my sis' man

[contsantia]

My sister has a 5yo child with her on and off bf who is currently in a relationship with another woman . This man lives with his other girlfriend but sees my sis on the side. This has been going on years and some members of my family encouraged her to be in the relationship for financial reasons.(she doesn't need his money tho) While they were on their off period he hit her bc she wasn't retuning his call. She came to me yesterday asking is she shld forgive him. I told her no but she doesn't seem to be able to break it off with him. I'm really running out of things to tell her and this point, any advice.

 

[MzLady78]

My sister has a 5yo child with her on and off bf who is currently in a relationship with another woman . This man lives with his other girlfriend but sees my sis on the side. This has been going on years and some members of my family encouraged her to be in the relationship for financial reasons.(she doesn't need his money tho) While they were on their off period he hit her bc she wasn't retuning his call. She came to me yesterday asking is she shld forgive him. I told her no but she doesn't seem to be able to break it off with him. I'm really running out of things to tell her and this point, any advice.

Unfortunately, nothing you or anyone else says is gonna matter. She's gonna have to get tired of the bs on her own and make the decision to leave.

 

[contsantia]

That to bad the whole situation is go frustrating

 

[MzLady78]

That to bad the whole situation is go frustrating

I know. I wish I had better advice to give, but that's the reality. If she hasn't left by now, it's probably gonna take something EXTREMELY effed up to make her do so, and even that may not work. Not that situation isn't already bad.

 

[hopeful]

(((Hugs))) OP
It is so frustrating and sad to watch someone you love suffering. Instead of directly discussing her relationship I would encourage her to seek counseling or even do something online that helps lift self-esteem. The baggage reclaim lady had online classes. Leaving him is a decision she will have to make on her own. If she's not willing or able to get help, there is not much you can do about that. Also, try your best to be a wonderful example for her. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know it is painful. Also, lift her up in prayer every day. Envision her healed and making better decisions for herself and her child. Then focus on yourself, your happiness, and your well-being.

 

[lana]

I think you're a great sister. I would try my best to get her to improve her self esteem. Also, I would try to keep in mind that "you can't want more for a person than they want for themselves". As a woman with several siblings, this proves true in my life every single time I see them doing something that shows bad judgment or lack of common sense.

Real men don't ever hit women. You know that, but does she? Try not to give her direct advice, even when she asks you because if it doesn't come from her - she won't be able to stick to it.

 

[lux10023]

yeah the physical abuse is tough to stomach as its your sister...i dont know what i would do if someone was hitting my sibling...

i wish you all the best op--i know its frustrating watching someone remain in a situation that is harmful to them mentally, emotionally and physically.

 

[julzinha]

My sister has a 5yo child with her on and off bf who is currently in a relationship with another woman . This man lives with his other girlfriend but sees my sis on the side. This has been going on years and some members of my family encouraged her to be in the relationship for financial reasons.(she doesn't need his money tho) While they were on their off period he hit her bc she wasn't retuning his call. She came to me yesterday asking is she shld forgive him. I told her no but she doesn't seem to be able to break it off with him. I'm really running out of things to tell her and this point, any advice.

Honestly, if you have stated how you feel and tried to help and she still does not want to hear it. Let it be. Some people have to live through their misery because no one can make them see the light.

 

[MzLady78]

yeah the physical abuse is tough to stomach as its your sister...i dont know what i would do if someone was hitting my sibling...

i wish you all the best op--i know its frustrating watching someone remain in a situation that is harmful to them mentally, emotionally and physically.

It really sucks that OP's family is encouraging her to stay with this dude. If that was me or any other woman in family, dude would either get his a** whooped or come up missing altogether. Then I'd probably get a few slaps for staying with him in the first place.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

My sister has a 5yo child with her on and off bf who is currently in a relationship with another woman . This man lives with his other girlfriend but sees my sis on the side. This has been going on years and some members of my family encouraged her to be in the relationship for financial reasons.(she doesn't need his money tho) While they were on their off period he hit her bc she wasn't retuning his call. She came to me yesterday asking is she shld forgive him. I told her no but she doesn't seem to be able to break it off with him. I'm really running out of things to tell her and this point, any advice.

She won't leave him alone until she's ready. Encourage her to seek counseling. There really is nothing you can do. He already left her and lives with another woman so your sister is, at best, second place. Now he's started to physically abuse your sister. Hopefully she will seek counseling and walk away once she realizes that she deserves better for herself and her child.

 

[contsantia]

Thanks for your kind words it's one of those easier said than done situation for my sis

 

[SimplyWhole]

Listen to Dr. Laura

 

[Country gal]

See if she can get into couseling. Send her Tony Gaskins YouTube clips.

 

[Urban]

Tell her to answer her own question by answering this: would she accept this for her daughter or son?

Essentially if she forgives him she's accepting it on behalf of her child. If they see her accepting it, they may very well grow up to accept abusive relationships too. If she thinks her child doesn't know what's going on, tell her to think again. She can either choose for her child to be ok from now, or damage them forever.

 

[Fine 4s]

It really sucks that OP's family is encouraging her to stay with this dude. If that was me or any other woman in family, dude would either get his a** whooped or come up missing altogether. Then I'd probably get a few slaps for staying with him in the first place.

Does her family know that he hit her?

 

[MzLady78]

Does her family know that he hit her?

Good question. I truly hope not but I don't have a lot of faith in people who would encourage her to continue to deal with a man who is living with someone else. Maybe they draw the line at hitting, though.

 

[lux10023]

I agree that part was very disturbing

ditto--dude would have had hands put on him..my family is mostly male...it would not go over well...that scumbag would've learned a valuable lesson

It really sucks that OP's family is encouraging her to stay with this dude. If that was me or any other woman in family, dude would either get his a** whooped or come up missing altogether. Then I'd probably get a few slaps for staying with him in the first place.

 

[Fine 4s]

Good question. I truly hope not but I don't have a lot of faith in people who would encourage her to continue to deal with a man who is living with someone else. Maybe they draw the line at hitting, though.

Can the OP clarify? On my phone, can't see name ....

 

[ChasingBliss]

Wow, this dude is very snug.


This situation hurts my heart. Goodness.

 

[CaraWalker]

you should probably start laughing at her whenever she complains to you about it. that might help her get a clue

 

[contsantia]

Good question. I truly hope not but I don't have a lot of faith in people who would encourage her to continue to deal with a man who is living with someone else. Maybe they draw the line at hitting, though.

It happened once, I'm not sure if she told them

 

[contsantia]

I spoke to her yesterday. she says that she is not planning of getting back with him, but that she has been lonely since they fought..

 

[ThickHair]

I spoke to her yesterday. she says that she is not planning of getting back with him, but that she has been lonely since they fought..

She needs a BOB.