Not Dating Men Raised by Single Mothers

[MissJ]

I mentioned this in a thread, and some people questioned it. I questioned that sentiment, too, the first time I heard of it. And the first time I heard of it was when I was reading a thread on this board 6 years ago. Then a few months later, I got into a relationship with someone who was raised by a single mother, and that's when I understood what others were saying. And oh yeah, the last time I saw that guy the situation involved me, my car, and a vacuum cleaner.

Anyway, I found the thread, and it's the one where someone compiled the posts and sent it around in an e-mail. These are some of the posts in the thread, and I tend to agree with most of them, after having experienced certain things.

If the man was meant to be yours, he won't have any mess behind him.

Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

Avoid men whose mothers were victims of domestic violence.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

On the same line of being cautious about men who's mothers were abused, I'm cautious about men who were raised without fathers. In my experience men who didn't have fathers in their life struggle harder with the role themselves. They never had an example to look at - and in their lives the women shouldered all of the burden and it follows that they in turn expect their women to do the same.

Laginappe, I'm starting to think we were separated at birth! I agree wholeheartedly about men who were raised without fathers. My mama told me this one when I was young, but I kept trying. Finally it sank in, it's simply not going to work. Poor guys are absolutely clueless about being a husband!

alright, on the one about not dating guys who grew up without their fathers in the house--I think that's kind of unfair, because they didn't ask to be put in that situation. My parents were divorced when I was very young & I would hate for men to say "don't mess with a woman who grew up without her father because they have issues."

So, what are you going to do? Try to 'fix' them? Been there, it's totally ineffective, this is something they can only get at home. Life and relationships aren't fair, they just are. You have to look for the best partner for yourself and your children, should you decide to have any. Choosing to date men who are unlikely to make good husbands and fathers is to deliberately invite heartache and pain into your life.

I said I was cautious about dating men who grew up without fathers - not that I automatically dismiss them. My father grew up without a father so he's my litmus test for men who had similar backgrounds. There's one of two ways they go. They either are more adament about stepping up to the plate in taking the role of a man in the relationhip and home. Or, because they're used to seeing women handle EVERYTHING they're more comfortable in a secondary position - and a lot of times they don't even realize it. They way their psyche understands it - a woman kept them fed, clothed, housed etc. and therefore its not 100% neccessary for them to do so...like, it becomes and option rather than a requirement. I'm not explaining this well....

I said I was cautious about dating men who grew up without fathers - not that I automatically dismiss them. My father grew up without a father so he's my litmus test for men who had similar backgrounds. There's one of two ways they go. They either are more adament about stepping up to the plate in taking the role of a man in the relationhip and home. Or, because they're used to seeing women handle EVERYTHING they're more comfortable in a secondary position - and a lot of times they don't even realize it. They way their psyche understands it - a woman kept them fed, clothed, housed etc. and therefore its not 100% neccessary for them to do so...like, it becomes and option rather than a requirement. I'm not explaining this well....

Actually Laginappe, you're doing a very good job of explaining it. In my experience, most of the men I've met who were raised by a single mom expect the woman to do everything. They have no idea what a man's role is supposed to be, nor are they interested in learning.

Just like it's not their fault that they didn't have a father, it's not my fault that I did and I have certain expectations of what I want in a man. I certainly don't want one who expects me to take care of him. It was not until I wised up and started avoiding those guys that I finally found men who knew what it was all about. So yes, I recommend against dating them. Just as I recommend against dating men who have a different value system than yourself. If you choose otherwise, that's your business.

 

[MissJ]

Ok, here's my 2 cents that I gathered from a book.
A newly wed couple suddenly started having problems and didn't understand what was going wrong since they loved each other. It took a counsellor to discover that they varied in their perception of gender roles.
While the woman would go to sleep at night leaving the doors unlocked because she grew up in a household where it was the father's job to lock up before bed, her husband would go to sleep expecting her to lock up becuase his mother did it.
We need to be verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry unattached and 'nosey' to discover the values, notions and what else that a potential mate may have and then decide if we can stomach them on a daily basis (because there will be no waiting for daybreak or weekends to be over so he can go to his home. You will be his home!!)

Supergirl, we're talking about two different situations here. I'm not talking about women who are widowed or divorced. I'm talking about all these 75% of black children being raised OOW period. Without a man at any time to fulfill the role of husband. Of course divorce or death can occur at any time, but isn't incumbent upon us to try to give our children the best homelife possible BEFORE we bring them into this world? We have no control over our spouse dying or whatnot, but we sure as hell can choose to bring our children into the world within a secure family unit in the first place. Those are clear conscious choices, has nothing to do with luxury. We don't live in some society that compels us to have children against our will. We have free will to have children with whom and when we please. To choose to do otherwise is incredibly selfish and short-sighted.

Natori, I'm talking about a specific situation. OOWs demonstrate to me that in all likelihood a man has been raised in a certain atmosphere. One where mama did everything so he expects his wife to do everything and one where family and marriage is not valued. Since family and marriage are very important to me, as is having a husband who understands his role, I think if you want those things it's best to avoid men who in all likelihood were raised without those values. Yes, we can all take a sampling of folks raised all kinds of ways and find people who are screwed up, but in my experience, on the two issues I mentioned, that's more likely to occur in an OOW home. Does it also happen with women? I think with women it breeds up superwomen who are clueless about a woman's role and thinks everything is her responsibility. This can be just as bad. But since I don't date women, I haven't spent as much time studying the phenomenon in them.

A child may not automatically be a mess because he/she was raised in a single parent household. However, that adult’s frame of reference as to family and family values are going to be different from mine simply because we did come from different family origins. It is unusual for a man raised by a single parent to have the same views of marriage and family as I do, having been raised by a two parent household. Just like it would be difficult for me to relate to his views of marriage and family. Note I said difficult – but not impossible.

But why shouldn’t you rely on help to raise a child? What’s wrong with admitting that raising a child is the most difficult and important job we’ll ever have and its simply easier to undertake that task if we do so with a proper partner? Why is it so wrong to want that? Why does everyone get hostile when a person prefers a more traditional approach to this business of marriage and family?

I certainly never said that an OOW pregnancy should automatically end in abortion. I said – as did others – that better choices need to be made before we get pregnant. Its just that simple. I have said on other posts – not this one – that I believe it is selfish to have a baby simply for the reasoning of “I want one”. Wanting one is not reason enough to bring a child into the world that you have not prepared for. Now it’s the level of preparation that’s up for debate. For some preparation is dependent on a marriage. For other’s its making sure that you have enough maternity leave so that you can get back to work when the kid is 6 weeks old.

Fact is a child’s sense of identity is formed by his relationship with both parents. Not his mother and his uncle / grandparent / or mom’s boyfriend Joe. When dad is out of the picture, that portion of the child’s identity suffers. Talk to all of these men who have grown up without dads and you’ll see this is true. Its different – to an extent – for the daughters, because mom is still there. But those missing fathers affect them too. I don’t understand the logic behind choosing to create such a life for a child. Not when it is relatively simple to avoid it.

Natori, please find a post of mine that said that just because a child wasn't raised in a two-parent home he would be messed up. I said that they are more likely to have issues with two variables; gender roles and valuing marriage and family. It's not worth it to me to take a chance with a man who is less likely to understand what a man's role is, therefore I chose not to date men who are from OOW families. It's just that simple. That is what I've said repeatedly over and over again. You are the one who keeps putting words in my mouth, and claiming that I said they would be messed up, I never said any such thing. Statistics show that there are any number of variables whereas they are more likely to be behind the eight-ball, but I based my decision on two. Two variables that I encountered repeatedly, and that ended in disastrous relationships. If you'll read my list I also discounted men who were raised in domestic violence homes, and probably some more factors as well. Why? Because thats another phenomenon that I have personally encountered several times with likewise disastrous results. The originator of this thread asked for lessons we've learned in relationships. I posted a few of mine. If your lessons aren't congruent with mine, big woo. These are MY lessons, folks are free to take them or leave them at will.

Exactly! Children learn by what they've experienced. If they've never experienced marriage from any pov - it stands to reason that its not likely to be of much importance to them later on in life.

Original thread: http://www.longhaircareforum.com/sh...hlight=lessons+you+learned+past+relationships

 

[blue_flower]

Based on my personal experience, I've encountered men who were raised in a married 2-parent home but act like thugs. I want to know how in the world that happened. Maybe the mother was dominating and the father was passive. Maybe dad worked 2 jobs to support his family and was rarely home. Maybe dad was abusive. And I agree it's not wise to date a guy who's mother was abused or had men coming in and out. Guess who that guy's role models were while growing up. Another thing I noticed about black men (mostly young and some older ones) is that they act emotionally like women. They become very emotional, wearing their hearts on their sleeves, taking things out of proportion, getting extremely angry, taking every insignificant thing personally, yelling, becoming violent. I sense low self-esteem and insecurity. I'd stay faaaaaar away from those men too.

 

[JewelleNY]

I remember that thead.

I think looking at how that person was raised and their views of family, work ethics, and faith would provide a better basis for determining if the guy is worth getting to know.

As a social worker, I could never condemn a person based on their upbringing but I know that people are affected by their life experiences. However, there are so many people who have overcome great adversity in their lives to become great people and some who had the best and lead not so great lives.

 

[YaniraNaturally]

I just have a problem with sweeping generalizations like that. Plus I'm sure we've all encountered/know women that were raised by their momma's and still don't know how to act right.

 

[aribell]

There was a big thread on this some months ago. Same arguments and counter-arguments. The diff between OOW and divorced might be something to talk about. I'd sooner buy that than the "no single parent home, period" mantra.

 

[FlowerHair]

I think it's better to look at the kind of relationship he has with his mother. As in - does he know how to love and be loved back?

 

[anon123]

There was a big thread on this some months ago. Same arguments and counter-arguments. The diff between OOW and divorced might be something to talk about. I'd sooner buy that than the "no single parent home, period" mantra.

In addition to the difference between never having a father in the home and going through a divorce, I also don't think OOW = not having a father in the home. There are plenty of shacked up parents who aren't married.

As chance (?) would have it, every guy I've been on more than a few dates with (okay, that's only like 5 guys in my whole life) had a father or step-father in the home for all or most of their childhood.

 

[locabouthair]

I remember that thread. I took some of the comment personal but to each their own. I do understand where some of the women are coming from. But I try not to make generalizations and I try judge each person individually. I dont think I've ever dated a man that came from a single parent home though.

To the women who dont date men from single parent homes: do you ask them on the first date about their upbringing?

 

[Triniwegian]

From my personal experience a man raised by both his father and his mother in the same house is a must.
The men I have dated previously were from broken homes and they had some crazy ideas about how a relationship should be like. Not saying that this is true for all, but that is what i have experienced.
I love my two parent-home SO

 

[aribell]

In addition to the difference between never having a father in the home and going through a divorce, I also don't think OOW = not having a father in the home. There are plenty of shacked up parents who aren't married.

As chance (?) would have it, every guy I've been on more than a few dates with (okay, that's only like 5 guys in my whole life) had a father or step-father in the home for all or most of their childhood.

Right...I meant no father in the home after divorce or no father in the home after oow birth. But in addition to the question of step-fathers and shacking parents is the question of the extent of a father's interaction with his son, whether he was ever married to the mother or not. Is it assumed that oow or divorced means zero father interaction? Is it assumed that no grandparents, godparents, aunts, uncles, mentors, etc gave a good example of a decent marriage?

I think I would just say that I wouldn't date someone that culdn't articulate a healthy view of marriage and family life, and allow that to weed out anyone who couldn't meet that standard.

 

[Aviah]

It really is a case by case thing. Its a little deterministic to make assumptions about someone because of their past. Yes, its bound to have/had some effect on the person, but we are not robots, we are not programmed as one thing or another for whatever the trait/experience may have been. There are men who have been one way and changed their lives and want to be good men but their past speaks against them. Its way to complex to make hard fast rules about. There are some that were good but only have intentions of playing the field now after being hurt. There are those that had everything a family could have humanly possibly been and are brats. Others had nothing and are great men.
My family past speaks against me but I have risen above it. So who am I to say another's past being broken means the person is... It would mean that men without a father or abused mothers should not be in relationships because of something out of their control, for example.

There are obvious things that are red flags but, take a little time, look a little deeper. I used to abide by all these rules about men because they made me feel safe, and maybe some of us do the same. Guidelines are good but there are no guarantees, and ironically, the rules meant to protect us from hurt, may actually keep us from the love of our lives.

 

[Filmatic]

The worst relationship I have had was with someone from a 2 parent home. So generalizations doesn't work when it comes to how someone was raised.

 

[kasey]

I think this is good information to keep in your back pocket.

The dissolution of my parents marriage when we were young greatly affected the growth and development of my brothers from boys to men. While we had the opportunity to see our father regularly, external forces kept us from forging a strong bond with our dad.

It takes time to realize how much your past has made an impact on your ability to maintain successful relationships and even more time to figure out how to 'fix' yourself.

The exception to this advice may however be men who had surrogate fathers and brothers through other male relatives, coaches, team members, best friends with dads and maybe even participation in a fraternity.

 

[ambergirl]

It really is a case by case thing. Its a little deterministic to make assumptions about someone because of their past. Yes, its bound to have/had some effect on the person, but we are not robots, we are not programmed as one thing or another for whatever the trait/experience may have been. There are men who have been one way and changed their lives and want to be good men but their past speaks against them. Its way to complex to make hard fast rules about. There are some that were good but only have intentions of playing the field now after being hurt. There are those that had everything a family could have humanly possibly been and are brats. Others had nothing and are great men.
My family past speaks against me but I have risen above it. So who am I to say another's past being broken means the person is... It would mean that men without a father or abused mothers should not be in relationships because of something out of their control, for example.

There are obvious things that are red flags but, take a little time, look a little deeper. I used to abide by all these rules about men because they made me feel safe, and maybe some of us do the same. Guidelines are good but there are no guarantees, and ironically, the rules meant to protect us from hurt, may actually keep us from the love of our lives.

Best post of the thread

 

[MissJ]

I just have a problem with sweeping generalizations like that. Plus I'm sure we've all encountered/know women that were raised by their momma's and still don't know how to act right.

That's not the issue being discussed, though. Most of us here are not dating women, and female-female relationships cannot be discussed in the Relationship forum.

 

[MissJ]

There was a big thread on this some months ago. Same arguments and counter-arguments. The diff between OOW and divorced might be something to talk about. I'd sooner buy that than the "no single parent home, period" mantra.

Well, before I made this decision, I had a relationship with the person who was raised by a single mother. He was not born out of wedlock, and he was not disadvantaged in any way, other than not having a father around. I know when we first met, he was say, "I don't believe in gender roles." Being young, and inexperienced I didn't know what he meant by that. Even if I had, I would not have understood it, because all my life the only examples I had seen between men and women were when they were in their respective natural roles. It was so disappointing to come to expect men to behave a certain way, and the person exhibits the complete opposite of what you are accustomed to. It was just disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment. It took me a while to figure out that the problem was his upbrining, though. I expect men to be provider and protector, but he was expecting me to provide for and to protect him. If I were in a position where I needed help, he would not even recognize it. He would be right there, and other men who were strangers would swoop in and help me.

 

[MissJ]

I think it's better to look at the kind of relationship he has with his mother. As in - does he know how to love and be loved back?

That's all it takes? If the guy gets resentful when he has to spend money on you, that's okay? If you are dating, and he behaves that way, just imagine if you plan on being a stay-at-home mom? Or if when you both see danger coming, he takes off running, and the best help he can offer you is to yell from a distance, "You better run, girl!" that would be okay as long as he knows how to love and how to be loved?

 

[MzLady78]

The worst relationship I have had was with someone from a 2 parent home. So generalizations doesn't work when it comes to how someone was raised.

The guy I was seeing around this time last year came from a 2 parent home and his views on women/relationships were some of the most twisted I'd EVER seen.

 

[MzLady78]

That's all it takes? If the guy gets resentful when he has to spend money on you, that's okay? If you are dating, and he behaves that way, just imagine if you plan on being a stay-at-home mom? Or if when you both see danger coming, he takes off running, and the best help he can offer you is to yell from a distance, "You better run, girl!" that would be okay as long as he knows how to love and how to be loved?

How did you get all that from what she said? erplexed

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Well, before I made this decision, I had a relationship with the person who was raised by a single mother. He was not born out of wedlock, and he was not disadvantaged in any way, other than not having a father around. I know when we first met, he was say, "I don't believe in gender roles." Being young, and inexperienced I didn't know what he meant by that. Even if I had, I would not have understood it, because all my life the only examples I had seen between men and women were when they were in their respective natural roles. It was so disappointing to come to expect men to behave a certain way, and the person exhibits the complete opposite of what you are accustomed to. It was just disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment. It took me a while to figure out that the problem was his upbrining, though. I expect men to be provider and protector, but he was expecting me to provide for and to protect him. If I were in a position where I needed help, he would not even recognize it. He would be right there, and other men who were strangers would swoop in and help me.

The problem was that he told you in the beginning what his views were and you chose to continue the relationship. A man from a 2 parent household could easily have the same views.

It's best to discuss these issues early in the relationship so that you know what a man's views are and whether they are similar to your own. The issue is how a person is raised and what kind of values are instilled in them as a child. Whether they had 1 parent, 2 parents, or no parents isn't as important, IMO.

I haven't found men from 2 parent households to be any more devoted, loving, protecting, or faithful that anyone else.

 

[aribell]

That is interesting because what I would see in a man like that is someone who has not taken the time to be reflective about his life and exeriences and how they may have limited his development and understanding of the world. People are not determined by their environment...but if someone does end up being a pure reflection of all the negatives they've experienced, it says that they probably don't have very strong character since they were not able to recognize and overcome those things. And that's what I'd take issue with rather than the upbringing itself.

Also, I think nowadays everyone has to have those conversations about roles and such, as many people as a matter of political correctness or philosophical ideals don't believe in traditional gender roles. Case in point, I've lived with two happily married couples--one for 35 years, the other for 25, neither of which adhered to traditional gender roles because of their intellectual dispositions. Lovely homes and families thoug. They talked a lot about co-parenting, where when the kids were young both parents shared equal child-rearing responsibilities, like staying at home, cooking, etc. They didn't come to those beliefs because of dysfunction in their lives, that is just their perspective on the world, and it has worked very well for both families. So I feel that people really just need tto make sure that they and the person they are with envision the same kind of home life, however they may have arrived at that vision.

Well, before I made this decision, I had a relationship with the person who was raised by a single mother. He was not born out of wedlock, and he was not disadvantaged in any way, other than not having a father around. I know when we first met, he was say, "I don't believe in gender roles." Being young, and inexperienced I didn't know what he meant by that. Even if I had, I would not have understood it, because all my life the only examples I had seen between men and women were when they were in their respective natural roles. It was so disappointing to come to expect men to behave a certain way, and the person exhibits the complete opposite of what you are accustomed to. It was just disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment, after disappointment. It took me a while to figure out that the problem was his upbrining, though. I expect men to be provider and protector, but he was expecting me to provide for and to protect him. If I were in a position where I needed help, he would not even recognize it. He would be right there, and other men who were strangers would swoop in and help me.

 

[Makenzie]

I will not write off someone raised by a single mother immediately. My preference though is for him to come from a 2 parent home. I want him to have positive experiences of male female interaction.

 

[cocomochaa]

The problem was that he told you in the beginning what his views were and you chose to continue the relationship. A man from a 2 parent household could easily have the same views.

It's best to discuss these issues early in the relationship so that you know what a man's views are and whether they are similar to your own. The issue is how a person is raised and what kind of values are instilled in them as a child. Whether they had 1 parent, 2 parents, or no parents isn't as important, IMO.

I haven't found men from 2 parent households to be any more devoted, loving, protecting, or faithful that anyone else. Sometimes they are actually worse, especially if they came from a household where mom did everything and dad's only responsibility was to pay the bills. That's a huge turn-off for me, but it doesn't mean that all men from 2 parent homes make bad husbands. Again, it just depends on how they were raised.

My dad came from a 2 parent household and he's pretty crappy at being a father. My mum has practically been a single parent since I was 2.

My cousin's (family friend) dad came from a 2 parent household and he would beat the daylights out of his wife.

Obama's dad bounced pretty early; he came from a 2 parent household.

Generalizations are not guarantees.

 

[Summer_Rain]

A good question to ask is whether or not single black women as a whole have the luxury of this being a deal breaker if their intention is to only date black men. He must have an advanced degree, he must be from a 2 parent home, he must not have children, he must earn X amount of money...

We come to the table with all these must haves but the unfortunate truth is that there aren't enough black men who fit the descripton to go around. He may have the degrees and money but comes from a single parent home. He comes from a 2 parent home, but doesnt have the degree and has kids, etc.

I'll admit that THIS BOARD caused me to think twice about dating men from single parent homes, but when I took the time to review my own personal experiences - I found that there were other things that I could ask, do, look for, etc to discern if a man has the qualities that i'm looking for.

If he happens to be from a single parent home, I'm looking for things that indicate how he was impacted by it...if it gave him the resolve and determination to do better by his own - or if he's one of those types who feels that "Well, I came out fine. I don't see the big deal"

 

[rafikichick92]

My BF is from a single parent home--his parents divorced when he was 13, but his dad wasn't much of a father before that and his mother wasn't much of a mother before that either. However, that has not negatively affected him when it comes to views on gender roles or being the perfect gentleman. Even my parents love him and that's saying alot. So I would say that I would choose to date a man raised by a single mother based on his own character and choices.

 

[Arcadian]

I can only base this off of my experience. My husband came from a broken home; his parents divorced when he was 5. His home life was a mess. I won't go into everything but his father was ....something else when he was young, his mother was an alcoholic.

I'm very happy to have met someone like him. Irregardless of what may have happened while he grew up, he still respects me, he sees to my needs, and yes he puts me first! On top of all that, he's his own man. He's pulled himself out of some ish to be the person he is today.

So I have to say I don't think it matters based on my own experiences with such things. IMO, how that man treats you TODAY is much more important than his home life in the past.

If a guy is a d-bag, he'll be one be it he has 1 parent or 2.

-A

 

[YaniraNaturally]

That's not the issue being discussed, though. Most of us here are not dating women, and female-female relationships cannot be discussed in the Relationship forum.

Thanks, I read the forum description for myself. I was just trying to highlight how ignorant it sounds to make sweeping generalizations like that. Life is full of surprises and nothing is guaranteed.

ETA: I'm not a lesbian (since that somehow came up). As much as men annoy me at times, I'm 100% heterosexual.

 

[panamoni]

I'm with those who said that guys can choose to go in either of the extremes -- embracing the ways and values of their upbringing, or running from it and doing the opposite. I never heard the idea of not dating guys raised in single parent homes until this board, and I definitely think there's something there. However, what I'm going to take from it is how important it is for me to get a sense of his views on gender roles and respect for marriage. But this will be important with guys raised in 2 parent homes as well. I've taken away a lot from this thread. Mainly, additional criteria to evaluate a potential mate on.

Since I know that there are a lot of values from my upbringing that I've rejected and consciously made an effort to do something different, I'm willing to give guys the chance to do the same, if that's where they are at.

 

[MissJ]

I remember that thread. I took some of the comment personal but to each their own. I do understand where some of the women are coming from. But I try not to make generalizations and I try judge each person individually. I dont think I've ever dated a man that came from a single parent home though.

To the women who dont date men from single parent homes: do you ask them on the first date about their upbringing?

I haven't dated a whole lot of men, but with the last 3 this is how it went.

One guy I knew from school liked me. When we talked on the phone, and in an effort to get him to talk about his parents, I brought up mine. Then he told me that his parents had been married for 30+ years and that they were very happy. It didn't hurt that his mom is a Mormon, too.

The next guy was the guy from Africa whose father gave his mother to her brother and put money on top of her head after the father and his family decided they no longer wanted her. I guess he was paying the brother to take her off his hands. *shrug* That was my first time ever hanging out with him, and he told me that whole story. I didn't know what to think.

The next guy, who I am somewhat interested in now, when I met him, he made a very good impression. He is a young business owner. He moved from another state to start his business, and his sister moved with him. I think she takes care of the house while he makes the money, sort of like when LaToya Jackson moved with Michael to New York when Michael was filming The Wiz. Already, the guy had shown that he can provide for a woman. I had talked to one of my friends about him and his business. I said his parents owned their own business, too. Well, months later my friend said that he was going the state where the guy was from, had gotten a coupon online, and wanted to know if it was the business his family owned. It was. He went over there and scoped out the place. Although, he didn't like the service they offered, he liked the atmosphere and the people, who were the guy's mom and dad. At time, I asked him about them. His response, "They have black hair." Not exactly that kind of information I wanted, but at least I know they are still together and probably work together every day.

I like to try to get background information of people to get an idea of whether or not we will mesh well.