Not sharing beauty secrets....

[CodeRed]

I think there may have been a thread about this, but this was a pet peeve of mine until I realized why it was happening...

I remember someone asked me what my hair care routine was and so I told them the exact products I used, how I used them and pretty much walked them through my whole process. Well, this person came back to me about a week later after she bought all the products, said she used them the way I said to, and it didn't work for her and it actually dried her hair out and caused some breakage. Then.... of course it was my fault and I told her the wrong information because I didn't really want to tell her what I used on my hair erplexed Um...what?

But now I know why some people don't share beauty secrets. People think that if they do exactly what you do and it doesn't work then you're a lying witch who doesn't want the world to look as good as she does. Which may be true of some, but definitely not all or even most. I wish people were smart enough to realize that everyone's chemical makeup is different and even if you have the same skin, hair, eye color and even saliva type, that doesn't mean that your bodies' makeup is going to react the exact same way to the exact same products. Even dead cells (like hair) will have a different structure and even if they look the same as someone else's, they may react differently to different stimuli.

Ok. Thanks for participating. /endrant

 

[Mahogony7]

You bring up a very good point! I always give advice with a disclaimer"it works for me,but it may not work for you".

 

[Guinan]

Yes, I used to always have this debate with one of my coworkers about relaxing her edges once a week & how she always relaxes root to tip once a month. I tried to give her tips but she thought I was crayzie. I gave up when she said our hair was the same. Smh

Sent from my T-Mobile myTouch Q using LHCF

 

[luckiestdestiny]

It's funny that they actually took your advice. Usually people's eyes glaze over because they've already decided that my hair is long because that's just the way it is.

For example
Them: WHY is your hair so thick and long? What are you doing?
Me: Oh Well I got rid of my relaxer which I think helps because your hair is in its strongest state and then....

Their eyes glaze over and it's like their mind has projected elsewhere to a beach or something.
It's like OH ok never mind and the rest they probably hear:

So I decided why waste my breath? I've also noticed the ones who listen never do it and just ask me the same things again erplexed

 

[ronie]

When i first joined this site, was still lurking, i decided to try my own sulfur mix. I was super excited about it, and i shared my discovery with a very good friend of mines. She asked me to mix her some. I shared with her some of everything, a bottle of sulfur mix, shower caps, conditioners and other stuff. She had a major episode of shedding. At the time, my hair looked ok while I was using the mix and everything else i shared with her. She stopped talking to me, and i heard from a common friend that she thinks i set her up cause her hair was longer than mines and i was jealouserplexed.
Little did she know that my shedding crisis was only a month behind hers. Anyone that has seen my posts, know that i battled shedding the whole of last year, which is in part one of the reason i BC'd in january of this year. I was really sorry i caused her a setback, but the same thing happened to me. That's why now i only share my ish with my sisters WITH A WARNING. Well it's not like i have any hair for people to be asking me for advice anyways but yeah that s my story.

 

[ladyviper]

luckiestdestiny exactly.. what they really want to hear is: I took this magic pill and I grew 5 inches in one month. When they hear it takes effort or you tell them something they don't want to hear like well I gave up on relaxers they tune you out.

It's funny that they actually took your advice. Usually people's eyes glaze over because they've already decided that my hair is long because that's just the way it is.

For example
Them: WHY is your hair so thick and long? What are you doing?
Me: Oh Well I got rid of my relaxer which I think helps because your hair is in its strongest state and then....

Their eyes glaze over and it's like their mind has projected elsewhere to a beach or something.
It's like OH ok never mind and the rest they probably hear:

So I decided why waste my breath? I've also noticed the ones who listen never do it and just ask me the same things again erplexed

 

[MACGlossChick]

luckiestdestiny exactly.. what they really want to hear is: I took this magic pill and I grew 5 inches in one month. When they hear it takes effort or you tell them something they don't want to hear like well I gave up on relaxers they tune you out.

^ THIS!!!!!

 

[soonergirl]

CodeRed Same saliva type??!! Lol!! Kudos to you OP completely agree...

 

[yaya24]

I hear you!

I keep it super simple.
"You need a good moisturizing shampoo, a protein DC a moisture DC, a good leave in and some oil". I always also mention... "drink plenty of water and try a silica supplement"..

Usually by that point they are excited about the silica.. but forgot 99.9% of everything else that I said.. so then I tell them to search youtube for xyz popular reliable youtube "guru" and tell them to go watch her videos.

I only get technical with my family.
They really don't care either

Sisters:
Mom:
Aunt:

 

[danysedai]

I used to type loooong emails for friends who asked me about my regimen and then never heard from them again. So now, I only give bits of unrquested advice "wear an updo in winter so your ends don't brush against your wool coat", that kind of thing.

But on the other hand I'm secretly happy that a dear friend who used to say she "didn't care" about her hair, has now started to ask me about hair products when we were at the BSS, bought a chelating shampoo when I saw that she is using a no lye relaxer and was also open when I told her I could give her samples of my oils for her to try. If she asks for more I'll tell her about stretching relaxers, moisturize and seal, rollersetting, etc.

 

[Honey Bee]

To be fair, if the first words out of your mouth are "stop relaxing," most people are gonna look at you funny. They're trynna grow hair, not cut it all off and start from scratch.

 

[southerncitygirl]

i don't say anything....when i tell ppl I wash 1-4 times a week depending on the time of year they try to argue with me that i am stripping my hair of moisture, but yet my hair continues to creep down my back. have also told them about trimming and deep conditioning but they look lost.


i think with anything in life ppl want the results but don't want to put in any work. i call it the reality tv syndrome.... cause so may ppl have become famous from acting ratchet or even sex tapes.

 

[CodeRed]

@CodeRed Same saliva type??!! Lol!! Kudos to you OP completely agree...

soonergirl

Yep... was going to use something else but I figured saliva was pretty PC lol

 

[CodeRed]

i don't say anything....when i tell ppl I wash 1-4 times a week depending on the time of year they try to argue with me that i am stripping my hair of moisture, but yet my hair continues to creep down my back. have also told them about trimming and deep conditioning but they look lost.


i think with anything in life ppl want the results but don't want to put in any work. i call it the reality tv syndrome.... cause so may ppl have become famous from acting ratchet or even sex tapes.

Yep to all that. When I tell people I wash and condition my hair every other day, 9.5 times out of 10, if they're black, they're going to tell me that I'm stripping my hair of moisture and black people's hair don't like water... Yet my hair is shiny, growing, 99% flake free, soft, clean and smelling good every day.

 

[niaelyse]

I just give basic information such as adding protein to their regimen, deep conditioning, protective styling, etc. I don't get too in depth. I will give recommendations on products but also let them know that what works for me may not work for them.

Main thing is I don't get too wrapped up in it. If the listen, great, if not, no biggie.

 

[Angelinhell]

I only give extremely basic information, like: I wash my hair once a week, and get a "perm" every three months(I usually lose people after saying "every three months). Most people only want to know about products anyway, that's why everytime someone asks me I just say Keracare to keep the convo short.

 

[caribeandiva]

I still give advice but only if i'm asked though. It sucks when they ignore it but that's their problem not mine.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

To be fair, if the first words out of your mouth are "stop relaxing," most people are gonna look at you funny. They're trynna grow hair, not cut it all off and start from scratch.

I gotcha but you asked me what did I do...so I tell you

I'm not telling them to do it. I'm telling them what I did. You can take bits and pieces and learn from anyone even if you are relaxed and I'm natural. But I see what you're saying and I understand...which is why I don't bother now.

 

[Saludable84]

I tell them I am not sure my patience pills will help you. Until then, advice is on an as needed basis. As is, I need help and I tell you just what you want to hear basis.

 

[empressri]

Let me tell you about human nature: MOST people don't LISTEN. THEY DONT BLOODY LISTEN, they don't pay attention, they dont read or follow directions or do research on ANYTHING and want miracles to happen for them in the span of 1-2-3!!!!!

They will say that they bought xyz but they also most likely did ten other things that they aren't telling you about cause they have this "I know more than she does" and "I know what I'm doing" attitude even though they asked you for help.


All of which equates to me only giving advice to certain people because I know I'm going to lose my mind. Perfect example, I told one woman 100000000000000 times about what conditioners to use and all. You know, she asked me the same questions another 200000000000000 times?? And I even wrote it down three times. It just says to me that you arent paying attention and it's not my fault if you're inconvenient.

I dont want to talk about hair anymore with anyone. I rarely talk hair now because although Im a patient person, I dont want to be bothered by sometimes that doesnt want to listen.

 

[JaszG]

Lol! This thread is making me laugh because I encounter this ALL the time. People will ask me what I do all of the time, and when I tell them about cowashing, and my regimen they say stuff like "naw, I can't do my own hair" or just look at me crazy. In order to get the results that I have gotten with my hair since 2008, I had to do something I'd never done. People don't get that concept.

 

[Ogoma]

I just stop at keep hair clean and moisturized. I once dared to mention moisture-protein balance, just that phrase, and was told it sounds too complicated . Never again.

 

[CodeRed]

Lol! This thread is making me laugh because I encounter this ALL the time. People will ask me what I do all of the time, and when I tell them about cowashing, and my regimen they say stuff like "naw, I can't do my own hair" or just look at me crazy. In order to get the results that I have gotten with my hair since 2008, I had to do something I'd never done. People don't get that concept.

THIS. In life in general. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I don't get this "I want different results but I want to do the exact same thing I have for years" idea that people have. Crazy.

 

[sunnieb]

When I first got serious about my haircare, I was so excited! I wanted to share all this info with every black woman I knew! I wrote out hair care routines for folk and everything.

Now I tell them this:

Shampoo and deep condition once a week
Lightly moisturize daily concentrating on your ends



If they come back looking for more, I add a little more info and go from there.

 

[divachyk]

I give them minimal info because...
-I don't want them holding me accountable for their issues.
-I change products occasionally and feel guilty recommending one thing and then the person find out I moved on to another product. I just feel some kind of way about that.
-Finally, I just don't want to have to answer a number of questions about hair outside of the forum. The forum is my escape. It becomes a chore discussing hair IRL because you can't just click "log out" on folks IRL like you do on the forum.

 

[havilland]

I let my hair talk.

For years my friends laughed at me because I was getting weaves to grow out my hair. They all had long hair and looked at me like I was insane. Even my sister. THEN IT ALL GOT NEW WHEN MY HAIR WAS LONGER THAN THEIRS.

Now all of a sudden I'm a guru. (NOT!)

My sister even went and got a weave and grew out her own hair.

Bottom line when people ask me questions now I hair say "girl I don't know. Deep condition once a week. It helped me alot ". I do NOT EVEN BOTHER answering so i dont have to deal with the rolled eyes and dumb a$z comments anymore. In my head I'm like this "yeah I know it's alot. Girl bye!"

I would help someone that's willing to listen and learn, but so far no one is ...... They ask for my stylist's numbers. That's about the only advice I even try to give.