Not Pretty Enough to Be Natural?

[NigerianGirl]

You know, natural hair has always been that touchy subject for people that are natural and people that aren't.
I personally have always interpreted comments that suggest that my skin tone and or my facial features do not accentuate my natural hair is a form that Sean Puff Cpmbs defines best as B****A**NESS!!!!

(All In Love though- some people frown upon things they lack knowledge of)

 

[Naturallong81]

Whoever told u that is a hater. cute is cute wheither u bald or ur hair touch ur toes.

 

[cocoberry10]

I also think that people who say things like this equate personality "types" to natural hair.

For example, the "soul sista" natural type, the one that sports dashikis, locks, and has that "power to the people" attitude

VERSUS

the girl with the silky, curly, wash and go hair that is more dainty and elegant.

Our people are in DEEP TROUBLE HAVING THIS MENTALITY. TRUTHFULLY, ALL NATURAL HAIR COULD BE WASH AND GO, IF PEOPLE JUST FELT GOOD ABOUT THEIR OWN HAIR!

 

[SEMO]

I also think that people who say things like this equate personality "types" to natural hair.

For example, the "soul sista" natural type, the one that sports dashikis, locks, and has that "power to the people" attitude

VERSUS

the girl with the silky, curly, wash and go hair that is more dainty and elegant.

Our people are in DEEP TROUBLE HAVING THIS MENTALITY. TRUTHFULLY, ALL NATURAL HAIR COULD BE WASH AND GO, IF PEOPLE JUST FELT GOOD ABOUT THEIR OWN HAIR!

Very interesting. I never thought about there being 2 different stereotypes of women with natural hair.

 

[gymfreak336]

Hello, I wasn't going to post because this is my sister's screen name and preferred site.... I was researching shampoo.... but anyway

I recently (March 14) BC'd for the fourth & FINAL time after transitioning for about 6 months. I CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OUT OF MY HAIR... LOL, but I LOVE the fact that I can wash and go and I don't have to think about my hair!!!

I kept trying relaxers because at the time I didn't like the comments I have recieved when I had "gone natural" before...

1. I worked at a day care and actually had a parent move their child to a different class b/c she thought that my TWA meant I was lesbian

2. I have been called "sir" more times than I care to be.. and no matter how confident you maybe that is hard to take

3. I have had people tell me that I should stay/go-back-to relaxed because there aren't products for natural hair out there... (I am currently switching to natural products that contain only ingredients that I can eat, I make most of my stuff)

and side note.... what is it about hair that men like so much, when I was wearing wigs during transition I would get attention from men that normally would ignore me... My friends and I frequent a local bar (every Wed) and there are men who show up at the same time, never talked to me in like a YEAR!!! Plop on a wig and tada!!!! they wanted to know my name why I only started hanging out (a year!!! mind you) crazy all over some layers and shine!!!! LOL

Sorry so long and again this is gymfreak's sister but this was certainly an interesting thread.... Thanks ladies.....

 

[MizzBrown]

Some folks can say that you aren't pretty enough to rock straight hair and be relaxed. So then what are you gonna do? You damned if u do and damned if you don't.

 

[iasade]

Well..I wouldn't let those comments bother me. I used to wear a perm and had wraps and short "halle berry" hair styles that I ROCKED to no end! I finally decided that I wanted something different and did a transition for a while before doing the big chop. I have had locs and now I am growing my natural crown out. I have been called sir, mister, lesbo, etc.., but whatever! I love my natural hair and it works for me. If I decide to wear it curly, kinky, twists, braids or blown out, it is my business and no one elses.

OK, it is nice to hear every now and then that a style looks nice on me, but if I dont ever get that, it is ok because my hair and me are in love and thats what floats my boat!

Keep your head up!

 

[Rae1234]

I think that's exactly what whoever was talking to the OP was implying.

Nappy hair is 'ugly', thus, in order to pull off nappy hair, you have to have a certain level of 'facial pretty' in order to balance the 'ugly' that's growing out of your head. If you aren't 'pretty' enough (and yes, that would definitely include having green eyes and light skin) then being natural isn't 'appropriate' for you. Basically, the more african you look, the straighter your hair 'needs' to be in order to maintain your 'pretty'.

Which, is a damn shame and a whole truckload of WTF, but that's how a lot of people still feel about/view nappy hair.

THANK YOU, U HAVE BROUGHT EVERYTHING INTO PERSPECTIVE. THANK YOU.

I sport my natural fro and straight hair too. A co-worker says I have the personality for natural hair. I think I look good with both styles. The straighter hair frames my face differently. Sometimes I get more male attention with straighter hair.

That's a whole 'nother thread!

YEP DEF. I NEW THREAD NEEDS TO BE STARTED READ THE COMMENT BELOW TOO!!

Hello, I wasn't going to post because this is my sister's screen name and preferred site.... I was researching shampoo.... but anyway

I recently (March 14) BC'd for the fourth & FINAL time after transitioning for about 6 months. I CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OUT OF MY HAIR... LOL, but I LOVE the fact that I can wash and go and I don't have to think about my hair!!!

I kept trying relaxers because at the time I didn't like the comments I have recieved when I had "gone natural" before...

1. I worked at a day care and actually had a parent move their child to a different class b/c she thought that my TWA meant I was lesbian

2. I have been called "sir" more times than I care to be.. and no matter how confident you maybe that is hard to take

3. I have had people tell me that I should stay/go-back-to relaxed because there aren't products for natural hair out there... (I am currently switching to natural products that contain only ingredients that I can eat, I make most of my stuff)

and side note.... what is it about hair that men like so much, when I was wearing wigs during transition I would get attention from men that normally would ignore me... My friends and I frequent a local bar (every Wed) and there are men who show up at the same time, never talked to me in like a YEAR!!! Plop on a wig and tada!!!! they wanted to know my name why I only started hanging out (a year!!! mind you) crazy all over some layers and shine!!!! LOL

Sorry so long and again this is gymfreak's sister but this was certainly an interesting thread.... Thanks ladies.....

First and foremost, welcome GymFreaks' sister! your story is very interesting and i think we need to start another thread on this topic. everyone keeps mentioning how men view "black" woman with natural hair. I guess some men are fascinated with straight hair especially Black Men!

 

[DivaD04]

our peope needs to be more, folks can say the damnest things while from the truth. although we have some that needs a:realitycheck:! in the meantime they can kiss my b/c God made us can't no body break us! Who are they to say what is beautiful? lhcf grab ur combs and oils and let's some butts !!!

 

[MonPetite]

Very interesting. I never thought about there being 2 different stereotypes of women with natural hair.

I've been aware of this for quite a while, actually. I have a penchant for lace, ribbons, flowers, pretty jewelry, soft colors, full make-up (though never obvious), and girly looks -read: NO PANTS UNTIL MID FALL. High heels or cute flats are a way of life, not fashion.

Which has caused different comments then those of women (who are natural) on campus who are rawkin' chic fades (many in ROTC), but often wear boots, jeans, and sweat shirts (or fatigues). They are usually referred to as "rough" in conversation.erplexed

I think "rough" and "girly" are rough and girly whether your hair is relaxed and MBL or a natural fade. But we all know in our society long-hair (prerably blonde and flowing) is tied to femininity.

I've seen BALD headed women that look more womanly than some students with BSL hair thrown in a messy, unwashed pony tail wearing pajama pants to class.

 

[cabellera]

littlegoldlamb are you just fishing for compliments?
I looked at your Fotki, I know that stupid remark wasn't made to you!
You have gorgeous eyes and a beautiful smile....that would set any hair style off!

If those words were said to you, then that individual simply "prefers" straight styles and most likely on anyone. They must have some influence on you, huh?

Anyways, pay it no neva mind! Just learn how to take care of your natural hair and explore it. Just enjoy your quiet rebellion.

Oh and yes, when you select a hair style, your facial shape is taken into account...but that's just the shape of the cut...has nothing to do with hair texture. JMO

 

[CurlyMoo]

Total B.S. This is just someone's way of saying I don't like natural hair. It depends on the style. Could be the style they object to not the texture. But they are just to ignorant to articulate it. But that comment would be ignorant all by itself. I say if someone says this to you then hit the ignore button or commece to a good old fashioned cuss out!

 

[PassionFruit]

Odd, I have heard quite the opposite comment than the OP's...

my mother was told she was "too light" ( as in complexion) to go natural... and that she wasnt ugly enough to wear dreads.... this was from an older ( ignant) family member...and that she was letting " all that pretty hair go to waste" on dreads.... When she first got comb twists, like 10 yrs ago, my own grandaddy told her that those kinda of styles were only for girls that looked like India Arie and pretty girls simply comb their hair.... My granddaddy could say some ignant stuff... ( shakes my head, God rest his soul)

 

[dany06]

I recently bc'd and every time my mom sees my hair she says to me that my hair looks like a boy. I ask her, "so I look like a boy"!?! She then replies by saying that your face looks like a pretty girl but your hair looks like a nappy headed boy. Why does my mom complain about my natural hair so much? Because she thinks that such a short textured style doesnt suit me.

So what Im getting at is it may not be your hair texture but the style you wear it in. I too find it hard for others to actually tell me what I have naturally doesnt suit me. But on the other hand think about body hair. Do you keep your pits hair, your legs bushy, and those wiskers growing out of your chin because they are natural.

Also people have certain preferences. My mom has 3c hair naturally and even while relaxed her hair still curls up to big loose 3a curls . Well I crave nice pretty curls but my mom cant stand them. When my mom gets roller sets her aim is to get a little body and bump at the end. If she finds that it looks like its on the curly side she will brush, wrap and even go back over it flat ironing her hair to have it straight. She can not stand curls on herself. She thinks that they dont look good on her. This is from a lady who spent about half of her life (she's 48 now) wearing natural hair. I dont even want to think about what she might do if her hair one day looked like tightly textured curls. Also I've never seen my mom in braids or even an updo in my life or in pictures. Her opinion on how those styles look on her are the same as for the curls.

If this is the case then that person may not like textured hair at all and may say that to everyone they encounter that it doesnt match them. You may not be the only one that this person directs that comment to.

Dont worry too much. It just one person's opinion. It doesnt reflect that of your own nor does it reflect that of the masses. Anyway, why do you care what that person said? How does that person's hair look like? If she's a ***** witch with messed up hair, do you really value her opinion? Im not trying to make it seem like you are over reacting because in all honesty it wasnt necessary for her to make that comment. Im just trying to say her words dont really mean much when you think about it.

 

[blazingthru]

Bottom line I think its really all about you. I was afraid to go natural because I was afraid I would not look pretty, I didn't look pretty because of what I thought pretty was. it took me a while to see that pretty is not just straight hair. Its all kinds of hair. I was use to seeing my hair straight and shiny. I had to accept the new me and the new way my face looked it looked different and I started liking it. It starts with you. I had no positive influences none except on here and you guys can't see me. I am really on my own. I embraced me. I accepted me and then everyone else followed suite. I also could careless who didn't and to this day there are many who think I would look better with a relaxer and I just smile and keep it moving, because I think I am beautiful the way I am. I would wear an afro in a minute. A hot minute and be the only one in the place with it. I also add some metal earrings that make noise when I move. Yeah I have accepted me and I love it.