Not wanting to get my hair wet "spoiled the mood". Problem for you guys too?

[LadyPaniolo]

Dang, I think y'all are letting homeboy off to easily just cuz he's white! I told DH about this thread and he was like !
WTF, doesn't he know not to do anything ignant right before he's bout to get some lovin'???

DH isn't black, but he would never in ten eons say something ignorant to me like that. He's been known to remove my head scarf during the throes of passion, but he'd never scream on me for taking care of myself. After all, he thinks I do all this so that I could look pretty for HIM! (Little does he know, he could die tomorrow and my reg wouldn't change, I lust after long hair!!!!!!)

I think cuz was downright rude. I mean, you both could have taken the party to the bed/bathroom floor/counter etc... and still had a great time. Instead you ended up yelling at each other and being unhappy. His bad, not yours.

 

[Mortons]

girl slap you on a cheapie conditioner next time and keep it rolling

I understand about not getting your hair wet, but when being romantic, I think that hair is something that should be let go of.

 

[SkinnyMocah]

I would just walk around a few days with ugly hair and see if he notices. Then when he makes a comment about it, say "I bet you want me to do my hair now, and keep it looking nice, huh? ".

What ruined the mood was him acting like a 3 yr old about it, personally.

 

[PinkPeony]

I agree with you Pokahontas!!!!!!

Honeydew, i personally do NOT think you over-reacted. Maybe Im in the minority here but................ you just got your hair done, and you are out of town! Damn that!!! I would have worn 2 showercaps too..... and while I may not have "gotten out" of the shower, i would have definitely put things on pause to bend over and stick that sucker right back on. Im sorry.... this is not the movies, and you are not (dare i say) Caucasian.... where you can just jump in the shower sans cap, then simply blow dry your hair in 10 minutes when you step out and have flowing, silky tresses again. It doesnt work like that for us! (Well not for me anyway).

Besides, who wants to be bothered having to blow-fry and shampoo and condition and do all that other nonsense to get your hair looking nice again? Especially when you're out of town.... thats too much work. Odds are, your BF would want to cuddle right after.... lay in your arms, chill in bed, watch TV, fall asleep for the night holding you.... he may have been equally annoyed that you needed to immedietely go into the bathroom and do your hair for like an hour (otherwise, you are laying on those dern cotton sheets/pillowcases with your wet hair just snapping! *smh*).

I mean, for me, once my hair gets wet its DONE..... all i can do it put it in a lame old bun, and THAT would ruin my mood (esp. if it was just in a pretty, bouncy rollerset). I like to look pretty and my best when im out of town, and i would do whatever it took to salvage my hairstyle.

So nope, I dont think you were being uptight or unreasonable at all. Your boyfriend knows that your hair is super important to you..... and it shouldnt have come as a surprise to him. Yeah, spontaneity is great............... but i am the type of person who looks to the future, at the big picture. Yeah, you'll get 20 minutes of spontaneous passion in the shower.... but afterward you've ruined your hair. Thats why, when i can, i put on a scarf 85% of the time before my BF and i make love..... as much as he loves to see it out and flowing, the sweating and ripping and rough.... well.... lets just say its not worth it to me.

I mean, i think you were spontaneous enough that you didnt take the time to put on a silk scarf under that shower cap. Cuz we all know a showercap alone really isnt enough (what with the humidity and all) for a shower.

But hey, thats just me: practicality before spontaneity. Thats why i often get braids when i go on vacation.... because i know how men get, and they often do get annoyed by our hair "obsession." This way i can get it wet without worry....

ETA: I agree w/the other ladies. Next time you can "stage" another spontaneous situation, where you dont mind getting ure hair wet because you already planned it and are prepared. *shrug* But i, for one, dont think you should ever feel forced to do something that you dont wanna do...... just in the name of being spontaneous. Your boyfriend will be fine. If you all get married and spend the rest of your life together, this is just one thing he will know about you. We all have our quirks, and this is one of yours (and mine, lol).

What?That's news to me.
Do you use your showercap + a satin scarf?
Have I been possibly sleeping on that??
Sorry Honey for jacking you thread.

 

[NuMe2004]

I don't mean to get on ya, but I do think you were being a little too uptight. You only live once, and I don't think a dip in the pool or a shower is going to ruin your progress on the hair front.

 

[meaganita]

For the most part I've been fortunate enough to deal with men who understand the hair thing. They may not like the scarves or shower caps, but they understand it's for a good cause. After all, your man wants you to look good right? Anyway, if a man messes up my hair or insists on snatching the bonnet or doo-rag off in the throws of passion, I just make him pay for my emergency salon visit. Hit him in his pocket and maybe that'll train him to think twice about complaining next time. He'll start to respect your sacrafice a little more because now it involves him. Of course, an emergency salon visit can be difficult while on vacation. Whenever I've gone on vacation with my sweetie, I've usually been in a weave or a wig with braids underneath....so water wasn't really an issue.

 

[Ayeshia]

Hmmmm my situation was the opposite...when we were about to take a shower he was asking if I was gonna put a shower cap on I told him that I dont mind getting my hair wet and he was shocked I told him 99% of the time when Its curly I dont mind getting it wet...but once I decide to get it flat ironed then he can offer the shower cap

 

[neonbright]

You may have to break down to him the reason that you put the shower cap on and let him know how long it will take you to do your hair after the shower and etc...

The great thing about my husband, his mom was a hairdresser for about 15 years so he knows why I hate getting my hair wet and he loves to give me money to go to a sylist.

 

[kandi1280]

I'm glad you guys made up so quicky. But honestly, you know your relationship better than anyone on this board. If you were unhappy about the situation he needs to understand that. And now you also understand his feelings too, so situations like this one probably won't happen again anywhere in the near future.

Enjoy the mocha, the fact that your having fun out of town and each other.

 

[Kalani]

I agree with you Pokahontas!!!!!!

Honeydew, i personally do NOT think you over-reacted. Maybe Im in the minority here but................ you just got your hair done, and you are out of town! Damn that!!! I would have worn 2 showercaps too..... and while I may not have "gotten out" of the shower, i would have definitely put things on pause to bend over and stick that sucker right back on. Im sorry.... this is not the movies, and you are not (dare i say) Caucasian.... where you can just jump in the shower sans cap, then simply blow dry your hair in 10 minutes when you step out and have flowing, silky tresses again. It doesnt work like that for us! (Well not for me anyway).

Besides, who wants to be bothered having to blow-fry and shampoo and condition and do all that other nonsense to get your hair looking nice again? Especially when you're out of town.... thats too much work. Odds are, your BF would want to cuddle right after.... lay in your arms, chill in bed, watch TV, fall asleep for the night holding you.... he may have been equally annoyed that you needed to immedietely go into the bathroom and do your hair for like an hour (otherwise, you are laying on those dern cotton sheets/pillowcases with your wet hair just snapping! *smh*).

I mean, for me, once my hair gets wet its DONE..... all i can do it put it in a lame old bun, and THAT would ruin my mood (esp. if it was just in a pretty, bouncy rollerset). I like to look pretty and my best when im out of town, and i would do whatever it took to salvage my hairstyle.
.

ITA with all of this! It's a 3 hour ordeal for me to rollerset my hair (including the intitial wash/condition/ and major detangling), add on top of that being out of town? And meeting important people and visiting cool places? Call me lame but I need to be having nice, easy to quickly style (i.e rollerset), hair for those type of scenarios.

Maybe it takes everyone else only 30 minutes and a blow dryer to get their hair back to a presentable style but for me it is a much bigger and longer ordeal so I definitely would try to preserve my original do. Who wants to deal with time consuming hair woes on an out of town trip? That time could be better spent sight-seeing and enjoying the new location.

 

[KiniKakes]

What?That's news to me.
Do you use your showercap + a satin scarf?
Have I been possibly sleeping on that??
Sorry Honey for jacking you thread.

It could just be me. But i definitely need to be wearing a scarf under my shower cap. Otherwise, i run the risk of water slipping underneath the edges and frizzing things up...... and plus the humidity/steam of the hot water makes my roots puffy when im nearing touch-up time. But when i have a scarf on underneath, it keeps things flat and silky, and also protects my hair even if water creeps underneath the cap when i bend my head forward to wash my neck/back.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Dang, I think y'all are letting homeboy off to easily just cuz he's white! I told DH about this thread and he was like !
WTF, doesn't he know not to do anything ignant right before he's bout to get some lovin'???

He don't know any better... we're gonna let dude off the hook. He's just frustrated. HoneyDew, are you still struggling with your hair currently? If you are, he may not understand how all your efforts are working in the best way. I could very well be used to women whose hair just grow for no reason at all. AA hair is so much different... it needs some TLC in order to retain length. Everytime you grow a significant amount of length, let him see it for himself. Do you explain about your hair?

 

[frostydoll]

It could just be me. But i definitely need to be wearing a scarf under my shower cap. Otherwise, i run the risk of water slipping underneath the edges and frizzing things up...... and plus the humidity/steam of the hot water makes my roots puffy when im nearing touch-up time. But when i have a scarf on underneath, it keeps things flat and silky, and also protects my hair even if water creeps underneath the cap when i bend my head forward to wash my neck/back.

When my hair is straight I wear a scarf under my shower cap as well so you're not alone lol.

 

[PinkSkates]

Sometimes you just gotta say, "SCREW HAIR". AND PARTY LIKE A KENNEDY!

 

[Mystic]

Sorry to hear about the incident. Yes, I think you might have been a little bit uptight. I totally understand where you are coming from though but if you are enjoying your time with your man and then lost the mood because he got your hair wet then I understand where your SO is coming from. I know it wouldn't get to that stage but can you imagine how horrible you would feel if the love of your life walked out on you because of your obsession with your hair? You would then see how trivial the hair thing is. Your SO is not expecting to mess up your hair everyday. On those days when he wants you to chill, let the hair thing go..., get it wet..., do whatever but just enjoy the moment. When you are at home by yourself you can go back to your obsession

Was I just being too uptight?[/QUOTE]

 

[mw138]

Nope. He is a white guy. But he has been with me for 4 years now. You would think he would know better by now, right?

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years too and he is white as well. He understands some things about my hair, but he's definitely still learning!

 

[meaganita]

When my hair is straight I wear a scarf under my shower cap as well so you're not alone lol.

Same here!

 

[PinkPeony]

It could just be me. But i definitely need to be wearing a scarf under my shower cap. Otherwise, i run the risk of water slipping underneath the edges and frizzing things up...... and plus the humidity/steam of the hot water makes my roots puffy when im nearing touch-up time. But when i have a scarf on underneath, it keeps things flat and silky, and also protects my hair even if water creeps underneath the cap when i bend my head forward to wash my neck/back.

I did this maybe 2X when i first started out but stopped b/c I thought I was paranoid.
But my hair DOES get poofy very fast so I'll definitely give this a try from now on.
Kini don't feel sorry I'm sucking all this knowledge up like a sponge,I feel like I just found gold!!

 

[Energist]

It could just be me. But i definitely need to be wearing a scarf under my shower cap. Otherwise, i run the risk of water slipping underneath the edges and frizzing things up...... and plus the humidity/steam of the hot water makes my roots puffy when im nearing touch-up time. But when i have a scarf on underneath, it keeps things flat and silky, and also protects my hair even if water creeps underneath the cap when i bend my head forward to wash my neck/back.

ITA! It doesn't even feel right for me NOT to wear a scarf under a plastic cap

 

[HoneyDew]

Now that is an understanding partner! My boyfriend cant stand BT, or anything else oily for that matter.

Same here. I don't use anything greasy at all for that reason.

 

[HoneyDew]

It could just be me. But i definitely need to be wearing a scarf under my shower cap. Otherwise, i run the risk of water slipping underneath the edges and frizzing things up...... and plus the humidity/steam of the hot water makes my roots puffy when im nearing touch-up time. But when i have a scarf on underneath, it keeps things flat and silky, and also protects my hair even if water creeps underneath the cap when i bend my head forward to wash my neck/back.

On regular days at home, I wear a scarf under my showercap. It definitely helps. After I take my shower, I remove the showercap and my hair is already tied down for bed.

But since I've been here, I don't have my scarf or showercap (forgot them). All I have is a plastic hotel complimentary cap and a cheap shower cap that I bought at a little market out here.

Honestly ladies, I was not all that upset that my hair got wet as much as it did. I feel that I hung un there as long as i could stand. After it went from comfortable to "this sucks" I was out of there. My man could have still "had fun" if you know what I mean - I was all for it!! But, he had to start trippin.

And as a sidenote: My hair has been breaking ever since I had to use that hotel blowdryer. I hardly ever have breakage so this is very hard for me to deal with. I used Joico K-pak for a few min w/o heat, but when I get home I need to do some serious repair. It is not making me happy that I had to use that freakin' dryer.

 

[HoneyDew]

He don't know any better... we're gonna let dude off the hook. He's just frustrated. HoneyDew, are you still struggling with your hair currently? If you are, he may not understand how all your efforts are working in the best way. I could very well be used to women whose hair just grow for no reason at all. AA hair is so much different... it needs some TLC in order to retain length. Everytime you grow a significant amount of length, let him see it for himself. Do you explain about your hair?

Yes! But I have not said anything to him about it. I actually cannot wait to get home to do some damage control. I am getting some really bad breakage for some reason. I think it is because of the blowdryer I had to use. I just did not have time to airdry my hair the way I normally do.

This morning I finger combed my hair and there was little short strands on my fingers. I will be home tomorrow and try to make up for the fact that I used that dryer.

 

[Kayluv]

Honeydew, I completely understand what you are saying with regards to your hair, but it sounds like you have a good man and life is too short to be confined by your hair. IMO, you were being a little uptight. I don't think your hair will fall out if you miss a step here and there in your regime. Go ahead and have fun. Don't let your hair imprison you. You know what to do to get your hair back on track!

 

[Amour]

See, you know exactly what I am talking about. I knew I was going to want to do all of that. Right now, I am sitting here with some Joico K-pak on since he had to go to work. My hair airdried overnight and I did not have any product on it. I am sure you can just imagine what I was looking like.


But, still I wanted to take the subway into Hollywood today - NOT be doing my hair

We are here until Monday so I have a couple of days to try to be fun.

i understand completely i dont think you were being uptight at all; especially if your hair was specially prep'd. It would take less time and effect preventing than having to fix.

 

[InsatiableMe]

It could just be me. But i definitely need to be wearing a scarf under my shower cap. Otherwise, i run the risk of water slipping underneath the edges and frizzing things up...... and plus the humidity/steam of the hot water makes my roots puffy when im nearing touch-up time. But when i have a scarf on underneath, it keeps things flat and silky, and also protects my hair even if water creeps underneath the cap when i bend my head forward to wash my neck/back.

I do this too.

 

[lovenharmony]

Well, I don't got no SO, but when I did, NO ONE was gonna go off on me like that if somone's gonna be with me, the're gonna have to understand that one day of neglegance of my hair could mean weeks of breakage, and all that long flowing hair that he loves so much could be no more!

Yeah, I'm going over the top, but I'm just like that! In any case, I always take an emergency hair kit for such "spontaneous" moments.

 

[tthreat08]

Yeah, of course thats what it is. My ex (the one who was tripping about my hair) was East Indian (Trinidad). Him and his family had Type 2 hair and he really hadnt dated too many black women. So he just didnt "get it" half the time.

I remember when i was a counselor at Wilde Lake Nature Camp one year..... and at the end of the summer all the male counselors would throw the female counselors into the lake fully clothed (this nasty, dirty, murky water with goose poop at the bottom). Everyone thought this was sooo hilarious... it was like camp tradition, and everyone looked forward to it (the kids, the male counselors, and esp. the female counselors). I was the only counselor of color, of course. Anyway, i told my co-workers, in no uncertain terms, that i was not okay with being tossed into that lake. They thought i was kidding for a while, and kept threatening to do it anyway..... there were showers available and all the girl counselors just planned on hopping in and rinsing off right afterward. No biggie, right? HA! I was a college student at the time and, as you know, getting your hair done in Columbia MD is NOT cheap!!! I went once every other week, and had to keep it up as best i could in between appointments.

I eventually had to get "nicety" for a minute, to show them it was serious to me. They just couldnt understand why it was a big deal to me to get wet. I just didnt think it was funny. *shrug* Even with hair aside, getting thrown into a filthy, goose-poop filled swampy lake is just not my idea of a good time.......... I know they all thought i was a poor sport for that. But it is what it is.

Eeew! Yeah, I'm with you on this one. Having goose poop anywhere on me would be an issue. That's just nasty no matter what your ethnicity. I spent a month in India awhile back, and my colleagues didn't understand why I could take a dump out in the wild (with them damn near watching me) with wild boars (and their little piglet babies) running around beside me. (We were in rural areas....for work not play). THAT is a whole adventure in and of itself. Some people though are just into nature in ways I could never be.

 

[preciousjewel76]

I can understand your perspective because until recently (my hair tangles easily) I wanted to punch my SO in the ball sack everytime he ran his fingers through my hair (can you say snap, crackle and pop?).

Stop the violence, girl, just stop the violence!

I'm with you ladies, I know I can be uptight about my hair but I'm working on it. I won't let my head hit a cotton pillowcase without a scarf on, and that can definitely get in the way of certain boudoir activities.... My SO hasn't said much about the time I spend on my hair, but I think he's sort of fascinated (and confused) by it. He says it looks very healthy, though, so I guess he's not going to complain because what I'm doing is working!

 

[HoneyDew]

I JUST GOT HOME YALL!

It feels SO GOOD to be back in my own enviroment.

The first thing I am doing after I unpack is giving my hair some deep TLC. My hair has been trippin' hard since I "did" it after the "mood kill" evening.

We did make up for that unfortunate evening ( ) and the rest of our trip was really great!

 

[envybeauty]

I JUST GOT HOME YALL!

It feels SO GOOD to be back in my own enviroment.

The first thing I am doing after I unpack is giving my hair some deep TLC. My hair has been trippin' hard since I "did" it after the "mood kill" evening.

We did make up for that unfortunate evening ( ) and the rest of our trip was really great!

Glad you made it home ok. IMO, you had nothing to feel bad about. I got my hair done on Saturday, went away for the weekend, and there was no way I was going to ruin my hair. I had it all planned out and spent hours on my hair before the trip. I prepooed before going to the dominicans, spent time there getting the do done and then more time afterwards to look cute for mister.

Maybe he was testing you and knew you would not have been all gung ho for the shower thing. men do that. i was tested. mister wanted to go to south beach for the weekend so that we could have fun in the water and at this pool that he is raving about. i told him about the rainy weeks in Mia in June and nipped it in the bud. We went somewhere closer to home and MIA is planned closer to my touchup time.