Negative relationship patterns you have

F

FluffyRed

New Member
What mistake(s) have you made repeatedly in the past?

What would you like to change?

Still trying to think of how to phrase mine...
 
I treat people how I want to be treated too soon - folks get used to it, come to expect it, and I end up irritated and frustrated.

...which means the next brother is going to have to woooooooooork! :yep:
 
Syrah said:
I treat people how I want to be treated too soon - folks get used to it, come to expect it, and I end up irritated and frustrated.

...which means the next brother is going to have to woooooooooork! :yep:
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This is ME to a tee......always willing to give before I'm given. Once my last LTR ended I vowed that the next dude was going too work for everything and then some......so far so good. I have also adopted a new style of communication which means it's about MY wants and needs. No longer trying to gauge if "he's into me or not" or "Am I doing the right thing by him". The summer of '08 has enlightened me too the point where I know that the right man will be able to handle these things and embrace me for the woman that I am.
 
KEIONI'S MOM said:
This is ME to a tee......always willing to give before I'm given. Once my last LTR ended I vowed that the next dude was going too work for everything and then some......so far so good. I have also adopted a new style of communication which means it's about MY wants and needs. No longer trying to gauge if "he's into me or not" or "Am I doing the right thing by him". The summer of '08 has enlightened me too the point where I know that the right man will be able to handle these things and embrace me for the woman that I am.
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This makes a lot of sense. My last relationship was like this. So I totally understand.
 
Oooh this is a great topic for me.

1. I'm way to possessive. I don't know if its due to insecurity, neediness, who knows. But its a horrible relationship habit.
2. I have to be in control.
3. I don't let things rest. I will push an issue forever. I'm trying to learn to just walk away sometimes.
4. Things have to be my way... and that's just it. There is no "or."
5. I'm way too nice. I know it would be hard to believe considering the stuff I just listed, but its true. I am way too nice to guys that I like... platonic friends included.
 
"Fairy-tale" expectations. When something normal happens and I realize that the man is human and not Prince Charming, I'm crushed.

I've gotten much better though.:yep:
 
I was going to say I am the one to break up with them or lose interest 90% of the time, which would sound kinda control-freakish but that comes from not standing up for myself and then just getting out when I can't take their crap any more.

I need to be more confrontational and honest and open about my emotions.
 
-I get irritated way to quickly
-I tend to bottle up my feeling instead of expressing myself....then get I mad b/c he "dosen't get me" :rolleyes:
-I tend to lose interest if something goes wrong.
 
i tend to gravitate towards clingy/obssesive guys. at first, i look at it as him being caring and concerned.. but, after some time that ends up turning into them being very possesive, jealous, and controlling.
 
I wouldn't call this a pattern per se, but more like I shouldn't get involved with men when I'm dealing with stress or when things aren't going well in my life.

This is when I get caught up with the knuckleheads, because I'm too busy worrying about other things to really get grasp what I'm getting into.
 
freelove said:
Oooh this is a great topic for me.

1. I'm way to possessive. I don't know if its due to insecurity, neediness, who knows. But its a horrible relationship habit.
2. I have to be in control.
3. I don't let things rest. I will push an issue forever. I'm trying to learn to just walk away sometimes.
4. Things have to be my way... and that's just it. There is no "or."
5. I'm way too nice. I know it would be hard to believe considering the stuff I just listed, but its true. I am way too nice to guys that I like... platonic friends included.
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These are my relationship killers, too, Freelove. :rolleyes:
I hope we both can learn from our past mistakes and have healthy relationships.
 
1. I dont like to talk about problems.
2. I tend to think if I'm good then the relationship is good and if he's not good then oh well I can't undeerstand..

so I have to learn its also about catering to your mans happiness as well
 
My biggest negative relationship pattern is getting involved with unavailable men. Men who are just not available to be in a relationship with me for a multitude or reasons.
 
hearing wedding bells and thinking about kids as soon as i have a crush on someone i deem marriage worthy
 
1. Getting intimate way too quickly w/o developing a real bond.
2. Creating fantasies of the person in my mind, knowing dern well that it's a fantasy.
3. Dating fixer uppers.
 
FluffyRed said:
Do you know why? ( I have done this also... a lot)
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I have some thoughts about it. But you know what, some guys don't always reveal that they are unavailable (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.) from jump. I think I'm just getting to the point where I am starting to recognize unavailability early on and making the decision to not settle for someone who is not available. Unfortunately, my heart is still with someone who is/was unavailable and I am still trying to recover from that relationship. In time, I know I will heal and that process of healing will help me in the future to avoid unavailable men.
 
I used to be a victim of the "bad boy" syndrome. My mistake has always been believing that I could make him want to change. Maybe it was me being naive...or maybe I was attracted to the challenge. But it is a challenge that no woman should take on....it's a high chance you will get your feelings hurt.
 
Cincysweetie said:
My biggest negative relationship pattern is getting involved with unavailable men. Men who are just not available to be in a relationship with me for a multitude or reasons.
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That was one of my problems too. Always finding myself with a man who was emotionally unavailable.
 
Dating men cause they're hot but may not have substance
Sexing them and then moving on bc I know they are not relationship material
Saying anything on my mind(e.g. sometimes hurting feelings)
Anger problems(working on that in general. It's messing with my health)
 
Cincysweetie said:
I have some thoughts about it. But you know what, some guys don't always reveal that they are unavailable (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.) from jump. I think I'm just getting to the point where I am starting to recognize unavailability early on and making the decision to not settle for someone who is not available. Unfortunately, my heart is still with someone who is/was unavailable and I am still trying to recover from that relationship. In time, I know I will heal and that process of healing will help me in the future to avoid unavailable men.
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My dime-store psychology take on it... as I have done this as well, when you find yourself repeatedly in the same situation, it's not an accident. You really know what you're doing on some level.

The benefit of this is you never have to risk anything. You get to control the situation, because he is going to disappoint you in a way that you are always disappointed. Noone can surprise and disappoint you. It's fear-based and control-based.

An unavailable man is not going to challenge you in certain ways, because he won't be there. We're comfortable with his kind of pain, and it's familiar, and it comes early. He is not going to commit to us and then cheat 20 years later, after we've built a life together. (which was a huge fear/obsession of mine)

What do you think?

Dr. Fluffy :giggle:
 
1. I'm super analytical and I tend to jump to conclusions quickly
2. I have a sharp tounge...If I perceive something said or done is hurtful, then I tend to retaliate by saying something smart/slick/mean
3. I cut off people a little too quickly...
4. A good guy comes along and I convince myself that I have to make it work because he is so good to me, even though I am not attracted to him like that or we are lacking in compatibility/shared values...I realize later (in a few weeks to few months) that it's not going to work and I end things or cause the demise of the relationship. I REALLY need to stop this because I end up hurting people and I feel horrible about it...:(
 
Cincysweetie said:
My biggest negative relationship pattern is getting involved with unavailable men. Men who are just not available to be in a relationship with me for a multitude or reasons.
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This was so me.

When I look back at relationships that failed, it was always because the dude was going through something and really wasn't "available" for me. Yeah, we might have been together in person, but not in spirit.

So when I wasn't getting what I needed, I'd get mad and tell them about themselves (bad move). Then they'd push back even further and finally the breakup would happen.

But I would always feel like I was compromising so much in my relationships, and the reason why was because they weren't really ready for one.
 
Duchesse said:
1. Getting intimate way too quickly w/o developing a real bond.
2. Creating fantasies of the person in my mind, knowing dern well that it's a fantasy.
3. Dating fixer uppers.
Click to expand...

Ditto to all the three of these, especially number 1.
 
qtslim83 said:
-I get irritated way to quickly
-I tend to bottle up my feeling instead of expressing myself....then get I mad b/c he "dosen't get me" :rolleyes:
-I tend to lose interest if something goes wrong.
Click to expand...

Same here!!
- I also have trust issues. I'll keep wondering if he really means what he says etc...
 
Last edited:
Bunny77 said:
This was so me.

When I look back at relationships that failed, it was always because the dude was going through something and really wasn't "available" for me. Yeah, we might have been together in person, but not in spirit.

So when I wasn't getting what I needed, I'd get mad and tell them about themselves (bad move). Then they'd push back even further and finally the breakup would happen.

But I would always feel like I was compromising so much in my relationships, and the reason why was because they weren't really ready for one.
Click to expand...

I've had relationships like this too.

It's amazing the things you learn as you get older. You spot this unavailability immediately now and know to move on. It doesn't matter how much they protest, because as soon as you give in the "unavailability" you discussed with him prior creeps back up again. It's a no-win situation and a time waster. The "clock" moves very fast and before you know it YEARS have gone by before you finally say "Enough".

Never again.
 
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