Negative relationship patterns you have

[DaPPeR]

He would do something off-kiltered from the get go and my dumb self would continue on.

That is a negative pattern that I need to banish and dip the moment it happens.

I need a HEALTHY relationship(s) in '09.

 

[Essensual]

In the past I have had a tendency to fall for men who are emotionally unavailable.

I gave more, I loved deeper, I wanted more from the relationship then they did.erplexed

In the end, I would always feel short changed, and shameful.

NO MAS.

 

[chocolat79]

Doing too much too soon....most men would get treated too well, before they've proven themselves

Rearranging my life (and activities) to fit their schedules

Not anymore...It's about mine in '09!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

What mistake(s) have you made repeatedly in the past?

What would you like to change?

Still trying to think of how to phrase mine...

i know i am guilty of leaving a relationship without a trace...no phone calls, no letters, no explanation, nothing! I even stop answering his calls. I've done this many times in the past....and i notice i do it when i suspect something. for example, a guy i was dating....i can not remember exactly what he said as i am sure it wasn't that serious, but whatever it was, i faded to black. i am notorious for that. he did call me months later, but by that time, i was just as interested as i was when i stopped everything. in fact, i was arrogant and short with him...and i remember saying to myself..."i would NOT have called me if it were me".....

few months after that, i made a booty call to him. i was nice only because i was after for one thing. he obliged and shortly thereafter, i rolled out, again without a trace. i didn't even lay there in the "afterglow." i went in the bathroom, washed, put on my clothes, came out and he still in the bed talkin bout some.."oh baby, u leavin?" i was like yup...and kept it pimpin.

would i like to change? honestly, no.

do i look at it as a mistake? no, because i can be honest and admit, even now, that i have doggish ways when it comes to these men and have no remorse afterwards.

must be the Capricorn in me.....

 

[Encore]

This is ME to a tee......always willing to give before I'm given. Once my last LTR ended I vowed that the next dude was going too work for everything and then some......so far so good. I have also adopted a new style of communication which means it's about MY wants and needs. No longer trying to gauge if "he's into me or not" or "Am I doing the right thing by him". The summer of '08 has enlightened me too the point where I know that the right man will be able to handle these things and embrace me for the woman that I am.

yes. amen. hallelujah!!

 

[Encore]

Me too erplexed. I used to be like this. Tell me you dont want a girlfriend right now or your interested in any type of relationship for x, y and z reasons and you better believe I would stand there like I know u dont really mean it and of course you will love and want to be with me.





come to find out he wasnt lying and all I did was waste my time



Another problem is that I cant let go of people and I also cant forgive. So I can be in a relationship with someone and resent the ish out of them for what they did to me in the past and will NOT break up with them but instead be pissy to them at all times.

EXACTLY WHAT I DO!

 

[ShaniKeys]

What mistake(s) have you made repeatedly in the past?

What would you like to change?

Still trying to think of how to phrase mine...

I wouldn't say 'repeatedly' because I've only been in one relationship. But it taught me alot about myself.

What I would like to change? I never even knew this about myself but I'm quite gullible. I also would like to be more persistant when 'interrogating' my SO about something and not just dropping it, because he says one pathetic sentence that should excuse or explain his behaviour. I would also like to be more stable emotianally and put myself first.

Despite all these 'flaws' I have to admit that I am happy that I never formally introduced my ex to my family, I also repeatedly told him that I would only do so if I trusted him 100% and knew that our relationship was going somewhere. Being from where I'm from, we're very traditional, so the chaos that would've taken place if I would've introduced him to my family and then a year later he's no more...I don't even want to think about it.


very nice thread op.

 

[golden bronze]

In the past I have picked men who told me they were not worthy of me and I didn't believe them.

I have looked to a relationship for comfort.

I betrayed my own best instincts, and values to be loved.

I never, ever want to do that again.

 

[princessnad]

I get soothed by sex


erm

NEW sex

 

[Encore]

Shutting down/not communicating.

this is the problem with my ex.
and that is the polar opposite of me.

I never understood why he wud rather pretend something never happened, but never forget it and would act out and when I tried talking to him...i have literally had more of a response from a brick wall.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

When I meet someone i REALLY like i tend to move too fast as in without knowing too much about him in the beginning I jump in with both feet and become exclusive, then as the real personality unfolds i realise that i dont really want to be in this so i get bored and I end it or with my last ex he turned out to be a CLASS A jerk . So i really need to take my time and not get too swept away with the guy's looks and his best behaviour, im working on taking things at a reasonable pace

 

[Poohbear]

The negative relationship pattern I have is that guys feel that I do not show interest or they cannot tell if I like them.

 

[jwhitley6]

My largest problem is being unavailable. I can be very emotionally unavailable initially. I'm very guarded and protective of myself- which has protected me from a lot of hurt that many women experience- but I do need to open up and be a little bit more of a risk taker. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I also have a slight issue with commitment phobia. I want to be in a healthy LTR, but sometimes I am overwhelmed very easily and will find myself pulling back if Mr. gets too attached- especially when it happens very fast. Definitely have to work on that one.... The easiest/best way to accomplish this is to start off as friends and move very slowly. This is often a challenge, b/c when a guy really is interested romantically, they like to move quickly into relationships- this will drive me away.

I don't communicate my emotions/anger very well at all. I need time to process, think, and cool down- but a lot of times I fail to let the guy know this, so I'll just take as much time as I need (basically ignoring the person- without letting them know why) until I'm ready to discuss (I am the queen of the "straight up ignore"/silent treatment). . Bad, bad, I know. I do this with a lot of ppl when they cross me though- not just men, so this is something i need to work on for all of my relationships.

You sound like me. I also need to have personal space to reflect and will ignore any and everybody until I'm ready. That may be a bit selfish.

I also lack patience and tend to put men in a "box" quickly. In some ways it's good, since I don't trying make something fit that clearly doesn't work for me, but I think my emotionally distant/objective approach can make some guys uneasy. I've been called intimidating more than once.

Another crazy thing about me is once I know a guy's not the one, I let loose and can actually accept them for who they are and truly enjoy them. That makes them fall for me even more and makes our "friendship" challenging.

 

[Essensual]

...bumpity bump

 

[Magus484]

Getting emotionally attached to guys who are physically attractive and successful, even though they do nothing for me mentally and emotionally.

Being blinded by a guy's looks and success to the point that I allow my emotions, actions, and beliefs to be compromised, just to try to get a relationship to work with them.

 

[FluffyRed]

My largest problem is being unavailable. I can be very emotionally unavailable initially. I'm very guarded and protective of myself- which has protected me from a lot of hurt that many women experience- but I do need to open up and be a little bit more of a risk taker. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I also have a slight issue with commitment phobia. I want to be in a healthy LTR, but sometimes I am overwhelmed very easily and will find myself pulling back if Mr. gets too attached- especially when it happens very fast. Definitely have to work on that one.... The easiest/best way to accomplish this is to start off as friends and move very slowly. This is often a challenge, b/c when a guy really is interested romantically, they like to move quickly into relationships- this will drive me away.

I don't communicate my emotions/anger very well at all. I need time to process, think, and cool down- but a lot of times I fail to let the guy know this, so I'll just take as much time as I need (basically ignoring the person- without letting them know why) until I'm ready to discuss (I am the queen of the "straight up ignore"/silent treatment). . Bad, bad, I know. I do this with a lot of ppl when they cross me though- not just men, so this is something i need to work on for all of my relationships.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME!!!
What do we have in common, that I could have written this entire post???

Getting emotionally attached to guys who are physically attractive and successful, even though they do nothing for me mentally and emotionally.

Being blinded by a guy's looks and success to the point that I allow my emotions, actions, and beliefs to be compromised, just to try to get a relationship to work with them.

At least you're playing in the right ball park

 

[Ericka]

I've been told that I act to relaxed about things such as I don't care and I'm hard to read since I don't talk about my feelings to much. I also act naive about certain situations in which now I know I have to speak up about but don't.

What is all comes down to is that I have to work on expressing my emotions/feelings good or bad.