Natural Hair and Interracial Relationships

[BlkOnyx488]

My Hubby Loves my natural hair. He is white and bald, so he has a sincere appreciation for anyone with hair. LOL

The only person who has a problem with my natural hair is my mother
She was also the idiot who put a curly kit in my hair when I was 4

 

[newbiemom]

My hubby is Peruvian and is so happy that I am transitioning to natural. He hates relaxers, weave. The only non natural hair style he likes is braid extentions. He loves my new growth . He'll just play with the kinks while we watch tv. My mom and sisters are like when is this phase going to end so you can do your hair. But he always defends me and tells them my hair looks great.

 

[newbiemom]

Well I mean its a hair board so I had figured it might have something to do with hair texture?

I feel like its the big pink elephant in the middle of the room no one ever wants to talk about so we just pretend its not there. Plus I noticed than anytime someone brings it up it just upsets people so I don't know really how to phrase it.

I know when I had my babies my husband and I wanted healthy babies first and foremost of course but we were also very curious as to how they were gonna look. Especially since both of us have kind of rough hair and people always expected our hair to be different because of our mothers. So of course we were curious about the kids.

No one else has ever thought of this before???? Or just don't talk about it? There is never a promise of what genetics are gonna do but that doesn't stop people from trying you know.

I think you are a little off base. My kids are mixed and have that 3 whatever hair but they could have easily have come out with a 4a naps like mom or super straight hair like my hubby and we would have been just as thrilled. I think most non blackmen find bw attractive but are normally to nervous to approach us. But when you wear you hair in an uncoventional hairstyle a(natural is unconventional look around) it breaks the ice. It shows your not afraid to defy the statu quo and old boy might have a shot. So they are more inclined to ask you out.jmho.

 

[halee_J]

Well, my ex was greek, and he loved my hair when it was natural. He was sad when I relaxed it. He thinks that BW are most beautiful when they wear their natural texture .

 

[moore.1506]

My Hubby Loves my natural hair. He is white and bald, so he has a sincere appreciation for anyone with hair. LOL

The only person who has a problem with my natural hair is my mother
She was also the idiot who put a curly kit in my hair when I was 4

Lol that is so cute/funny

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I get alot of love from black men coils and all. Here in NYC there are alot of brothas that love a natural woman the ratio of interest from brothas and other races is about even

 

[Candy1978]

I would venture to say that non-black men that are intially attracted to BW or have a preference for BW will probably have mostly favorable things to say about natural hair - it's part of the black identity, and thus part of what attracts them in the first place. So most of the non-black men that we deal with (in relationships etc) are, for the most part, going to be wildly enthusiastic about the idea of their lady going natural.

A non-black man that is not attracted to BW as a rule, but rather as the 'exception' is more likely to want a mainstream look - i.e the men you've met that said they thought it was ugly. But we aren't spending much time interracting with these men, so we're not as exposed to their opinions.

As BW, we're exposed to a wider array of BM as possible mates/dates, and due to the shared race they carry a lot of the same issues/hesitancy that a BW has with embracing/wearing natural hair and so they're less likely to be supportive, or to initally like the new look. (Though like any other man they can come around once they see the finished product)

I agree with what u have 2 say.......also wanted 2 say ue hair looks GREAT!

 

[testimony777]

I am not comfortable with blanket generalizations about Black men vs. non-Black men. I know from my own personal experience that every Black man I have ever dated loved my natural hair and preferred it that way (I would not date someone who didn't). The one non-Black man I considered dating preferred my hair straight. Many of my friends are naturals and are married to Black men who love their hair. Most of the men I grew up around (my father, step father, uncles, and friends of my parents) preferred natural hair; they were married to women who were natural and encouraged their daughters to stay natural.

I think it is difficult to measure men's attitudes about natural hair when your unit of analysis is your husband. I would be willing to bet that across the board (interracial couple or non-interracial couple) our husbands ultimately love us for who we are not what we look like. There will be some for whom a major change in our appearance requires some getting used to and others for whom the same change will be immediately embraced regardless of their race/ethnicity.

In general, just as there are Black women who would never consider going natural and who think that natural hair is less attractive than relaxed hair there are Black men who feel the same way (and for the same reasons). However, like a previous poster said the same can be said of non-Black men and women. There are plenty who think African textured hair is ugly and that curly hair in general needs to be "fixed."

I think that people should feel free to love whomever they choose to love. But lets not over romanticize either. I have chosen to love a Black man. He is a good man and we have a great relationship. He accepts me for who I am, supports me completely, and encourages me to go after my dreams. However, it would not be fair for me to conclude based on that, that there is something magical about being with a Black man, and that I would not be able to experience this if I were not married to a Black man. Race is not the significant variable in the equation, it is the quality of the men we choose to spend our lives with.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, this is just something that really bothers me.

 

[Neith]

I am not comfortable with blanket generalizations about Black men vs. non-Black men. I know from my own personal experience that every Black man I have ever dated loved my natural hair and preferred it that way (I would not date someone who didn't). The one non-Black man I considered dating preferred my hair straight. Many of my friends are naturals and are married to Black men who love their hair. Most of the men I grew up around (my father, step father, uncles, and friends of my parents) preferred natural hair; they were married to women who were natural and encouraged their daughters to stay natural.

I think it is difficult to measure men's attitudes about natural hair when your unit of analysis is your husband. I would be willing to bet that across the board (interracial couple or non-interracial couple) our husbands ultimately love us for who we are not what we look like. There will be some for whom a major change in our appearance requires some getting used to and others for whom the same change will be immediately embraced regardless of their race/ethnicity.

In general, just as there are Black women who would never consider going natural and who think that natural hair is less attractive than relaxed hair there are Black men who feel the same way (and for the same reasons). However, like a previous poster said the same can be said of non-Black men and women. There are plenty who think African textured hair is ugly and that curly hair in general needs to be "fixed."

I think that people should feel free to love whomever they choose to love. But lets not over romanticize either. I have chosen to love a Black man. He is a good man and we have a great relationship. He accepts me for who I am, supports me completely, and encourages me to go after my dreams. However, it would not be fair for me to conclude based on that, that there is something magical about being with a Black man, and that I would not be able to experience this if I were not married to a Black man. Race is not the significant variable in the equation, it is the quality of the men we choose to spend our lives with.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, this is just something that really bothers me.

Thank you!

Everything is "they" do this and "they" do that... for every person that fits the stereotype, there is another who doesn't. I don't think people think about that sometimes.

 

[Michelle1971]

Thank you!

Everything is "they" do this and "they" do that... for every person that fits the stereotype, there is another who doesn't. I don't think people think about that sometimes.

I agree but when someone has experienced negativity concerning their hair from a particular race (Black, white or otherwise), then that is where their generalizations originate. If the only positive experience comes from someone who becomes their husband and they are another race, then of course that becomes the measuring stick from which their positive statements are based. I have not had a problem with hair in any of my previous relationships (black or white) but I can kinda understand why people are generalizing to some extent.

 

[AnsbachFrizzpuff]

I noticed a few posts on why certain women decided to open up their options by dating interracially. For me, I got sick and tired of meeting educated black men who acted as though they were doing me a favor( like you know I could have a white women, hispanic women or whoever with me right no attitude) by allowing me to sit in their presence for dinner or what not. Just so happened one day just minding my own business, a really cute Puerto Rican guy who happened to be an accountant asked me out, and he just couldn't get over how beautiful I was, and that he thought dark skinned women were gorgeous....I was sold. It was like the gates of my mind had been opened to other possibilities. The rest is history! It wasn't so my kids could have "good" hair (which I totally DETEST that term "good" hair), or self hate, or anything psycologically ill. Pure and simple I just found that there are other men out there who happen not to be black, who appreciate me as a person, and don't have the same issues and hangups that some black men do, especially when you start dating educated black men who are successful.

I totally identify with what you said about black men feeling like they are doing a favor by dating us. Then sometimes they can be abrasive and talk about their ex women of other races. I used to date only white guys because I dunno. I felt I identified more because I grew up with nothing but white people. My dad was never there but for a few months at a time and well my dad wished to be white anyways.

Also I noticed with white guys it didn't matter so much that I was biracial where as with black men it was SO important to them. I think its easier for other races to see the beauty in natural hair and be fascinated with it.

My husband now I think we both were drawn to eachother in part because our heritage.

All my life I thought I was gonna marry white.

I agree that in big cities there's more openess and acceptance.

I feel kind of bad now to know that people think there is something wrong with me for choosing a husband based upon a lot of things - some of them including our backgrounds. To me it seems so natural. I guess to others it seems un natural or ill. that makes me feel bad.

 

[Bella_Atl]

I feel kind of bad now to know that people think there is something wrong with me for choosing a husband based upon a lot of things - some of them including our backgrounds. To me it seems so natural. I guess to others it seems un natural or ill. that makes me feel bad.

Why do you feel bad? You can chose a mate based on whatever reasoning you want. It's your mate that's a personal decision. And there is no right or wrong to it no matter what others opinion are.

Some may find it offensive, but it is what it is. WGAS?

 

[Mz.Shug]

My husband now I think we both were drawn to eachother in part because our heritage.

I feel kind of bad now to know that people think there is something wrong with me for choosing a husband based upon a lot of things - some of them including our backgrounds. To me it seems so natural. I guess to others it seems un natural or ill. that makes me feel bad.

I think the first statement can be a beautiful thing if it helps you two relate.And isn't that something we all look for when we first meet someone?SOME KIND of relatability.(Doesn't have to be race...fav. color, home town, fav football team)

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with you for wanting what you want or liking what you like.Just keep an open mind to consider the possibilities as to why we make the choices we do.

Openmindedness and Respect something everyone should practice on a daily basis.

 

[Michelle1971]

I totally identify with what you said about black men feeling like they are doing a favor by dating us. Then sometimes they can be abrasive and talk about their ex women of other races. I used to date only white guys because I dunno. I felt I identified more because I grew up with nothing but white people. My dad was never there but for a few months at a time and well my dad wished to be white anyways.

Also I noticed with white guys it didn't matter so much that I was biracial where as with black men it was SO important to them. I think its easier for other races to see the beauty in natural hair and be fascinated with it.

My husband now I think we both were drawn to eachother in part because our heritage.

All my life I thought I was gonna marry white.

I agree that in big cities there's more openess and acceptance.

I feel kind of bad now to know that people think there is something wrong with me for choosing a husband based upon a lot of things - some of them including our backgrounds. To me it seems so natural. I guess to others it seems un natural or ill. that makes me feel bad.

Well, don't feel bad...how you were raised played a huge factor in your choices of who to date IMO. That's fine to be drawn to someone based on your similar heritage. I wouldn't fault you for that but at the end of the day, what Michelle1971 thinks about your relationship should not matter . At least you recognize it. There are others that go years and years and do not even acknowledge it to any extent. What is important is that there is love in your relationship...

 

[ActionActress]

I think you are a little off base. My kids are mixed and have that 3 whatever hair but they could have easily have come out with a 4a naps like mom or super straight hair like my hubby and we would have been just as thrilled. I think most non blackmen find bw attractive but are normally to nervous to approach us. But when you wear you hair in an uncoventional hairstyle a(natural is unconventional look around) it breaks the ice. It shows your not afraid to defy the statu quo and old boy might have a shot. So they are more inclined to ask you out.jmho.

BINGO!!! Need I say more?

 

[LaFaraona]

I am not comfortable with blanket generalizations about Black men vs. non-Black men. I know from my own personal experience that every Black man I have ever dated loved my natural hair and preferred it that way (I would not date someone who didn't). The one non-Black man I considered dating preferred my hair straight. Many of my friends are naturals and are married to Black men who love their hair. Most of the men I grew up around (my father, step father, uncles, and friends of my parents) preferred natural hair; they were married to women who were natural and encouraged their daughters to stay natural.

I think it is difficult to measure men's attitudes about natural hair when your unit of analysis is your husband. I would be willing to bet that across the board (interracial couple or non-interracial couple) our husbands ultimately love us for who we are not what we look like. There will be some for whom a major change in our appearance requires some getting used to and others for whom the same change will be immediately embraced regardless of their race/ethnicity.

In general, just as there are Black women who would never consider going natural and who think that natural hair is less attractive than relaxed hair there are Black men who feel the same way (and for the same reasons). However, like a previous poster said the same can be said of non-Black men and women. There are plenty who think African textured hair is ugly and that curly hair in general needs to be "fixed."

I think that people should feel free to love whomever they choose to love. But lets not over romanticize either. I have chosen to love a Black man. He is a good man and we have a great relationship. He accepts me for who I am, supports me completely, and encourages me to go after my dreams. However, it would not be fair for me to conclude based on that, that there is something magical about being with a Black man, and that I would not be able to experience this if I were not married to a Black man. Race is not the significant variable in the equation, it is the quality of the men we choose to spend our lives with.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, this is just something that really bothers me.

And the choir said amen!

 

[ActionActress]

Gerard Butler I think in some interview even ask to touch a sister's hair...he has been quoted as saying, in a Brazlian media, that he loves black women.


But slightly offtopic there is a video circulating around with a white father carefully combing and moisturized his adopted African daughters hair.

Her hair is carefully done, detangled, and put into carefully sections hair into braids--talk about cute hair!!(Done a HECK of a lot better than some of the black mothers who don't know what to do with their own daughters hair--the little's girls hair in the video is of course natural)

There is another with a white husband, helping his wife re-do her locs and talking about what he is doing and the products he is using.

If anyone knows where these videos are please let me know. I've seen them before and lost them on my old computer a year ago.



If I get a white guy or a white likes me...I don't deal with that "so-so" attitude about natural hair....either you are there or not!!! It *****is***** a part of me and it is a part of my culture. Love ALL of me....head to toe!!!


But that's me.

 

[AvaSpeaks]

I would venture to say that non-black men that are intially attracted to BW or have a preference for BW will probably have mostly favorable things to say about natural hair - it's part of the black identity, and thus part of what attracts them in the first place. So most of the non-black men that we deal with (in relationships etc) are, for the most part, going to be wildly enthusiastic about the idea of their lady going natural.

A non-black man that is not attracted to BW as a rule, but rather as the 'exception' is more likely to want a mainstream look - i.e the men you've met that said they thought it was ugly. But we aren't spending much time interracting with these men, so we're not as exposed to their opinions.

Exactly!!! If all these non-Black men or non-Black people were so in love with our hair in masses, then I believe that you would see this included in the general standard of beauty in American culture, which you do not.

 

[wavezncurlz]

I am not comfortable with blanket generalizations about Black men vs. non-Black men. I know from my own personal experience that every Black man I have ever dated loved my natural hair and preferred it that way (I would not date someone who didn't). The one non-Black man I considered dating preferred my hair straight. Many of my friends are naturals and are married to Black men who love their hair. Most of the men I grew up around (my father, step father, uncles, and friends of my parents) preferred natural hair; they were married to women who were natural and encouraged their daughters to stay natural.

I think it is difficult to measure men's attitudes about natural hair when your unit of analysis is your husband. I would be willing to bet that across the board (interracial couple or non-interracial couple) our husbands ultimately love us for who we are not what we look like. There will be some for whom a major change in our appearance requires some getting used to and others for whom the same change will be immediately embraced regardless of their race/ethnicity.

In general, just as there are Black women who would never consider going natural and who think that natural hair is less attractive than relaxed hair there are Black men who feel the same way (and for the same reasons). However, like a previous poster said the same can be said of non-Black men and women. There are plenty who think African textured hair is ugly and that curly hair in general needs to be "fixed."

I think that people should feel free to love whomever they choose to love. But lets not over romanticize either. I have chosen to love a Black man. He is a good man and we have a great relationship. He accepts me for who I am, supports me completely, and encourages me to go after my dreams. However, it would not be fair for me to conclude based on that, that there is something magical about being with a Black man, and that I would not be able to experience this if I were not married to a Black man. Race is not the significant variable in the equation, it is the quality of the men we choose to spend our lives with.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant, this is just something that really bothers me.

YESSS!!!! Quoting you because the thank you button isn't enough!
OP, I am happy that you found someone who loves you for your natural self unconditionally. However, I think the key is not that he is white and you are in an interracial relationship. It is that he respects you and loves you as you are. Any man, of any racial make-up, can do this. I, for one, know plenty of AA brothers who love naps, coils, curls, what have you (and I'm not just referring to 3 types either). If you didn't find one, that's their loss. They are out there. Let's just not generalize about the brothas.

 

[sharifeh]

I would venture to say that non-black men that are intially attracted to BW or have a preference for BW will probably have mostly favorable things to say about natural hair - it's part of the black identity, and thus part of what attracts them in the first place. So most of the non-black men that we deal with (in relationships etc) are, for the most part, going to be wildly enthusiastic about the idea of their lady going natural.

A non-black man that is not attracted to BW as a rule, but rather as the 'exception' is more likely to want a mainstream look - i.e the men you've met that said they thought it was ugly. But we aren't spending much time interracting with these men, so we're not as exposed to their opinions.

As BW, we're exposed to a wider array of BM as possible mates/dates, and due to the shared race they carry a lot of the same issues/hesitancy that a BW has with embracing/wearing natural hair and so they're less likely to be supportive, or to initally like the new look. (Though like any other man they can come around once they see the finished product)

That's a good point. By the way, to clarify, I've never been in an interracial relationship, I was just referring to my friends, colleagues. It just always seemed to me like the only black women non-black men like would be the mixed/light ones in the media...
Even the men that I've met (again not romantically) that think they are open and would marry any kind of woman say that black women are a deal breaker. They are like "oh I would marry any nationality, except black."
But I do have one guy friend that dated a black girl. The state of her hair, I do not remember, because I didn't know the difference between "natural" and relaxed at that time. But I always remember thinking he was really cool for it.
That's why I'm surprised hearing those stories, pleasantly surprised of course. It's just interesting.
Of course, I live in NY and I see many black women/non-black men relationships. But I figure it's mostly white-american guys. They seem to have less hangups about dating a black woman then hispanic men, south asian men (many of them have worse color issues than us), middle eastern, etc...
And obviously there are exceptions to everything...

 

[jamaraa]

Dang Sharifah who are these dudes you're meeting? That's some bold stuff to say to a sistah's face. Men are strange creatures tho..many times they say they prefer one thing and end up w/ another. BW do labor under terrible stereotypes and that probably has more to do w/ resistance than our looks (except on weight issues). In real life, most BW are about as attractive as any other woman, all things considered.

Of course most people of any race/ethnicity/religion prefer and end up w/ people of their same race/ethincity/religion, so that's to be expected. Given the fact that there are far more non Black men than either Black men or Black women, BW probably have far more non Black men as potential partners than many would suspect.

On the old "standards of beauty" chestnut, I'll just say this...many WM dig Asian chicks, but how often are Asian chicks and dudes seen in the mainstream? Rarely. So I think judging men's real life preferances by what's presented in the media doesn't really hold up. Blacks are far more represented in the mainstream more than Asians or Latinas, so maybe it's more than the beaurty standard of commercial media that drives people's mating habits?

 

[sharifeh]

Ya it's bold I guess. I was always that black friend that people thought it was ok to say racist stuff in front of. erplexed
Then when I get offended, they say something silly, like they don't consider me black or something.

I'm clearly black though. Anyway, thats off topic...

But honestly, it's not all boldness, it's mostly subtle. Like if we're watching a miss universe pageant, everyone comments on how pretty everyone is, but when a dark-skinned african girl comes out, crickets....stuff like that...

And honestly, about hair, I've heard people make a couple of smart alec comments about afros
It's kind of subtle though, nothing really blatant...

 

[Candy1978]

Ya it's bold I guess. I was always that black friend that people thought it was ok to say racist stuff in front of. erplexed
Then when I get offended, they say something silly, like they don't consider me black or something.

I'm clearly black though. Anyway, thats off topic...

But honestly, it's not all boldness, it's mostly subtle. Like if we're watching a miss universe pageant, everyone comments on how pretty everyone is, but when a dark-skinned african girl comes out, crickets....stuff like that...

And honestly, about hair, I've heard people make a couple of smart alec comments about afros
It's kind of subtle though, nothing really blatant...

Yes!! ME too, sometimes, when people would say off color comments, my mind would go blank, like I know this person just did not say that too me!! Like when I lived in Miami, you don't know how many of my hispanic female aquintances would make comments about black women's hair and how they thought that we were jealous, to which I would ask them Why would you think a black woman would be jealous of your hair, unless you have been brainwashed to believe that your hair is superior? That would normally shut them up. But yeah, I have had some very ignorant things said in my presence that actually left me speechless.

 

[jamaraa]

Yes!! ME too, sometimes, when people would say off color comments, my mind would go blank, like I know this person just did not say that too me!! Like when I lived in Miami, you don't know how many of my hispanic female aquintances would make comments about black women's hair and how they thought that we were jealous, to which I would ask them Why would you think a black woman would be jealous of your hair, unless you have been brainwashed to believe that your hair is superior? That would normally shut them up. But yeah, I have had some very ignorant things said in my presence that actually left me speechless.

Maybe they lurk this site? LOL...they don't NEED to feel superior, just basic reading skillz!

I'd tell them that unless their name is Catherine Deneuve (then and now) or BB (ie Brigette Bardot 50s-60s era) they need not worry about MY jealousy!

 

[Honeytips]

I am blessed, I have a great husband who is supportive. Like I said in the video, it is such a trip how you get more support from non black people......

I totally agree with you one this one. My husband is a white Australian and he loves and support my natural hair. He even took the time to twist my hair with extensions a month ago and everyone couldn't believe that he did it (first time he's ever even did hair!!) . I've decided that I'm also going to get him to do the big chop on my hair just before christmas

 

[deltagyrl]

...............................

 

[song_of_serenity]

The man who supported me most is my curly haired cutie best friend. I've posted him before. He has looong curly hair himself (white, Australian) and was rooting for me big time to BC and was ecstatic when I finally did (he LOVES curly hair and all of it's varieties, from tight to lose curls) He's always so excited about it and has been in my corner every step of the way. Geeze, I adore that guy.

The guy I'm with (who is white) doesn't care either way. He was sad when I cut my hair because he loves the length but doesn't care about texture. He thinks the curls are cute but can't wait until it grows long again. My ex is pissed I waited till after we broke up to BC. Oh well.

To counter it, though, I haven't had any negative reactions from any black guys either. As many of us notice, the way we are approached changes, too ("Yo, wussup, Ma" has become "Hello, sista, can I have a moment of your time?") and I'm SURE there are many men of other races who subscribe to the ideal of straight = better as well.

 

[mbib0002]

Honestly, before I started coming here I was mostly ignorant to "color" issues or being "color struck". I had never even THOUGHT about hair texture as a motivation to 'date out' and I really had no idea that people were really having that many issues with their personal appearance.


I can't agree with you even more. I was EXTREMELY "color struck" until I moved to the US. I'm Nigerian, and I had gorgeous dark skin friends that guys will drool over on campus ( at times ignoring me the "not dark" friend....oh, btw I consider myself cute :wink2. the hair thing was never an issue, there was no "good hair' vs "bad hair".... instead we talked about "soft hair that's more manageable". everyone who wore weaves and braids used it as a style option, even those with long hair (whether soft or not) - thus there was nothing like "hating oneself" or "embrassing your blackness", When people wore natural styles, it was what it was: "a style"

Fast forward to moving to the US in 2001..... my skin color became a huge deal - i'm not even light skin, more like caramel brown. My last roommate (God bless her) once told me she couldn't wear bright colors because she was dark skinned and colors won't look goot on her , this girl always wore black or dark blue; she also HATED her hair; every time I talked about hair cair I learnt on LHCF, she always brought up "white people don't have to worry about that"; she was scared to date a guy who was obiously crazy about her cause "his ex-girlfriend was hispanic with long hair and her hair won't measure up".... she also endlessly complemented my skin tone at every opportunity she got (i kid you not) and mind you, I break out from time to time and she has perfectly smooth skin.....it was this constant insecurity of either being dark, not having straight hair, white guy won't find her attractive cause she wasn't the epitome of beauty e.t.c. I lived with her for two years and as the months rolled by, she'd shock me with another "color issue" (needless to say, I moved out last week).

Anyway, I never thought/saw these things until I moved to this country, and I HATE IT!!!

Sorry for the long post, just had to get that off my chest.

 

[Candy1978]

Honestly, before I started coming here I was mostly ignorant to "color" issues or being "color struck". I had never even THOUGHT about hair texture as a motivation to 'date out' and I really had no idea that people were really having that many issues with their personal appearance.


I can't agree with you even more. I was EXTREMELY "color struck" until I moved to the US. I'm Nigerian, and I had gorgeous dark skin friends that guys will drool over on campus ( at times ignoring me the "not dark" friend....oh, btw I consider myself cute :wink2. the hair thing was never an issue, there was no "good hair' vs "bad hair".... instead we talked about "soft hair that's more manageable". everyone who wore weaves and braids used it as a style option, even those with long hair (whether soft or not) - thus there was nothing like "hating oneself" or "embrassing your blackness", When people wore natural styles, it was what it was: "a style"

Fast forward to moving to the US in 2001..... my skin color became a huge deal - i'm not even light skin, more like caramel brown. My last roommate (God bless her) once told me she couldn't wear bright colors because she was dark skinned and colors won't look goot on her , this girl always wore black or dark blue; she also HATED her hair; every time I talked about hair cair I learnt on LHCF, she always brought up "white people don't have to worry about that"; she was scared to date a guy who was obiously crazy about her cause "his ex-girlfriend was hispanic with long hair and her hair won't measure up".... she also endlessly complemented my skin tone at every opportunity she got (i kid you not) and mind you, I break out from time to time and she has perfectly smooth skin.....it was this constant insecurity of either being dark, not having straight hair, white guy won't find her attractive cause she wasn't the epitome of beauty e.t.c. I lived with her for two years and as the months rolled by, she shocked me with another "color issue (needless to say, I moved out last week).

Anyway, I never thought/saw these things until I moved to this country, and I HATE IT!!!

Sorry for the long post, just had to get that off my chest.

That is seriously deep!!!! I mean I had issue with my natural texture and skin tone for a while (mainly during my teen years), but it was never on that level. When I hear stuff like that, it makes me work even harder to make sure my daughter has a positive view of herself no matter what society thinks, because the truth is people will talk about you for something whether you ar too black, too light, too white, too fat, too skinny, too smart, too dumb, the list goes on and on. I am soooooo happy that God has helped me to learn to love myself the way he created me,,,kinky curly coily!!! The second I embraced the natural me, I took back the power society had over me ...they can all kiss my grits......!!! I can"t wait till all this relaxed stuff is off my head!!!

 

[mstar]

My Hubby Loves my natural hair. He is white and bald, so he has a sincere appreciation for anyone with hair. LOL

The only person who has a problem with my natural hair is my mother
She was also the idiot who put a curly kit in my hair when I was 4

Mine too, LOL. I think it's hilarious.

It feels wonderful to be with a man who accepts me just as I am at any given moment. When I wear my natural hair out, he says "I love it, wear it like this all the time." Same when it's pressed bone straight, in braids, in weaves, whatever color I choose to rock. Every style is his absolute favorite. I've given up trying to figure out what he wants, because I realize he just wants ME. And that feels amazing.

When I met him, I was addicted to weave, and I'd always made sure my boyfriends never saw me without one. My hubby is the first man who ever offered to help me take down my braids, and it became a monthly ritual for us. He'd sit there and play in my hair like it was a Ronald McDonald playground, and every month he'd say, "When are you gonna stop covering up your hair...it's so beautiful. PLEASE just wear it natural and let the world see your beauty." At first I looked at him like nono:, but over time he wore me down, and I started to believe that my hair was beautiful. I wouldn't have had the courage to go natural again if it wasn't for him.

I can only speak for myself, but my hubby's attitude was in stark contrast to all the black men I dated. They would be willing to drive me to the salon, pay, and sit outside and wait for me to be done, if it meant knocking out the kinky edges. They were like, I'll do anything you want, just get rid of them naps!