PLEASE VOTE:NATURAL HAIR FRUSTRATIONS..WOULD YOU RELAX IF YOU FELT THIS WAY?

[CurlyMoo]

No, I would not relax and Yes I have felt your way.

The first year or two during your transition is tough and very frustrating. Because it's like culture shock to go from easy to manage hair to tangled and tough to comb. I did not BC, I grew my relaxer out, because I knew it would be too much of a shock. But having a thick afro underneath stringy thin hair is just plain nasty. I was so tempted to chop it all off I would have arguments with my scissors. :swordfigh I still find strings especially when I wash my hair. I noticed that the type of shampoos and conditioners can either add to or help relieve frustrations. I only shampoo once a week with Aubrey Organics now and co-wash twice a week. I am officially in love with my hair. My hair and I have finally come to an understanding. Aubrey can make the hair really tangled so I co-wash first to reduce tangles. I would have to thank the wonderful ladies of LHCF for introducing me to co-washing.

I think you just need more time to add length and tweek your products & regimen to see what is not working for you. Have you tried Miss Jessy's products. I have the Curly Pudding and it really brings out and holds the natural curls, but it's crunchy when it drys. I really want that Buttercreme for softness. Good luck, I know you too can fall in love with your hair.

PS. I recently discovered combing in the shower with conditioner and soaking wet hair. I also run the water over the comb before I detangle. OMG, very little tangles and breakage. I'm having a hair-orgy folks!

 

[Isis77]

ITA that you should just do what will make you happiest. I went through something very similar when I decided to go natural. I transitioned for a short period and then cut off all of my relaxed ends and had a TWA for a few months that I kept hidden under wigs and phony-pony's. As it grew out, I had difficulties with it not feeling or looking as healthy as I felt it should be and when I found out about texlaxing here on LHCF, that's what I did. I'm pretty happy with my choice right now and I know that later on, if I choose to stop texlaxing I can transition to natural again with more ease after having gained more info from LHCF. Again, do what will make you feel the best about your hair and what you personally feel will be the healthiest choice for your hair.


EDIT!: Just went back and read that you made a decision. Great Choice!! (b/c whatever you chose would have been the best choice: D)

 

[Mandy4610]

ITA that you should just do what will make you happiest. I went through something very similar when I decided to go natural. I transitioned for a short period and then cut off all of my relaxed ends and had a TWA for a few months that I kept hidden under wigs and phony-pony's. As it grew out, I had difficulties with it not feeling or looking as healthy as I felt it should be and when I found out about texlaxing here on LHCF, that's what I did. I'm pretty happy with my choice right now and I know that later on, if I choose to stop texlaxing I can transition to natural again with more ease after having gained more info from LHCF. Again, do what will make you feel the best about your hair and what you personally feel will be the healthiest choice for your hair.


EDIT!: Just went back and read that you made a decision. Great Choice!! (b/c whatever you chose would have been the best choice: D)

Thank you girl. I wouldn't necessarily say I have made a decision, it is more like..giving it time and really trying so that I can say I gave it my all.

 

[kurlybella]

i'd like to add something if i may.

i've been there and for me, i had to do a sew in. it was a natural looking one but if i had not done that i would have gone mad and put a relaxer in my head.

i know you say the dh does not like weave but i feel that there should be some compromise here. you are looking to grow long healthy natural hair. and i think it's only fair to look at all the options. nice twists styles would work wonders with your hair.

is there any room for compromise? i think if you can get teary eyed and ask for help on a board then your hubby can support you even if he does not like the fake hair.

it's not about the fake hair, it's about getting your real hair to where it needs to be.

if you don't want to give up on your natural hair and loose all that progress with a relaxer, then i really suggest explaining to him how you feel. i don't see how he cannot understand.

and in the end, it's really not about him, it's about you and your happiness and i know he would want to support that.

good luck boo.

 

[LongiLox]

Thank you girl...I am not a fan of fake hair and DH absolutely hates it, so that is out of the question. At some point I thought the same thing. I thought if I had more length, I would feel different, but I am not sure that I would

What about braids? Does he consider having braids fake hair?

 

[Mandy4610]

What about braids? Does he consider having braids fake hair?

Hey girl, thanks for trying to help. I am sure I can find a happy medium with DH, I think my biggest problem is finding someone that will do the hair for me. See, because we do not have an abundance of "black" hair stylists around these parts, I have always had to do my own hair. The few stylists that are here are always booked and extremely expensive. So, not do I have to pay an arm and a leg, I also have to wait months before someone can do my hair. I am ok with braids, but braids make my hair line suffer.
Anyway...I think I have found a happy place and that is cornrows with different accessories. I will try that and see. Right now I have cornrows in and I am ok.

 

[natural2008]

Gilr I know how you feel about this natural hair. Some times I just eant to get me a perm, but I have not had one in 8 years. I jsut eant it to grow so that I can do something with it such as put it in a pony puff. The only thing that I can do is wear it in a twist ou with a headban.

 

[natural2008]

ooooooooopsie, I apologize for my bad spelling on the previous post .

 

[ScandalousBeauty]

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know if you have seen my natural hair videos, but I did a HUGE vent about how I was fed up with my natural hair!!! Had I not done this vid, I would have probably relaxed and DEFINITELY would have regretted it!!! Then, the ladies over on YT (And here) helped me keep going. Please, please watch this vid and read most of the comments! To this day, I have never had more comments on any of my 61 videos as I did here (170+)!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLEg7BSdr3I

 

[glamazon386]

Mandy - to me it sounds like you have scab hair. You haven't been natural very long and you may not be seeing your true texture. My hair was different when I first bced than it is now. It was dull and unresponsive but over time it changed as it started reaping the benefits of my taking care of it. I guess I wasn't on top of my moisturizing like I thought I was when I was transitioning. If I were you, I would get my hair put into a protective style to take my mind off of it for a few months. Then once you take it out after those few months and you still feel the same way, then go ahead in relax.

 

[glamazon386]

See, her husband doesn't like fake hair and I don't think she care for braids,wigs or weaves either, so that is a tough one for her, most can slap a wig on or braids and continue on, but if you don't like neither then......... But it is tough for her!!!!! For some people it is easy and for others it is not!

Is it more about making the husband happy or her? If she's not happy then why should it matter what he wants? She has to do what's best for her and her hair.

And to be honest most men say they don't like fake hair because in their mind fake hair means obviously bad fake looking weave. Many of the ones I've met will say I don't like weave, but like braids. Like they're not the same thing. Or they gawk after celebs with weave. Or say they don't like weave without realizing I have a head full. And then they're like . I've never had a problem even from the I HATE WEAVE types. Trust me if it looks good (and makes her feel good) he'll come around. He'll probably like it more than the TWA she's unhappy with.

ETA: I see that you decided to go with the cornrows. I'm glad you found something that makes you happy.

 

[Mandy4610]

Is it more about making the husband happy or her? If she's not happy then why should it matter what he wants? She has to do what's best for her and her hair.

And to be honest most men say they don't like fake hair because in their mind fake hair means obviously bad fake looking weave. Many of the ones I've met will say I don't like weave, but like braids. Like they're not the same thing. Or they gawk after celebs with weave. Or say they don't like weave without realizing I have a head full. And then they're like . I've never had a problem even from the I HATE WEAVE types. Trust me if it looks good (and makes her feel good) he'll come around. He'll probably like it more than the TWA she's unhappy with.

ETA: I see that you decided to go with the cornrows. I'm glad you found something that makes you happy.

Yeah, I am glad I found something too.

The whole fake hair thing is not just about DH. DH normally stays out of my hair business and he is pretty happy with whatever state my hair is in, but fake hair he does not like. The good thing is that I am not a fan of fake hair on myself, on others I think it looks good if it is well done, but on myself. I have done braids in the past and I liked them, but my hair line suffered and taking then out was a pain. This was way back when I had people that could put the braids in for me, now I can't even find anyone to do it, so I have given up on that as well.
So, its not just about DH, I don't think weave and the like suit me at all and I would not feel comfortable wearing any of it.

 

[Evolving78]

I am really just giving up on natural hair. Don't get me wrong I love natural hair and I love the natural heads on here, but mine is driving me mad. The shrinkage is crazy, it looks dull, can not get it to feel soft and moisturized, can not style it, can not find age appropriate styles, it hurts to comb and I have pretty much lost all excitement about it. I don't hate it, but I am not enjoying every moment of it either. Some days are good, but other and horrible. My natural hair used to be soft when I was younger, now my TWA is thick thick thick and my hair is course.
This is not a "natural hair is bad/good thread", this is just me venting and trying to do what makes me happy, but also making sure I don't make a rushed decision. I think I BCed too soon, so before I make any decisions I want to make sure it is what is right for me.

LADIES, IF YOU FELT THIS WAY ABOUT YOUR HAIR WOULD YOU RELAX/TEXLAX IT? PLEASE VOTE

your hair is pretty and it looks healthy. try clarifying and some new products!

 

[msmills2U]

I was a little frustrated but thank God for The LHF!. I've been natural for two years now. Relax and texlax are not options for me.

I added a little baking soda to my co washes...(made a huge difference in my hair texture and loosened my curls and really softened my hair) .

I also use S Curl activator and Fantasia gel(the blue one) made all the difference in the world with moisture..I get compliments on my growing little afro puff! and I am not spending a lot of money. I also use monistat and SULU mixed with sulfur 8 for my scalp until my megatek arrives (that's another story)

I feel you though...but don't give up!

this is my dry brittle hair before the regimen I mention about

this is my new hair I am wearing these days with waves and curls ...no long dry and brittle....I actually have more curls now ...I put big twist in the puff at night and s curl in the am and go

 

[Nya33]

I would texlax if i was really frustrated, however i do get the "urge" quite frequently and i have stuck with my natural hair. To be strong i change up my style with weaves/braids so when i take it out i realise i've missed the ol' curls underneath!

 

[Mandy4610]

your hair is pretty and it looks healthy. try clarifying and some new products!

Thanks for the suggestion. Actually I have discovered that Qhemet products are making a world of difference for my hair right now. I am liking all the softness these days

I was a little frustrated but thank God for The LHF!. I've been natural for two years now. Relax and texlax are not options for me.

I added a little baking soda to my co washes...(made a huge difference in my hair texture and loosened my curls and really softened my hair) .

I also use S Curl activator and Fantasia gel(the blue one) made all the difference in the world with moisture..I get compliments on my growing little afro puff! and I am not spending a lot of money. I also use monistat and SULU mixed with sulfur 8 for my scalp until my megatek arrives (that's another story)

I feel you though...but don't give up!

this is my dry brittle hair before the regimen I mention about

this is my new hair I am wearing these days with waves and curls ...no long dry and brittle....I actually have more curls now ...I put big twist in the puff at night and s curl in the am and go

Thank you. Another member here suggested baking soda, I have not gotten a chance to buy it yet, but I will be trying it for sure.

I would texlax if i was really frustrated, however i do get the "urge" quite frequently and i have stuck with my natural hair. To be strong i change up my style with weaves/braids so when i take it out i realise i've missed the ol' curls underneath!

Thank you. I had cornrows in for a while and when I took them out I had a very lovely braid out (last pic in my siggy). When I took the cornrows out I realized that I missed my little coils. My hair was so soft, I had been spritzing it with my homemade spritz.

 

[SignatureBeauty]

[quote=glamazon386;5202697]Is it more about making the husband happy or her? If she's not happy then why should it matter what he wants? She has to do what's best for her and her hair.
And to be honest most men say they don't like fake hair because in their mind fake hair means obviously bad fake looking weave. Many of the ones I've met will say I don't like weave, but like braids. Like they're not the same thing. Or they gawk after celebs with weave. Or say they don't like weave without realizing I have a head full. And then they're like . I've never had a problem even from the I HATE WEAVE types. Trust me if it looks good (and makes her feel good) he'll come around. He'll probably like it more than the TWA she's unhappy with.

ETA: I see that you decided to go with the cornrows. I'm glad you found something that makes you happy.[/quote]


I know it isn't about her Husband, and what I was trying to say was that her husband didn't care for fake hair and neither did she, So what would be other options for her to explore as far as a protective style until she gets over her Frustrations.

 

[Casarela]

Hello,

I totally understand how you feel I had a taw as well and was frustrated with it because the flower in the hair style is just not me. Plus the thickness was overwhelming.

My number one suggestion is BRAIDSSSSSSSS . I kept my hair in braids w/ extensions until I passed the twa stage. IMHO, nothing is easy wether your relax or natural.

I also chopped when I wasnt expecting to do so and I had to deal with shooooooooort hair . My scalp was showing and yes it was ugly. Two months later afterwards my hair was sooo thick and dense I was like wtf! Whenever I feel like im fed up with the daily manipulation , I slap my hair in braids.

Why am I holding on to my natural hair?

Because as my hair grows its like a flower that flourishes and it becomes better and easier for me to work with it.

Hang in there sista, for the mean time just make sure you have the right tools, the right products and most important Patience. When you feel your patience is at test run to protective styling. It cant harm you hair if properly done, it can only help.


Big HUG


Casarela

 

[Mandy4610]

Hello,

I totally understand how you feel I had a taw as well and was frustrated with it because the flower in the hair style is just not me. Plus the thickness was overwhelming.

My number one suggestion is BRAIDSSSSSSSS . I kept my hair in braids w/ extensions until I passed the twa stage. IMHO, nothing is easy wether your relax or natural.

I also chopped when I wasnt expecting to do so and I had to deal with shooooooooort hair . My scalp was showing and yes it was ugly. Two months later afterwards my hair was sooo thick and dense I was like wtf! Whenever I feel like im fed up with the daily manipulation , I slap my hair in braids.

Why am I holding on to my natural hair?

Because as my hair grows its like a flower that flourishes and it becomes better and easier for me to work with it.

Hang in there sista, for the mean time just make sure you have the right tools, the right products and most important Patience. When you feel your patience is at test run to protective styling. It cant harm you hair if properly done, it can only help.


Big HUG


Casarela

Wow, this thread is from a few months ago, but I am glad it is bumped up because I have been having some frustration over the last two weeks. I am not at a point of wanting to relax yet, but sometimes I feel very close to that point.

Thanks again.

 

[AtlantaJJ]

Hello,

I totally understand how you feel I had a taw as well and was frustrated with it because the flower in the hair style is just not me. Plus the thickness was overwhelming.

My number one suggestion is BRAIDSSSSSSSS . I kept my hair in braids w/ extensions until I passed the twa stage. IMHO, nothing is easy wether your relax or natural.

I also chopped when I wasnt expecting to do so and I had to deal with shooooooooort hair . My scalp was showing and yes it was ugly. Two months later afterwards my hair was sooo thick and dense I was like wtf! Whenever I feel like im fed up with the daily manipulation , I slap my hair in braids.

Why am I holding on to my natural hair?

Because as my hair grows its like a flower that flourishes and it becomes better and easier for me to work with it.

Hang in there sista, for the mean time just make sure you have the right tools, the right products and most important Patience. When you feel your patience is at test run to protective styling. It cant harm you hair if properly done, it can only help.


Big HUG


Casarela

Great post... protective styling is seeing me through as I learn how to care for my natural hair and what is going to work for me vs what my work for others.

Great thread! Thank you, I am grateful that I am hanging in there and i have not had any set backs in 2008!!!

 

[nappystorm]

I didn't read through 11 pages of responses but I'd say that you didn't make the mental transition it takes to go and stay natural. I tell people all the time you have to transition mentallly or the naturalness won't last.
5 of my friends went natural after I did and they all relaxed. When I get discouraged I throw in braids or get the Chi.
HHG!!!

 

[carib_n_curly]

if your hair is short then it's in that tricky stage short naturals go through that can be hell

let it grow maybe put in some braids so it's not something your thinking about 24/7 cause your not dealing with it. this i why i don't think anyone should BC early some people love short hair but short natural hair plus shrinkage

after you get some lenght you may feel different.
don't do something out of anger if you do relax i would suggest you think and think about it cause some short haired naturals relax for lenght then regret it. get some lenght maybe you'll feel different then

good luck

 

[moonglowdiva]

Problem #1 You are asking other people what they think is best for you. My question for you is what does Mandy want??
Problem #2 You are not giving YOUR natural hair a chance. My second question to you is what is so horrible about YOUR natural hair?

I think most importantly you should do some serious soul searching. :scratchch You have to determine your whole motive for going natural in the first place. If you did it because it was the "trend" then no you are not going to be happy but if being natural is truly what you had in your heart in the first place them being natural wouldn't be problematic. This is the hair, texture, thickness, etc that God gave you. You either have to accept it and stop complaining about it and embrace it or relax it and not complain about it and accept and embrace it. At any rate the decision is YOUR and we will still love you whether you are natural, relaxed, texlaxed, rocking a jheri curl or whatever. YOUR happiness is more important.

BTW the 2 questions above are rhetorical and I didn't vote in the poll because I feel that this is Mandy's decision and Mandy's alone.:blowkiss:

 

[moonglowdiva]

I wouldn't have ever gone natural in the first place. Natural hair is beautiful just not on me.

 

[Mystic]

I would not relax it at this moment - like you said, you BC too soon; you might do the same thing with your natural hair and regret it 6 months down the road. Relax or texlax when you are 100% sure you are ready so there is no regrets. The grass is not always greener on the other side and even when you relax/texlax, you are still going to have hair issues. As long as you addressed the reasons why you went natural in the first place, you will be fine if you relax again.

I had similar frustrations as yours when I started my journey so I wear styles that require minimal attention and time. I would braid/plait my hair for 2 weeks at a time or do half wig styles that blend in naturally with my hair - now I move on to braiding with extensions and keep them in for 4-6 weeks at a time. This gives me a break from constantly combing or worrying about growth or set backs, etc. With my mind off my hair, the little times I see it out, I appreciate it more. I also incorporate henna in my routine which makes my hair soft, began to use Aveda products and I began to see my hair growing and thriving. I have no knots. etc.

I think your hair is so beautiful - it looks soft and simply gorgeous but if you have learned from your mistake when you were relaxed and that is truly what you want to do, relax - it's not a big deal. Your relaxed hair will grow just as long and beautiful as your natural hair if you take good care of it.

 

[Mandy4610]

Problem #1 You are asking other people what they think is best for you. My question for you is what does Mandy want??
Problem #2 You are not giving YOUR natural hair a chance. My second question to you is what is so horrible about YOUR natural hair?

I think most importantly you should do some serious soul searching. :scratchch You have to determine your whole motive for going natural in the first place. If you did it because it was the "trend" then no you are not going to be happy but if being natural is truly what you had in your heart in the first place them being natural wouldn't be problematic. This is the hair, texture, thickness, etc that God gave you. You either have to accept it and stop complaining about it and embrace it or relax it and not complain about it and accept and embrace it. At any rate the decision is YOUR and we will still love you whether you are natural, relaxed, texlaxed, rocking a jheri curl or whatever. YOUR happiness is more important.

BTW the 2 questions above are rhetorical and I didn't vote in the poll because I feel that this is Mandy's decision and Mandy's alone.:blowkiss:

Hey, thanks for your post.
BTW-This thread is from 5 months ago and I am in some what of a different place at the moment. I still have frustrations about my hair (just like everyone else regardless of hair status), but I am in a different place.

I was not asking people what they thought was best for me at that time, but I was asking for their opinion. I think it was part of my "thinking process". I knew that in the end it was my decision. Some times it helps to hear other people's opinions when trying to decide.

You are right, it was my decision and at that time MY decision was to stay natural.
I am still going strong, every day is a new day, but I have made a commitment to give this my very BEST.

Thanks again

I would not relax it at this moment - like you said, you BC too soon; you might do the same thing with your natural hair and regret it 6 months down the road. Relax or texlax when you are 100% sure you are ready so there is no regrets. The grass is not always greener on the other side and even when you relax/texlax, you are still going to have hair issues. As long as you addressed the reasons why you went natural in the first place, you will be fine if you relax again.

I had similar frustrations as yours when I started my journey so I wear styles that require minimal attention and time. I would braid/plait my hair for 2 weeks at a time or do half wig styles that blend in naturally with my hair - now I move on to braiding with extensions and keep them in for 4-6 weeks at a time. This gives me a break from constantly combing or worrying about growth or set backs, etc. With my mind off my hair, the little times I see it out, I appreciate it more. I also incorporate henna in my routine which makes my hair soft, began to use Aveda products and I began to see my hair growing and thriving. I have no knots. etc.

I think your hair is so beautiful - it looks soft and simply gorgeous but if you have learned from your mistake when you were relaxed and that is truly what you want to do, relax - it's not a big deal. Your relaxed hair will grow just as long and beautiful as your natural hair if you take good care of it.

Yep...and that is the reason why I decided, 5 months ago (this thread is 5 months old) to stay natural and set some goals for myself, which would allow me to have thinking time.

OT: Love your hair!

 

[Mystic]

Daaw, that's what happen when you do not read the whole thread~ didn't even realize the post was 5 months ago, lol! Anyway, I am glad you are in a different place, and I love your hair too!

Yep...and that is the reason why I decided, 5 months ago (this thread is 5 months old) to stay natural and set some goals for myself, which would allow me to have thinking time.

OT: Love your hair!

 

[goldenchica]

Personally, I had a lot of the same frustrations when I was 17.

I have mixed hair and (w/o LHCF) I had no idea how to style it into age appropriate styles, and I had no idea how to make all my different textures and varying coarseness and dryness and..whatever!...WORK for me.

So, I did perm. The first time they put the perm on most of my length came off and I was left shoulder length. But I stuck with it, 'cause they said it would get better. Three years later, I realized that the perm didn't solve anything for me.

With the perm in I had fewer styling options and my hair just kept being wimpy and fragile (70+ hair types on my head and ALL of them are finer than fine, lol). So, I bc'd to a twa and I couldn't be happier (esp. since finding LHCF)!

I do have several friends who are going back (or went back) to natural with me, and we all have different lengths that we can handle. There are 6 of us and only two of us could handle the TWA, everyone else is waiting 'til they can do a ponytail, so IMO you may have BC'd too soon. But that's nothing fret too much about, I would just suggest the Crown and Glory technique (or another hide-your-hair method) and a LOT of pics of natural hair to keep you inspired!

All of my friends and I are constantly cutting out pics from magazines, making collages (don't hate), and sending each other links to youtube videos, etc. to keep each other inspired (we go to a predominantly white school in the midwest and-trust- sometimes we look crazy, lol).

Do what's best for you, girl!

ETA: um....ditto to the above Sorry! I'm glad you're loving your [natural] hair again!

 

[ibeleevenme]

Girl,

I don't know much, but one thing I do know is, my hair was so much stronger before my mother relaxed it when I was a kid (naturally). Then after passing through years of ignorance and putting any old thing in my hair, I finally decided to go natural. Then what did I do? I couldn't take it and relaxed it again. That relaxer is a meeeeeannn thing! It made my hair so weak, brittle, and for hair like mind I need all the help I can get. So I finally went back to no relaxer years ago, and yes it's frustrating at times, but I'd have it no other way. I guess once you have a better understanding of your hair, the right products to use, the best way to get it to the style you want, etc... then it will be an easier road. All in all though, you might regret it, but you won't know until YOU make the decision. Good Luck.

 

[SouthernTease]

Going natural ain't for everybody.
If you do decide to relax at least you can say you tried being natural.
You can always just heat train your hair and wear it straight all the time.
I used as much if not more heat when I was relaxed... so there really
wasn't a reason for me to keep getting relaxers I wear my hair in buns 90% of the time