Oww this hurts

S

Spongebob

Well-Known Member
Ow god, this feeling is unbearable.

i recently recieved a proposel back in june. I accepted with pure joy and happines and was too excited like any other bride to be. Then as a result of many complicated problems including medical that i mentioned in a previous thread I had to cancel the proposel that i hadf accepted. I've never had a boyfriend or dealt with marriage before, so when I withdrew (3 weeks ago) i realise I made a mistake and should have just sat down with him and explain my problems. I contacted him yesterday and asked him if he was willing to delay getting married by a few months because of the reasons I mentioned (health condition and surgery). He spoke to me for the first time after ignoring me for 3 whole weeks and not replying to any of my calls and texts. This was over the phone, he told me that he's getting married and that the girl's family had met his family, i.e. it was all official and bout to happen any minute.


i can't describe the burning in my heart, i'm hoping it's just heart burn. but what the hell? why? I really liked him
 
In ONLY 3 weeks, he met someone new and is engaged to her? What the hell?

He must be coming into some inheritance or something. Who is that pressed to get married? Is he an immigrant? :lol: I don't understand.
 
Yes, please clarify the timeline. That is very disturbing and if the timeline is as it appears in your OP, perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. You cannot possibly love two people enough two marry them only 3 weeks later.
 
Hmm. The three week thing has already been pointed out by the other posters so I don't have anything to add about that. :perplexed

How long did you know and date this guy?

You say you really liked him. Do you love him? It doesn't seem like you guys were that into each other.
 
I think you should count your blessings. This man is not for you. I know your heart burns and hurts. And I can understand how he would feel hurt. But when you lose someone you love, getting ENGAGED immediately after is not the way to heal or show how you really feel. Is he a legal resident of this country?
 
It doesn't make sense I told him exactly 3 weeks ago that i'm sorry but I'm in a difficult time and as a result can't get married in my situation. He didn't even ask for an explanation (despite LHCF advicing me to explain to him and sit down with him). His response was to just put me on complete ignore. Not replying to my calls or texts for 3 of my longest weeks. I can't believe it's been only three weeks, it felt like 3 years. Now he must have either known her because it makes no sense. He says that he met her the friday after the week that I told him. So basically not last week but the week before? And what makes matters worse is that the two families have met and agreed, which in my culture is a sign that it's pretty much a done deal- and a date is set in the immidate future (1-2 months max). i believe him, i asked his friend which confirmed that it's all true.

he's not an immigrant trying to get a visa (can't believe u made me laugh in this heartbreak)
 
Wow. I guess he REALLY wants to be married.
Did you love him though? You say you really "liked" him. I've never heard anyone accept a proposal from someone they just 'like.' Hmmm...
What culture is he or you from?
Something smells fishy though...even with this post, it's just :spinning:
 
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If this story is real....just move on. It was easy for him to ignore you because he probably wasn't feeling you like that. Is he really engaged or is he making that up just to hurt your feelings???

Either way, keep it moving.

I must ask (you don't need to answer this) why didn't you just tell him what you were going through when you first had your medical issues/surgery? I don't understand why he didn't realize you weren't in the best place to make decisions either. How long were you even together?

No offense, but with all these trolls posting lately I gotta ask.
 
I had to re-read your thread about the three week thing. If he already proposed to another girl in 3 weeks then that would tell me a LOT about the kind of person he is.

Even if he did happen to meet someone in that time period it would still not sound right to get engaged. And then there's no side-eye from the family either??

Doesn't sound right. Maybe he's trying to make you jealous because he's hurt about you turning him down.

Something doesn't sound right though.
 
OP you never answered the question. How long were you guys together? How long did you know dude? It really doesn't make sense without more background information.
 
You guys don't sound American, are you?

In any case he sounds too selfish to be your partner; you dodged a bullet.
 
I'm sorry but this just dont make no kinda sense.

First off if yall was engaged why didn't your fiancé know you were sick and needing surgery. If a man is about to be your husband he should know all of that and be right there by your side.

Second I don't believe he actually met some other chick and in 3 weeks got engaged and the "wedding" is in a couple of months. That will have to go down as the fastest engagement in history.

Something just don't add up. Either you're withholding information OP or this ninja is lying. If yall were engaged what happened to your ring?? Did you even get one??

Like someone else said how long were the two of you "dating"?

Not to sound mean but something aint right with this here
 
It's not about him "being into you". It's about him being a selfish jerk who is desperate to get married. Sounds like he would marry any chick who agreed. He's not the one for you and not the one for anybody really.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should feel sorry for the girl who wasn't lucky enough to escape that jackarse.
 
Curious: Why did you ignore the advice in the previous thread?

I agree with the others that you dodged a bullet. In fact, maybe you both did.

If you couldn't open up enough to trust him, tell him what was going on with you, and allow him to support you through it, you didn't need to marry him. Marriage is all about communication and trust.

And if he didn't care enough to ask why, and he shut you down for 3 weeks, he either didn't care in the first place, or he expresses hurt really badly. If he really is marrying someone else (which I doubt), he can't be trusted. He didn't need to marry you.

For future reference, don't try to be perfect before you get married. You'll never get married if you do that. Find someone you love flaws and all, and show him the real you with all your pluses and minuses. If the two of you can accept each other as you are now, then any improvements you make will just be a bonus, and you'll achieve them together. You've said before that you are surrounded by people who don't understand you -- people who are in your life by default (mother, sister, etc.). I would strongly suggest you make the person you CHOOSE to spend the rest of your life with -- someone who knows you, understands you, and cares for you. But you have to let him.
 
I believe Op story. If his family is pressuring him and/or already had someone else in mind, it can really happen that fast.


Op,

He was not meant for you. Take time to grieve and learn from this. Learn what you want and desire in a husband. Take this time to explore what you want and learn and know your own value and worth.

You will feel anger and betrayal but dont get stuck there. When you are ready, go through your process again with new mind, eyes and heart.
 
He was courting both of you and he knew if you wouldn't marry him the other chick would. I don't believe the 3 week thing.

1st you didn't have to cancel the proposal, you just could have postponed the wedding. Sounds strange but hey, better a broken engagement than a divorce.

This is coming form a divorced woman who had a broken engagement. I can forget about the broken engagement dude (Dashawn who, never happened, you have no proof), but the divorce is on my permanent record (I am the ex-Mrs..... forever). LOL
 
God whispers before he shouts . You listened to his whisper the first time and broke off the engagement. You 100% made the right choice. Never look back, you had a lucky escape.
 
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trust that you ARE gonna get over the pain in your heart..


now look on the bright side; it good that you didn;t get married to him because it sounds like he has someone else on the side all along, who finds someone else to marry in 3 weeks, unless they are getting married for a green card ...

also it sounds like you weren't quite ready for marriage, a part of marriage is sharing and communication, you didn't tell him about your concerns about your health and surgery that is somehting that you should want to share with someone who is going to be your life partner...
 
did you guys only date for a few weeks before the proposal? is this why he had no idea about your illness? it seems like he had another girlfriend the entire time and settled for her when you said no.

sorry for your pain , but this will pass. please focus on your health!!
 
Are you from a culture with arranged marriages? Or at least a more formal type courtship process? I'm sensing some significant cultural differences here and am unsure that LHCF will be able to put it all in perspective unless more is said.
 
Hurt should be what you are feeling right about now:

tumblr_mblc2w92uk1rwx16d.gif
 
I took a look at your previous thread Spongebob. I think you're fortunate he showed his true colors beforehand.

You have what seems to be serious medical concerns and you don't need the type of stress his selfishness would bring into a marriage. There's a reason you didn't share your issues with him. If you didn't feel safe and comfortable to share with him, he's not husband material. :nono:
 
Dang she never came back to answer the important questions. Oh well I guess she didn't know or date him that long her damn self. Oh looks like any woman would probably do for him so she should be happy its done and over with.
 
Chaosbutterfly said:
Are ya'll Nigerian?
I know some Nigerians who have courted, gotten engaged, and gotten married in three or four months.
Click to expand...

Wha!?? I don't know any....

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
shockolate said:
Wha!?? I don't know any....

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
Click to expand...

I know a few couples like that.
Parents or other family members introduced them and they were married in four months or less. I also know of a handful couples who met in church or were introduced by the pastor (my church is all Nigerians) and were married about six months later, which also seems insanely short to me.

I'm glad to hear that you don't know anyone like that though, because I was starting to be concerned.
 
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