NEVER BEEN IN LOVE? Please help!

[Zakina]

There is this sweet and wonderful guy that is beyond in love with me...
I really don't know if there's something wrong with me but I am indifferent towards him but cherish our friendship.

After an argument I told him that I was his friend and noting more...he said he was ok with it (although he was very saddned by it).

I just feel like the biggest jack$$$ ever

He is sooo sweet..there is nothing wrong with him ( I really mean it...he's cute, smart and funny) its just that I dont FEEL anything....

This is a genuine question...could there be something wrong with me? Or will I feel something only once I've found the guy I really want to be with?


I dont mean to sound conceited, but sometimes I feel like I'll never really fall for a guy because I'll always feel that he should be happy to be with me and not the other way around...
It's almost like everytime I meet a guy I'm not focused on getting to know him I'm focused on me and how he percieves me... I always manage to, in my head, make it all about me.
And the weird thing is I'm not generally a bad or selfish person it's just that I dont respect men maybe? I dont know whats wrong with me...but anyhoo..
can someone relate?

 

[drasgrl]

You're just not that into him. He's just not the one and that's ok. It's not your fault there's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't found the right person yet.

 

[Zakina]

Hi drasgrl..i dont mean to sound like a crazy stalker but from the posts I've seen by you I saw that you let someone get away that you really loved....were you convinced from the get go that he was the one or was it something that you came to understand later? Do you think you'll ever get over him?

I'm sorry if tis too personal...You can pm me if you'd like

 

[Duchesse]

You are not a jack***! I've never been in love (at least not with a real live person), but there is nothing wrong with not feeling reciprocal emotions for someone. Maybe you are more of a head (as in mental) person, and it may take a bit of different stimulation to get those heart strings pumping.

From your post you kinda remind me of myself, not knowing why you just can't formulate feelings for a perfectly nice guy who likes you. But what do you mean by the bolded? Do you pull back when you start to actually feel something?

I dont mean to sound conceited, but sometimes I feel like I'll never really fall for a guy because I'll always feel that he should be happy to be with me and not the other way around...
It's almost like everytime I meet a guy I'm not focused on getting to know him I'm focused on me and how he percieves me... I always manage to, in my head, make it all about me.
And the weird thing is I'm not generally a bad or selfish person it's just that I dont respect men maybe? I dont know whats wrong with me...but anyhoo..
can someone relate?[/quote]

 

[Zakina]

No not really ....I havent even felt anything. I'm a really emotional person ....sometimes my emotions overpower my intellect. I cry over nothing and I'm quite moody at times. But it seems as if when it comes to love I'm like a man...I just like to be chased but thats where the fun ends (I know I'm horrible)...If I feel as if the guy is getting tired of me I go into panic mode and convince myself that I actually like him which is absolutely not the truth.

So to answer your question...No because I've never gotten to that stage where I have had genuine and unconditional feelings for someone. Unconditional meaning that it's not depending on if this person is head over heels for me or not.

You are not a jack***! I've never been in love (at least not with a real live person), but there is nothing wrong with not feeling reciprocal emotions for someone. Maybe you are more of a head (as in mental) person, and it may take a bit of different stimulation to get those heart strings pumping.

From your post you kinda remind me of myself, not knowing why you just can't formulate feelings for a perfectly nice guy who likes you. But what do you mean by the bolded? Do you pull back when you start to actually feel something?

 

[Duchesse]

Okay, so when you read that self-help book to define and solve your problem, make sure you PM me the name and author, so I can read it.

Do you get all hyped up more over the idea of someone liking you intensely, but don't want to or won't allow yourself to go any deeper than that? Sounds like maybe your self defeating in the relationship dept. Like you like the security of having someone all gagacrazy over you because your not risking anything of emotional value, but then once they pull back (because no one wants to feel like they are wasting their energy), then you want to to give them some attention. Its a sad push-pull situation. I'm only saying this because this is a horrible problem that I have, and it seems similar.

 

[drasgrl]

Hi drasgrl..i dont mean to sound like a crazy stalker but from the posts I've seen by you I saw that you let someone get away that you really loved....were you convinced from the get go that he was the one or was it something that you came to understand later? Do you think you'll ever get over him?

I'm sorry if tis too personal...You can pm me if you'd like

I still loved him and wanted to be with him when I stupidly broke up with him for a stupid reason. If I would have told him I just needed some space maybe it would be different but I didn't. In the back of my mind I believed we would still get back together. I tried a few years later but it was too late.

It wasn't love at first sight like that but it didn't take long and I thought he was my soul mate. I laugh at that term now because I was young then and believed in such a thing. So it was really a combination of both. After I broke up with him and had other relationships I realize he is the only one I ever loved.

 

[Zakina]

I really dont think it's that deep (but what do I really know )....All I know is that I really long for that feeling of being in love and I've realized that it might be fun for me to be chased but the chaser is the one really hurting in this case and I cant live with that.

If you dont mind me asking? Are your problems identical to mine in all aspects...What would you do? Should I just go with the flow and see if I find someone that I really love..or is this a problem that actually requires self-help books ?

Okay, so when you read that self-help book to define and solve your problem, make sure you PM me the name and author, so I can read it.

Do you get all hyped up more over the idea of someone liking you intensely, but don't want to or won't allow yourself to go any deeper than that? Sounds like maybe your self defeating in the relationship dept. Like you like the security of having someone all gagacrazy over you because your not risking anything of emotional value, but then once they pull back (because no one wants to feel like they are wasting their energy), then you want to to give them some attention. Its a sad push-pull situation. I'm only saying this because this is a horrible problem that I have, and it seems similar.

 

[Zakina]

Ok thanks drasgrl!

I still loved him and wanted to be with him when I stupidly broke up with him for a stupid reason. If I would have told him I just needed some space maybe it would be different but I didn't. In the back of my mind I believed we would still get back together. I tried a few years later but it was too late.

It wasn't love at first sight like that but it didn't take long and I thought he was my soul mate. I laugh at that term now because I was young then and believed in such a thing. So it was really a combination of both. After I broke up with him and had other relationships I realize he is the only one I ever loved.

 

[cocoberry10]

You're just not that into him. He's just not the one and that's ok. It's not your fault there's nothing wrong with you. You just haven't found the right person yet.

I agree with her. Zakina, maybe he's not the one. As long as you stay friends, things may change. Don't try to force it. Just let nature take its course. Also, there may be a little bit of committment shyness in you, but even if there is, it doesn't mean he's the one. I'm kind of in a similar situation as you. What I've decided to do is not make any crazy decisions (i.e. I won't be with this guy just b/c he's nice, sweet, etc. b/c that would be cheating him from what he most deserves). Likewise, I won't completely kick him out of my life, b/c I have no reason to. I mean, why rush things? Make sure you like the guy, b/c once you date, if things don't work out, you may not be able to go back to being friends.