Need Help - Escaping A Spouse During A Pandemic

Transformer

Transformer

Well-Known Member
All my life since I was 4 years old I’ve had responsibilities and stress. Married young. I now feel the need to clear my head and view life as an adult without constraints or input from a spouse. I need ideals and suggestions on the best place to lay low for six month while staying safe during a pandemic. So here are my requirements.

—Escape to start in April (After Grandkids Leave)
—-Location accessible to high technology medical care
—Warm, sunshiny weather
—Avoid heavy concentration of Trumpsters, Qanon, and Proud Boy types
—Low Crime Rate - I will be alone.
—Vacation Rental for six months
-Willing to travel long distances but can’t be a country the US restricts entry.
—Australia/New Zealand is a no go.
 
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awhyley said:
- Just wanted to say also, that I'm glad that this wasn't abuse-related. I came rushing in here like

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Well there is some of that but not the physical kind.....more of the mental neglect. While planning my escape from spouse, I decided to divorce everyone. Would leave today if it wasn’t for the grandkids—-waiting for them to move into New Home. The original date for their move was February but now has been pushed to April.
 
I’ll be back if I think of something but for now wanted to wish you the best. I escaped mine 4 1/2 years ago. Best decision I ever made. It was not easy and many challenges but the moment I left my life began to improve and continues to. So sorry you are going through this but you will be just fine.
 
Transformer said:
Which island are you recommending. I like a Mexico also but Mexico can be a challenge for a single woman Viewed as unprotected.
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Depending on how your critical medical needs, are I'd say Nassau first choice (which is where the main hospitals are), but if you're fairly healthy, my fav would be Eleuthera (Governors Harbour settlement). There's alot of development going on over there but it's quiet.
 
The Virgin Islands. It’s a U.S. territory. I went to St. Thomas last week. Beautiful island. I went with two other women. The weather is in the 80’s not too hot, but nice and warm. It’s a vacation spot and because it’s part of the United States I would think the healthcare is good there. The people in the Islands hated Trump and are not afraid to openly discuss it with tourists. I’m thinking of going back for a month while we are still working from home.
 
NaturalEnigma said:
The Virgin Islands. It’s a U.S. territory. I went to St. Thomas last week. Beautiful island. I went with two other women. The weather is in the 80’s not too hot, but nice and warm. It’s a vacation spot and because it’s part of the United States I would think the healthcare is good there. The people in the Islands hated Trump and are not afraid to openly discuss it with tourists. I’m thinking of going back for a month while we are still working from home.
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Thanks for this review.
 
hopeful said:
I’ll be back if I think of something but for now wanted to wish you the best. I escaped mine 4 1/2 years ago. Best decision I ever made. It was not easy and many challenges but the moment I left my life began to improve and continues to. So sorry you are going through this but you will be just fine.
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At my age, couples get so comfortable just ignoring each other. We are so engrossed into carrying for elderly family members, spoiling and getting to know grandkids, spiritual practices, and health issues. The one thing that is common with married women in my age group is that our spouses feel that we should ALWAYS be there to care for them regardless of our mental or physical health. They always demonstrate pure selfishness.

Since 2014 I’ve been through things. That’s the year I buried my mother who suffered with Alzheimer’s for eight years to only have my own health issues emerge. So for the last 18 months I’ve been in deep thought. On 6 Jan at 0730 I had a defining medical scan where the next 24 hours I didn’t know whether I should breathe or not. The siege on the U.S. Capitol was a welcomed distraction. I was awaken the next morning by a support group member asking what was the results—I didn’t know. While on the phone, I got a msg from the doctor signaling progress. My friend said, “okay now you need to hang up the phone and go live your life.” That’s what I’m going to do.

If we weren’t in a Pandemic I probably would have been on a plane to somewhere by 6 pm that day. Between 27 flavors/brands of ice cream I’ve been giving my life a lot more thought. The day before my scan I distributed my jewelry to my daughter, granddaughter, and DIL. I’m as far as I can go with the family tree, and digitized 600 paper family photos and included notes. Yesterday I insisted that DH complete taxes so I can resolve any tax issues. I’ve notified all adults whose stock portfolio I was managing that they are on their own. I’ve narrowed down clothing items to one suitcase and have decided not to take a sewing machine.

I just need my GKs to be distracted by their new house. I don’t care about anybody’s feelings except theirs.

I’m ready.
 
Before you do any or all of this, consult a divorce attorney about "willful desertion" , "criminal abandonment" and "constructive abandonment" marital laws in your state because you might come back in six months to a situation you didn't anticipate. Run the whole plan by a divorce lawyer.

You and me seemed to have butted heads in the last year and I'm sorry for my part in that. I wish you well and the best outcome for yourself.

Salt Lake City is really nice.
 
NaturalEnigma said:
The Virgin Islands. It’s a U.S. territory. I went to St. Thomas last week. Beautiful island. I went with two other women. The weather is in the 80’s not too hot, but nice and warm. It’s a vacation spot and because it’s part of the United States I would think the healthcare is good there. The people in the Islands hated Trump and are not afraid to openly discuss it with tourists. I’m thinking of going back for a month while we are still working from home.
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I used to dive in St Thomas and St John. Not crazy about the roads or driving on the left side but guess I can adjust. Love St Croix. In the past I’ve always said that I would escape to St Lucia if I ever won the lottery.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Before you do any or all of this, consult a divorce attorney about "willful desertion" , "criminal abandonment" and "constructive abandonment" marital laws in your state because you might come back in six months to a situation you didn't anticipate. Run the whole plan by a divorce lawyer.

You and me seemed to have butted heads in the last year and I'm sorry for my part in that. I wish you well and the best outcome for yourself.

Salt Lake City is really nice.
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You surprise me with that. I never thought we butted heads And consider you hilarious. I don’t take a difference of opinion as butting heads....just a difference of opinion. I’ve always respected yours.

As for divorce—-I don’t think he will but I also don’t care. He’s very satisfied with life. As far as assets. I’m more than willing to split everything evenly and have offered multiple of times. We each have our own sources of income where each can afford to live separately without any concerns. I’ve always told him that he will will remarry 32 days after my funeral.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
Before you do any or all of this, consult a divorce attorney about "willful desertion" , "criminal abandonment" and "constructive abandonment" marital laws in your state because you might come back in six months to a situation you didn't anticipate. Run the whole plan by a divorce lawyer.

You and me seemed to have butted heads in the last year and I'm sorry for my part in that. I wish you well and the best outcome for yourself.

Salt Lake City is really nice.
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I lived in Provo in 1986-1988. While I survived it, there was something missing. Just not the ideal location at this point of my life.
 
@Transformer
We always start cleaning house before it’s a wrap and people don’t even notice, or pay attention until you are gone. A breakup or breakthrough doesn’t happen overnight. I see you are well on your way and I hope you find a place where you can get quiet. I had to learn to get quiet in the mist of it all, and I’m still a work in progress.
 
Transformer said:
Thanks for the reminder. I’ve traveled to Phoenix , Tucson, and Ft Huachuca for business and always enjoyed it. Looking at some videos now.
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My friend is currently working at Ft Huachuca and living in Sierra Vista. She (BW) and her biracial children have been the subject of a lot of racism including by law enforcement. It’s so harrowing that she’s leaving, one year after moving there, for a job at Ft. Eustis. She also complained about the Trump supporters in Sierra Vista.
 
Transformer said:
At my age, couples get so comfortable just ignoring each other. We are so engrossed into carrying for elderly family members, spoiling and getting to know grandkids, spiritual practices, and health issues. The one thing that is common with married women in my age group is that our spouses feel that we should ALWAYS be there to care for them regardless of our mental or physical health. They always demonstrate pure selfishness.

Since 2014 I’ve been through things. That’s the year I buried my mother who suffered with Alzheimer’s for eight years to only have my own health issues emerge. So for the last 18 months I’ve been in deep thought. On 6 Jan at 0730 I had a defining medical scan where the next 24 hours I didn’t know whether I should breathe or not. The siege on the U.S. Capitol was a welcomed distraction. I was awaken the next morning by a support group member asking what was the results—I didn’t know. While on the phone, I got a msg from the doctor signaling progress. My friend said, “okay now you need to hang up the phone and go live your life.” That’s what I’m going to do.

If we weren’t in a Pandemic I probably would have been on a plane to somewhere by 6 pm that day. Between 27 flavors/brands of ice cream I’ve been giving my life a lot more thought. The day before my scan I distributed my jewelry to my daughter, granddaughter, and DIL. I’m as far as I can go with the family tree, and digitized 600 paper family photos and included notes. Yesterday I insisted that DH complete taxes so I can resolve any tax issues. I’ve notified all adults whose stock portfolio I was managing that they are on their own. I’ve narrowed down clothing items to one suitcase and have decided not to take a sewing machine.

I just need my GKs to be distracted by their new house. I don’t care about anybody’s feelings except theirs.

I’m ready.
Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing. We’ve got your back and will be cheering you on every step of the way.
 
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