Naturals: UP & OUT or OUT then DOWN

[Southernbella.]

As far as the mental part... the thing that bothers me the most is my SO. we have been together going on 4 years. Personally I really love my hair, ALOT. Its just the things that HE says sometimes, and most of the time he is just joking, but it kinda hurts. Like I don't care what anyone else outside thinks of my hair, but I mean come on, you want you SO to like your hair right?? I Mean I can't be the only person, whose SO was not absolutely floored when you cut off all your hair to go natural, and he had only seen you before with longer relaxed hair.

Aww, Panama...I'm going through something similar right now. It's not easy. PM me if you want to talk about it. I was going to start a thread about it the other day because I was so upset.

 

[glamazon386]

Aww, Panama...I'm going through something similar right now. It's not easy. PM me if you want to talk about it. I was going to start a thread about it the other day because I was so upset.

Aww I'm sorry Lauren. You can PM me if you want to talk too. I've been there.

 

[JustKiya]

I have to second the folx who have said that you would be suprised just how LITTLE white people CARE about what your head looks like. Seriously, it's other BLACK people in every corporate org I've EVER worked in who gave my head the funky eyeball - the white people, in general, appreciated my natural hair more - and I've done just about everything to it, from starting locs (which is NOT a pretty process ) to a blown out afro.
Now, I wouldn't go to work with an afro bigger than my head - but a nice, 2-6 inch fro? Heck yeah!

Also - if you want to do braids with your hair, you can do that, and THEN pin them up/flat twist them. That's a style I've been rocking, and I have gotten SEVERAL compliments (even one from a black woman!) and it's very neat, protective, and lasts for a week or two.

As far as your SO goes - *sigh* & *hug* I'm really sorry you have to deal with that.... I don't have any wise words, as the only 'rule' DH & I had was that my hair will never be shorter than his. He really could care less what I do with it - though he DOES like me to wear it down, sometimes.

 

[ThickHair]

If my hair actually hung it would be between my armpit and my waist but I have no hang time (a la shrinkage) my hair barely grazes my collarbone. i embrace shrinkage so I do not have a problem with it. My hair grew up and out like an umbrella ella ella eh eh eh.

 

[Cheleigh]

Lots of topics addressed:

Shrinkage: My hair grows out, out, then down. My strands are thin, so I can manipulate them downward, but if I just wash and go with no manipulation, it's part down and mostly out. My hair is inching toward BSL now, and it's still mostly out.

Work environment: I'm a mid-level manager in marketing, and have never had my hair questioned. When it was short, I mostly pulled my hair back slightly with a scarf, headband, or clips (photos in my first photo album) and wore like a modified puff. Sometimes I wear twists. Now I do buns, updos, down and outs (actually, I've done all three this week), and ponypuffs. Basically, nearly the same styles I did when I was relaxed (but they're cuter now, to be honest). I mentioned to a few co-workers that I might be straightening my hair soon, and they just about lost their minds ("please don't do it!").

SO: Well, I found out nearly a year after my BC that the first thing that attracted my SO to me was my "long hair."

A few weeks ago, my SO told me that he liked my hair either curly or straight. I know he prefers it out/down, not in a ponytail or bun regardless.

I do respect what my SO likes, but my first responsibility is to me. If he was always bringing up my hair, we'd need to have a little sit-down about it, because I'd tell him he was bringing me down, and that's not cool. Likewise, I have preferences about his appearance, but I'm not going to insist on my way--it's his body, his choice. I'll still be down for him anyway.

 

[ladylibra]

Yeah...I workfor an energy company doing public relations, so they want sleek and sophisticated. There was another black lady working in that group and she advised me, never to wear my hair "afro-centric" like... those "old-farts" (old white dudes) cant look past it..Stick to contempary and chic styles (curly hair, flat hair, buns, etc..)

don't believe the hype sweetie. do you thinkg those "old farts" don't know that you're black? straight hair styles don't change that fact. more black people have issues with natural hair than white people. frankly, most of them don't care.

cutting off all your natural hair is not empowering. the mindset of accepting your natural hair is the empowering part. you have to be able to see the beauty in your hair, whether it has hang time at 2 inches or 28 inches... whether it never has hangtime... whether it has a curl pattern to it or just a thick cottony mass of fluffy locks... or if it has 6 different curl patterns.

now that is not to say that there is anything wrong with women who use chemicals on their hair. if i've learned anything about being on this site, it's that the women who have accepted what their hair is and isn't, what it can and can't do seem to have an easier time with it.

 

[Poohbear]

I thought about braids too, but I work in a very corporate environment, and so far I am getting away with the wash -n-gos, and the ocassional TWA's with headbands, but a BAA (big ass afro) will def. not make the cut working there. And braids (without the longer extentions) will not give me the look I need for my type of work.

Don't assume...I've worn a BAA in a corporate environment before... the white men actually like it!

 

[zzirvingj]

Do not expect your hair to do that if you do not have her texture. My texture is mostly 4a/b and right now, even at 21" (measured from root to tip of a strand), my hair will still not hang down when in a completely unmanipulated state. It looks just like Velvet's second shot--a bit of droopiness but still a clear bushy, afro look (just really big now). The only part that clearly hangs is the back, which is 3c in texture. This is my texture and this is how my hair is and I love it.

If you have a texture like mine, do not delude yourself into thinking that weight will make your hair hang. This is not bad news unless you insist on coveting a look that is not yours. Unless your texture is like that of those whose hair you admire, at some point, you will have to accept your natural texture and not be ashamed of your hair doing what it does. It is precisely because of the mental process of real self-acceptance that accompanies the physical process that going natural is truly a journey.

ITA

 

[PanamasOwn]

for me personally afros dont look good on me...Im 4'11 and with hair that is 2x bigger than my entire face....I look like crazy....(thats just for me personally) some of the ladies here can rock an afro like nobody's business. They wear it so well... I know this because I went to a bss and tried on one of those big ol afros.... not my cup of tea

I will have to wait it out to see what becomes of my hair...thank you ladies for all your input. I was def. educated today..

 

[zzirvingj]

I guess Im kinda confused...I figured that the texture that was coming out of my head now, would stay that way... I didnt think it would change once it got longer or bigger. I guess I really wont be able to type my hair until it gets a bit longer... I was just going off of Threads that I read in the past...

As far as the mental part... the thing that bothers me the most is my SO. we have been together going on 4 years. Personally I really love my hair, ALOT. Its just the things that HE says sometimes, and most of the time he is just joking, but it kinda hurts. Like I don't care what anyone else outside thinks of my hair, but I mean come on, you want you SO to like your hair right?? I Mean I can't be the only person, whose SO was not absolutely floored when you cut off all your hair to go natural, and he had only seen you before with longer relaxed hair.

Of COURSE you do When I first went natural my SO told me my hair looked like a DRIED OUT JHERI CURL. He also said that I needed to "loc that ish". He was one of those "nappier than thou" people; he had dreads and told me I needed to listen to all his advice about my hair because, at the time, I "had only been natural for 30 days...and he had been natural for 30 years." To which I said, "And how many years have you been a natural-haired black WOMAN?"

Anyways, sorry for getting off topic. It can take time to get to that point where you accept your hair as it is. Shoot, I can only speak for myself on this one, but I've been natural for 5 years and sometimes I STILL get to feeling a little envious over some of the women's hair in the fotki's I run across.

Sometimes I also think that it's hard for others to like something about yourself that you do not like about yourself (not that I'm saying that is your particular situation)...does that make any sense?

I think your hair is beautiful and with time and patience you will reach all of your hair goals. Hang in there and be glad you have LHCF to help you out along the way

 

[zzirvingj]

Yeah...I workfor an energy company doing public relations, so they want sleek and sophisticated. There was another black lady working in that group and she advised me, never to wear my hair "afro-centric" like... those "old-farts" (old white dudes) cant look past it..Stick to contempary and chic styles (curly hair, flat hair, buns, etc..)

AS IF there are no contemporary and chic NATURAL hairstyles? Is she natural?

 

[ladylibra]

for me personally afros dont look good on me...Im 4'11 and with hair that is 2x bigger than my entire face....I look like crazy....(thats just for me personally) some of the ladies here can rock an afro like nobody's business. They wear it so well... I know this because I went to a bss and tried on one of those big ol afros.... not my cup of tea

I will have to wait it out to see what becomes of my hair...thank you ladies for all your input. I was def. educated today..

you know why they rock it like nobody's business? CUZ THEY AREN'T WORRIED ABOUT WHAT ANYONE THINKS!!!

i am a strong person and normally i don't care what anyone thinks about me either. but to be honest, yes the first few times i had to go somewhere after i BC'd i was nervous as hell. i cut my hair at 2 in the morning and had to be at work in 5 hours. i was like, "what have i done? they're going to think it's ugly, and that i'm emotionally off my hinges for chopping all my hair off!" sure enough i go to work and all people did was compliment me left and right. then i had to go out to the mall another day and thought people would look at me weird and make rude remarks so i was all worried and prepared for the worst. nobody did. in fact a few guys hit on me.

okay, there are a few idiots out there that will occasionally say something stupid. but these are the same idiots that would've said something stupid even if your hair was relaxed or in a bun or you had a weave down to your butt. if YOU like your hair, that's all that matters. i suggest trying out some new styles that YOU like that make you happy if you don't want to wear a fro. we've got styling ideas all over this site. best of luck to ya!

 

[zzirvingj]

My hair has changed texture as it has grown. My coils clump together a lot more and have become more defined. My husband hated it when I first cut my hair.

All of the above happened to me, too

 

[PanamasOwn]

AS IF there are no contemporary and chic NATURAL hairstyles? Is she natural?

naw...I guess I kinda should have taken an hint when I saw her chewed up ends and dry hair that stuck in one place...

 

[PanamasOwn]

you know why they rock it like nobody's business? CUZ THEY AREN'T WORRIED ABOUT WHAT ANYONE THINKS!!!

i am a strong person and normally i don't care what anyone thinks about me either. but to be honest, yes the first few times i had to go somewhere after i BC'd i was nervous as hell. i cut my hair at 2 in the morning and had to be at work in 5 hours. i was like, "what have i done? they're going to think it's ugly, and that i'm emotionally off my hinges for chopping all my hair off!" sure enough i go to work and all people did was compliment me left and right. then i had to go out to the mall another day and thought people would look at me weird and make rude remarks so i was all worried and prepared for the worst. nobody did. in fact a few guys hit on me.

okay, there are a few idiots out there that will occasionally say something stupid. but these are the same idiots that would've said something stupid even if your hair was relaxed or in a bun or you had a weave down to your butt. if YOU like your hair, that's all that matters. i suggest trying out some new styles that YOU like that make you happy if you don't want to wear a fro. we've got styling ideas all over this site. best of luck to ya!

Thanks Libra,

I guess thats whay I was sort of trippin, because I am usually the ODD person, and have always liked that. I rarely care of what anyone thinks of me, not even my own parents (sometimes) This is the first person in my life that I am kinda trippin over like that. I will just have to have a talk with him.. Cuz if we are going to say I DO, he will just have deal with me and all my nappy/curly/I dont know what the hell else is going on with head glory.

 

[JustKiya]

cosigning with so much of what the other ladies have said.

Also, if you are smallframed, making a fro, and then putting a headband/scarf on it to push it 'back' into more of a puff/backfro might work as well.... give you a lil head before your hair pops up, ya know?

 

[cocoberry10]

I think it depends on your hair. Everyone's hair grows in some type of pattern.

OT: How long did you transition before you BC'd? Thanks!

 

[tocktick]

tbh, i've yet to come across any type 4 natural that had hanging hair unless their hair was very long. a unique yet common trait of afro hair is that is grows out not down therefore it will stand up and not hang down like straight hair or even type 3 hair. if you have type 3b/c hair, i don't tend to see it hang down until it's past twa stage. i think wanting natural hair to hang down is a bit of an unrealistic expectation for many and can set some up to become disappointed with something their hair can't really do. i've just had to accept my hair will stand up and find the beauty in that. both of which i have, btw.

 

[LiberianGirl]

Mine did too. And it was dry the first few months. I think it was scab hair. It looks totally different now.

And to the OP - You'd be surprised as far as the work environment goes. Now I'm not saying go to work with a big ass afro (because I don't think that's appropriate for a corporate setting either) but I've found that the white people don't really have a problem with our hair as long as it's neat. Believe it or not I got the most compliments from the white people. For corporate america the rule is pretty much no extreme hairstyles. Or no extreme anything. And that goes for everybody.

It's usually the black people that have the problem with natural hair. How do you know that other Black woman wasn't just saying that because it was what she thought? Did one of the white men tell her that? Did she have natural hair? Did anybody else ever work there with natural hair? Did they say that to that person or act like that?

Sad but SO true. It's such a shame that other cultures find our natural hair more beautiful than we do.