Need to Break A Date....

[janiebaby]

You ladies are good on advice and I've been thinking about posting this for awhile but now I need help quick!!! Please help....

So this guy who I'm not interested in who I work with in some capacity though not closely asked me out to lunch. I accepted and had a nice time and all but I'm not interested in him at all. I thought maybe we could be friends but since he clearly has an interest in me and since the interest is more of an upfront thing instead of a developing thing...I have to cut it off. I don't believe in wasting anyone's time and playing with their emotions.

I think our relationship may become strained but the whole reason I exchange numbers and accepted going to lunch was so that we could be friends. I'm not too skilled on how to turn men who have an interest in you into a friend but please someone come in and tell me what to do...

He called my office phone (which I hate) and asked me to go out with him on Thursday I said ok (which was wrong) but in the back of my head I was trying to by more time to figure out the right words to say.

 

[ThickHair]

Tell him, that he is a nice guy and you don't want to mess up your work relationship and it would be best that you two did not date, as it might get messy. If he keeps on insisting then just tell him, you do not like him in that way. If he continues to pester you, tell him you gonna go get Big Mike, if he doesn't leave you alone. :Lachen:

You should have told him "No" when he ask though.

Never ever date a person you work with is my personal rule.

 

[Aveena]

How long have you been working there?
Do you plan on staying? Is he staying for what you can tell? How ling has he been there?
Is there a chance that either of you could end up being the others boss in the future?
Are you in a higher level position? - or are you two "equals"?

 

[janiebaby]

You should have told him "No" when he ask though.

Never ever date a person you work with is my personal rule.

You are right....I'm an avoider...I was trying to play it off and I didn't expect him to ask me out directly...

How long have you been working there?
Do you plan on staying? Is he staying for what you can tell? How ling has he been there?
Is there a chance that either of you could end up being the others boss in the future?
Are you in a higher level position? - or are you two "equals"?

The bad part about it is he owns a company that works with my organization so there's a chance we'll work together again in the future no matter where I go and esp if I go to another dept.

 

[Aveena]

The bad part about it is he owns a company that works with my organization so there's a chance we'll work together again in the future no matter where I go and esp if I go to another dept.

There is no simple answer to this and this why sexual harrassment is so hard to prove. You say it's a date yet - You are not interested, right?


If this guy ends up to be your boss one day or influence your clientele there will be such tension and the way you interact with each other will be stained by this.

1st off - You do not have to put up with unwanted advances at work. period. I'm not saying take this to a lawyer but I am just trying to remind you that if you felt compelled in anyway to 'date' this guy because of who he is and what he is in your industry then you were sexual harrassed. just FYI

perhaps not technically (I'm not in HR) because he's not at the same company but my antenna is going up big time on this one.

I know you posed this as a dating question but I just had to let that part out.... Now:

If you were interested before and now you are not... I'd cancel giving a work related excuse and the next time he asked tell him that you don't find it appropriate and moving forward I would not rely on him professionally.

 

[janiebaby]

There is no simple answer to this and this why sexual harrassment is so hard to prove. You say it's a date yet - You are not interested, right?


If this guy ends up to be your boss one day or influence your clientele there will be such tension and the way you interact with each other will be stained by this.

1st off - You do not have to put up with unwanted advances at work. period. I'm not saying take this to a lawyer but I am just trying to remind you that if you felt compelled in anyway to 'date' this guy because of who he is and what he is in your industry then you were sexual harrassed. just FYI

perhaps not technically (I'm not in HR) because he's not at the same company but my antenna is going up big time on this one.

I know you posed this as a dating question but I just had to let that part out.... Now:

If you were interested before and now you are not... I'd cancel giving a work related excuse and the next time he asked tell him that you don't find it appropriate and moving forward I would not rely on him professionally.

He's cool I was hoping for a work friend but I know it's a date because I know he's interested in me and the date would take place after work and I don't feel comfortable taking it that far...you are right though it will stain our relationship but hey I would hope he was mature about the situation.

ETA: There was no sexual harassment involved he has been very respectful towards me and he is a great guy. I am completely at fault in this situation.

 

[kandake]

He's cool I was hoping for a work friend but I know it's a date because I know he's interested in me and the date would take place after work and I don't feel comfortable taking it that far...you are right though it will stain our relationship but hey I would hope he was mature about the situation.

Tell him that you gave it some thought and that unfortunately you're going to have to decline his invitation to lunch because you don't feel comfortable having lunch with men you have a professional relationship with. End with "I hope you understand"

 

[ThickHair]

The power of "NO" http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=548049

 

[janiebaby]

^^^ I was just looking at that thread and I started thinking "Is this for me?"

 

[janiebaby]

So he called me just now and what I said was a little garbled but basically I told him I felt uncomfortable seeing someone I'm working with and he was cool he suggested we go out and then see how I felt afterward but I stuck to my guns....Thanks ladies for the great advice and giving me the courage to say what I felt.

 

[janiebaby]

I don't like this...so he just called my office again (the first time is when I canceled our date) and asked me if I had a sec. I said not really and he told me to call him back when I had a sec. Why are you calling me on my office phone? I know I don't answer my cell but.... yeah... get it? Now I'm a little pissed but I know I brought this on myself. So I'm gonna have to tell him that I don't take personal calls on my office phone. I truly don't, I don't know how people feel comfortable talkin with other people around but I don't.