My FIRST Post here!!!

[africanqueen456]

Hello everyone! Here is my story.I am always someone who has had men "issues" I never trusted them and thought they were all dogs...About a year ago I met my dream man! Unfortunately due to my actions We are not together. He is more quiet than and I and he made it clear that he was in a relationship. I didn't. I was caught on more than one(4x) occasion talking or being close with another guy. Through text or my friend knocking on door. All three of the guys were trying to "talk" to me. My ex feels like I have no repsect for myself because even though I didnt want to be with them I did not completely turn them away. I take full responsibilty for my actions especially when I know he has been hurt before. I have been calling him ever since he broke with me so he get his frustations out. I took him for granted...He is my first real love and I don't want to date anyone else. I kno that he still cares becuase he listens to me when I talk to him but He is so hurt.

My question is should I keep calling and try to work things out or give him his space and let him call me or just forget about him..

 

[hopeful]

Unless you are completely sure that you can turn other men away, I think you should leave him alone. I don't understand why you were so "friendly" with other men in the first place. I tend to have very high boundaries with people so I guess I don't get it. I think he has every right to be hurt and worried that you will continue the behavior (four times is a bit much IMO). I don't mean to be harsh but I really feel sympathetic toward him, witnessing his girl continuing to disrespect him and herself.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

All men are not dogs and until you come to grips with that every relationship you enter into will not end up good. Your problem with not trusting men has got to be addressed, because you can see how that cause you to possibly lose a good man.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I think he has every right to be hurt and worried that you will continue the behavior (four times is a bit much IMO). I don't mean to be harsh but I really feel sympathetic toward him, witnessing his girl continuing to disrespect him and herself.

OP, because you've been hurt before, were you trying to hurt him before he hurt you--there is a tendency for people to do this in relationships when they've been hurt.

 

[TayMac]

I wouldn't keep calling. Let him initiate contact if he wants to give you another chance.

 

[awhyley]

I'm a little confused. When you all were together, he make it clear to other females that you two were in a relationship, but you didn't do the same with other guys? Is that what you're saying? (In any event, I say give him some space)

 

[ThickHair]

KIM, because I doubt he will ever fully trust you. Chalk it up to the game, you lived, and learned a big lesson.

How old are you? The reason why I ask, is that from my experience the younger we are the more we think that we will never find another person. I know after I broke up with my HS BF at age 18 I thought that I was doomed to ever be in love again. It gets better.

 

[africanqueen456]

Unless you are completely sure that you can turn other men away, I think you should leave him alone. I don't understand why you were so "friendly" with other men in the first place. I tend to have very high boundaries with people so I guess I don't get it. I think he has every right to be hurt and worried that you will continue the behavior (four times is a bit much IMO). I don't mean to be harsh but I really feel sympathetic toward him, witnessing his girl continuing to disrespect him and herself.

I totally agree.. I needed to hear that... My problem is that I dont know how to say no and mean no... I dont want any attention from these men...Then again I feel like this hs taught to be more respectful of myself. Because I have always not known how to say no and mean no. You are right. I am 19 ...

 

[africanqueen456]

He does make it clear to females that he is in a relationship. I believe I was trying to hurt before he hurt me...That is horrible .I believe it was because of the fact that I believe men are dogs...But Honestly I wanna be more respectful and I don't want any guy to approach me anyhow. He has taught me alot. I am just going to take it that.

 

[hopeful]

You are so young. I say let him go. Begging a man to take you back won't do your self-esteem any good. Focus your energy on school, a career, and learning to say no and mean no. You must get to the bottom of why you can't say no--that is going to lead to so much trouble and heartache for you.

 

[africanqueen456]

Thanks hopeful..

 

[hopeful]

You're welcome.

 

[chickle]

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I say if you love him make an attempt to talk with him and put your feelings out there because if the shoe was on the other foot and he hurt you, you would definitely not be the one calling him and telling him you wanted a relationship. If he is a quiet person, chances are he is not going to call you and give you a chance at all.

If it was me I would just say "Okay ____ I understand that your hurt, but I love you and I was afraid of being hurt so I was not willing to commit and ...(you get my drift)

On the other hand you may be the one that need the space because if you continue to treat men that way in each relationship, it will be the same outcome. You just have to remember that men are human beings too and they have feelings.