New Girlfriend and Ex (Baby Moma) are nice to each other, BUT!!

[blasianbeauty]

the man (baby daddy) doesn't want them to be friends.

Quick background - My friend is dating a man that has a baby (8 months old) and they have been dating since the child was a few months old. He has never introduced my friend to the BM but all of a sudden about a month ago he took my friend over to the BM's house to drop his baby girl off. BM saw my friend in his car, and waved to her so she waved back.

Last night my friend and her man went to take his baby girl back to BM. BM was in her car as they pulled up, and BD (baby daddy) proceeds to get his daughter out of the car seat to give to BM. He didn't give an introduction or anything, so the BM got out of her car and went to my friend and introduced herself and they were both pleasant to each other. The BM proceeded to tell my friend that if she's going to be spending time with her child, then she'd like for the two of them to get acquainted and my friend said "sure".

Here's the thing - as BM proceeded to give my friend her info, the BD cut her off and said "it's time to go".

If you were my friend, how would you take this? It's as if he doesn't want them to get acquainted, but my friend spends time with their daughter.

I told her what I thought, I'd just like to know if I'm in the minority here or if I'm correct.

Thoughts?

 

[brownelovely]

Wow, for once I can say he seems like the immature factor in this type of situation.

There are so many scenarios that I can picture with this info. Hmmmmm....maybe he thinks BM is up to something...or he doesn't think that them being "friends" will work because of xx reason....or ????

 

[blasianbeauty]

Wow, for once I can say he seems like the immature factor in this type of situation.

There are so many scenarios that I can picture with this info. Hmmmmm....maybe he thinks BM is up to something...or he doesn't think that them being "friends" will work because of xx reason....or ????

I thought it was immature as well as rude since he did not give an introduction. I thought it was big of the BM to go and introduce herself to my friend. IMO any upstanding man should want the two women to get along.

 

[Summer_Rain]

From my personal experience, it's probably because the boyfriend is concerned that the BM may reveal somethings about him that he's been less than honest about with the girlfriend.

Speaking from my recent experiences, and my sons father now having 2 addtl kids within the last 1 year...I took the initiative to be-friend one of the mothers. She mentioned that he pretty much forbid her from reaching out to me while they were together. After she and I started talking, sharing stories, the truth came out - and about 99.9% of the things he told her about me were complete lies. Had she known the things THEN that she knew NOW (about me & his story) she likely wouldn't have stayed with him.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

From my personal experience, it's probably because the boyfriend is concerned that the BM may reveal somethings about him that he's been less than honest about with the girlfriend.

.

Exactly! Homeboy is either hiding something or fear the bm has alterior motives. He SHOULD be jumping for joy, yet he's acting suspect. I know if I was the bm I would want to get acquainted with the new gf too. This is logical and rational in my opinion. Why would a woman not want to know who her child hangs around?

 

[TayMac]

I'm on the "he's got something to hide" team. It could be that things didn't happen the way he said, they could still be "bumpin it", etc.

There are two sides to every story. All baby mamas are not crazy and scorned. Him not wanting them to associate would be a red flag for me.

She needs to ask him directly what the problem is.

 

[blasianbeauty]

From my personal experience, it's probably because the boyfriend is concerned that the BM may reveal somethings about him that he's been less than honest about with the girlfriend.

Speaking from my recent experiences, and my sons father now having 2 addtl kids within the last 1 year...I took the initiative to be-friend one of the mothers. She mentioned that he pretty much forbid her from reaching out to me while they were together. After she and I started talking, sharing stories, the truth came out - and about 99.9% of the things he told her about me were complete lies. Had she known the things THEN that she knew NOW (about me & his story) she likely wouldn't have stayed with him.

That's what i told her. He's hiding something and doesn't want the "real" him revealed. My friend said she was shocked that BM even waved to her because according to her man, she's "crazy baby mama." So, she's sort of confused about the whole thing and she sort of got an attitude with me. She thinks that him bringing her around BM means that he has nothin to hide. I just said "ok girl" and left it alone.

That's why she also downplayed him not giving an introduction...because BM is crazy.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Exactly! Homeboy is either hiding something or fear the bm has alterior motives. He SHOULD be jumping for joy, yet he's acting suspect. I know if I was the bm I would want to get acquainted with the new gf too. This is logical and rational in my opinion. Why would a woman not want to know who her child hangs around?

He's acting VERY suspect, IMO. I mean, why even bring the new gf around yet not give an introduction. I get the feeling that he wanted to make BM jealous and thought she would react negatively yet she did the exact opposite.

 

[Summer_Rain]

That's what i told her. He's hiding something and doesn't want the "real" him revealed. My friend said she was shocked that BM even waved to her because according to her man, she's "crazy baby mama." So, she's sort of confused about the whole thing and she sort of got an attitude with me. She thinks that him bringing her around BM means that he has nothin to hide. I just said "ok girl" and left it alone.

That's why she also downplayed him not giving an introduction...because BM is crazy.

@ the bolded - thats it right there! That's what my BD has had all of his girlfriends believing about me. Although none of them ever "witnessed" this behavior, all they saw was me being polite whenever they may have come around, they never heard me yelling or even coming sideways at him on the phone. The behavior they witnessed never lined up with the crazy BM rep that he tried to give me.

Then I started talking to one, and she saw for herself that the things her told her about me were a lie. Now the shoe is on the other foot, she's a BM and he's telling the same lies and painting her as crazy to the new pregnant BM/GF

 

[TayMac]

Kinda OT but I'm wary of men that date so soon after the baby is born..that's just me.

Your friend is being naive about the situation.

 

[brownelovely]

He's acting VERY suspect, IMO. I mean, why even bring the new gf around yet not give an introduction. I get the feeling that he wanted to make BM jealous and thought she would react negatively yet she did the exact opposite.

That makes perfect sense.

He reminds me of the situation with Jody in Baby Boy ..where he wanted to still be able to run back "home" to the other goods when things weren't kosher at the "main" home. If they are friends...this won't be able to happen, thus screwing up his nookie plan.

He definitely seems suspect and I definitely think it's because he doesn't want her to know certain things that he may still be doing or done in the past since they started dating.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Kinda OT but I'm wary of men that date so soon after the baby is born..that's just me.

Your friend is being naive about the situation.

Exactly and If I were the other BM I wouldnt want his new gf around my child. Its too soon for all of that.

If dude was smart and trying to hide something, he should have just told her he had a kid and said that he and the BM agreed not to have the child around their SO's for now.

 

[blasianbeauty]

@ the bolded - thats it right there! That's what my BD has had all of his girlfriends believing about me. Although none of them ever "witnessed" this behavior, all they saw was me being polite whenever they may have come around, they never heard me yelling or even coming sideways at him on the phone. The behavior they witnessed never lined up with the crazy BM rep that he tried to give me.

Then I started talking to one, and she saw for herself that the things her told her about me were a lie. Now the shoe is on the other foot, she's a BM and he's telling the same lies and painting her as crazy to the new pregnant BM/GF

That's awful...especially since she has to experience this mess with a newborn. It's great that you two can get along as well.

I'm learning that these "crazy baby mama" stories that men make up are probably 99.9% lies, or there's a reason for BM to act a fool (they're still messin around, he's not doing his part, etc.)

 

[blasianbeauty]

Kinda OT but I'm wary of men that date so soon after the baby is born..that's just me.

Your friend is being naive about the situation.

I told her that she shouldn't have gotten involved with him. Everything is still fresh and the baby is so young.

She even said she loves this little girl as her own. I get the feeling that she wants to be "mommy" or something.

 

[blasianbeauty]

Exactly and If I were the other BM I wouldnt want his new gf around my child. Its too soon for all of that.

If dude was smart and trying to hide something, he should have just told her he had a kid and said that he and the BM agreed not to have the child around their SO's for now.

That's why I believe his motive was to make BM jealous. He didn't introduce them or anything but wanted her (my friend) to be seen. I told her she's being used for whatever motives he has right now but she got another attitude with me for saying that. If his intentions were good, he would have done the respectful thing of introducing them to one another and let them go ahead and be friends if he had nothing to hide.

 

[brownelovely]

I told her that she shouldn't have gotten involved with him. Everything is still fresh and the baby is so young.

She even said she loves this little girl as her own. I get the feeling that she wants to be "mommy" or something.

I'll tell ya what it is....

She's got feelings for him now and she thinks playing mommy is what's going to keep this relationship going. It's hard for someone to just up and leave a relationship though. But with this baby being as young as she is, this situation has the potential to either get better or get worse. I'm thinking worse because you just never know what is really going on that she's not telling you about.

I would hate for your friend to get caught up in the middle and being left behind because ole dude now feels he should be with the mother of his child. That's definitely a reality that can happen which may be why he doesn't want her being friendly with the BM. No one can tell what's being said between the two behind closed doors and with a baby there comes feelings that only they will feel with each other so......

 

[miss stress]

The dude sounds immature like he wants somebody to fight over his behind and he's salty that the girls dont care like that and want to b friends instead. TOTAL DRAMA KING

 

[Christelyn]

GRRRRR @ all these men (I use the term loosely) making babies and leaving!!!

 

[urbanchic]

I can't stand it when men start up with 'my BM is crazy'. Why would you talk about the mother of your child like that? Huge red flag IMO.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Red flag: Baby only 3 months and he's dating....again

Uhm...cool your heels.

That's enough to run without all the other stuff. Because it could be a myriad of reasons from: She is crazy, she's not crazy but he wants to make her jealous, she's not crazy but he's paraniod that she might tell something, he wants to control the situation and doesn't feel comfortable with his new woman talking to his previous flame. Who knows. What I know is it's too soon for a relationship. I'm SURE previous woman still has feelings for him even IF she's trying to be civil (and that can create a mess in and of itself), he IS still connected to her, and had a relationship with her as recent as less than a year (and created a BABY with her) to the point that he shouldn't be rushing into anything else anytime soon, and basically...this whole situation just equals one big mess. And finally, I mean heck she's with a man who has a baby by someone else and hasn't committed. And if he didn't want to commit then he sure doesn't know how to use a condom. Yes people make mistakes, but this relationship is just to fresh (they just had a baby) and to me he shows that he's as reckless as I believe (by starting another relationship). I don't know how many flags need to go off to run. Unless she wants to be his next ....baby momma.

Your friend should not touch him with a ten foot pole.

 

[VioletWylde]

I told her that she shouldn't have gotten involved with him. Everything is still fresh and the baby is so young.

She even said she loves this little girl as her own. I get the feeling that she wants to be "mommy" or something.

@ the bolded: That's some dangerous stuff right there.

 

[Country gal]

I think they should be cordial to each other but they don't need to be best friends. He was rude to not introduce her. Maybe he doesn't feel that his current Gf will be around long enough so what's the point of getting to know his BM.

 

[darlingdiva]

@ the bolded: That's some dangerous stuff right there.

Indeed it is. It's great that she loves the little girl, but she needs to stay in her lane. Kids are funny about stuff like that--with good reason. The little girl already has a mother, so this woman doesn't have to try & be her mom.

Plus, if I were a mom, I wouldn't be cool w/ the new wife or girlfriend trying to act like my child's mom.

 

[TayMac]

I think they should be cordial to each other but they don't need to be best friends. He was rude to not introduce her. Maybe he doesn't feel that his current Gf will be around long enough so what's the point of getting to know his BM.

If that's the case, then I don't think she should get to know the infant either. I don't think the girlfriend and BM should be best friends either but to cut them off like that is suspect.

I told her that she shouldn't have gotten involved with him. Everything is still fresh and the baby is so young.

She even said she loves this little girl as her own. I get the feeling that she wants to be "mommy" or something.

I hope she doesn't pop up as BM #2.

 

[firecracker]

I think she should rethink dating any man that has a 8 month old child.

 

[Bmack]

He still wants the BM to some extent or does not take your friend seriously, but the latter does not seem true as his baby is around her. The BM seems like she is A OK with them, and has moved on...he has a prob with that. She needs to investigate further.

the man (baby daddy) doesn't want them to be friends.

Quick background - My friend is dating a man that has a baby (8 months old) and they have been dating since the child was a few months old. He has never introduced my friend to the BM but all of a sudden about a month ago he took my friend over to the BM's house to drop his baby girl off. BM saw my friend in his car, and waved to her so she waved back.

Last night my friend and her man went to take his baby girl back to BM. BM was in her car as they pulled up, and BD (baby daddy) proceeds to get his daughter out of the car seat to give to BM. He didn't give an introduction or anything, so the BM got out of her car and went to my friend and introduced herself and they were both pleasant to each other. The BM proceeded to tell my friend that if she's going to be spending time with her child, then she'd like for the two of them to get acquainted and my friend said "sure".

Here's the thing - as BM proceeded to give my friend her info, the BD cut her off and said "it's time to go".

If you were my friend, how would you take this? It's as if he doesn't want them to get acquainted, but my friend spends time with their daughter.

I told her what I thought, I'd just like to know if I'm in the minority here or if I'm correct.

Thoughts?

 

[Bmack]

He's acting VERY suspect, IMO. I mean, why even bring the new gf around yet not give an introduction. I get the feeling that he wanted to make BM jealous and thought she would react negatively yet she did the exact opposite.

This is what I am thinking, but homegirl aint sweating it. I know if I was a mother, I would be happy he was doing his share of duties and I would want to get to know the girl to ensure that my child was being cared for. What ever he is doing wrong or I should say mistakes while the baby is in his care, I am sure your friend steps in. Therefore, it is only right that your friend should get to know baby moms.

He wanted a different reaction, but when all his arse got was crickets and cooperation he was like lol. ****'s kill me.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I think she should rethink dating any man that has a 8 month old child.[/QUOTE]

See this sentence right here!

Sometimes you need to see something or hear something out loud to realize that you're in a situation you should not even THINK of touching...

 

[Bmack]

I told her that she shouldn't have gotten involved with him. Everything is still fresh and the baby is so young.

She even said she loves this little girl as her own. I get the feeling that she wants to be "mommy" or something.

After discussing this with a mother/friend she raised an excellent point that it is really up to the person in the relationship to ensure that the child is safe. Not saying the mother should not make sure, but how much can you get to know the person?

 

[blasianbeauty]

He still wants the BM to some extent or does not take your friend seriously, but the latter does not seem true as his baby is around her. The BM seems like she is A OK with them, and has moved on...he has a prob with that. She needs to investigate further.

Based on this scenario why do you say that?

I've given her all of the advice that's in this thread. She sees both sides now and asked him why doesn't he want them to get to know each other. He told my friend in due time he'll introduce them, and that when she (BM) gets a man then ALL of them can sit down and have dinner together. I said "What does the BM havin a new man have to do with YALL getting acquainted?!!

Now I'm more confident that what I felt was correct. If BM and her man are present then she can't bring up anything that's been going on with them. I told my friend she needs to really think about leavin him alone but she talks about how "crazy she is about the little girl."