PLEASE VOTE:NATURAL HAIR FRUSTRATIONS..WOULD YOU RELAX IF YOU FELT THIS WAY?

IF YOU FELT THIS FRUSTRATED WITH YOUR HAIR WOULD YOU RELAX IT?

  • Yes, I would relax it

    Votes: 63 16.5%

  • No, I would not relax it

    Votes: 228 59.8%

  • I would texlax it(best of both worlds)

    Votes: 90 23.6%
  • Total voters
    381
Oh honey, I am going into my 6th year of being natural and the thought of relaxing crosses my mind every 2-3 hours. I really believe that between years 4-5, one gets bored with the hair and either relaxes or cuts it back off. For myself, I have to choose the lesser of two evils.

I am always at the place where you are and I am still natural. What's keeping me natural is me being working out more, eating mainly raw and organic foods, cautiousness of chemical exposure, and the length of time I have been natural. To me, being natural for almost 6 years is a very long time to go back to relaxing only to regret it and start all over again.
 
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I think i have had the same thoughts within myself about 50 times since I went natural 5 years ago. I stuck it out and on occasion I still get the "what if I went back to relaxed" thoughts. The only reason why I have not went back because I put so much effort into it for this long, I wont go back now. Natural hair is a labor of love and you will have to be in that labor for the long haul. As it gets longer, it will be prone to more tangles, knots and take longer to detangle and require more conditioning (esp if you have 4b hair like I do.) What I did was try wigs and sewn ins until it got to a point where I could either press it or change up the style more often.
 
OMG, that is my story exactly! Check out my fotki (the link is in my siggy- no pw). I bc'd in July of 06. I have to tell you, at first, it took some getting used to- my hair is also very dense, thick, and course. But I did lots of twist outs to funk up the texture and try to "find" my niche with it. I'd hate for you to give up before you really find out what your hair is like when it's a bit longer and you've gotten into the groove of things. I know you don't like fake hair- but I put in some senagalese twists about a month after I BC'd just so I oculd gain some length (I don't have pics of those in my albums, but you can see the difference in my hair from July when I BC'd to like October or November '06 when I posted another album. If that's not feasible still- maybe you should try blow drying your hair (not straight- but enough to get you some more working length, while still maintaing some texture) and do a twist out from that?

I know once my hair got a bit longer, and I mastered the co-wash my hair became much more manageable.

I'm not gonna say I don't think about texlaxing/texturizing- I think a lot of us do but I always shake the idea, b/c my hair has never thrived this much, and I think it's very versatile the way that it is now (esp with more length- but that will come to you- just be patient :yep:)

Ultimately it is your decision- just don't make it b4 you've truly exhausted your feasible options :)

hth

MY FOTKI --> esp check out the 2006-2007 folder with stuff from all of my first year after the BC.

PM me if you need to!
 
I wouldn't relax it. I'd braid it up and stay out of it for the next six months or so (maybe twelve) until it grew longer. All the while I'd be getting as much info as possible on how to manage it better as it grows out. I'd be stalking all the natural heads fotkis for inspiration and ideas. It will get better. Stick it out a while longer.
 
Mandy4610 said:
I am really just giving up on natural hair. Don't get me wrong I love natural hair and I love the natural heads on here, but mine is driving me mad. The shrinkage is crazy, it looks dull, can not get it to feel soft and moisturized, can not style it, can not find age appropriate styles, it hurts to comb and I have pretty much lost all excitement about it. I don't hate it, but I am not enjoying every moment of it either. Some days are good, but other and horrible. My natural hair used to be soft when I was younger, now my TWA is thick thick thick and my hair is course.
This is not a "natural hair is bad/good thread", this is just me venting and trying to do what makes me happy, but also making sure I don't make a rushed decision. I think I BCed too soon, so before I make any decisions I want to make sure it is what is right for me.

LADIES, IF YOU FELT THIS WAY ABOUT YOUR HAIR WOULD YOU RELAX/TEXLAX IT? PLEASE VOTE:)
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Girl, do you! You have to be happy with being a natural.:yep:

I'm behind you all the way!

Blessings.
 
I don't know if I'm the best person to give advice being that I struggle with my decision everyday. I was natural for about three years and then this past October I texlaxed (which IMO = relaxed) But I used to love the thickness of my hair when I blew it out and my natural curls when I used to wet it. The main reason I relaxed was due to heat damage from straightening it......I figured I would continue to damage it so why not just relax it. So anywho....I like the lenghth I "gained", however I lost fullness. I like the versatility, however I miss my tight curls. I like that my ends don't look as split while relaxed, however I miss my bushy afro puff.

Its so hard to make a decision like that cause one you relax you can't go back (without starting from scratch!) So think about it long and hard....then give it a month or two to marinate (seriously). Good Luck!


Ps. I have pics in my fotki of when I was natural.....and the pics of me in my avatar is now.
 
SignatureBeauty said:
Mandy this is really getting to you! I also think you BC too soon, but listen at how frustrated you are, I don't see you giving up on natural hair, I just see that you aren't ready for that Twa, When starting from a Twa for some it can be hard! Is there anyway you can hide your hair for awhile? if not then do what you feel!:yep:
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This is exactly what I am doing and what I recommend. I had to do a BC due to a relaxer mishap, and it was way too short for me to deal with and I had to learn how to handle my natural hair. I have been wearing wigs (lace fronts) and caring for my hair as it grows out. I couldn't be happier...now I know how to condition, and manage my hair! I just can't wait until it gets to ponytail length then I will wear it out.

OP perhaps you could use a rest and let your hair grow out without having to deal with it every day. You could get some nice kinky twists or something simular as another option.
 
HoneyA said:
I wouldn't relax it. I'd braid it up and stay out of it for the next six months or so (maybe twelve) until it grew longer. All the while I'd be getting as much info as possible on how to manage it better as it grows out. I'd be stalking all the natural heads fotkis for inspiration and ideas. It will get better. Stick it out a while longer.
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Super fantatic advise!! :clap: because when you relax you are back at square one. Sounds like you could use a general hair break...this is the best option IMHO.
 
I felt a lot of the same ways you do about your hair the other week. The shrinkage was really getting to me, my hair was tangly and acting a fool, and it seemed like my natural hair was making me look too young (I already look way under my age).

But I stuck it out a while, tweaked my routine, and tried a different hairstyle that looks more mature and helps to stretch my hair. I can't tell you what to do with your hair, but just know that every natural goes through a phase where they question whether natural hair was the best decision.

The feelings will probably pass with some time and tweaking of your hair routine. Whatever you decide remember that it's not permanent b/c hair grows back. ((hugs))
 
See, her husband doesn't like fake hair and I don't think she care for braids,wigs or weaves either, so that is a tough one for her, most can slap a wig on or braids and continue on, but if you don't like neither then.........:ohwell: But it is tough for her!!!!! For some people it is easy and for others it is not!
 
Been there. Give it some time. I'm not sure how long you've been feeling this way, but I was frustrated with my hair for months. Then, all of a sudden (not really, it was growing all the while) my hair was longer...and I was happy again lol. Focus on the health of your hair and some of your frustrations may go away. Then, when you retain your length you'll have more styling options and hopefully you'll be even more satisfied with your hair.
 
I'm going to be a year natural in 2.5 months and therein I will decide whether being natural makes me happy or being texlaxed makes me happy (as doing a full year natural has taught me I don't care for "bone-laxed" hair at all. Or waves for that matter).

I too BCed too soon for my family and friends, more so than myself and suffered negativity because of it.

I cut off 14" total of thick hair. I don't regret it, but won't be doing it again.

I was and am the "do a new hair do every day type". Having hair this short for the first time in my life is KILLING me. I ALWAYS had "All that hair" growing up.

If your hair grew fine WITH and WITHOUT chemicals...then it's really a matter of what gives you what you WANT for the least amount of hassle.

If you must stay natural for length, then you'll have to accept this hump.

If your hair grows fine with chemicals (and your LHCF knowledge)...do what makes YOU happy.

Come October, after a year of getting to know myself, going through social and interpersonal growth/trials, the sudden loss of long hair, getting to know my hair, an maturing a great deal more in general I will decide on my one year anniversary to tex or stay natural.

I'm not saying you or anyone else should wait that long, but hair should be a pleasure, not a pain.

Not for the time and money we all end up spending on it. Not to mention sweat, tears, and elbow grease.

If you are at the point where your hair SORROWS you, for legitimate reason (only YOU are the one to decide what is or isn't legitimate) then do what will give you PEACE and allow you to manage your hair.
 
Girl I'm in the same boat too

I'm bored with wearing an afro, I can't braid, I'm afraid to get twists exstenstions or micros because my hairline is trying to recover from years of abuse and I look like a fool when I try on wigs.

I've been thinking about starting locs because I'm getting frustrated, but the only thing stopping me is the fact that my hair is short and my locs would be small (which would make my already huge head gigantic), and I also do not want to put my hairline under any stress.

I may just straighten my hair just to see if that makes me feel a little better. But I know I will probably not go back to relaxers because I don't think I coud obtain the health I would like.

I guess we all go through this stage where nothing seems right, and I feel like such an ugly duckling. Don't give in yet, you are definately not the only one! Wait it out and see, and if you feel the same way in a month or so, just relax!
 
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LADIES, I wish I could respond to each and everyone of you and tell you how much I appreciate your feedback, but that would take forever, so I will respond to all of you in this post.
You all came through for me with this and I so appreciate that, I think I am the luckiest person when it comes to my hair because I have all of you guys to vent, rejoice and cry with, it is a good feeling to see how the LHCF sistas can unity when one of us is feeling down. ****Here I am all teary eyed with a lump in my throat- My DH is gonna wonder WTH is wrong with me****:ohwell:

Some of your asked which products I use so here is a list:

Shampoo- CON
Conditioner (cowashing) Keracare Humecto mixed with oils
Deep Conditioner- Keracare Humecto (also trying Oyin honey hemp)
Leave in- Kinky curly Knot-today (also trying Oyin Greg juice)
Protein- ORS hair mayo
Mosturizer- Qhemet Biologics Heavy cream/Burdock root and Homemade Shealoe ( also trying Oyin Whipped Pudding)
Styling products- Kinky curly curling custard, Oyin Shine and define
Oils- Eucalyptus, Jasmine, mix of carrier oils and essential oils, Keracare essential oils, coconut oil, Olive oil
Grow aids- BT
Other- Sabino moisture block, Keracare silk and seal

I think thats it.
Now..I don't use these all at the same time I alternate. I am still trying to find my staples so most of these are sample packs. I love the Qhemet mosturizers for sure and I love Keracare Humecto and ORS. Thse I would repurchase for sure, as for the other I am not sure yet.

My regimen is pretty simple.
I only Shampoo once a week, but I cowash everyday/every other day.
I DC at least twice a week. I moisturize twice daily and I usually seal with coconut oil. I use my BT every night/every other night. Every now and then I blowdry my hair to check length. I make sure that I do a DC before I blowdry. Some times I do hot oil treatments which my hair seems to love.

This is about all I do.

Any suggestions on tweaks?
 
Mandy4610, I feel the same way. :yep: I figured I would put in some individual braids for the next six months (redoing them along the way) and if my hair didn't start cooperating within a month after taking out the braids I would relax it.:ohwell:

However, I also feel that I won't have as much frustration when I find a moisturizer that works for my hair. When it's moisturized and soft I don't mind doing it, even if it does take forever!
So, I'm going to be trying every product on the market (esp. those of fellow LHCF'ers, until I find something that works for me. :grin:

I've also noticed that natural products are working much better on my natural hair than any others. :yep: I'm looking forward to trying out several products from shescentit when these braids come out!

Anyway, good luck and keep us posted on whatever you decide!
 
Mandy4610 said:
LADIES, I wish I could respond to each and everyone of you and tell you how much I appreciate your feedback, but that would take forever, so I will respond to all of you in this post.
You all came through for me with this and I so appreciate that, I think I am the luckiest person when it comes to my hair because I have all of you guys to vent, rejoice and cry with, it is a good feeling to see how the LHCF sistas can unity when one of us is feeling down. ****Here I am all teary eyed with a lump in my throat- My DH is gonna wonder WTH is wrong with me****:ohwell:

Some of your asked which products I use so here is a list:

Shampoo- CON
Conditioner (cowashing) Keracare Humecto mixed with oils
Deep Conditioner- Keracare Humecto (also trying Oyin honey hemp)
Leave in- Kinky curly Knot-today (also trying Oyin Greg juice)
Protein- ORS hair mayo
Mosturizer- Qhemet Biologics Heavy cream/Burdock root and Homemade Shealoe ( also trying Oyin Whipped Pudding)
Styling products- Kinky curly curling custard, Oyin Shine and define
Oils- Eucalyptus, Jasmine, mix of carrier oils and essential oils, Keracare essential oils, coconut oil, Olive oil
Grow aids- BT
Other- Sabino moisture block, Keracare silk and seal

I think thats it.
Now..I don't use these all at the same time I alternate. I am still trying to find my staples so most of these are sample packs. I love the Qhemet mosturizers for sure and I love Keracare Humecto and ORS. Thse I would repurchase for sure, as for the other I am not sure yet.

My regimen is pretty simple.
I only Shampoo once a week, but I cowash everyday/every other day.
I DC at least twice a week. I moisturize twice daily and I usually seal with coconut oil. I use my BT every night/every other night. Every now and then I blowdry my hair to check length. I make sure that I do a DC before I blowdry. Some times I do hot oil treatments which my hair seems to love.

This is about all I do.

Any suggestions on tweaks?
Click to expand...

maybe the blow-drying has slightly damaged your hair and this why it always feels dry.

when i bc'd, my hair felt worse than straw. the only thing that helped was castor oil on damp hair. i don't co-wash but i rinse with water and apply CO almost daily. my hair is very soft 95% of the time and i get compliments on that a lot.

also, have tried you leaving in a little conditioner after co-washing? it should be a moisturising one. many find this works like a dream (i can attest to this).

is the keracare you're dc'ing with actually made for that purpose or is it just an everyday conditioner? if it's not a real DC, try one that is.

moisturising 2x per day seems like a lot and with no clarifying treatment in your reggie, it's possible that's contributing to or causing the dryness.

stalk fotkis for style ideas.

hth.
 
tocktick said:
maybe the blow-drying has slightly damaged your hair and this why it always feels dry.

when i bc'd, my hair felt worse than straw. the only thing that helped was castor oil on damp hair. i don't co-wash but i rinse with water and apply CO almost daily. my hair is very soft 95% of the time and i get compliments on that a lot.

also, have tried you leaving in a little conditioner after co-washing? it should be a moisturising one. many find this works like a dream (i can attest to this).

is the keracare you're dc'ing with actually made for that purpose or is it just an everyday conditioner? if it's not a real DC, try one that is.

moisturising 2x per day seems like a lot and with no clarifying treatment in your reggie, it's possible that's contributing to or causing the dryness.

stalk fotkis for style ideas.

hth.
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It is very occasional that I blowdry my hair, so I am quite sure if that has caused any damage at all, but who knows?
Yeah..my Keracare is meant for DCing.
Thanks for the insights.:grin:
 
hey mandy, I agree with one lady who said it is totally up to you what you want to do with your hair. You feel frustrated right now and it seems as if you want/need someone to say it's ok with what you want to do with it

From speaking to other natural ladies, most of them have gone through this at one point or another. It's natural to feel frustrated, especially when your discovering and learning your hair all over again.

I remember when I first cut my hair, I felt insecure, I thought everyone was looking at me and felt exposed. I didn't have the hair that everyone wanted but I carried on with it. I went natural becuase I was just tired of having relaxers and breakage. Those were my reasons. I probably felt like perming once or twice within the firs 3-6 months of being natural.

Eventhough my hair was always dry and brittle instead of going back I just searched for products that would help solve the problem. Since then I can honestly say I have never had a thought of perming again.

I've recently shaved it all the way down to the scalp and I'm loving it. Been shaving it since december 2007. I have been natural for over 5 years and will be natural for life. I can say that with confidence because the thought of perming gives me the willies LOL.

When it comes down to it, you have to make the decision for what's right for you. I don't know you so I can't say to keep it natural or straighten it. Just be happy with your choice. your always going to get advice from the ladies here regardless of what you choose to do.

Keep us posted :)
 
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IMHO.... THIS is why I NEVER BCed. When you go from having alot of hair straight to afro twa status of course you are gonna be at a loss for styles and knowing how to take care of your hair. The only thing I can really suggest is to wait until you get some more length. I feel that longer natural hair is easier to deal with as far as styling goes. To get you there Id try cornrows, braids, sew ins, braid outs and twist outs. I wouldnt give up that quick. Even short relaxed hair can be a bytch to style. My cousin is growing out her short relaxed do and its hard fro her to style because she can only hot curl it (she cant find rollers that small) or wear a half wig. She is opting for braids next week. Also I guess it all depends on your goal and why you went natural in the 1st place. Good luck either way. Hair should not be this hard
 
hi OP,
personally I will give the hair a break for a while, I BC'ed last month after 10 months of transition and I wish I waited the whole 22 months as planned. I have never had hair this short (4-5 inches), so its very difficult.
Although my hair isnt giving me difficulty per say, its the styling option am having difficulty with.

I have decide to twist it up till easter next year, redoing braids every 2 months, till I gain some length and am able to work with my hair. I personally dont think i will be relaxing soon as my hair always retain some curl when i was relaxed so i had styling issues then as well, as rollerset was the only thing that tamed it, also i have never been able to retain as much when relaxed (i transitioned twice in teen, so I know i retain more with natural hair).

As I said my advice give it a break for now, and you can reevaluate in the next 6-12 months that is 3-6in of newgrowth to work with, you may feel different if you have more length. If you feel the same way after this then you can relax.
 
Like others have said, give it some time.

Would you feel differently if you were able to keep it soft and moisturized on a consistent basis? I felt the same frustrations until recently. I'm adjusting to the short hair and the shrinkage, but the dryness I won't do.

So maybe focusing on one area at a time will help. Do whatever you need to solve your dryness.

Once I got that under control, I felt a lot better about staying natural. Since I can keep more moisture in my hair now, everything else I do is because I want to. The pressure is off. HTH
 
Girl, I was so there. But I stuck it out cause I really didn't have any other choice. My hair just doesn't do chemicals and breaks it right off.

My hair was brillo kinky and dry dry dry. It took a lot of patience to figure out what worked for me. Now my hair has a looser curl pattern naturally mainly because of washing with baking soda and DC'ing 1 hour a week. Also, I baggy my whole head so much it really breaks down to coarse hair fibers.

I almost did a textlax, but I'm proud of myself for staying natural. It ain't easy, but once you get it, man it's the best IMHO!
 
I dont know babe. I went through like the same thing about two years ago, and I decided to texlax...long story short i damaged my hair big time, and ended up going back natural. Not saying anything negative about texlaxing, but in my experience when i quit being natural, i only ended up going back. I just always think now how long my hair wouldve been now if i would stuck it out, you kno?? I don't know. I just don't think you should make a decision like this in ur frustration, b/c thats what i did. Maybe you just need some time to cool off, and remember the reason you wanted to go natural in the first place. In the midst of that break( or "cool off"), maybe you should hide your hair, and jus let it grow w/o isturbance for a while, u kno?? I don't kno if this helps, but its all from my personal experience. I reaaaaly HTH, and i want you to know that you have someone to identify w. in ur frustration. GOD BLESS!!
 
I am glad you posted this topic.

Mandy you are not alone. I can relate to you. I am frustrated with my hair as well. Shrinkage, dryness and knots are driving me crazy. Knots are causing breakage and I cant retain length. I was thinking of texturizing my hair, but I dont want to take a rushed decision. I know if I texturize/relax am gonna miss my natural hair.

I have decided not to texturize/relax my hair for now. I trimmed 0.5" last night, and I plan on DCing/CWashing more.
 
Nnelove said:
I dont know babe. I went through like the same thing about two years ago, and I decided to texlax...long story short i damaged my hair big time, and ended up going back natural. Not saying anything negative about texlaxing, but in my experience when i quit being natural, i only ended up going back. I just always think now how long my hair wouldve been now if i would stuck it out, you kno?? I don't know. I just don't think you should make a decision like this in ur frustration, b/c thats what i did. Maybe you just need some time to cool off, and remember the reason you wanted to go natural in the first place. In the midst of that break( or "cool off"), maybe you should hide your hair, and jus let it grow w/o isturbance for a while, u kno?? I don't kno if this helps, but its all from my personal experience. I reaaaaly HTH, and i want you to know that you have someone to identify w. in ur frustration. GOD BLESS!!
Click to expand...

same here....I dont even know how many times I have gone back and forth between natural and relaxed hair. Two years ago I relaxed after bein natural for 1.5 years just to transition after the first relaxer.
 
Mandy4610 said:
I am really just giving up on natural hair. Don't get me wrong I love natural hair and I love the natural heads on here, but mine is driving me mad. The shrinkage is crazy, it looks dull, can not get it to feel soft and moisturized, can not style it, can not find age appropriate styles, it hurts to comb and I have pretty much lost all excitement about it. I don't hate it, but I am not enjoying every moment of it either. Some days are good, but other and horrible. My natural hair used to be soft when I was younger, now my TWA is thick thick thick and my hair is course.
This is not a "natural hair is bad/good thread", this is just me venting and trying to do what makes me happy, but also making sure I don't make a rushed decision. I think I BCed too soon, so before I make any decisions I want to make sure it is what is right for me.

LADIES, IF YOU FELT THIS WAY ABOUT YOUR HAIR WOULD YOU RELAX/TEXLAX IT? PLEASE VOTE:)
Click to expand...

See this is my problem. The damn shrinkage and DRYYYYYYYYNEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! That **** is driving me freakin mad. I don't think I should have to put up with dry arse hair. I can deal with the shrinkage but the dryness I cannot combat. I've tried everything and the ONLY thing that works to keep my hair moisterized is WATER. I have to constantly spray it down to keep it soft, otherwise, crunch city. Right now my hair is in braids because I just coudln't take it anymore. I'm on strike from my natural hair for the next 2 years. I"M DONE SON!!!!! Braids all day for the next 2 years.

If I could just get it to be really soft, I would be 100% happy with my nappy. The dryness is driving me to contemplate chemicals and I seriously don't want to go there.

I would probably vote for a mild text.
 
MizaniLocs said:
Reading this yes, I would relax it.:yep:

If you said these things in regards to being relaxed I would tell you to go natural. Therefore it's not about natural being bad for me, it's just that I couldn't get up every morning just to fight with my hair. It's just too much. I have way too many things on my plate and life is just too short for that.
Click to expand...

I totally agree with this post...life is too short to be stressin' over hair. Relaxing may be the solution to your hair woes. :yep:
 
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