People who don't want to do online dating - why?

Angelicus said:
I was doing online dating years before it was in fashion, which is why it has turned me completely off.

Lies, not being serious, wasting my time with their double lives... Because of them I became a detective and trust no one until it is earned.

It isn't for everyone.
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This has been my main problem with online dating in the 30+ pool. There are a lot of men online who aren't very serious/just want to hook up or use online dating as a source to relieve their boredom w/ no real intention of taking things any further.

I do agree though, that like real life, it is very hit or miss and if you do not have a great dating life offline, online prob. won't make much difference.
 
Re: People who are scared to do online dating or don't want to - why?

Harina, I do the same with pictures I love. I have a bunch of saved pictures stored in my phone's photo album, and laptop folders.
 
*CherryPie* said:
I agree. I think 20 somethings will be more successful with it. Cause Santa Claus took the cake. He even had a big fat belly, that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.:lol: There's like a BILLION older people on there. But they be lying.:look:
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So.freakin.funny. Thanks for the laugh. So celebs and icons be online dating....
 
Enyo said:
As I've aged and been around more and more people who are married with kids, I noticed they generally hang out with other married people. I used to get suggestions for men all the time when I was in my 20's, but that's basically dried up now. Also, I met my ex-husband through mutual friends and they all sang his praises. People often show a very different side once they think they have you locked down. I told a few of our mutual friends the things that happened in our house and they were agog. I can understand why some of them don't believe me because they ALL thought he was a great guy. I did too until I married him.
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This makes me not want to get married. At my age, companion, exclusive, yes but I will maintain my own residence. #scary
 
I'll be honest. Despite all my book learnin, western living and whatnot, I'm still a traditional villager at heart. I can't see myself admitting to my clansmen at home in the boonies that I met him on the computer. I prefer referrals from trusted friends and relatives.

My brother met his wife on FB and they've been married almost two years with a kid and he still flinches if I mention where he met her. He is not comfortable admitting it. She on the other hand is cool beans.
 
sounbeweavable said:
I don't want to date someone who I can't get references for. If we have a few mutual friends, then I can get a feel for the guy and his history from friends, but if he's a stranger, I have to learn through experience whether he's worth dating or not.
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you mean like the guy who introduced his good female friend to a murederer who ended up killing her and her niece?

references lie.
 
i have had generally an extremely positive experience. i dont understand the need to blame a bad dating history on online dating. if you arent any good at dating irl, meeting men online first isnt a magical cure for that
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I don't have any problem dating IRL, or dating guys from online either. Obviously attraction doesn't always happen, but no crazy/disrespectful stories.

I think if you're good at sifting for the right men IRL then you should be pretty fine online:yep:.

Out of all the messages I got all together I actually met up with maybe 0000.1% of them lol. Also on some dating sites I found more guys that were up to my standard than others. Tis all about the sifting skills IRL and online.
 
Sumra said:
I don't have any problem dating IRL, or dating guys from online either. Obviously attraction doesn't always happen, but no crazy/disrespectful stories.

I think if you're good at sifting for the right men IRL then you should be pretty fine online:yep:.

Out of all the messages I got all together I actually met up with maybe 0000.1% of them lol. Also on some dating sites I found more guys that were up to my standard than others. Tis all about the sifting skills IRL and online.
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Sumra, which dating sites were better for you? Which ones weren't?
 
Harina said:
Sumra, which dating sites were better for you? Which ones weren't?
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I didn't like POF (although I know some people have had success there). Most of the guys weren't my type. On top of that I got hundreds of "hi", and "how are you" messages. Just lazy. Wouldn't be surprised if a lot are playing around, or married as it can sometimes just seem like copy and paste.

I expect a man to sent me a well thought out introductory mail, referring to parts of my writing. I had the most luck in terms of quality, successful, attractive men on OKCupid. Although it has less members so it was slow. I found 4 guys that seemed good in a year of intermittent use which was fine for me. Quality over quantity.
 
Sumra said:
I didn't like POF (although I know some people have had success there). Most of the guys weren't my type. On top of that I got hundreds of "hi", and "how are you" messages. Just lazy. Wouldn't be surprised if a lot are playing around, or married as it can sometimes just seem like copy and paste.

I expect a man to sent me a well thought out introductory mail, referring to parts of my writing. I had the most luck in terms of quality, successful, attractive men on OKCupid. Although it has less members so it was slow. I found 4 guys that seemed good in a year of intermittent use which was fine for me. Quality over quantity.
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You never did Match.com?
 
hmmm. i never thought of okcupid as being smaller than pof. when i use it i could average three dates a week if my schedule allows. for the brief time i tried pof i saw a lot of the same users so i guess it might be.
 
I have tried online dating about three times... The last time, I vowed never to did it again! I just haven't had the best experience. There are diamonds in the rough but, I always meet the weirdos. The ones that have online dating down to a science, the ones that have been on sites for YEARS, the ones that constantly text even when you haven't responded in MONTHS, the ones that are jerks solely based off being educated! I also don't like the build up to be let down. Spending all that time messaging, emailing, talking on the phone and then you meet them and... NOTHING!!!

OAN: My friend got married earlier this month to a man she met online! He's very good to her and for her!
 
Enyo said:
Also, I met my ex-husband through mutual friends and they all sang his praises. People often show a very different side once they think they have you locked down. I told a few of our mutual friends the things that happened in our house and they were agog. I can understand why some of them don't believe me because they ALL thought he was a great guy. I did too until I married him.
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The above is one reason I don't do deliberate match-making with male relatives. If a friend of mines meets my male relative at a function I'm having and they connect Great! For them.

I always tell my gf's who show interest in my male relatives....... That I know how they are as cousins, uncles, etc, but I can't tell them how'd they be as boyfriends cause i have never had to date them romantically.
 
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vevster said:
A lot of liars and married men.

I met one guy that had a wife AND fiancée! HA!
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This remind me of a guy I talked to when I was doing the online dating thing a few years ago. He told me his wife and him are separated. But the wife and their 5 kids still live with him. Him and the wife hardly ever see each other though. They have different work schedule and she was staying with him until she finishes her degree.

I told him that's honorable but I am not about that life. Peace, good luck and God bless.
 
Sumra said:
I didn't like POF (although I know some people have had success there). Most of the guys weren't my type. On top of that I got hundreds of "hi", and "how are you" messages. Just lazy. Wouldn't be surprised if a lot are playing around, or married as it can sometimes just seem like copy and paste.

I expect a man to sent me a well thought out introductory mail, referring to parts of my writing. I had the most luck in terms of quality, successful, attractive men on OKCupid. Although it has less members so it was slow. I found 4 guys that seemed good in a year of intermittent use which was fine for me. Quality over quantity.
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I just discovered this morning that those "lazy" messages are guys clicking the Flirt button. They are automated comments. Not that it changes anything for you (because anyone that's truly interested would take the time to write a personal message) but thought I'd share. I thought they the guys were just being lazy and uncreative, too.
 
Never used online dating, but one friend met and married her husband via match.com after years of bad dating.

Another friend used It's Just Lunch. Not online but a matchmaker. She praised the fact that they do background checks on everyone. Weeds out the liars and broke men.
 
I did Match.Com and OKC. I don't have a stigma against, I would suggest that my friends do it. Not too much success on either though, but I'm really picky. I think its easy to be picky online... but a lot of the guys who approached me online I honestly don't think would ever approach me IRL. Its just a sense I have. I basically only talk to the people who I could actually see approaching me IRL, and also the only people that I could see myself having chemistry with lol. That narrows it down a lot lol.
 
I've tried POF, OKCupid and match.com and I only met one guy I was interested in getting to know. It's not unlike real life but dating online I feel there's more pressure. It takes time for me to develop a physical attraction but that's how most people decide if they're interested in someone.:ohwell: So I feel like my approach to dating is incompatible with the way online dating works.
 
SincerelyJane said:
I did Match.Com and OKC. I don't have a stigma against, I would suggest that my friends do it. Not too much success on either though, but I'm really picky. I think its easy to be picky online... but a lot of the guys who approached me online I honestly don't think would ever approach me IRL. Its just a sense I have. I basically only talk to the people who I could actually see approaching me IRL, and also the only people that I could see myself having chemistry with lol. That narrows it down a lot lol.
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I hear ya!
I scroll through my feed and keep passing and passing dudes. Interesting, 2 people who I saw online I saw irl (completely random and didn't recognize one of them until I saw him on Match a few days later) and one of them looked much better than his profile pics. His pictures didn't do him full justice, he has much more presence in real life and he stood out in the place. I remember walking into the restaurant and seeing him at the bar and thought "damn, that's a good looking brother right there that's dressed nicely... he kinda had that look like he could have been an extra on Being Mary Jane :lol:. He had a grown man kinda vibe. I remember scrolling past his pic online and just kept scrolling. Seeing him in person --- different story :lol:

The other person looked quite similar to his pics physically but imo he seemed a bit more childish/goofy in person than his profile pics. He had more presence in his pics than irl. Interesting how pics are.
 
So true about pics. In every angle, I look way overweight (due to my boobs and arm flabs) and just plain busted in my pics. When guys met me in rl, it's like "Dayum Girl! You look good....way better then your pics." Even in professional pics, I look janky. I'm just not photogenic to save my life. It took me forever to understand that song funny valentine...now, I understand the lyrics. lol
 
Yeah that's the downside to online dating to me, pics don't really say much. Even if a person physically looks just like their pics irl their demeanor/presence is a different story. That's why if I speak to someone I'm a proponent of meeting asap. I wanna see who I'm talking to. If you see someone in person out and about you kinda already get a full physical picture of their mannerisms/demeanor.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
I've always contemplated about *seriously* dating online (not just creating an account to see what it was like and then deleting it the next day lol) but I haven't for these reasons:

- stigma. I have a hard time visualizing myself becoming close to someone through a dating site, introducing my new interest to friends, and responding with "we meet online" when we're asked how we met. The thought feels embarrassing and slightly disappointing because it's but exactly a romantic way to meet.
- you have to take nice photos of yourself and I'm too lazy right now lol
- like some of the other posters mentioned, talking to people on dating sites can be discouraging because they don't put much effort into their conversations/profiles
 
This thread peaked my curiosity and I just created a profile on OKCupid. I'm getting an overwhelming response in just a few hours and I wonder how much of this is normal.

How many views and messages are you averaging per day/week for those of you doing online dating?
 
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