Need advice; 6 year old crying wants straight hair

[dancinstallion]

Ladies please give me a little advice because I am freaking out right now. My six year old is crying because she wants straight hair.
I am in shock and really don't know what to say. She just really had a melt down when she saw her hair is in pony tails and that it wasn't flat ironed straight. She is crying like her feelings are hurt. The reason she is crying may be sheer disappointed that her hair isn't flat ironed straight but it still is disappointment .

I just took her twists down that she has had for a long time and put her hair in ponytails.

She does cry when she is trying to get her way with other people especially adults but not with us. I want to handle this situation delicately.

My hair is in Twists and hs been for years. She sees a pic on the wall with my hair flat ironed straight and long and she always says she wants her hair like that.

I show her pics of different curly hairstyles and she agrees they are cute but I don't want to condition my child one way or the other.

So far I am not doing a good job at it. Hell I am disappointed in myself and this situation.

update 6:27
She says she looks like a baby with the ponytails.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Why can't you straighten her hair?

 

[felic1]

The child is young and wants some straight hair. We as mothers or adults have made a choice not to be straight haired or chose to be relaxed. Your daughter may need more options than the adult choices that you have made.

 

[Sugarshoc]

There are some great children's books that encourage curly hair love. We have "Princess Truly & The Hungry Bunny Problem". Love it! We also have "I Love My Hair", "Happy To Be Nappy", and quite a few others I can't think of right now. Amazon has them. My daughter is 5 and was talking that talk. I just put the hair books slowly back into our reading routine. Her school is predominantly White so I knew this thing would come up. It's a struggle but I stand firm. She definitely has more days if loving her hair. I feel, as long as I stand firm in teaching that self love, when she deviates in her teen years or something, she will eventually come back to the initial seeds planted about the beauty of her hair and how versatile it is. Then, if she decides she wants it straight as a grown up, at least her decision is informed and her own.

 

[Elnahna]

I'm not sure if you are conflicted about flat ironing DD's natural hair or relaxing her hair.
I think using curlformers are a great alternative to using heat & chemicals on a child's hair.

 

[MileHighDiva]

Flat iron her hair for Easter Sunday, take some pix. The following wash day put her back in twists or pony tails.

Please don't relax DD's hair!

Sent from my Speak & Spell using LHCF

 

[PJaye]

Is bribery an option?

 

[southerncitygirl]

Good advice stated in previous posts, I think pressed ponytails on special occasions is a fair compromise. Is she is a token at her school....think the pressure of this because she would see long flowing hair all the time would add insult to injury and effect her self esteem.

 

[dancinstallion]

Why can't you straighten her hair?

I could straighten it and that is what I was going to do next week because I didn't have enough time to do it today. It just caught me off guard when she started weeping like that.

I'm not sure if you are conflicted about flat ironing DD's natural hair or relaxing her hair.
I think using curlformers are a great alternative to using heat & chemicals on a child's hair.

I relaxed her hair last year with the same relaxer I have (New era) so it still looks natural.

I will try the curlformers.

 

[dancinstallion]

The child is young and wants some straight hair. We as mothers or adults have made a choice not to be straight haired or chose to be relaxed. Your daughter may need more options than the adult choices that you have made.

I do think she needs options. She says she looks like a baby with the ponytails. she had weave twists in for months that I redo every two weeks. I would style them in many ways and she liked that.

Flat iron her hair for Easter Sunday, take some pix. The following wash day put her back in twists or pony tails.

Please don't relax DD's hair!

Sent from my Speak & Spell using LHCF

I already did last year but it is an untraditional relaxer(no harsh chemicals-can't burn the scalp) so it still looks natural.

 

[dancinstallion]

Is bribery an option?

PJaye, What did you have in mind?

 

[nlamr2013]

I would not rec heat 9th chemicals on a 6 year old.

However, if you don't want to straighten her hair she has to understand that and know crying isn't going to help anything. I know as a parent your child cries and you want to do whatever to fix it but that's not teaching good communication.
Maybe ask her why now does she want her hair straight? Also explain to her that with her hair straight she couldn't run around and play as hard unless she may ruin her style.

 

[AmiJay]

Mom, it sounds like she's a bit spoiled. If you have no problem straightening her hair but just can't do it this weekend, she has to accept that. You have to put your foot down.

 

[RocStar]

I do think she needs options. She says she looks like a baby with the ponytails. she had weave twists in for months that I redo every two weeks. I would style them in many ways and she liked that.

She may not be used to seeing her hair only (sans weave).

 

[PJaye]

PJaye, What did you have in mind?

I was thinking of something along the lines of a bowl of ice cream or an exceptionally large cookie.

 

[dancinstallion]

Mom, it sounds like she's a bit spoiled. If you have no problem straightening her hair but just can't do it this weekend, she has to accept that. You have to put your foot down.

She is very modest and accepts not having things but she has this entitlement attitude when she wants certain things. So in a way she is spoiled but not by material things.

I would not rec heat 9th chemicals on a 6 year old.

However, if you don't want to straighten her hair she has to understand that and know crying isn't going to help anything. I know as a parent your child cries and you want to do whatever to fix it but that's not teaching good communication.
Maybe ask her why now does she want her hair straight? Also explain to her that with her hair straight she couldn't run around and play as hard unless she may ruin her style.

She doesn't get her way when she cries with us but she still tries it with us because family members even teachers cave and give in when she does it.

She may not be used to seeing her hair only (sans weave).

This is true because she says she can't remember when she had ponytails with her real hair. She probably can't remember.
When she said that her brother made a joke and was like" you have a good memory but not when it comes to hair!"

 

[AllyMD]

I have a 3.5 year old who is the only black girl in her school and I've been going through the exact same thing. When she told me she wanted her hair straight like all the other girls, I had to go to another room because I was almost in tears. I have worn my hair natural for almost 8 years, she has never seen my hair straight, and we tell her all the time that her naturally curly hair is gorgeous. So, we've bought many more books that embrace natural hair and I allow her to wear her hair in an Afro once or twice a week. I hate that she has to go through this, but, while she is in my house, there will be no perms, no relaxers (which isn't an option since she's three anyway) and no unnecessary heat use on hair. Once she is older and can afford to do her own hair (out of my house ), she can perm away. I hope, however, than I can show her and teach her to love her hair as it is, regardless of the other girls that she sees in her class.

 

[HanaKuroi]

What is the non traditional relaxer called?


She is upset because she went from extensions to her natural hair which she is not used to seeing. That is always an adjustment.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[dancinstallion]

What is the non traditional relaxer called?


She is upset because she went from extensions to her natural hair which she is not used to seeing. That is always an adjustment.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

New era acid based relaxer. It is heat activated so I use my hooded dryer then deep condition under the dryer afterwards.

 

[MileHighDiva]

New era acid based relaxer. It is heat activated so I use my hooded dryer then deep condition under the dryer afterwards.

I thought New Era went out of business/production. Where are you buying their products at?

Sent from my Speak & Spell using LHCF

 

[dancinstallion]

I thought New Era went out of business/production. Where are you buying their products at?

Sent from my Speak & Spell using LHCF

I was a product junkie and Sally's had the relaxer on clearance. So I bought them all then went to other sally's and bought those too . I knew I may not be able to find them after a while. I still have tons of them since I don't relax cuz I'm in twists and DD only gets it once or twice a year.

I was the only one using it out of everybody I knew plus LHCF. I am going to be mad when I run out.

 

[HanaKuroi]

I was a product junkie and Sally's had the relaxer on clearance. So I bought them all then went to other sally's and bought those too . I knew I may not be able to find them after a while. I still have tons of them since I don't relax cuz I'm in twists and DD only gets it once or twice a year.

I was the only one using it out of everybody I knew plus LHCF. I am going to be mad when I run out.

But, how long ago did you buy it? How old is it?

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[MileHighDiva]

dancinstallion

Be careful! New Era was the first product line I ever STANed for. However, I never tried their relaxer.

The plastic the bottles are made out of have deteriorated on me, in optimal storage conditions.



IDK, if you can see it but my HG clarifying and chelating poo the bottle is cracked, so I moved on. I still have one - two uses of their reconstructor.

I wouldn't feel comfortable putting old relaxer in my babies hair

Sent from my Speak & Spell using LHCF

 

[beauti]

why is she getting weaves and relaxers at 6 years old?? No wonder she's crying her eyes out at the sight of her natural hair

 

[Adiatasha]

why is she getting weaves and relaxers at 6 years old?? No wonder she's crying her eyes out at the sight of her natural hair

What she said........... AND Maybe these styles are too grown up for her. She's only six and still a "baby" and maybe isn't mature enough to handle these adult styles. The answer may not be in convincing your daughter that she can not have straight hair, but she should learn to love herself regardless of her hair situation.

 

[sylver2]

wait..she's 6? and u relaxed her hair last year when she was 5? and she already wears weaves? wow.
she says she looks like a baby w/ ponytails..but she is a baby. i think shes too young for all the stuff going on w/ her hair right now.

 

[Mahogony7]

You as the parent must gently put your foot down. Explain to her that she is not a baby, but still a little girl. Kids will always cry, but we can't always give in to them.

 

[uofmpanther]

You as the parent must gently put your foot down. Explain to her that she is not a baby, but still a little girl. Kids will always cry, but we can't always give in to them.

I agree with this, but I think it's all important to communicate. If its truly because she thinks she looks like a baby and not because of what other little girls look like, then explain to her that you planned to straighten it next week and can't this week. If you try to tell her she is still a baby, it won't be productive because she won't hear anything else you have to say.

If she wants straight hair because of other little girls, that's a whole other issue.

I hate to tell any parent what to do because I hate when people try to do it to me, so I'll just give you a word of caution. Be careful putting chemicals in a head that young, especially old chemicals. I can't remember the last time I saw New Era. Perhaps do some research. A lot of these "safe relaxers" aren't that safe.

 

[Ivonnovi]

OP the best I can suggest is that you somehow encourage (teach) our DD to appreciate the versatility of her hair.

I would suggest you style her hair and transition weekly from the natural twists, to stretched twists, to twist-outs, to flat-ironed. That way each week she's rocking her hair in different styles; this balance should allow her to see her hair in various lenghts/styles as she looks forward to Straight week.

Ditch weaves, and limit extensions if possible

 

[dancinstallion]

why is she getting weaves and relaxers at 6 years old?? No wonder she's crying her eyes out at the sight of her natural hair

@beauti

wait..she's 6? and u relaxed her hair last year when she was 5? and she already wears weaves? wow.
she says she looks like a baby w/ ponytails..but she is a baby. i think shes too young for all the stuff going on w/ her hair right now.

@sylver2

She got weave twists in because they last longer than her own twists and I didn't have the time to do her hair all the time(plus it takes a few hours) because of my schedule. but now I have more time so I took the twists out.

The relaxer that she and I get is not a lye or no-lye relaxer so I don't consider it harsh relaxer. It can never burn the scalp, or hair so I thought this was a better, safer option for me to manage her hair. I would never put a hydroxide, Theo, etc in her hair. she had excessive coiling before so this relaxer helped minimize it. She still has a lot of coiling though.