OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME BUT............

Mandy4610

Mandy4610

Well-Known Member
So, my job has offered me a trip to France for a one month job training program....but here is the problem...DH does not want me to go.
This is truly a once in a life time opportunity. I feel bad that I would have to be gone for so long, I have never been gone so long since DH and I got married. Is it selfish for me to want to go?
I am torn:wallbash::wallbash:

and Sad because it does not feel great either way. I am happy about the opportunity, but I can not say whether it will be a YES or a NO to the offer:nono: and I can not go ahead and do it without knowing that DH supports me.
It is a definite NO on DH's part:cry3:

UPDATE: ITS A YES.....DH AND I TALKED AND HE IS OK.
 
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did he say exactly why he doesn't want you to go......??? do you understand his reasons or do you think he's being selfish....hope you are able to work out something....I can understand where you are coming from
 
I know you're married, but I would be like, "Au Revoir!"

It's only a month...he'll be a'ight. Get a webcam and stay in touch.
 
I agree with Tiara. I hope he has a logical reason. If he doesn't then I can see some resentment building up. I would't go if he was dead set against it either. If he does not have a good reason, I hope he does not expect you to be happy about it.
 
Ditto. I cannot fathom my DH saying that he did not want me to take such an opportunity which could benefit the family (promotion/raise) just because he would be lonely. I hope he has a reason to be so against your going.

If he would just be lonely (no real reason), I might go ahead and leave for training. He would have to fly out at the two week mark & take a vacation day or two to see you on the weekend (assuming no class). The flight is about 8 hours from NY so probably closer for him assuming that you are in Edmonton, Canada.

I've had training out of state for a week here and there several times. Although DH is lonely, eats junk (even if I freeze meals) and he sleeps on the couch until I come back, he deals with it.
 
posted this in your blog

Does the company have an allowance for a spouse furlough? Or is it possible to configure a spending plan
for him to come there a couple of weekends
He might be more amenable if it was framed as kind of a brief honeymoon op even if for weekend..

30 days goes by really quickly.....
believe it or not...

not to negate the opportunity by
framing part of it as a romantic interlude you can both enjoy
the opp sounds fabulous and I am personally rooting for you to go

I agree with Tiara ..the question isnt whether you are being selfish...but
is he being reasonable ...attemping to intervene /withhold some thing you worked for and have earned...and deserve this reward and advancement ...
passing it up could set an uneasy precedent


keep dialogue on this open
don't give this up
 
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I had to go away for a month for school. Of course DH and my kids were not thrilled at the idea, and we missed each other terribly while I was gone. Those 4 weeks flew by so quickly because I was very busy. In your case, it's not like you're gonna be there laying back and shopping all day. It's work, and ultimately, it benefits DH in the larger picture.
 
I wonder why he doesn't want you to go?
No disrespect but he should support you and applaud you for excelling in your career.
If you really want to go, I say go ahead. You will regret this later and your husband will be there when you come back.
 
This would be the first time I would be gone for so long since we have been married (married two years).
His reason is just that he does not think that this job is worth investing so much into (even though they are paying for everything- close to $10,000) because I have told him several times that I would like to do something different career wise.
The thing is that, I do not have my university stuff done, heck I have not given started working toward my ideal career, but I have been fortunate enough to go up the ladder in my job, just with my experience and training here and there. At the moment I don't even know if university is in my future because we are thinking of starting a family, so I need all the training I can get just in case switching careers is not feasible.
I have been away for short periods of time before and he absolutely hated it, but he was ok in the end.
I should suggest the webcam to him and see if that helps.
I think he is just not used to me being away, I am not used to it either and it would be hard for me too, I would miss him like crazy too.
 
I really hope you can explain everything to him so that he can see the bigger picture. Even if you do plan a career change, this trip means a lot now. And it's not like you're paying for it. This can help you and him.

My BIL had to go away for his job twice (once when my sister was pregnant and again when the baby was only about 2 months old) and they'd only been married about a year. Of course they missed each other but they looked at the bigger picture. New job, more money, etc. She visited him for a few days on his first trip, he came home for a weekend the second time. I was the only one against it because I was the one that had to leave my house to stay with her :rolleyes:

Like someone else said, maybe get a webcam and see if he can visit after about two weeks, even if it's just for a weekend. I hope you can go to France, OP.
 
You need this training to advance in your career, especially since you don't yet have a degree. $10K is a lot to invest into a monthly training class so they clearly think highly of you and want you to stay with the company long term. Not sure of the company but $10K for training sounds like the kind of company that would assist with your university expenses.

He needs to see the bigger picture.

I've been married 2 years as well (3 years in a few more months) and I had to leave DH a few times for work. Your DH will be fine....and he can plan a mid month trip to see you to make the time pass faster.

You will miss him, but talking to him each night and seeing him mid month would make it easier. We have a family cell phone plan so DH and I talk to each other at least 3 times per day when I'm traveling for work - all without the minutes deducted from our plan.
 
if this is what YOU want then go for it. in the end it will benefit YOU BOTH. hmmm i wonder how it would be if the tables were turned:rolleyes: im sorry to say but us as women always stand by our dh's so's etc. so why cant they do the same for us. i still dont see why he feels this is a silly idea. you're suppose to come first.:nono:
 
Thank you for your advice ladies.
Coming to visit me while I am there is not an option at this time, not only do we not have the money for it, but DH would not be able to take the time off his job.
I will let him sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow. The trip is in June, so I have time to work with.
I really don't want to go if he does not support it, It would be too hard to cope with that for 4weeks.
 
Mandy4610 said:
This would be the first time I would be gone for so long since we have been married (married two years).
His reason is just that he does not think that this job is worth investing so much into (even though they are paying for everything- close to $10,000) because I have told him several times that I would like to do something different career wise.
The thing is that, I do not have my university stuff done, heck I have not given started working toward my ideal career, but I have been fortunate enough to go up the ladder in my job, just with my experience and training here and there. At the moment I don't even know if university is in my future because we are thinking of starting a family, so I need all the training I can get just in case switching careers is not feasible.
I have been away for short periods of time before and he absolutely hated it, but he was ok in the end.
I should suggest the webcam to him and see if that helps.
I think he is just not used to me being away, I am not used to it either and it would be hard for me too, I would miss him like crazy too.
Click to expand...

Unless you absolutely hate your job, in this economy, I'd say keep it (unless you are going back to school for real then that's another option).
 
I hope he does reconsider. It sounds like a great opportunity and at the perfect time since you are in the early years of marriage with no children. That's a nice sum of money to fund for some training and it could lead you to a career/position with your company that makes you happier. Good luck!
 
MCMLXXII said:
My last two cents....

If you don't go and later realize that you missed an opportunity, you'll resent him.
Click to expand...

I agree. Work your womanly charms on him. I bet you can convince him that this is a great opportunity for you and your career. I really hope you get to go.
 
It's in June????

Many things could happen like ...enough money saved for him to visit
I would not rule out that option
or that he'll come around to seeing your point of view

voting for yes...
y'know,it's easier to say you can't to France.....later
if it absolutely must come to that..(prbly wldnt)

than to say you can go to France........later
after the deadline passed to accept
if there's no funds or openings
 
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Whats going to happen if you go? will he divorce you? I understand that some decisions need to be made together as a married couple but this is for the benefit of everyone and not just yourself...4 weeks is NOTHING and will fly by. Now if you wanted to join the armed forces or take a job overseas for a year while he remains home, then I can see how that wouldnt play well, and would agree with him. I really think he is being stubborn and just doesnt want to be left alone instead of looking at the BIG LOGICAL PICTURE.
 
It's in June but your boss may need your answer this month. My boss is planning her budget (funds on 1/1/2009) and she asked all of us several weeks ago about any training/course that we want to take for 2009 so she could budget for them.

If you don't go and end up resenting him....it would be hard to cope with that for years to come.

Hopefully he will realize that this opportunity is good for both of you....and as posted above it's the perfect time since there are no children for him to tend to for a month.


Mandy4610 said:
Thank you for your advice ladies.
Coming to visit me while I am there is not an option at this time, not only do we not have the money for it, but DH would not be able to take the time off his job.
I will let him sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow. The trip is in June, so I have time to work with.
I really don't want to go if he does not support it, It would be too hard to cope with that for 4weeks.
Click to expand...
 
So basically this all comes down to him not wanting to be alone........

No offense OP but tell hubby to grow a pair and look at the big picture. Let him know that you will not be happy with him if you miss a good opportunity like this. It is only 4 weeks...DANG! This mess still goes on in the 21st century???

I could understand if you had kids but no children?? Do what is best for your family in the end. If that means not going to satisfy him...then so be it. But just make sure that in the end you are okay with that decision. You will make the right decision hon. GOOD LUCK!!!
 
Have you given in thought to your position(opportunities) with the company if you don't accept the training. They may consider it a bad signal and future promotion/raises will be impacted. Also, since you don't have a degree, the company is trying minimize the impact (with other employees) by giving you training.

I know you are considering going back to school, but are you also ready to look for another job?
 
He would have to have a logical reason. For me, it couldn't be just because he doesn't want me to go. I would hope to see any dh wanting to support his wife in her career. I hope you don't regret your decision (whatever it may be) and end up resenting your dh for it.
 
GO! I hate to see anyone not follow their dreams or miss out on amazing opportunities for the sake of somebody else and I know of course this "somebody" in your case is not just anybody, it is the man you plan to spend the rest of your life with. But I truly believe that if you do not go, you will regret it and resent him. If you do go, he will deal with it. You yourself said it is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and it is only 1 month, it is not 1 year. You need to sit down and discuss this properly...what are your reasons for going, why are they important to you? What are his reasons for not wanting you to go and why are they important to him?
 
and outside of the career benefits, traveling to other countries and seeing how other people live will give *YOU* some additional perspective that you can keep with you regardless of what career field you end up going into :yep:

i studied journalism abroad in europe for a semester while i was in school, and even though i'm not a journalist post-graduation, i learned SO MUCH and was exposed to so many different things that i wouldn't have been exposed to in america. i gained a newfound sense of independence, and i have found that by taking a chance and going out there, i've come back more confident in my abilities to do whatever i so choose.

you can come out a better *person* through this experience, even if it's only one month. i'm not quite sure why DH wouldn't want you to take advantage of such a great opportunity to grow as an individual and in your career, but i hope he can become more supportive so you can go! :yep:

let us know if you go or not, and if you do go, let me know where you're going... i spent time in paris, nice and villefranche while i was over there, so i'd love to tell you about the must-sees in those spots :yep:
 
It's in June but your boss may need your answer this month. My boss is planning her budget (funds on 1/1/2009) and she asked all of us several weeks ago about any training/course that we want to take for 2009 so she could budget for them.
Click to expand...

it does allow time for her husband
and her to make....adjustements
..it's better to say yes now....
than it is to say no now...

because saying yes later .....
obviously means the opportunity is no longer there

hope she says yes and uses the
six month to put money aside for him to go :)
30 days will zip right by
 
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