but she sounded pathetic.

I don't think one can jump right into this sort of thing. If you join a couple who has some sort of longevity, you would have a lot of catching up to do. It must be rare for this kind of thing to be functional unless it is formally arranged.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Yeah I agree. In her case, this couple was college sweethearts or something so who knows how it'll work out.

 

[FemmeCreole]

Don't know much. Just found this forum...
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4

Pretty interesting

 

[Oasis]

i wouldnt mind another bf.

 

[Nina_S]

keyawarren I think my view of polyamory and the definition of you posted were different - I think I prefer your description. I have seen one of the reality shows that deals with polyamorous couples and they appear a family or unit - all involved with one another. I don't think I would consider a situation like that. This may be very selective understanding on my part, but the definition you posted makes it seem as though you can have separate relationships, simultaneously, with the your partners knowing of your other involvements.

I have been in a relationship for 7 years and have foound myself yet again wondering if commitment to one person is for me. This is a cycle - it goes well for a few years then I run into that block again. I'm up for an intelligent conversation on the subject.

N~

 

[emilymichelle]

polyamory is big on tumblr and okcupid. tbh i dont know any actual people who do it, let alone black people.

i'm not a big commitment person myself but it has more to do with not wanting to settle down with, well, settling, and always wondering if there is something better out there. i wouldnt want to sleep with multiple people at the same time just for fun - for me the purpose would be to trade up and that's the exact opposite of what poly relationships are for. they stress a commitment to the primary partner that the other partners will never infringe on.

if youre curious about some real life poly relationships, go to tumblr and check out the "poly" tag, or other variations of the term. from what ive seen women for the most part go along with it to appease the husband, whos basically going to sleep with other women with or without her permission. at least if they start doing it too they can pretend it's what they really want.

 

[emilymichelle]

@keyawarren

here is a good place to start with lots of info on poly relationships. i actually cant stand this guy because he seems like a huge sleaze (also imo hes unattractive, and bald) but he posts lots of informative articles about poly. his wife has a tumblr too (jen-e-pooh) but for the most part she's generally miserable with the situation even though she tries to pretend she isn't. i do think, however, that it's a more honest portrayal of poly relationships than what you'll usually find, which is all out drama queens, or people pretending like they're living the best life ever. (although to be honest, there is some of that massive, pretend happiness with all of them, for some reason.)

 

[Nina_S]

emilymichelle Thanks for your explanation of the poly lifestyle. I guess I should divert to the urban dictionary's definition of PLAYER. I have trouble committing to a hairstyle, let alone people with flaws and varied personalities.

My name is Nina and I'm a commitment-phobe. (moves towards the coffee and donuts)

 

[Britt]

One person that I know is in a situation like this and it works for her. I will say, she's very new agey/open minded/free spirited type person -- otherwise, I'm not so sure a situation like this would work. She has a best friend (male) that she sleeps with and will have a man she's dating. She said if her SO cheated on her she'd want to know. Basically she doesn't feel love and sex should be 'confined'. Love and sex doesn't just have to be between two people and pretty much thinks there's too many restrictions placed on it. If you truly love someone you would allow them to do what makes them most happy and if that involves sex elsewhere then so be it. The problem lies in the deception. She also doesn't have a desire to marry. She has one child, and wants no more. Her life works out well for her and I admire her "march to her own drum" type of lifestyle.

I will say, what I do know about her personality type and how she lives her life, she didn't come across as selfish at all when she described her viewpoint to me. It takes an incredibly open, secure and mature individual to be able to do this. Take a look at this youtube vid -- it's not for the faint of heart, but I can understand what he is saying. This is pretty much how my friend feels.


eta -- my friend is black, my age, grew up in a West Indian family with a strict Christian background. She was super Christian when we were in HS.

 

[SincerelyJane]

There is this black lady who has something like this going on with her husband. She's very fixated on sex though. But her husband has multiple wives, and I think she might have a junior husband or something like that. I think there was a point where she wasn't functioning very well in the relationship and she was super open about it, but I think it was just a temporary thing. Her posts became very positive after that. They are making it work for them. They have children and they know about everything.

I can't remember this lady's name, but she and her husband were on the Monique show a while back. She has a blog and everything. I remember she used to preach the submissive wife ideology and a lot of people were jumping on board until they found the nature of her relationship with her husband and that gave a lot of people pause.

 

[Nina_S]

One person that I know is in a situation like this and it works for her. I will say, she's very new agey/open minded/free spirited type person -- otherwise, I'm not so sure a situation like this would work. She has a best friend (male) that she sleeps with and will have a man she's dating. She said if her SO cheated on her she'd want to know. Basically she doesn't feel love and sex should be 'confined'. Love and sex doesn't just have to be between two people and pretty much thinks there's too many restrictions placed on it. If you truly love someone you would allow them to do what makes them most happy and if that involves sex elsewhere then so be it. The problem lies in the deception. She also doesn't have a desire to marry. She has one child, and wants no more. Her life works out well for her and I admire her "march to her own drum" type of lifestyle.

I will say, what I do know about her personality type and how she lives her life, she didn't come across as selfish at all when she described her viewpoint to me. It takes an incredibly open, secure and mature individual to be able to do this. Take a look at this youtube vid -- it's not for the faint of heart, but I can understand what he is saying. This is pretty much how my friend feels.


eta -- my friend is black, my age, grew up in a West Indian family with a strict Christian background. She was super Christian when we were in HS.

Sounds like your friend and I share the same thoughts. Focusing on the deception. I would tend to think that it is rare to find someone that shares the same sentiment (totally) or will admit it.

Good for her!

 

[Britt]

Sounds like your friend and I share the same thoughts. Focusing on the deception. I would tend to think that it is rare to find someone that shares the same sentiment (totally) or will admit it.

Good for her!

Yeahhh, it's the deception that gets people. It's not like she's running around sleeping around and sleeping with many partners at once. She just doesn't see the big deal in sleeping with more than one person if you protect yourself and if your partner does the same. She said she wouldn't feel angry. Life is too short. She said if her partner desires to sleep with someone else, it's not a big deal to her.

 

[NapfroConsulate]

The actress Tilda Swinton is in such a relationship. She answers questions about it when she is asked but she is pretty private about it. You should see whats been written about her relationship here.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Any updates or new findings, OP?