I know this feeling all too well. If magically offered silky strands, I would not hesitate to take them. The universe works in mysterious ways. In fact, It gave me that opportunity for a short stint, but at the cost of being sick. When getting Keratin/smoothing treatments you are trading one set of positives/negatives for another set of positives/negatives. As long as you think the trade off is worth it, then don’t feel bad about getting the keratin or Botox treatments. Being natural isn’t for everyone.
Now if you truly want to be “natural” even with all those contradicting desires, you may have to be more like me. I needed tough love and the ability to learn the art of acceptance. As I’ve mentioned many times before, I went cold Turkey with locs. I semi free formed. I had hair that stuck up in all directions with tangled ball forming on my ends. My nearest and dearest gave me so much flack about my locked hair in the beginning. I had to develop a confidence so strong that I didn’t listen to or care what anyone said against my hair and that included my own negative self talk. I forced myself to double down on what I said I truly wanted.
When loosing the locs, I made the very conscientious decision to grow my hair back without using weaves/extensions, wearing hats/ head wraps, doing twistouts/ braidouts or straightening my hair as my main style. I know I am easily susceptible to body dysphoric tendencies. My goal since I was a teen has been to wear it in a wash and go and grow it very long. After experiencing boughts of things in life showing me how finite my mortality is, I know that I will die happy if I reach my goals especially with hair.
You don’t have to like, love or want your natural hair to accept it. In the famous words of Nike’s slogan, “ Just do it.” You might also want to redefine some of the words you constantly say in your life. For instance, my personal definition of self love has changed over the years. To me it means showing myself adoration, honor and respect when no one else is watching. So when I am in doubt, I just have to think about where my motivations lie. When I clean up my car only because someone is going to ride along with me, the motivation is shame. When I start and complete something people outwardly doubt that I can do, the motivation is to prove them wrong. When I dress up, ask multiple times if I look right and am searching for compliments, I am motivated by outward acceptance. These are situations where if I rely on others opinions, I am not acting in accordance to self love. I am using others as crutches in order to motivate myself to do the things I say I want or need to do for myself.
So determine why you want to go natural. If being natural comes with so many cons, why are you so adminant on trying to become and stay natural? Really think about why doing keratin and other smoothing treatments have not been sustainable for you. Maybe even make a list and tally up the pros and cons of each. Consider sticking with the option that has the most pros and giving yourself a tangible goal to try it. You could do the S.M.A.R.T. method and give yourself 1 year of working towards whichever option you choose. Then remove temptations that you know will easily sway you such as putting away products and tools for the opposite hairstyles or block websites and unsubscribing to emails for companies that promote the hairstyle that’s not within your goal.
I know this sounds like a mix between stoicism and Tony Robinson. Just remember if you want something badly enough, you’ll put in the appropriate amount of effort. It just takes knowing what you truly want.