Thanks for all your replies and advices.
Here is my entire story:
It happened three years ago and I was pregnant with my second boy. My husband started a new job where he was training retarded people teaching them how to work. He started the job in July and two weeks later he told me that there was a new job coach who was going to be working with him one day a week. He said that it was a divorced woman with two children who seemed to be retarded too meaning that she was stupid. From there I got an idea of not worrying about my husband messing with that kind of woman. They worked together one day a week, they drove together an hour to work with their clients (retarded people). They worked from 10 a.m. to 10 p.m and part of the time they stayed in building themselves with the disabled people who didn't know what’s going on around. Few week later my husband started to seem emotionally distanced and I could feel and see that he wasn’t close to me anymore but I didn’t think that he could be having an affair. He worked two jobs; he would be gone everyday from morning to 10 p.m. He usually came home not in mood but I would think that he was tired. At the time our relationship had not been going well and we were under financial struggle. One time I saw a scratch on his back and I asked him what happened and he said that he had a pimple and he scratched it but it didn’t look like a pimple at all. I asked him how he scratch himself that bad and he said :"so who do you think scratched me?" I said I am not saying that someone scratched you, I am just asking and I stopped there. Another time he came home with his finger hurt so bad and he told me that he had smashed it in his car door. He also came up with a new sex position. With all this I had never thought that something was going on until three months later while I got home from hospital after I had a baby and the woman called my home number. My husband picked up the phone and I got confused about who it was because my husband spoke with a very nice respectful voice and even I head him saying sorry when he went to pi ck up the baby crying. Later I realized it was her because they were talking about work, they talked for like 20 minutes; I was lying down on sofa, I got upset went in another room when I got back he had hanged up. I asked him what’s going on and he said:” I am sorry she was telling me about the clients because she covered for me.” From there I suspected something was wrong, a week later I went to his work and I told her not to call my husband again. She put a tongue in her chick and said that she talks to my husband about work and she wasn’t interested in him. I left and my husband refused to come home that night until I called and apologized to him. He came home about 1 a.m. and told me he was sleeping in car because he was upset and he didn't want to come home and argue with me about my distrust of him. A week later I found a multimedia message with puppy looking lonely. I didn’t know whose the number it was from, I called it and found out that it was from her but I didn’t talk to her. I also found a voice message from her saying she wanted to talk to him about work report, on the same day. I got upset and told my husband that I want to meet both of them and hear him telling her to stop calls and message; at the time I didn’t know that my husband called her too. He said let me just call her. He called and said:” don’t call my cell phone again because this is putting me in trouble, it’s making my wife upset and I don’t want it to happen again.” He hanged up. She also blocked my husband number from calling he, as well as mine.
The next day the lady went to complain to the manager saying that my husband and I offended her. She said that she had sent the multimedia message to the wrong number. The manager separated them from working together, but few weeks later she complained about him not doing well his job ( I think she was upset about something and she wanted him to be fired). Couple weeks after the incident I received cell bill and I found out about the calls there were also two text messages. I checked the passed bills and I found out that calls were going on for three months and the woman had changed her number every month. I confronted him and sewore with bible that it was all about work and nothing else. He told me that the clients had a lot of issued which they would be talking about; he also said that the woman talks a lot. I couldn’t believe it and I couldn’t move on; so a year later I suggested a lie detector test. First he denied but later he accepted. We done it four months later because of financial situation (he had time to learn how to beat it if he wanted to). He took the test, passed it and he was upset afterward. He said that he had planned to leave me after test but his heart had told him to stay.
Now it’s been three years and I still think that probably he beat the test and when I think that he could have cheated and lied it destroys me. I deal with it myself I can’t even bring it up to him anymore because he told me that taking himself to be plagued so I can believe him was the last thing he could take about that situation; so if I bring it up again he may leave and I don’t want to do that in case he didn’t cheat, I would be destroying my own family. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a very social person and he likes to talk on phone too but those phone calls were more than I can understand. The first call was the longest one, they talked 36 minutes and then 27 minutes on the same day; others were average of 8 minutes and they spoke almost every day for like three times a day. Whenever he wasn’t working the lady would be working, whenever they talked on phone one of them would be at work. I also have another problem with my husband because wherever he works, his female coworkers call him often and when I say that it bothers me he says that I should let him talk to people or help them. Sometimes I think that something is going on but he says there is nothing and I don’t think that he would be having an affair with all those women, so I don’t know yet if it’s just being too friendly. I worry about him being unfaithful because his father had children with 5 different women and cheated on his mother through their whole marriage and they are still together. My husband hid of that until we got married. When he finally told me about it he said that he didn’t want to be like his father and he didn’t want his wife to be treated like his mother. He wanted to name our baby (I was pregnant with at the time) after his father and I refused because of his father's behaviors.
That was my story, I am sorry it’s long. This is still hurting me and destroys me! How can I move on now? Do you think this was an affair or something else? Give me advices please.
T I A
erplexed
so I need to work on changing that.
