Need Advice Desperately - Natural to Relaxed (Affirm)

[mellipoo143]

Hello all,

If you don't want to read my life story, skip the last 2 paragraphs; I really need your help!

Let me introduce myself, as this is my first ever post on LHCF!! My name is Melanie, I'm 20 y.o. and I've been natural for 2.5 years. In this amount of time, given how fast my hair grows, I should have at least 12 inches of hair on my head (after trims). However, I can never seem to get past my current length of 6 inches.

A little background on my hair journey. In my early teen years, my mom gave me a couple no-lye kiddie relaxers and my hair started breaking off severely. My grandmother started taking me to get it done professionally (Affirm Lye relaxer, strength unknown) and over the years, my hair grew beyond SL! I never had a problem with breakage and my hair was very full (although my hairdresser always relaxed both the old AND new growth!) I was the envy of all my friends

Then, around my 17th birthday, I decided to bleach my hair at home, except I never rinsed out the bleach after initial application. About two weeks later, I went to the salon to have my hair touched up. Biggest mistake of my life!!! As I took down my rollers, I saw my hair had broken off at the root in chunks all over my head! Fortunately, I have a generous head of hair so it wasn't super obvious, but it looked terrible to me! I decided from that point on that I would go natural, and return to a relaxer when my hair had grown out to its original length.

With time, I fell in love with my natural hair and vowed never to relax again. I love my thick and healthy 4a curls but, in over 2 years, my hair has never returned to its former length. I recognize my mistake: in the past I have trusted friends and professionals alike to style my hair, and each time I experienced a major setback that requires me to cut off 1-3 inches of hair to correct the damage. I have since vowed NEVER to let anyone touch my hair again; if my hair is going to be damaged, I would rather it be by my own hand.

Anywho, I have decided to texlax now (80-85% straight). I've been frustrated with the state of my natural hair for a while now and I tried to fight the feeling, but I know that relaxed hair will suit my face and lifestyle better. By this time next week, my hair will be texlaxed, but I can't decide which relaxer I should use!! I want to go back to the Affirm Lye collection, but I'm not sure whether to use the Original formula in Mild strength or the Fiberguard formula in Normal. I've already looked through all the threads/posts about these two relaxers, but I haven't been able to come to a consensus. Any advice, recommendations?

Also, should I self-relax or go to a professional? I've already identified the salon and stylist I would use (great reviews), but then I'd be breaking my vow (see above). Also, I plan on relaxing every 3-4 months and it's almost $100/visit - expensive for a college budget! If I did it myself, one $100 kit from offline would last me the whole year. BUT, it's a virgin relaxer and it'd be a darn shame if I under- or overprocessed all that hair on my first try. I really could use some good, sound advice right about now! Thanks!

 

[Lilmama1011]

Hello all,

If you don't want to read my life story, skip the last 2 paragraphs; I really need your help!

Let me introduce myself, as this is my first ever post on LHCF!! My name is Melanie, I'm 20 y.o. and I've been natural for 2.5 years. In this amount of time, given how fast my hair grows, I should have at least 12 inches of hair on my head (after trims). However, I can never seem to get past my current length of 6 inches.

A little background on my hair journey. In my early teen years, my mom gave me a couple no-lye kiddie relaxers and my hair started breaking off severely. My grandmother started taking me to get it done professionally (Affirm Lye relaxer, strength unknown) and over the years, my hair grew beyond SL! I never had a problem with breakage and my hair was very full (although my hairdresser always relaxed both the old AND new growth!) I was the envy of all my friends

Then, around my 17th birthday, I decided to bleach my hair at home, except I never rinsed out the bleach after initial application. About two weeks later, I went to the salon to have my hair touched up. Biggest mistake of my life!!! As I took down my rollers, I saw my hair had broken off at the root in chunks all over my head! Fortunately, I have a generous head of hair so it wasn't super obvious, but it looked terrible to me! I decided from that point on that I would go natural, and return to a relaxer when my hair had grown out to its original length.

With time, I fell in love with my natural hair and vowed never to relax again. I love my thick and healthy 4a curls but, in over 2 years, my hair has never returned to its former length. I recognize my mistake: in the past I have trusted friends and professionals alike to style my hair, and each time I experienced a major setback that requires me to cut off 1-3 inches of hair to correct the damage. I have since vowed NEVER to let anyone touch my hair again; if my hair is going to be damaged, I would rather it be by my own hand.

Anywho, I have decided to texlax now (80-85% straight). I've been frustrated with the state of my natural hair for a while now and I tried to fight the feeling, but I know that relaxed hair will suit my face and lifestyle better. By this time next week, my hair will be texlaxed, but I can't decide which relaxer I should use!! I want to go back to the Affirm Lye collection, but I'm not sure whether to use the Original formula in Mild strength or the Fiberguard formula in Normal. I've already looked through all the threads/posts about these two relaxers, but I haven't been able to come to a consensus. Any advice, recommendations?

Also, should I self-relax or go to a professional? I've already identified the salon and stylist I would use (great reviews), but then I'd be breaking my vow (see above). Also, I plan on relaxing every 3-4 months and it's almost $100/visit - expensive for a college budget! If I did it myself, one $100 kit from offline would last me the whole year. BUT, it's a virgin relaxer and it'd be a darn shame if I under- or overprocessed all that hair on my first try. I really could use some good, sound advice right about now! Thanks!

I would go to the salon, especially with a virgin relaxer, so I would wait til I could afford to do it and I would do the fiber guard because it's said to be less damaging

 

[Nix08]

Agree with Lilmama1011 and would go to a salon for the virgin relaxer. From there I would do it by myself after a lot of research. Per your planned schedule you'd have 3-4 months to research and practice using conditioner

 

[Your Cheeziness]

For my virgin relaxer a little over a year ago, I went to a pro. Be prepared that your hair may not get 80-80% straight depending on the stylist and the relaxer used. My stylist used Mizani and only got me about 50-60% straight because we ran out of time and he wasn't going to over-process me for the sake of straight hair. I have no experience with Affirm relaxers, so I can't help recommend anything.

I know you said your hair will be texlaxed next week, but I really think you should give it some more thought. If I could go back in time, I would have waited. My stylist begged me twice to just let him heat style it when I wanted to have a straight hair fix, but I refused. My straightened natural hair looked like a million bucks, but I just didn't want to be dependent on salon services twice a month. I didn't even consider learning how to straighten it properly myself when the need aroused. I tried once and failed and I was done.

It's my recommendation that you give yourself a few more months to find healthy hair practices to help you retain your length. You'll know if it's working in as little as 3-6 months. Trust me, natural hair may take more time than relaxed hair, but it's very simple once you find your flow.

I recommend you check out Naptural85 on Youtube. She has simple and extremely effective advice that should have your hair retaining length very shortly. There's no harm in waiting 3 months to get yourself together and give your natural hair a chance. Relaxers aren't going anywhere anytime soon. But once you relax, it's done.

 

[KaramelDiva1978]

I feel you completely. I ended my 25 month natural journey in June. I missed relaxed hair styling and ease and I love my texlaxed hair. My stylist used Design Essentials regular and for color treated since I had color as a natural. Best decision of my life and I have APL length super healthy hair. I say go professional and ask the stylist to stick to the relaxer time recommendation to get your desired results. My stylist did 24 mins on my mostly 4a hair and I am texlaxed. I get my thick healthy strands and the straight look I desire when I want it. Wish u the best!!

 

[Evolving78]

go to a pro and let them know you want a texturizer, not bone straight. good luck. i have been relaxed for almost a year and things have worked out so far and i take care of my own hair.

 

[nakialovesshoes]

Threads like this always get my mind to twirling. I, too, am a 4a natural & vowed never to go back. However, when I was texlaxed (Affirm w/Fiberguard) my hair was the healthiest/longest it's ever been. My hair was full from root to tip & as you said the envy of my friends.

When I BCed last year, I called my old stylist & begged him to texlax me again. He's team (straight hair ) natural & refused. He told me to sit it out for a year & call him back & we'd talk about it. He was the best. I was texlaxed before I even knew the term. He didn't believe in a bone straight relaxer & wouldn't relax me sooner than 8 weeks. Usually I would go 10-12 weeks. So I was also stretching before I knew the term. I really miss the ease of taking care of my relaxed hair. My routine was simple - Wash/DC/rollerset once a week & wrapped during the week so the curls would progressively fall.

I def agree w/the other posters. Please go to a professional. Not to knock all of the self-relaxers out there, but I would never be comfy doing my own chemical service. Keep us posted on your decision. I still don't know that I'm a lifetime natural...

 

[mellipoo143]

Thanks ladies for a speedy reply! Per your advice and sound reasoning, I'll go to the salon for this virgin application and try self-texlaxing after my 3-4 month stretches. I'm still uncertain which of the two Affirm formulas to use. I hear that the Fiberguard is more of a texturizer than a relaxer, so maybe I'll just default to the Original formula in Mild strength. Suggestions are still welcome!

[USER]YourCheeziness[/USER]Your Cheeziness, I just finished reading your Hair Journey post on your blog site. I see that you once shared my sentiments that relaxed hair would better fit your lifestyle; but you're trying to talk me out of getting one? Just a little confused Do you regret not staying natural?

I've actually been toying with the idea of relaxing my hair again for the last couple months. The funny thing is, I spend hours every week reading hair blogs and watching Youtube videos by popular naturals; I know all the tricks of the trade and how to take care of my hair both inside and out. If I stick to my vow, I know I'll have no problem reaching 8 inches of natural hair by the end of the year. However, the way I see it, if I relax now and absolutely hate it, I'll only have ruined 6inches of growth, which can be grown out in a year. But the longer I wait, the more hair I'll be subjecting to potential ruin. I hope that makes sense.

Feedback? I'll be sure to keep you all informed.

 

[Your Cheeziness]

Thanks ladies for a speedy reply! Per your advice and sound reasoning, I'll go to the salon for this virgin application and try self-texlaxing after my 3-4 month stretches. I'm still uncertain which of the two Affirm formulas to use. I hear that the Fiberguard is more of a texturizer than a relaxer, so maybe I'll just default to the Original formula in Mild strength. Suggestions are still welcome!

YourCheezinessYour Cheeziness, I just finished reading your Hair Journey post on your blog site. I see that you once shared my sentiments that relaxed hair would better fit your lifestyle; but you're trying to talk me out of getting one? Just a little confused Do you regret not staying natural?

I've actually been toying with the idea of relaxing my hair again for the last couple months. The funny thing is, I spend hours every week reading hair blogs and watching Youtube videos by popular naturals; I know all the tricks of the trade and how to take care of my hair both inside and out. If I stick to my vow, I know I'll have no problem reaching 8 inches of natural hair by the end of the year. However, the way I see it, if I relax now and absolutely hate it, I'll only have ruined 6inches of growth, which can be grown out in a year. But the longer I wait, the more hair I'll be subjecting to potential ruin. I hope that makes sense.

Feedback? I'll be sure to keep you all informed.

In a nutshell, yes I do. The thing is that I was deadset, just like you to relax. I was tired of the long twisting sessions that people negated to mention can run into 2+ hours depending on hair type, etc.

However, my hair was not at the bun length, so I HAD to put in the time to keep it maintained. It's a general concensus that once natural hair reaches past APL, the maintenance gets a bit easier in that it's less time consuming. It also seems to become a bit easier to straighten.

I've also had numerous conversations with women who relaxed and regretted it only to fight with transitioning alllllllllll over again. And there have been plenty on this board who relax, then come back a few months later crying about they regret it. I'm not suggesting you DON'T relax, I'm suggesting you be sure. That's all.

 

[divachyk]

I'm salon relaxed with Design Essential regular. I suggest you visit a salon, share your story and have them help you decide which product line suits your hair care needs/desires/goals.

 

[NappyNelle]

Welcome to the board!

 

[danysedai]

Hi! mellipoo143

I'd agree with your cheeziness above, even though I'm relaxed. I've seen lots of naturals here who blow out/roller set/flat iron to straighten their hair and it looks amazing.

Now, if you are set on relaxing, I would go to a hair stylist. But I would do a hair consultation first. Even though you read glowing reviews about her/him, a hair consultation is beneficial for both the client and the stylist. maybe you can schedule the consultation for this weekend (they are usually free or go towards the price of the relaxer session).

I tried to do my own relaxers (and I'm not saying I won't do it again) but found a hair stylist who listened to me and what I wanted. How? Through a consultation first. From the consultation she knew I'd be a "difficult" client, that she could not put any type of relaxer and product on my hair that I'd blindly let her use. She is a tool, and what I mean by that is that she is another instrument that I use towards having my hair in its best state. I'm glad I found her and will be using her for my TU from now on.

I see that you are young, and sometimes stylists can be pushy with young clients and have the "stylist knows best" attitude. Be polite and assertive and keep in mind that she will see your hair for a few hours but you see it 24/7 and nobody knows your hair better than you do.

The questions I asked were more or less like this:

• Will the relaxer be applied to the newgrowth only?
• Will you base the scalp all throughout, not only my forehead and around the edges?
• If using Affirm, tell her (don't ask her) to use all the steps. Protecto-relaxer-reconstructor for 5 minutes-neutralizing from 2 to 3 times. Insist on it. Some people have complained that Affirm thins their hair only to find that the stylist never used the proper steps.
• Tell her how you feel about overlapping.

I made a list in writing with all my questions so as not to forget and make the most of the 15-20 minutes a consultation generally lasts.

Listen to her and her attitude. Some stylist do not like a pushy client, but some (like mine now) understand and appreciate that a client is looking after their hair. Be polite but firm.

When she is doing your relaxer, do not sit back with a magazine, look at what she is doing in the mirror and stop her if she is doing something you do not like.

Now, if you find that your stylist is listening to you and willing to work with you, then I'd recommend that you stick with her and set aside that money every 3 months and get it done by her. It'll be worth it in the end.

I've been using Affirm Regular in Mild for a few years but recently had to switch to Affirm Normal. I still asked her to use mild in the front where my hair is not as curly and normal in the back, specially on my crown. I'm currently textlaxed, not super curly, but not bonestraight either. I haven't used Affirm Fiberguard, but I've read not so positive reviews about it.

I'd also look into Design Essentials, it's a good relaxer. I wanted it this last time but they do not carry DE lye, only no lye, so I passed and upped the strength to Normal and it was good.

 

[mellipoo143]

In a nutshell, yes I do. The thing is that I was deadset, just like you to relax.
...It's a general concensus that once natural hair reaches past APL, the maintenance gets a bit easier in that it's less time consuming. It also seems to become a bit easier to straighten.
...
I've also had numerous conversations with women who relaxed and regretted it only to fight with transitioning alllllllllll over again. And there have been plenty on this board who relax, then come back a few months later crying about they regret it. I'm not suggesting you DON'T relax, I'm suggesting you be sure. That's all.

[USER]Your Cheeziness[/USER]Your Cheeziness - Understood. You're right; It'd be a darn shame to have to start all over again. But I'm 95% certain that I want to relax, for a couple different reasons. Although it is easier to straighten, the longer my natural hair gets, the more time consuming it has become! I'm sure the same holds true for relaxed hair, but at least I won't be dealing with such a rebellious texture. And shrinkage frustrates me to no end!

Also, and most important to me, I just don't feel confident and mature with my natural hair. I already look like I'm 16 y.o. and, with my curls, people have guessed I'm as young as 13, regardless of my hairstyle, how I'm dressed, make-up, etc. I'm sure I'll appreciate my youthful looks later in life, but as of right now, I'm tired of feeling like a woman in a little girl's body.

Thanks for being a sounding board for all my ideas!

Hi! mellipoo143

...
Now, if you are set on relaxing, I would go to a hair stylist. But I would do a hair consultation first. Even though you read glowing reviews about her/him, a hair consultation is beneficial for both the client and the stylist. maybe you can schedule the consultation for this weekend (they are usually free or go towards the price of the relaxer session).

I tried to do my own relaxers (and I'm not saying I won't do it again) but found a hair stylist who listened to me and what I wanted. How? Through a consultation first. From the consultation she knew I'd be a "difficult" client, that she could not put any type of relaxer and product on my hair that I'd blindly let her use. She is a tool, and what I mean by that is that she is another instrument that I use towards having my hair in its best state. I'm glad I found her and will be using her for my TU from now on.

I see that you are young, and sometimes stylists can be pushy with young clients and have the "stylist knows best" attitude. Be polite and assertive and keep in mind that she will see your hair for a few hours but you see it 24/7 and nobody knows your hair better than you do.

The questions I asked were more or less like this:

• Will the relaxer be applied to the newgrowth only?
• Will you base the scalp all throughout, not only my forehead and around the edges?
• If using Affirm, tell her (don't ask her) to use all the steps. Protecto-relaxer-reconstructor for 5 minutes-neutralizing from 2 to 3 times. Insist on it. Some people have complained that Affirm thins their hair only to find that the stylist never used the proper steps.
• Tell her how you feel about overlapping.

I made a list in writing with all my questions so as not to forget and make the most of the 15-20 minutes a consultation generally lasts.

Listen to her and her attitude. Some stylist do not like a pushy client, but some (like mine now) understand and appreciate that a client is looking after their hair. Be polite but firm.

When she is doing your relaxer, do not sit back with a magazine, look at what she is doing in the mirror and stop her if she is doing something you do not like.

Now, if you find that your stylist is listening to you and willing to work with you, then I'd recommend that you stick with her and set aside that money every 3 months and get it done by her. It'll be worth it in the end.

I've been using Affirm Regular in Mild for a few years but recently had to switch to Affirm Normal. I still asked her to use mild in the front where my hair is not as curly and normal in the back, specially on my crown. I'm currently textlaxed, not super curly, but not bonestraight either. I haven't used Affirm Fiberguard, but I've read not so positive reviews about it.

I'd also look into Design Essentials, it's a good relaxer. I wanted it this last time but they do not carry DE lye, only no lye, so I passed and upped the strength to Normal and it was good.

[USER]@[/USER]Danysedai, I took your advice and went to see the guy for a consultation today. I was not disappointed! He bases the entire scalp before he applies the relaxer (and recommended that I do so also a few days before the appointment for extra protection). He follows all the steps for the Affirm relaxer in the correct order. Since it's a virgin relaxer, I don't have to worry about overlapping, but I told him I still want a little texture left and he said he never relaxes bone straight.

When I walked in, he was just about to blow dry and straighten this girl's hair so I decided to stay and watch the "master at work". Very personable and much gentler with hair than other stylists I've been to. He even recommended that I just get my hair straightened next week as opposed to relaxing; I turned him down, but it's good to know that he's not just interested in whatever style will make him the most money. The salon itself is very professional looking and they only book clients by the hour so you have the stylists' full attention. Love it!

All in all, the man seems to know what he's doing and the girl's hair came out lovely. If the reviews on him are accurate, next Wednesday I will be walking out of there with a beautiful head of relaxed hair! He already made a joke that I'll probably come back with 20 more questions; but at least he knows I'll be watching him like a hawk. Thanks for providing me with that list of questions!

 

[danysedai]

mellipoo143
Great!
So many ladies do not do a consultation, trusting a new stylist to know what he/she is doing. I do a consultation for a haircut too, that way I'm not here the next day crying because the stylist cut too much! I tell them what I consider a trim, and the difference btwn dusting and trimming and cutting.
A consultation is key, specially for a chemical service like a relaxer, that can set you back in so many ways. It's a way of getting to know each other, set expectations and boundaries, for the stylist to assess your hair and for the client to assess the stylist.
If more people did it, we wouldn't have so many threads complaning about what a stylist did or did not do.
Remember to be polite but assertive. SPEAK UP if you see him doing something that you KNOW will damage your hair or if it is something YOU DO NOT WANT or didn't ask for.

Remember to post back, tag me so I can read about your experience next week!

 

[winterinatl]

I was tagged and just noticed the tag.

I had been relaxed/texlaxed with fiberguard, the most mild formula, for years. I did like it, as I have a stylist that used all the steps. We use Eluecence now though, which is even milder for my scalp which burns easily. It gets me about 50% straight sometimes less if not careful.

However. My hair is the longest and healthiest it's been in a long time, I think the Elucence is responsible for that. Well, and maybe BKT here and there.

Good luck!