Older men Love me. What to do?!

[jujubelle]

Ok...I have gotten attention from older men ever since I was bout 12 years old. I did develop early and was the most developed in my class. I am 24 now.

With that being said...this trend of getting more attention from older men has continued. I'm not saying I don't get attention from guys my generation, but more than likely in a room split 50/50 of guys my generation and older guys, the old heads would approach me more.

Now I'm not talking someone 3,5,6 years older...I'm talking bout 10-20 years older. Right now I have two suitors over the age of 40. Not that they aren't nice guys but I kinda feel like they only after me cause I'm young and they want that little tenderoni piece by their side to look like "the man"

Gentleman one is 48, black, lives in my city. Known him for a year (he works at the physical therapy office I go to). Now looking at him he looks 10 years younger than he is and I get along with him great. He has 3 grown children and a 9 year old.

Gentleman 2 is 41, Romanian/Turkish. He works in IT. lives 2 hours away. He is separated and has an 8 year old son. I met him on MATCH (he contacted me). we talked for the first time yesterday and he seems pretty nice and polite.

There is one more gentleman who I've known for 4 years who is 37. I don't wanna put to much cause I think he browses this forum..lol But I've had the most history with him and the connection/chemistry/whatever u wanna call it is off the Richter. But he doesn't believe in marriage.

Now it's not really a problem that they are older, except for that trophy image in my head, but how do I go about telling my family or if it develops into anything, bringing them around my peeps.

Even though I am 24, I am now back at my folks, but they still treat me like the 16 year old with the who what where when why's.

I also worry about becoming a caretaker young. Like the guy who is 48 in 10 years when I am in the peak of my 30s he'll be pushin 60. erplexed

I don't have daddy issues, and I don't go after these guys specifically.

Has anyone been in this situation? Dated for a long time a man who was much older, or even married? Advice please!

 

[Bunny77]

Uh, I think a little more information is needed.

Do you like dating older men, or do you just think this is the best you can get, so you'll take it?

Why are you considering men of any age who are still married?

Do you want to get married one day? If so, why are you considering a man of any age who says he doesn't believe in marriage?

I guess the big question is, what do YOU want?

 

[Mena]

They probably think you are an east target.

 

[MzLady78]

^^^I'm with Bunny, I'm not really understanding why 2 of these guys are even being considering between being separated and not believing in marriage, and the 3rd is coming with more than I think I'd want to take on at 24. 3 grown kids and 9 year old??

 

[phynestone]

I like older men, but yikes! They have a bit of baggage. You're a little young to deal with that.

I think some older men may genuinely like someone who happens to be younger and some just want a trophy.

 

[jujubelle]

Uh, I think a little more information is needed.

Do you like dating older men, or do you just think this is the best you can get, so you'll take it?

I don't mind dating older men, I don't think that is the best. I have dated men in my age range as well. One thing I don't do is settle.

Why are you considering men of any age who are still married?

These are people who have recently approached me. I am just telling my situation, I'm not yet at a point to "consider" any of them. I haven't gone out with any of them, except for the 37 yr old. I don't go after or date men who are still married.

Do you want to get married one day? If so, why are you considering a man of any age who says he doesn't believe in marriage?

There are times I do want to get married. Again I mentioned him for the sole purpose of showing an older man who is interested in me.

I guess the big question is, what do YOU want?

I want what anyone would want. A healthy, loving relationship.

 

[jujubelle]

I like older men, but yikes! They have a bit of baggage. You're a little young to deal with that.

What were your experiences? If you don't mind.

I think some older men may genuinely like someone who happens to be younger and some just want a trophy.

See thats the thing. I don't know too much older men who are single no kids. And if they were it would raise an eyebrow.

But besides that I know the 37 yr old doesn't see me as an easy target based on the friendship we've had for the last couple years. And he is more of a friend than anything, just so happens we're attracted to each other. Frankly I know he isn't completely opposed to marriage.

Now I am not a typical 24 year old. I have had to grow up really quickly and take on many responsibilities. My mindset is way different from alot of my generation.

My thing is every time I mention dating an older guy, a lot of women automatically go into the "he's using you, you're too young, etc."


But I don't think that every instance is like that. The men I just mentioned are just a few that I have "encountered" I know men in their 30s and 40s who are single with no kids, or divorced, etc. I also know men in my age range.

Are there no cases of genuineness in younger person having a successful relationship with an older person?

 

[Bunny77]

I want what anyone would want. A healthy, loving relationship.

Thanks for answering.

Here's the thing. I don't consider getting e-mails from men on Match.com as true signs of "interest." Let me explain what I mean by that...

I was on Match.com and other sites, and all sorts of men write. I think most younger women who have posted on a dating site has gotten LOTS of attention from older men. That's a common theme of online dating. The situation with the Romanian guy says nothing really to prove that you "attract older men," but that you're simply part of a general online dating trend in which older men are particularly bold with younger women. That's why I don't see the point of including him as someone who is "interested."

But... did you know he was separated when you decided to talk with him though? Or did you find that out after the fact?


Okay, as for the general issue here. I do believe that a healthy and loving relationship can exist between an older man and a younger woman. It's happened throughout history and will continue to happen. Some folks on the board are in such relationships, and I'm sure they can share their positive stories.

In your case though, I don't see anything appealing about the men you're discussing. Way too much baggage and you're really too young for all that.

Men like pretty women, and older men especially like pretty younger women. I also think that pretty much every younger woman has been an old man magnet at some point... which doesn't say anything much about you or any other young woman, but simply attests to the fact that older men like to pursue younger women.

This isn't to say that you should always avoid older men, but I think younger women can get too caught up in the fact that these men seem more mature, stable, established and respectful than the younger men they meet... well duh, older men have been in the game longer and know what to say/do to impress a younger woman.

 

[jujubelle]

EXACTLY Bunny! LOL

I think you hit the nail on the head about being attracted to them because they have been in the game much longer and seem to be more mature and established. I mean I feel like guys my age don't friggin get it and I'm dealing with foolishness.

Now I have been in situations where there are young successful men, but they all seem to be looking for the thin, petite, kobe bryant wife type girl.erplexed

About the Romanian guy, I looked at his profile after he contacted me and saw that he listed separated...I meant to ask him more clarification but when he called me I was in the middle of something and we just exchanged pleasantries.

I usually don't do the online dating sites. I actually had my profile up for a few years from doing an assignment for a psych class and never took it down. And hearing so many people say they met their love of their life on one, I just tested the waters and updated my profile.

I was never the type of girl who like dating multiple people, and I have had only 2 serious relationships. First ended cause of his families "plan" for him. And the other I couldn't see myself with him. Although now I wish I didn't decide to break up with him.

Come on Bunny...sprinkle some of that engagement luck dust on me!

Reading that photgraphers blog on the black wedding pics site has me lol

 

[Bunny77]

EXACTLY Bunny! LOL

I think you hit the nail on the head about being attracted to them because they have been in the game much longer and seem to be more mature and established. I mean I feel like guys my age don't friggin get it and I'm dealing with foolishness.

Don't feel bad... I fell for an older guy too... Once the blinders were off, it was clear how foolish he really was!!!!

P.S.: I think you can potentially escape some of the foolishness by going 5-7 years older... that's what I did!

Now I have been in situations where there are young successful men, but they all seem to be looking for the thin, petite, kobe bryant wife type girl.erplexed

I don't know where you live, but all of the type of men that I consider "successful" aren't checking for Vanessa Bryants... but then again, I never went for the lawyer/doctor/finance types (well, I didn't rule them out, but they weren't my cup of tea). What about a nice teacher? What about the nerdy men who work in information technology? I love me some nerds... Journalists? Small business owners? Dudes who work for a politician? (like a Congressional aide).

All of these men aren't checking for "exotic women" only...

Anyway, keep trying the online dating thing, and TRY to date multiple people. You don't have to get serious with them, but it's good to be able to have multiple suitors showing interest... then you get to pick!

Hope that's enough "engagement dust" for ya!

 

[jujubelle]

Don't feel bad... I fell for an older guy too... Once the blinders were off, it was clear how foolish he really was!!!!



I don't know where you live, but all of the type of men that I consider "successful" aren't checking for Vanessa Bryants... but then again, I never went for the lawyer/doctor/finance types (well, I didn't rule them out, but they weren't my cup of tea). What about a nice teacher? What about the nerdy men who work in information technology? I love me some nerds... Journalists? Small business owners? Dudes who work for a politician? (like a Congressional aide).

All of these men aren't checking for "exotic women" only...

Anyway, keep trying the online dating thing, and TRY to date multiple people. You don't have to get serious with them, but it's good to be able to have multiple suitors showing interest... then you get to pick!

Hope that's enough "engagement dust" for ya!

I don't go for the upper crust generally either. I just come across them in my work. I love nerds too! I am a self-proclaimed nerd. Talking about wormholes, artificial intelligence, and current events turns me on! LOL

See the thing with dating multiple things is that its kind of frowned upon in my family. It's a long story, but their perception of my beliefs in acts regarding men isn't in line with my actual reality. And dating multiple men, or any man while living with them is hard. I think I'll drop the online dating.

With that being said. I live in Philadelphia. Know any suitors. I don't mind LDRS!

Thanks for the dust! and Congrats!!

 

[Bunny77]

See the thing with dating multiple things is that its kind of frowned upon in my family. It's a long story, but their perception of my beliefs in acts regarding men isn't in line with my actual reality. And dating multiple men, or any man while living with them is hard. I think I'll drop the online dating.

Oh, you live at home. I was about to say, why do they have to know that you're dating multiple men?

How long do you have to live with them? I'd hate for my family to be hampering my goal of finding a healthy and happy relationship and I'm an adult woman...

As for the men at work, stop thinking so much about what they want. If they're not the types you want, they're inconsequential. So even if they all want exotic women, that's like, completely irrelevant to your dating life.

Wish I knew some men in Philly! That's one of the major cities in this country that I can't say I know much about, unfortunately.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I do believe it is possible for an older man to have a genuine connection with a younger woman...but all in all, the intentions of older men have to be filtered just as much if not more than men in your generation. It's definately something you must take your time with. Even if he may feel his time is 'running out', don't let an older man pressure you. Examine and explore the connection you have just as you would with any other man. Because truth be told, every young woman attracts older men.

 

[jujubelle]

Oh, you live at home. I was about to say, why do they have to know that you're dating multiple men?

How long do you have to live with them? I'd hate for my family to be hampering my goal of finding a healthy and happy relationship and I'm an adult woman...

As for the men at work, stop thinking so much about what they want. If they're not the types you want, they're inconsequential. So even if they all want exotic women, that's like, completely irrelevant to your dating life.

Wish I knew some men in Philly! That's one of the major cities in this country that I can't say I know much about, unfortunately.

If I had the option I woulda moved out yesterday. I haven't lived at home since I was 17. I went off to school and then lived/interned in NY up until last July when I was diagnosed with Diabetes and my mom felt she needed to keep and eye on my health and made me move back home. So I haven't been able to find steady work yet. I do have interviews coming up this week (fingers crossed!)

They have hampered and driven away unfortunately. But their intentions are in the right place it's just the execution.

I don't really care for the guys I come across doing my events, they all so full of it. It's just something I observed on the type of women they go after.

I wish you did too! LOL. I mean...I'll take other cities as well...Philly guys really aren't my type...mostly...not all.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

Hey, you know yourself better than we do...

Older men are only free to take a fatherly interest in me. If he wants to give me advice, or tell me how much a head of cabbage and a liter of milk and a gallon of gas used to cost in his day, that's fine.

I would never ever ever ever sleep with an oldhead though.

 

[jujubelle]

lol @ optimus