Have you ever thought that someone

[gn1g]

'TO THINE ON SELF B TRUE"

I promise you already know what the deal is.

I would even say you are trying to avoid the pain.

I say go thru the pain the goodies are on the other side.

better days upahead.

 

[NOEChic]

Why make a thread about your issues and don't want to hear the responses???

Deep down you know old boy is up to no good.

KIM

i made the thread b/c i was bored, and i dont really care about the responses b/c i talked to him and we resolved my issue.

deep down i know he is doing what is right regarding me and our relationship...i have know him for more than 4 yrs and i know he was doing what he said he was doing. if i really thought he was doing wrong then i would bounce, but i know he not. so imma KIM in my relationship with him, and talk to him tonight.

 

[NOEChic]

Very interesting comment since most ladies who commented are in relationship or married, rather than bitter or alone. He probably does not want you sharing details because other men/women with more life experience will shed some light on the scenario.

I want to echo that you were not being "insecure" or an "idiot" for wondering what the heck was going on after 4 days of not hearing from your SO.

I talk to my husband at least once a day, everyday, and his job entails working with highly sensitive microphones that pick up vibration of cell phones.....but he still makes the time to call me. I don't ever call him when he's at work in the studio but you can best believe that my phone is ringing if he's running late, going to be late for dinner or late whatever we had planned.

I also don't call him when he's spending time with his son (if I am not with them) but even then he is still calling me and I speak to my stepson. The only time DH's cell phone is off is when is at home with me and that is because his son can call the house phone.

It is impossible for me to imagine going 4 full days without contact with my husband and there is absolutely no rational reason that he could give me for not making contact.

So long as you're okay with the situation, so be it. However, don't discount age & life experience.

If I listen to y'all i would end up alone and bitter. Maybe this is why he dont want me to tell our business. I see now lol.[/quote]

not everybody married is happy (i can attest to that)...and i also can attest to even if he calls you all day long, he still can be doing dirt. he can be callin to tell you he loves you and will be late, while he waitin on the next chick to come out the bathroom...been there too

he dont want me discussing our business really b/c the minute he do something wrong (which happens in every relationship) i.e. a forgotten phone call, a forgotten anniversary..wanting me to spend time with him when he comes in town instead of my girls...some women are like leave him he is no good and blah blah blah.

listening to y'all would have my back up, and when he text me tonight, be all hot with him. im not tryna go there and im not bout to have him get hurt out there b/c of some nonsense

you cant imagine going 4 days without talkin to your husband that is fine, he aint my husband and i already told him to spend time with his fam. if i did not trust what he was saying i would and could call him mom and check. but what is a relationship without trust. especially since we are in two different branches of the military and will have a long distance relationship.

anytime he goes and spend time with his fam/daughters we wont be talkin especially his daughters, b/c he dont get to spend enough time with them already and how would i look taking time away from them.

when we are together it is us, me and him and noone else. I had to remind him to call his mom, to let her know he had made it by me and that was the last day he was there.

 

[ebonyhair]

 

[ebonyhair]

"i made the thread b/c i was bored"


Ohhh...That explains it......

*Moving on to a different thread*

 

[Jade Feria]

LMAO @ this whole thread. If you're so 100% secure in your relationship, why did you even doubt at all through those 4 days? Especially when you told him he didn't need to call you and to "holla at you"? Listen sister, if you really do feel confident in your relationship, that's great. But don't try to convince US. You're the one who started the thread saying you felt played. That feeling didn't just drop from the sky.

Often our first instinct is the correct one.

 

[chokolate miss]

^^^Exactly...what the heck...?

I am not in a relationship in the moment due to the "busy" excuse. It's a blanket term for "involved in other activities that I find more fun/enjoyable/interesting/ect. than you" hmmph!

 

[NOEChic]

^^^Exactly...what the heck...?

I am not in a relationship in the moment due to the "busy" excuse. It's a blanket term for "involved in other activities that I find more fun/enjoyable/interesting/ect. than you" hmmph!

im sure sitting in the hospital waiting to see if your brother is going to have to have emergency surgery is more fun, enjoyable and interesting

 

[NOEChic]

LMAO @ this whole thread. If you're so 100% secure in your relationship, why did you even doubt at all through those 4 days? Especially when you told him he didn't need to call you and to "holla at you"? Listen sister, if you really do feel confident in your relationship, that's great. But don't try to convince US. You're the one who started the thread saying you felt played. That feeling didn't just drop from the sky.

Often our first instinct is the correct one.

it came b/c i have NEVER felt like this with anyone before, not even my ex husband...if he did not call me, it was whatever...anybody else that i have been in a relationship with if they did not call after about 3 days, i was out and on to the next...i always kept a team on the bench so to say, so it was no skin off my nose to end the friendship/relationship

 

[chokolate miss]

I'm done.

 

[deltadreamland]

The lies men tell....and the excuses we accept as the truth because they make us feel better. Truly unbelievable. Good luck OP.

 

[NOEChic]

The lies men tell....and the excuses we accept as the truth because they make us feel better. Truly unbelievable. Good luck OP.

thanksand if you think a man is lying all the time regarding not being about to contact you, i feel for your husband

 

[mxdchiq86]

idk, i feel like that's one thing you should not have to worry about in a commited relationship. my husband is also in the army and when he is away, he finds time to call me at least once a day.. even if he has to call me from a friends phone.. and if he didn't, i would assume that he couldn't. no offense, but i was on that omgomgomg is he gonna call stuff in highschool. now that i'm an adult in an adult relationship it's moreso, i expect him to call.. and if he dosen't, i will hear from him soon enough.

and then u guys cant answer your phones while you're with eachother? or choose not to, rather. idk.. whatever floats your boat.. but, i make it a point to keep some form of identity while i'm in a relationship.. not saying that you're not but, i perfer to remain as true to myself as possible.. and i'm not gonna ignore fam/friends when i'm with my man, just because. i think it's dangerous to be that enraveled into another human being, and that's coming from someone that's married. don't get too caught up.

 

[NOEChic]

idk, i feel like that's one thing you should not have to worry about in a commited relationship. my husband is also in the army and when he is away, he finds time to call me at least once a day.. even if he has to call me from a friends phone.. and if he didn't, i would assume that he couldn't. no offense, but i was on that omgomgomg is he gonna call stuff in highschool. now that i'm an adult in an adult relationship it's moreso, i expect him to call.. and if he dosen't, i will hear from him soon enough.

and then u guys cant answer your phones while you're with eachother? or choose not to, rather. idk.. whatever floats your boat.. but, i make it a point to keep some form of identity while i'm in a relationship.. not saying that you're not but, i perfer to remain as true to myself as possible.. and i'm not gonna ignore fam/friends when i'm with my man, just because. i think it's dangerous to be that enraveled into another human being, and that's coming from someone that's married. don't get too caught up.

we dont live in the same town...so when we meet up it is our time...if we lived in the same town it would be different...but if i have only 4 days with you, im not bout to share you with anyone else...especially since after you leave me you are going to see them, not happening at all.

and i usually talk to him everyday, sometimes twice a day depending on his mission that day

Also EVERYBODY i know when they come home from a deployment and they are with their spouse, the 1st week, that phone does not ring from ANYBODY, not mommy, daddy, sister, brother cousin or friend...they call them that first day, let them know they made it back and then holla at them the 2nd week

 

[gabulldawg]

erplexed erplexed erplexed

 

[deltadreamland]

thanksand if you think a man is lying all the time regarding not being about to contact you, i feel for your husband

My man would NEVER go 4 days without contacting me. He knows better and he would feel more at ease while away if he knows that his lady is doing well from day to day...even if it's only for a minute or two. He has more respect and adulation for me than to do something like that. I don't care whom he's visiting and how many other children he has outside of our relationship, some things are just unacceptable.

 

[mxdchiq86]

we dont live in the same town...so when we meet up it is our time...if we lived in the same town it would be different...but if i have only 4 days with you, im not bout to share you with anyone else...especially since after you leave me you are going to see them, not happening at all.

and i usually talk to him everyday, sometimes twice a day depending on his mission that day

share him? nobody belongs to anyone people learn that the hard all the time. not tryna get on u, just tryna show u a different perspective.

.. but, i know how it is when you're in love. just keep an open mind and always be realistic.

 

[kismettt]

last year my SO would sometimes go 5 days (tbe horror!)

but he also worked triple shifts at a newspaper plant (? factory? lol idk the word to describe it) and i was working a 9-5 (or really a 8-6) job for the first time in my life.

idk, even when you KNOW your SO is NOT the one to get out like that, your insecurities/bitterness over past rlps can rear their ugly head and have you feeling something you know is not true. i noticed women on this forum are very quick to judge especially surface wise. i can think of all the times i needed to vent/ask advice about rlps but i knew not to come here because i wanted something constructive, not 'hes playing you. leave'. yaknow?

but anyways, its good you know your man...and trust him

 

[naturalmanenyc]

One more time.....so long as you are happy with the situation, so be it.

You can call it nonsense now, but when you posted about it there was clearly some suspicion on your part.....which we all agreed was valid suspicion. Just because you have valid suspicions does not mean that you have to act on it or start an argument - but do pay attention.

We're not speculating that he does not like you to call when he's with his kids because he is cheating with his ex, or that he does not want to speak to you while with family because he's really doing something totally different with some other woman.....we are all just saying KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

He may totally be doing nothing out of the ordinary for those 4 days...but again PAY ATTENTION.

not everybody married is happy (i can attest to that)...and i also can attest to even if he calls you all day long, he still can be doing dirt. he can be callin to tell you he loves you and will be late, while he waitin on the next chick to come out the bathroom...been there too

he dont want me discussing our business really b/c the minute he do something wrong (which happens in every relationship) i.e. a forgotten phone call, a forgotten anniversary..wanting me to spend time with him when he comes in town instead of my girls...some women are like leave him he is no good and blah blah blah.

listening to y'all would have my back up, and when he text me tonight, be all hot with him. im not tryna go there and im not bout to have him get hurt out there b/c of some nonsense

you cant imagine going 4 days without talkin to your husband that is fine, he aint my husband and i already told him to spend time with his fam. if i did not trust what he was saying i would and could call him mom and check. but what is a relationship without trust. especially since we are in two different branches of the military and will have a long distance relationship.

anytime he goes and spend time with his fam/daughters we wont be talkin especially his daughters, b/c he dont get to spend enough time with them already and how would i look taking time away from them.

when we are together it is us, me and him and noone else. I had to remind him to call his mom, to let her know he had made it by me and that was the last day he was there.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

i've learned that. even when there is a "plausible" excuse which may or may not be valid, always pay attention. I learned the hard way not to let someone make you feel like the crazy, paranoid gf, bc you start questioning behavior. it's just deflecting, and alot of times, it works. it gets you off their back, and you start blaming yourself. works like a charm. but, i think alot of the posters are speaking from experience, and i think they have some valid points, even if it seems like "hating" (i hate that word lol) i've been there done that, and when i look back at the situation, realized what everyone else could see, but, my eyes were blinded by "love". anyways, glad everything worked out for you op.

 

[Glamorous_chic]

he dont want me discussing our business really b/c the minute he do something wrong (which happens in every relationship) i.e. a forgotten phone call, a forgotten anniversary..wanting me to spend time with him when he comes in town instead of my girls...some women are like leave him he is no good and blah blah blah.

listening to y'all would have my back up, and when he text me tonight, be all hot with him. im not tryna go there and im not bout to have him get hurt out there b/c of some nonsense

you cant imagine going 4 days without talkin to your husband that is fine, he aint my husband and i already told him to spend time with his fam. if i did not trust what he was saying i would and could call him mom and check. but what is a relationship without trust. especially since we are in two different branches of the military and will have a long distance relationship.

anytime he goes and spend time with his fam/daughters we wont be talkin especially his daughters, b/c he dont get to spend enough time with them already and how would i look taking time away from them.

when we are together it is us, me and him and noone else. I had to remind him to call his mom, to let her know he had made it by me and that was the last day he was there.

umm, i think a forgotten anniversary deserves mentioning. but, personally, i think you're getting defensive, b/c there is some validity to some of the points the ladies have made. no one has said you should leave him, i think they are just saying that this particular behavior is a bit.... peculiar. especially since it's out of the ordinary for you two. but, if you are satisfied with his explanation, then nothing that is being said should be taken offensively, b/c only you two know the true nature of your relationship.i think the previous posters are just giving constructive criticism.

 

[NOEChic]

My man would NEVER go 4 days without contacting me. He knows better and he would feel more at ease while away if he knows that his lady is doing well from day to day...even if it's only for a minute or two. He has more respect and adulation for me than to do something like that. I don't care whom he's visiting and how many other children he has outside of our relationship, some things are just unacceptable.

the reason why i dont want to take time away from his kids is b/c i have a stepmother...ever since my daddy introduced her to my sister and i, whenever we would go by him for the weekend, we would ALWAYS spend time with her and her family. we would sit in her mom's house ALL day EVERY weekend. I HATED it and with a passion...all i wanted was for my dad to take me and my sister somewhere where WE could spend time together by ourselves...i resent them to this day behind that mess

outta respect for his relationship with his kids, i choose to take the back burner b/c im the adult and i will get over whatever is bothering me. kids sometimes grow up and hold on to that resentment

 

[deltadreamland]

the reason why i dont want to take time away from his kids is b/c i have a stepmother...ever since my daddy introduced her to my sister and i, whenever we would go by him for the weekend, we would ALWAYS spend time with her and her family. we would sit in her mom's house ALL day EVERY weekend. I HATED it and with a passion...all i wanted was for my dad to take me and my sister somewhere where WE could spend time together by ourselves...i resent them to this day behind that mess

outta respect for his relationship with his kids, i choose to take the back burner b/c im the adult and i will get over whatever is bothering me. kids sometimes grow up and hold on to that resentment

I understand what you're saying and I completely agree that children must always come first-especially when they are young children. I just believe at some point, he just needs to learn to balance all of it-for you and the kids' sake. But I respect your stance and truly wish you the best.

 

[Jenibo]

erplexedWow

 

[Nyssa28]

He could've prevented all your negative emotions and this thread by just calling. It doesn't take a whole lot to pick up the phone and say hi.

 

[lux10023]

4 days--nah boo---

lol

i speak daily---numerous times a day to any man in my life--who im serious--and im not even the one initiating the freq of contact via communication--

i always tell ppl--OBAMA is a busy man he is the president--everyone else is doin ish--aint noooooooooooooo one that bussssssyyyyyyyyyyy
if obama can make time for his michele---the reg joe schmo with a 9-5 can do too..*** the bs...lmaooo

 

[LisaLisa1908]

b/c i just started trippin, lol...i still wanted to talk to him in the back of my mind, but i really did not want to take time away from his peeps.

Oh. So you LIED to him and then got caught up and your feelings were hurt. Got it.

Good luck with all that. In the future, tell the whole story before you come out guns blazing at people that only knew PART of it and advised you accordingly.

Tell you what, though. All you did was just set a precedent that it's okay for him to disregard you for four days at a time. Next time, it might be a week. Hope you're good with that.