NATURALS, don't you hate it when...

Tenacious

Tenacious

Member
...people seem to only compliment you when your hair has been straightened or pressed? Its like I'm a different person when my hair is straight and people treat me as so.

It seems like every man will speak to me, my relationship gets better and people are "nicer" to me. I thought I was just overreacting about it at first... Since I transitioned while I was dating this guy, he was all supportive and everything. Then, I BC'ed and wore my hair in a curly bob all the time.

Its been 2 years since then, but it seems like our dates are so much more romantic and he treats me like a "girlfriend" when I flat iron, but when Its curly, I'm just a "friend" or a "girl he knows..."
 
YES!!!!!!!! I experience the same thing with my co-workers. I've been transitioning since before I started working there a few months ago. I mostly wear buns. However, I will periodically wear rollersets(with small or medium rollers), a phony pony, a half wig, and twistouts (only recently).

When I wear my hair straight, they treat me like an entirely different person!!! People smile and speak more. I get sooooooo many compliments about how nice my hair looks (even when it doesn't look the greatest). It never seems to fail that someone will make the comment that I need to wear my hair like that ALL the time.:nono: Of course, I shrug off that comment. I work in a very conservative department with mostly older people. I am the only AA women in the dept who doesn't have a relaxer so I guess I stand out.
 
Oh I know exactly what you mean! I had my hair straight this week and all I would hear is "Oh I love your hair straight, it looks so much better!" "You should wear it like that all the time!" I mean it's a nice compliment but sometimes it feels as if they are dissin my natural hair at the same time..
 
Nope. Haven't experienced it. I've only worn my hair straight one time since being natural. The attention was about the same maybe less. I did get compliments on my hair but not like when I wear my natural styles and people go OUT OF THEIR WAY to compliment on my natural hairstyles (family, friends, and strangers).
 
I used to get mad then I realized when I wear my hair natural its in the same styl everyday(bun) so anything besides a bun looks darn good on me:ohwell:
 
Yeah I got similar responses when I recently had my hair straightened but it's all good cause ...it's cute to me straightened and natural!

ETA: I get compliments with my hair in it's natural form as well. Some people prefer me with straightened hair, some like it natural...guess it's all up to what the individual likes.
 
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Yea, when I wear my hair flat-ironed, I have family who will say things like I should wear my hair like that more often. :ohwell:

I know they mean good, but's it's just a weird compliment...as if when my hair is curly, it's not as pretty. :sad:
 
MAN I GUESS IT CAN BE TOUGH HEARING THAT ALL THE TIME BUT ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS THAT ITS NOT MAINSTREAM THATS WHY.. MAYBE PPL JUST ARENT USE TO SEEING A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN WITH THEIR NATURAL HAIR ... IM PRETTY SURE IF IT WAS THE NORM WE WOULDNT GET COMMENTS LIKE THAT BUT... YEA I GUESS IT MAKES U FEEL SAD AS IF UR CURLY HAIR IS NOT NICE ENOUGH... MAN I FEEL SAD READING THIS STORIES... IM NOT NATURAL BUT IF I WAS I WOULD FEEL UPSET TOO.
 
moni_kerr said:
Oh I know exactly what you mean! I had my hair straight this week and all I would hear is "Oh I love your hair straight, it looks so much better!" "You should wear it like that all the time!" I mean it's a nice compliment but sometimes it feels as if they are dissin my natural hair at the same time..
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I get this one all the time from the cleaning lady at my job when my hair is straight. :perplexed She just doesn't realize that it's a backhanded compliment. But it's not just her. It's many people at work. They may not say those exact words but the compliments tend to exist for that one week of the month that my hair is straight.

Not everyone is ready to accept us wearing our hair in it's nappy natural state. So, I keep that in mind and keep it pushing. I'm not concerned about how they like or dislike my hair. They are more than welcome to come to my house for 2 hours to straighten my hair or give me the $65 is cost to get it done.
 
HoneyCurlz said:
Yea, when I wear my hair flat-ironed, I have family who will say things like I should wear my hair like that more often. :ohwell:

I know they mean good, but's it's just a weird compliment...as if when my hair is curly, it's not as pretty. :sad:
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You're like my hair twin :hug:

neways, yeah... my mom is like "You should wear it like that more often" and "OOOh! It looks soo long and pretty...you dont need 2 grow your hair out any longer". I asked her why and she said "Well, I know you're doing the whole 'curly' natural thing, but its nice to see your hair straight."

My mom wants a "white" daughter (I supposed). I mean, what am I supposed to think when your own mom says she likes you when you look something other than yourself??? I dont think being relaxed is a bad thing, but COME ON!!!! It's not the WORLD to have straight hair!
 
I don't know if I agree...When I straightened, everybody said they liked my curly hair a lot better...not to go to the color thing, but one of really good friends who is white was like,"DO NOT touch your hair...stop messing with it!" So maybe people think the straight hair might "fit" you better? Like the person said earlier about the bun...if you wear your hair in a bun everyday, may they just compliment you b/c it's something different. I let the puff out into a fro today and got a lot of compliments...nothing spectacular it just wasn't the norm...just a thought...I think curly goes better with my personality...Just playing devil's advocate...Maybe people think straight looks better on you...weird...I know...done rambling..ok:grin:
 
I seldom get compliments in my natural wear, but you know what I could care less. I love my natural hair it makes me feel good about me. I have less to do in the morning and whatever I do is right for me so if anything anyone will say to me is You got a lot of confidence girl. I will say they do compliment my curls when I add the IC gel. I never wear my hair straighten so they can't compare it to nothing. I never let them see it straighten, I did once and they were like oh its cute, mind you I was working at the same place prior to going natural so I ignore them. I don't find that to be a compliment at all.
 
I don't feel it has anything to do with the hairstyle itself, but the attitude the person has. Sometimes I see women with natural hair and they have an angry look on their face all the time, then when they their hair done, their whole attitude changes and they smile more and become more approachable.
I tend to get more compliments when I wear my hair in a puff because I feel good no matter how I wear my hair, either way, I still get compliments.

I think we are all beautiful in our own ways, our attitudes can change that quickly.
 
There are many ways to look at these occurrences.

  • Shock & Awe - Some are just surprised at the drastic difference in length, texture, swing, etc. so we get compliments just because we don't wear it straight that often. A lot of natural hair appears really healthy and bouncy, dense when straightened as opposed to many of the heads we see on a daily basis (IRL). If we wore it straight constantly, the shock & awe compliments would occur if we wore it natural as well (maybe not from the ignorant).
  • Swagger Effect - Some people's confidence level changes with a hair stlye, thus you receive many more outward admirers. You attract what you radiate. Perhaps one feels more attractive with straight hair and they have not gained the same confidence wearing a natural style. Subconsciously, some people "dress up" their straight hair more than their natural styles with make-up, earrings, special occassion attire, etc. Which may give your overall appearance a make-over of sorts.
  • Ignorance - Some people just don't think natural styles look as good as un-naturally straight styles. Good hair vs. bad hair, etc. It never ceases to amaze me how many weaved up women will talk about a napptural head so negatively.
  • Features - Maybe straight styles compliment some features better than some of the natural styles one selects.
I recently cut (a bunch) my napptural hair and wore it for one week straightened and one week kinky-curly. I received the same amount of compliments, albeit more shock & awe stares while napptural. :rolleyes: I believe the number of compliments stemmed from all of the above but mostly because I wore my hair up 97% of the time. When my hair was mid-back/waist length: straight - my compliments were about length, and thickness; napptural - it was about volume, but I know it had no shape or style. I definitely think my hair confidence increased with the cut!

I choose not to be offended by these unsolicited opinions in 2008. But I will politely educate the ignorant if needed
 
I somewhat agree with Brockstar. I'm transitioning now with ALOT of new growth. When the waves, napps started coming in, my co-workers and family loved it and encouraged me to see this process through. They seemed to think that I had nice hair. They could care less when I wear it straight. I'm sure that it is something that they are just used to now and the natural look is different. Either way, I wear it in a bun almost every day.
 
maybe some (i said some, not all) of the reactions have to do with how we carry ourselves?

i mean on a totally subconscious level. the subconscious can be a powerful beast at times.

really - some reactions may be simply in response to you doing something completely different than your e'eryday tried and true hairstyle?

it could be a lot of factors to explain + reactions or - ones.

i don't even think it's an exclusively black thing either. i take notice of anyone i'm familiar with when they do something different with their hair; like a drastic cut or color, if they put in some fly braids or twists, wear different clothing, put on high heels vrs sneakers, wear make-up, got their brows done up nicely, etc.

I don't care what anyone says but there is NOTHING more dramatic then seeing a natural go from kink one day to slink on the next :grin:
 
Yes, I get lots of compliments when my hair is straightened but I believe it's because my hair is ALWAYS in a bun otherwise and it looks a HOT mess :rolleyes:. My hair is usually in a loose puffy bun and I don't have any makeup on. However, when my hair is straightened, I take extra care in looking nice, my hair is pretty, my face looks looks nice because I take time in the morning to apply some makeup and more time is spent deciding on what to wear.

ETA: I also carry myself differently.
 
Nope. The 1X I flat ironed, I got no compliments at all. :nono:

Whereas my everyday hairdo (tiny little plaits) gets all types of compliments from men, women, kids :grin:...people are feelin' the napps! The reaction is even more intense if I let the fro loose!
 
I don't get that only when my hair is straightened. Actually I get more attention when my naps are in a sassy twistout. Yesterday pretty much every coworker that walked by my desk stopped to say they loved my hair (it was in a twistout). One chick who happens to be white stopped me in the bathroom for 5 minutes asking me how do i do this, and then started complaining about her own straight hair. When i wear my hair straight they say it's pretty as well, but i think most people also appreciate natchal beauty, at least in my case
 
Shock & Awe - Some are just surprised at the drastic difference in length, texture, swing, etc. so we get compliments just because we don't wear it straight that often. A lot of natural hair appears really healthy and bouncy, dense when straightened as opposed to many of the heads we see on a daily basis (IRL). If we wore it straight constantly, the shock & awe compliments would occur if we wore it natural as well (maybe not from the ignorant).
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LynnieB said:
really - some reactions may be simply in response to you doing something completely different than your e'eryday tried and true hairstyle?
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I think that had a lot to do with it in my case...I mostly wear my hair twisted up some kind of way and my dad loves hair to be down. So of course he says "I like your hair the other way" after I washed my hair but then when I twist it up all fancy he's like "oooo I like that" lol he doesn't know what he likes.
 
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I haven't gotten to get the mass of "ooh and aah" straightened hair compliments because I haven't straightened my hair since I've gone natural about 2 1/2 years ago. I do love the "if you pressed your hair out it would be sooooo long" comments, as if the length only exists if my hair is straight- but I'll even take that one with a crooked grin.

Truth be told, I'll have to cosign with another poster who mentioned that she gets the most compliments with twist outs. The bigger the hair, the better. Stick a flower in it and you're a walking mesmerization (did I just make that word up..."
 
Yeah, I flat ironed my hair for the first time in like 2 years. When I went to work, my co-workers literally stopped everything and started to celebrate. :dance7:

I was so pissed. They thought I had permed my hair. I wanted to :spank:.

I had the last laugh, however, when I came to work the next day with the nappiest pony puff I could muster, lol!:woohoo:
 
I get the comments that I need to "straighten" my hair but i'm used to it and it doesn't bother me as much.
 
ElleDoll said:
I used to get mad then I realized when I wear my hair natural its in the same styl everyday(bun) so anything besides a bun looks darn good on me:ohwell:
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This is how I feel!!

The whole "you should wear your hair like that all the time" comment IS kinda annoying to me sometimes...but I shrug it off. People have their preferences...if I gauge that the person complementing me is really sincere in that they are trying to say something they feel is nice to me, then I just take it as a complement then and smile and keep it movin.... ;)
 
NewYorkgyrl said:
Nope. Haven't experienced it. I've only worn my hair straight one time since being natural. The attention was about the same maybe less. I did get compliments on my hair but not like when I wear my natural styles and people go OUT OF THEIR WAY to compliment on my natural hairstyles (family, friends, and strangers).
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SAME HERE! And I think it's because I feel like my hair doesn't really look that good when it's straighten, plus when my hair is straightened, it really isn't all that straight anyway. People love my big fro and shrunken afro puffs.
 
Well I have yet to get any of the slew of comments that ya'll have experienced YET! And by YET, I mean I'm still transitioning but they have seen that my long hair is completely gone, and have asked "WTH you cut all of your hair off? All I can say to them is that it's my right to do with my hair as I please. But who's to say it won't be limited to just that one question on down the line?
 
CORBINS said:
I don't feel it has anything to do with the hairstyle itself, but the attitude the person has. Sometimes I see women with natural hair and they have an angry look on their face all the time, then when they their hair done, their whole attitude changes and they smile more and become more approachable.
I tend to get more compliments when I wear my hair in a puff because I feel good no matter how I wear my hair, either way, I still get compliments.

I think we are all beautiful in our own ways, our attitudes can change that quickly.
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You know what, I have seen some women with natural hair and they have this awful expression on their face as if they hate the world... I know exactly what you mean. I don't know if that's me, like when I wear a braid-out fro, I love this style so much and I'm a natural smiler so, people always ask if I'm happy. So, i dont think my persona changes when I straighten my hair. Even on my most important performances, wearing a bun makes me happier (and I feel more professional) than straightening it.

Besides, I'd rather not give folks the honor of judging my hair length/texture what-have-you.
 
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