Not wanting to get my hair wet "spoiled the mood". Problem for you guys too?

[KiniKakes]

I guess we all have different views. I'm hot when I take that bag off though, hee hee.

I agree with you Pokahontas!!!!!!

Honeydew, i personally do NOT think you over-reacted. Maybe Im in the minority here but................ you just got your hair done, and you are out of town! Damn that!!! I would have worn 2 showercaps too..... and while I may not have "gotten out" of the shower, i would have definitely put things on pause to bend over and stick that sucker right back on. Im sorry.... this is not the movies, and you are not (dare i say) Caucasian.... where you can just jump in the shower sans cap, then simply blow dry your hair in 10 minutes when you step out and have flowing, silky tresses again. It doesnt work like that for us! (Well not for me anyway).

Besides, who wants to be bothered having to blow-fry and shampoo and condition and do all that other nonsense to get your hair looking nice again? Especially when you're out of town.... thats too much work. Odds are, your BF would want to cuddle right after.... lay in your arms, chill in bed, watch TV, fall asleep for the night holding you.... he may have been equally annoyed that you needed to immedietely go into the bathroom and do your hair for like an hour (otherwise, you are laying on those dern cotton sheets/pillowcases with your wet hair just snapping! *smh*).

I mean, for me, once my hair gets wet its DONE..... all i can do it put it in a lame old bun, and THAT would ruin my mood (esp. if it was just in a pretty, bouncy rollerset). I like to look pretty and my best when im out of town, and i would do whatever it took to salvage my hairstyle.

So nope, I dont think you were being uptight or unreasonable at all. Your boyfriend knows that your hair is super important to you..... and it shouldnt have come as a surprise to him. Yeah, spontaneity is great............... but i am the type of person who looks to the future, at the big picture. Yeah, you'll get 20 minutes of spontaneous passion in the shower.... but afterward you've ruined your hair. Thats why, when i can, i put on a scarf 85% of the time before my BF and i make love..... as much as he loves to see it out and flowing, the sweating and ripping and rough.... well.... lets just say its not worth it to me.

I mean, i think you were spontaneous enough that you didnt take the time to put on a silk scarf under that shower cap. Cuz we all know a showercap alone really isnt enough (what with the humidity and all) for a shower.

But hey, thats just me: practicality before spontaneity. Thats why i often get braids when i go on vacation.... because i know how men get, and they often do get annoyed by our hair "obsession." This way i can get it wet without worry....

ETA: I agree w/the other ladies. Next time you can "stage" another spontaneous situation, where you dont mind getting ure hair wet because you already planned it and are prepared. *shrug* But i, for one, dont think you should ever feel forced to do something that you dont wanna do...... just in the name of being spontaneous. Your boyfriend will be fine. If you all get married and spend the rest of your life together, this is just one thing he will know about you. We all have our quirks, and this is one of yours (and mine, lol).

 

[Vshanell]

I agree with you Pokahontas!!!!!!

Honeydew, i personally do NOT think you over-reacted. Maybe Im in the minority here but................ you just got your hair done, and you are out of town! Damn that!!! I would have worn 2 showercaps too..... and while I may not have "gotten out" of the shower, i would have definitely put things on pause to bend over and stick that sucker right back on. Im sorry.... this is not the movies, and you are not (dare i say) Caucasian.... where you can just jump in the shower sans cap, then simply blow dry your hair in 10 minutes when you step out and have flowing, silky tresses again. It doesnt work like that for us! (Well not for me anyway).

Besides, who wants to be bothered having to blow-fry and shampoo and condition and do all that other nonsense to get your hair looking nice again? Especially when you're out of town.... thats too much work. Odds are, your BF would want to cuddle right after.... lay in your arms, chill in bed, watch TV, fall asleep for the night holding you.... he may have been equally annoyed that you needed to immedietely go into the bathroom and do your hair for like an hour (otherwise, you are laying on those dern cotton sheets/pillowcases with your wet hair just snapping! *smh*).

I mean, for me, once my hair gets wet its DONE..... all i can do it put it in a lame old bun, and THAT would ruin my mood (esp. if it was just in a pretty, bouncy rollerset). I like to look pretty and my best when im out of town, and i would do whatever it took to salvage my hairstyle.

So nope, I dont think you were being uptight or unreasonable at all. Your boyfriend knows that your hair is super important to you..... and it shouldnt have come as a surprise to him. Yeah, spontaneity is great............... but i am the type of person who looks to the future, at the big picture. Yeah, you'll get 20 minutes of spontaneous passion in the shower.... but afterward you've ruined your hair. Thats why, when i can, i put on a scarf 85% of the time before my BF and i make love..... as much as he loves to see it out and flowing, the sweating and ripping and rough.... well.... lets just say its not worth it to me.
I mean, i think you were spontaneous enough that you didnt take the time to put on a silk scarf under that shower cap. Cuz we all know a showercap alone really isnt enough (what with the humidity and all) for a shower.

But hey, thats just me: practicality before spontaneity. Thats why i often get braids when i go on vacation.... because i know how men get, and they often do get annoyed by our hair "obsession." This way i can get it wet without worry....

I'm so with you Kini. The bolded is me to a T!

 

[KiniKakes]

I'm so with you Kini. The bolded is me to a T!

Thank you!!!!!!!! Sheesh! Im saying!

I dunno..... i guess i just wish he would be more understanding. I mean, its not like this is a new relationship. You all have been together for a minute now..... and Im just surprised that he was shocked by your behavior. He should know how you roll by now. Ehh well, i guess he just got fed up.

This reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, who also got fed up one day with all my hair shenanigans.... and basically told me that he is sick and tired of my hair being "the couch at grandma's house with the plastic on it," ie, not allowed to touch or sit on or use it.... all you can do is look and admire. But Im saying.... he wanted to run his fingers through it mad roughly, and all i could hear was tears and rips. erplexed I never said he couldnt ever touch it.... just that he had to be gentle when doing so.

 

[ellebelle88]

Honeydew, I definitely don't think you overreacted. &I'm not being bias because we're on this forum where the principle discussion is hair. I just think that your hair was already done and when I just finished styling my hair I hate for any kind of water to hit it! Even my sweat.

However, I do suggest next time, maybe getting it in a style that you can afford to get wet (maybe weave/braids?) Don't know if you wear any of those...or just plan in advance next time to expect to get your hair wet.

 

[frostydoll]

I don't think you overreacted did you get out screaming and freaking out? I mean I can understand why he might be upset but I think I've been blessed to date guys who grew up around women so they already know. My current "friend" likes when my hair is straightened and he knows that once water hits it 9 times out of 10 he won't see pretty straight hair for another month. It'll be big and curly which he thinks is nice but he sees it all the time lol. One of the reasons I broke up with my ex is because he was really negative about me going natural. Ironically, most of the girls he's dated after me are natural lol.

 

[HoneyDew]

I don't think you overreacted did you get out screaming and freaking out? I mean I can understand why he might be upset but I think I've been blessed to date guys who grew up around women so they already know. My current "friend" likes when my hair is straightened and he knows that once water hits it 9 times out of 10 he won't see pretty straight hair for another month. It'll be big and curly which he thinks is nice but he sees it all the time lol. One of the reasons I broke up with my ex is because he was really negative about me going natural. Ironically, most of the girls he's dated after me are natural lol.

I think that is why I was surprised by his actions. Kini, I think you are rigth, he was just fed up tonight, I guess.

I did not get out screaming and freaking out. Actually I was in there for quite a but before in my mind I was like "to heck with this!". I said honey I am going to get out. He is the one that took it to another level getting all stupid.

Honestly (tell me if I am wrong in saying this guys), I don't think he is quite used to being with a black woman. I am the 1st sista that he has ever been in a relationship with. At one point he even said "My hair got wet, you don't see me making a big deal about it!". He just don't know!!

 

[frostydoll]

I think that is why I was surprised by his actions. Kini, I think you are rigth, he was just fed up tonight, I guess.

I did not get out screaming and freaking out. Actually I was in there for quite a but before in my mind I was like "to heck with this!". I said honey I am going to get out. He is the one that took it to another level getting all stupid.

Honestly (tell me if I am wrong in saying this guys), I don't think he is quite used to being with a black woman. I am the 1st sista that he has ever been in a relationship with. At one point he even said "My hair got wet, you don't see me making a big deal about it!". He just don't know!!

OOOH!!! Now that explains a lot as well. Is he black?

 

[HoneyDew]

Kini your post made me laugh.

And I am just like you. Once the hair is wet, that's it. It was all over after that. And he wanted me to come up to meet his boss today! That was just another reason I wanted my hair to stay done.

I did finally get my hair back in order and I went up there. As I was leaving, he just had to have jokes about last night.

I should have just gotten some braids. Now I know.

I agree with you Pokahontas!!!!!!

Honeydew, i personally do NOT think you over-reacted. Maybe Im in the minority here but................ you just got your hair done, and you are out of town! Damn that!!! I would have worn 2 showercaps too..... and while I may not have "gotten out" of the shower, i would have definitely put things on pause to bend over and stick that sucker right back on. Im sorry.... this is not the movies, and you are not (dare i say) Caucasian.... where you can just jump in the shower sans cap, then simply blow dry your hair in 10 minutes when you step out and have flowing, silky tresses again. It doesnt work like that for us! (Well not for me anyway).

Besides, who wants to be bothered having to blow-fry and shampoo and condition and do all that other nonsense to get your hair looking nice again? Especially when you're out of town.... thats too much work. Odds are, your BF would want to cuddle right after.... lay in your arms, chill in bed, watch TV, fall asleep for the night holding you.... he may have been equally annoyed that you needed to immedietely go into the bathroom and do your hair for like an hour (otherwise, you are laying on those dern cotton sheets/pillowcases with your wet hair just snapping! *smh*).

I mean, for me, once my hair gets wet its DONE..... all i can do it put it in a lame old bun, and THAT would ruin my mood (esp. if it was just in a pretty, bouncy rollerset). I like to look pretty and my best when im out of town, and i would do whatever it took to salvage my hairstyle.

So nope, I dont think you were being uptight or unreasonable at all. Your boyfriend knows that your hair is super important to you..... and it shouldnt have come as a surprise to him. Yeah, spontaneity is great............... but i am the type of person who looks to the future, at the big picture. Yeah, you'll get 20 minutes of spontaneous passion in the shower.... but afterward you've ruined your hair. Thats why, when i can, i put on a scarf 85% of the time before my BF and i make love..... as much as he loves to see it out and flowing, the sweating and ripping and rough.... well.... lets just say its not worth it to me.

I mean, i think you were spontaneous enough that you didnt take the time to put on a silk scarf under that shower cap. Cuz we all know a showercap alone really isnt enough (what with the humidity and all) for a shower.

But hey, thats just me: practicality before spontaneity. Thats why i often get braids when i go on vacation.... because i know how men get, and they often do get annoyed by our hair "obsession." This way i can get it wet without worry....

ETA: I agree w/the other ladies. Next time you can "stage" another spontaneous situation, where you dont mind getting ure hair wet because you already planned it and are prepared. *shrug* But i, for one, dont think you should ever feel forced to do something that you dont wanna do...... just in the name of being spontaneous. Your boyfriend will be fine. If you all get married and spend the rest of your life together, this is just one thing he will know about you. We all have our quirks, and this is one of yours (and mine, lol).

 

[BrownBetty]

I was going to ask if he was black because most brothers know that the water and the cute doo don't mix.

I don't think you overreacted. I've done the samething, he said something and I asked if he wanted me to wear an afro to dinner. He told me to wear 2 shower caps lol...

 

[HoneyDew]

OOOH!!! Now that explains a lot as well. Is he black?

Nope. He is a white guy. But he has been with me for 4 years now. You would think he would know better by now, right?

 

[HoneyDew]

I was going to ask if he was black because most brothers know that the water and the cute doo don't mix.

I don't think you overreacted. I've done the samething, he said something and I asked if he wanted me to wear an afro to dinner. He told me to wear 2 shower caps lol...

That was cute!

 

[frostydoll]

Nope. He is a white guy. But he has been with me for 4 years now. You would think he would know better by now, right?

Yeah he should know better by now. Ironically I'm going on my first date with a white guy tomorrow lol.

 

[HoneyDew]

Yeah he should know better by now. Ironically I'm going on my first date with a white guy tomorrow lol.

Don't wait too long to school him!

For the 1st year or 2 with my sweetie, I did have braids and I was a swimming, jacuzzi, standing in the rain and I don't care chick! Now I think he is just learning the real deal!!

 

[frostydoll]

Don't wait too long to school him!

For the 1st year or 2 with my sweetie, I did have braids and I was a swimming, jacuzzi, standing in the rain and I don't care chick! Now I think he is just learning the real deal!!

LOL I already told him! I'm natural so my hair will be straight one day and big and curly the next.

 

[Dee_33]

I once got into the shower with my beau the very same day that I had a fresh flat-ironing done. My hair was lovely but after that shower scene I looked half-crazy. At the time my hair was the last thing on my mind. Of course about 2hrs later I was like WTF I need to deep condition within the next 24hrs.

 

[HoneyDew]

LOL I already told him! I'm natural so my hair will be straight one day and big and curly the next.

Okay, I just noticed in your siggie that you are natural. From your pic I assumed you were relaxed. You hair looks very pretty.

 

[KiniKakes]

I don't think he is quite used to being with a black woman. I am the 1st sista that he has ever been in a relationship with. At one point he even said "My hair got wet, you don't see me making a big deal about it!". He just don't know!!

Yeah, of course thats what it is. My ex (the one who was tripping about my hair) was East Indian (Trinidad). Him and his family had Type 2 hair and he really hadnt dated too many black women. So he just didnt "get it" half the time.

I remember when i was a counselor at Wilde Lake Nature Camp one year..... and at the end of the summer all the male counselors would throw the female counselors into the lake fully clothed (this nasty, dirty, murky water with goose poop at the bottom). Everyone thought this was sooo hilarious... it was like camp tradition, and everyone looked forward to it (the kids, the male counselors, and esp. the female counselors). I was the only counselor of color, of course. Anyway, i told my co-workers, in no uncertain terms, that i was not okay with being tossed into that lake. They thought i was kidding for a while, and kept threatening to do it anyway..... there were showers available and all the girl counselors just planned on hopping in and rinsing off right afterward. No biggie, right? HA! I was a college student at the time and, as you know, getting your hair done in Columbia MD is NOT cheap!!! I went once every other week, and had to keep it up as best i could in between appointments.

I eventually had to get "nicety" for a minute, to show them it was serious to me. They just couldnt understand why it was a big deal to me to get wet. I just didnt think it was funny. *shrug* Even with hair aside, getting thrown into a filthy, goose-poop filled swampy lake is just not my idea of a good time.......... I know they all thought i was a poor sport for that. But it is what it is.

 

[HoneyDew]

I once got into the shower with my beau the very same day that I had a fresh flat-ironing done. My hair was lovely but after that shower scene I looked half-crazy. At the time my hair was the last thing on my mind. Of course about 2hrs later I was like WTF I need to deep condition within the next 24hrs.

This happened to me once. Actually that incident is why I was so careful this time.

We were at a bed and breakfast in the Napa area and there was a Jacuzzi. There was one other nice couple in there (they were cute newlyweds ). We were all drinking wine and eating cheese and having a good old time. I was not even thinking about my hair and it WAS NOT covered up (what was I thinking!?). I KNOW that other couple was looking at me like I was crazy as the hours went on my my hair got bigger and bigger. The other lady had the right idea. She had some really nice braids so she was good to go.

The next morning I had a TERRIBLE time trying to detangle my hair while my BF and everyone else at the B&B were all enjoying their cute little brunch in the main house of this place. Meanwhile I am in the bathroom sweating it out with my hair.

 

[Puddles]

Aw HoneyDew, I'm glad you guys made up.

Sometimes you just have to "let go". It won't hurt you (or your hair, if you take care of it immediately afterwards with a good shampoo/DC/careful detangling/moisturizing leave-in/airdry ).

I say just grab him one day and jump into the shower without that cap...he'll be shocked and quite "in the mood".

[SIZE=+2] I totally agree. [/SIZE]

 

[HoneyDew]

Girl, all of those lakes are NASTY. I would actually have been nervous thinking that they might try to do it when I was not looking. You know how silly some people can be at those summer camps!

OT - I just love that you know Columbia like that!!

Edited to add: I just thought about something. I was at one of the lakes recently just sitting feeding the ducks. There was a guy there with his girl trying to be all cool like he was the man, and was fishing. WHY DID HE CATCH eels and some really nasty looking little fish. I would have been PISSED if anybody threw me in one of those nasty bodies of water. A clean, chlorine filled pool is bad enough.

Yeah, of course thats what it is. My ex (the one who was tripping about my hair) was East Indian (Trinidad). Him and his family had Type 2 hair and he really hadnt dated too many black women. So he just didnt "get it" half the time.

I remember when i was a counselor at Wild Lake Nature Camp one year..... and at the end of the summer all the male counselors would throw the female counselors into the lake fully clothed (this nasty, dirty, murky water with goose poop at the bottom). Everyone thought this was sooo hilarious... it was like camp tradition, and everyone looked forward to it (the kids, the male counselors, and esp. the female counselors). I was the only counselor of color, of course. Anyway, i told my co-workers, in no uncertain terms, that i was not okay with being tossed into that lake. They thought i was kidding for a while, and kept threatening to do it anyway..... there were showers available and all the girl counselors just planned on hopping in and rinsing off right afterward. No biggie, right? HA! I was a college student at the time and, as you know, getting your hair done in Columbia MD is NOT cheap!!! I went once every other week, and had to keep it up as best i could in between appointments.

I eventually had to get "nicety" for a minute, to show them it was serious to me. They just couldnt understand why it was a big deal to me to get wet. I just didnt think it was funny. *shrug* Even with hair aside, getting thrown into a filthy, goose-poop filled swampy lake is just not my idea of a good time.......... I know they all thought i was a poor sport for that. But it is what it is.

 

[KiniKakes]

And he wanted me to come up to meet his boss today! That was just another reason I wanted my hair to stay done.

Yep, thats exactly what im talking about. Im sure he would have loved to see your hair in that bomb, gorgeous rollerset when you met his boss..... and he probably didnt understand why you couldnt just quickly achieve that look again right afterward. Thats okay.... its all about educating them.

 

[KiniKakes]

Girl, all of those lakes are NASTY. I would actually have been nervous thinking that they might try to do it when I was not looking. You know how silly some people can be at those summer camps!

OT - I just love that you know Columbia like that!!

Edited to add: I just thought about something. I was at one of the lakes recently just sitting feeding the ducks. There was a guy there with his girl trying to be all cool like he was the man, and was fishing. WHY DID HE CATCH eels and some really nasty looking little fish. I would have been PISSED if anybody threw me in one of those nasty bodies of water. A clean, chlorine filled pool is bad enough.

Yes, i was definitely watching my back. And as u said, it wasnt even just the hair..... that water is ridiculously filthy, and i just didnt want to be thrown in there! Mouth filled with goose poop and who knows what else! Plus, i wear soft contacts. Overall, it would have been a bad situation. I mean, i just wasnt a part of all the flirting/built up sexual tension/camarderie/etc that existed between all the other counselors over the summer.... it was straight business for me. I love kids, love nature..... i did my job and that was it. So nothing about that "throwing in the lake" situation was cute or fun to me. Im telling you, those girls got so excited about getting thrown into the lake, u would think they were ready to start filming Camp Counselors Gone Wild.

 

[frostydoll]

Okay, I just noticed in your siggie that you are natural. From your pic I assumed you were relaxed. You hair looks very pretty.

Thanks, my stylist does a great job straightening my hair.

 

[EMJazzy]

I don't think you overreacted did you get out screaming and freaking out? I mean I can understand why he might be upset but I think I've been blessed to date guys who grew up around women so they already know. My current "friend" likes when my hair is straightened and he knows that once water hits it 9 times out of 10 he won't see pretty straight hair for another month. It'll be big and curly which he thinks is nice but he sees it all the time lol. One of the reasons I broke up with my ex is because he was really negative about me going natural. Ironically, most of the girls he's dated after me are natural lol.

Ain't dat a *****?!?!?!

 

[frostydoll]

Ain't dat a *****?!?!?!

Girl you don't know the half... I was the first dark skin girl he dated as well and than he started dating dark skin girls with natural hair after me. Although I think he's going back into his light skin long hair phase. A few weeks ago he told me wanted an Asian girl

 

[caribeandiva]

i used to be that way too but now i just go with it. It's just water. i can always let my hair airdry or do a blowout. I haven't had big problems with guys because of it yet.

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Don't your bf know you puck around with a black woman and her hair????He must not be black! Ah hahahahahahahah
Yea, everyone's getting super tired of all my LHCF/hair talk. But they are very understanding and my bf is especially. He's a good guy so i have to appreciate him for a LOT of the things he put up with. He just smiles when he sees the BT dripping onto his shirt.

Cannot stop laughing!

 

[KiniKakes]

He just smiles when he sees the BT dripping onto his shirt.

Now that is an understanding partner! My boyfriend cant stand BT, or anything else oily for that matter.

 

[nicki6]

I've never let water get in the way of a good time:wink2:

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

Girl you just don't know. When I get caught in the rain w/ no umbrella yes I will pull out a Wal-Mart bag and strut like I'm cute too .

I'm gonna do me and i'm not worried about pleasing anybody else (when it comes to my hair) so you don't worry about it girl. If he loves you this will not be an issue.

LOL,i love that attitude!