MY BF broke up with me and i need support!

[Katherina]

Fast forward. Two months later. The first three days, we got into an argument because I wanted to spend the night at my cousins. And he felt I should of stayed at his house.... Mind you he was

Working that day. I also noticed little by little he was trying to change me. I should dress more like this because that's how girls dress up here and my stomach should be flatter...

THE BREAKUP:

The day was this monday but the the weekend before he had taking me to a get together for his friend. Mind you..... The friend is superfical and shallow. So he seemed nervous about taking me. I guess he wanted the buddys approval. Anyways once there I bought my camera to take pictures for him. Another friend showed up and as they were spea
king. I asked to take a picture of them.... Well they didn't hear me so I just took a picture of the moment. Obviously my bf was upset. He said I did not know how to act in public and why would I snap a picture like that. His boy asked what's up with me snapping his picture... And he did not know what to respond. We argues that night and I cried..... He apologized

The next day I went to the parlor for my hair. He called me when I returend to his place( he wasn't there). Ask for his house key back and ended the relationship
When he gave me the key.... Would not look me in the eye and hid in the bath room until I left the
. House. He then waited for me to drive off and he drove off the opposite direction... What just happened???

Red = red flag

Blue = strange behavior

I don't want to move back home for some man. I came hear to further my career and I will not let this break me!!
What lead up to this breakup I think was his insecurity and not mines.... He was a fitness buff. Always worried about how he looked or what people said about him. Whenever we had a disagreement. He would run to a million people and ask advice and would come back and tell me oh he or she said....blah blah blah. And he's 33!! The arguments he picked with me were over stupis things. That I can't remember to tell you guys. I believe he subconsciously sabotaged this because he knows that I'm looking for the next step! He has history of letting good woman go.......such as doctors. Social workers. Lawyers etc. Over stupid things. I have not called him nore has he but I'm supposed to go by his place to pick up my jack. I'm so nervous.... I don't want to cry or beg him when I see him. How do you guys think I should do when bi see him? P. S. He has history of women begging him to go back to them!

P. S. Sorry for the typos... I'm upset and typing and there was also another individual there taking pictures as well... He even took more than me so I did not see the big deal????

Purple: Both red flag and strange behavior

Green: Please do not do this. Do not put yourself at his mercy. You will regret it. He isn't worth it. He ended the relationship; please keep your dignity and self-respect.

he should have stuck up for you and told his friend that his woman likes to take pictures and that he needed to chill out because it wasn't that serious. It sounds like he is the type who will make you feel bad about yourself, and trust me, we can't have that for you.

Bold... I agree.

The other ladies have already said it but this guy sounds like a major d****bag and he did you a huge favor. I would've ended it when he started making comments about how your stomach needing to be flatter and telling you what You're much better off and deserve someone who won't pull this kind of immature ish.

Bold, I agree.

 

[RossBoss]

I don't even know the guy but going by the things you said he has done, I'm sick and annoyed with him already. If I knew him, I know I wouldn't be able to stand being around him.

 

[wednesday]

I. Was with him for a year and a half before I moved...... We saw each other back and forth. He would fly or I will. He introduced me to everyone. Including his mother and father and cousins..... I don't even think the guy said something to my ex. I think he probably made it up...... He probably was insecure... The majority of those guys were attractive..

Eta. I'm thinking of maybe not even getting my jack. Your probably right...

Girl, please don't go over there. I'm so mad for you. Maybe i am immature but if i was disrespected like that after being in a relationship for 1 1/2 years+ i would throw up the deuces REAL QUICK and forget i even know his name. What a douche.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

He broke up with you for taking a picture? He is not stable, and he just did you a favor. This has nothing to do with you sweetie. You can now go on and find a good man

Because thanks was not enough. Please don't blame yourself one second. He was looking for an excuse who knows why.

On to a great man and hugs to you

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Yeah. Because this is not the first time he tried to break up with me .... This time he went through with it and even deleted me from his facebook..... To show he is serious....

You guys are really lifting my spirits... Lol. It is a car jack for my tires....

Leave it.

And really if you're afraid you're going to beg him back, and others have...why would you put yourself in that position. You need to stay away from him so you can think clearly. Don't be another woman on his list of beggers that he can talk about with his next girlfriend as a joke.

If you leave it you leave in a clean way. You don't need closure. I don't picture you smiling, hugging and then waving as you walk away with clarity. There is no closure when people are playing mind games or irrational (I call a guy who gets irate over a picture irrational). Things didn't work. That's all. It doesn't matter why. What does matter is that you have somewhere to go (so that's great) and that you are staying to fight (and not letting him drive you home since you don't want to go back). I was happy to see that, when I read your "I'm not going back post", that you have a fighting spirit, don't set yourself back by being drawn into his web of b.s (I'm sure he wants you to come get that jack so he can joke to his friends about what a sobbing mess you were, or that you invented a reason to see him. Don't do him any favors).

 

[Katherina]

Leave it.

And really if you're afraid you're going to beg him back, and others have...why would you put yourself in that position. You need to stay away from him so you can think clearly. Don't be another woman on his list of beggers that he can talk about with his next girlfriend as a joke.

If you leave it you leave in a clean way. You don't need closure. I don't picture you smiling, hugging and then waving as you walk away with clarity. There is no closure when people are playing mind games or irrational (I call a guy who gets irate over a picture irrational). Things didn't work. That's all. It doesn't matter why. What does matter is that you have somewhere to go (so that's great) and that you are staying to fight (and not letting him drive you home since you don't want to go back). I was happy to see that, when I read your "I'm not going back post", that you have a fighting spirit, don't set yourself back by being drawn into his web of b.s (I'm sure he wants you to come get that jack so he can joke to his friends about what a sobbing mess you were, or that you invented a reason to see him. Don't do him any favors).

Re: Bolded

If you feel like you must do something, you can always write him a letter, and NOT send it. DO NOT SEND .

 

[ambergirl]

Leave it.

And really if you're afraid you're going to beg him back, and others have...why would you put yourself in that position. You need to stay away from him so you can think clearly. Don't be another woman on his list of beggers that he can talk about with his next girlfriend as a joke.

If you leave it you leave in a clean way. You don't need closure. I don't picture you smiling, hugging and then waving as you walk away with clarity. There is no closure when people are playing mind games or irrational (I call a guy who gets irate over a picture irrational). Things didn't work. That's all. It doesn't matter why. What does matter is that you have somewhere to go (so that's great) and that you are staying to fight (and not letting him drive you home since you don't want to go back). I was happy to see that, when I read your "I'm not going back post", that you have a fighting spirit, don't set yourself back by being drawn into his web of b.s (I'm sure he wants you to come get that jack so he can joke to his friends about what a sobbing mess you were, or that you invented a reason to see him. Don't do him any favors).

The boldest is the serious truth. The truth is that you may never know what his problem is and even if you did, it probably wouldn't make you feel any better or give you closure. I realize it's very hard to do, but just walking away and letting him stew in his own crapulance is the best thing to do.

 

[sweetvi]

Leave it.

And really if you're afraid you're going to beg him back, and others have...why would you put yourself in that position. You need to stay away from him so you can think clearly. Don't be another woman on his list of beggers that he can talk about with his next girlfriend as a joke.

If you leave it you leave in a clean way. You don't need closure. I don't picture you smiling, hugging and then waving as you walk away with clarity. There is no closure when people are playing mind games or irrational (I call a guy who gets irate over a picture irrational). Things didn't work. That's all. It doesn't matter why. What does matter is that you have somewhere to go (so that's great) and that you are staying to fight (and not letting him drive you home since you don't want to go back). I was happy to see that, when I read your "I'm not going back post", that you have a fighting spirit, don't set yourself back by being drawn into his web of b.s (I'm sure he wants you to come get that jack so he can joke to his friends about what a sobbing mess you were, or that you invented a reason to see him. Don't do him any favors).

.............

 

[ChasingBliss]

The boldest is the serious truth. The truth is that you may never know what his problem is and even if you did, it probably wouldn't make you feel any better or give you closure. I realize it's very hard to do, but just walking away and letting him stew in his own crapulance is the best thing to do.

I am having a somewhat of a different situation...but I needed to read this myself. I have since left it alone...but every now and then go into those "wtf was that all about" moments knowing full well it doesnt even matter anymore. Men with mental, emotional and personality problems are hard to reach with those things begin to show. You have to just leave them alone and think about your own sanity and happiness.

And dont get it twisted, men with these types of issues can come off as some of the most sexy, charming, charismatic individuals...ESPECIALLY those sociopath types. You dont see the craziness right away. But you MUST, MUST, MUST pay attention to those red flags...

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

I don't know what to say except it soundslike you would have broken up with him anyway. It doesn't sound like tou guys were in the same place and he was holding youback.

I agree with Sparklingflame - he did you a favor.

 

[ctosha]

He was just hunting for a reason to break up with you regardless of what it was. At least there was no more time invested into this relationship. Good luck to you hopefully you will find someone who appreciates you.

 

[GraceV]

Just came in to say: OP you are an awesome woman! I'm so glad it didn't take 50-11 posts for you to get the point, ThatJerseyGirl didn't even need to pull out the Newports on you. I'm glad you have some fighting spirit in you, and your wits about you. I'm glad you are going to respect yourself and not crumble into crying mess at his feet.

You go girl!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

momma didn't pull out no newports cuz i couldn't understand half of what she was writing..i had to keep reading and reading so i was like phuckit lolol.....

but she'll be fine. and besides, on da real, i think he's gay. his attitude and everything to me tells me he's a DL. buff body, all da men were fine, and he got mad when she took a pick...yeah...uh huh. so truth be told, he did her a favor.

why want somebody that don't want you.

 

[hopeful]

^^^ Right? a phone jack, a car jack, jack in a box?

OP you are sooooo better off whatever the jack is move on and buy a new one...

Thank you for this! Best and funniest post in this thread.

Yeah. Because this is not the first time he tried to break up with me .... This time he went through with it and even deleted me from his facebook..... To show he is serious....

You guys are really lifting my spirits... Lol. It is a car jack for my tires....

Can't believe it really was just a jack. We are so used to people using other terms for things: coloring, yt, clear, etc...that we second guess stuff.

Thank you so much for thid podt... I woke up feeling bad again but I had to go to thisforum for strength. I have not called him since and I won't be calling. He can keep the jack for all I care! Imn in a new state with endless possibilites. New adventures and the chance to meet
educated. New men who won't be annoyed by anything I say or do or not do or wear. I think he walked all over me because I was too nice! I guess its true what they say...... Men marry b****!

I disagree with the bolded. People walk all over doormats or people with low self-esteem, or people who are people pleasers, etc. etc. People like to say they are so nice but to me it may make you feel better but what's the motivation to make positive changes? You want to be stronger and wiser, not meaner (less nice). And men don't marry *****es, but they are attracted to women who are strong and stand up for themselves. IMO being a pushover is not the same as being "nice," two different things.

But I am happy that you are moving forward and have a positive attitude. Good luck!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Not to be offensive, but I hear law enforcement types have the highest incidences of domestic violence. Just wanted to point that out.

Yup. Dated one, and ummm. he was hot but very very bizarre. he was either on steroids or bipolar.

 

[sweetvi]

Yup. Dated one, and ummm. he was hot but very very bizarre. he was either on steroids or bipolar.

What do you mean by bizzare? What did he do and what made you end it if you don't mind me asking? My ex was also a fitness buff . and was always at the gym but he was very health conscious and picky about what he ate. Who knows.... Could of been on something?? he was always picking battles on the most silliest things ......

 

[Misseyl]

I'm not even going to try to think what he could be thinking but I know that he's an idiot who's immature and not really for a steady relationship. He did you a favor.

 

[NaturalRed]

You have no idea on the "bullet" that you just dodged. Be grateful that it happened this early on.

 

[Carrie A]

momma didn't pull out no newports cuz i couldn't understand half of what she was writing..i had to keep reading and reading so i was like phuckit lolol.....

but she'll be fine. and besides, on da real, i think he's gay. his attitude and everything to me tells me he's a DL. buff body, all da men were fine, and he got mad when she took a pick...yeah...uh huh. so truth be told, he did her a favor.

why want somebody that don't want you.

Maybe that's why he seemed nervous about taking her to the party in the first place. Reaching I know but :scratchch

 

[firecracker]

I hope you are aware a good woman has nothing to do with a job title, appearance or size. Sounds like you need to move on. If you are a truly a smart and independent woman his bs won't stop you from pursuing your goals in that city. Love yourself first and foremost. It sounds like ya'll both have self esteem issues and somethings you need to work on with or without a relationship. KIM and I hope you get you together first and foremost.

 

[Phaer]

yup, that would be my inclination.

In my experience, guys usually start with that, "YOU LEFT THE CAP OFF OF THE TOOTHPASTE AGAIN?!?!?!" erratic behavior when they have found someone else and see nothing but fault with you and pick apart each and every thing you do. Move on, leave the jack. You may decide to beat his as s with it if you return.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Maybe that's why he seemed nervous about taking her to the party in the first place. Reaching I know but :scratchch

when i read her posts (over n over n over), i had this gut feeling that he was hiding something...that he was possibly on the DL, and for him to bring a female to an event, (which is why dude was like..who is she and why is she taking pictures) was out of "character" for his boys...swing crowd or whatever it is he does.

that's just my feeling when i initially read it. he needs to just come on out and stop draggin folks in his bs. havin people up jumpin da boogie to move from one state to da next....

das why u gotta pump da breaks on ur emotions and actually get to know and date a person before you start making drastics moves such as roamin da earth....movin all ova creation runnin behind some man.

luckily for her, she is using it to her advantage, living in a large city, advancing her career, etc.

but then again, what do i know. i could be wrong.

 

[sweetvi]

when i read her posts (over n over n over), i had this gut feeling that he was hiding something...that he was possibly on the DL, and for him to bring a female to an event, (which is why dude was like..who is she and why is she taking pictures) was out of "character" for his boys...swing crowd or whatever it is he does.

that's just my feeling when i initially read it. he needs to just come on out and stop draggin folks in his bs. havin people up jumpin da boogie to move from one state to da next....

das why u gotta pump da breaks on ur emotions and actually get to know and date a person before you start making drastics moves such as roamin da earth....movin all ova creation runnin behind some man.

luckily for her, she is using it to her advantage, living in a large city, advancing her career, etc.

but then again, what do i know. i could be wrong.

............

 

[CarolinaGal]

I hope you are feeling better OP. So sorry you are going through this heartache.

 

[Afrolatina]

Basically I will start from the beginning.....
Fast forward. Two months later. The first three days, we got into an argument because I wanted to spend the night at my cousins. And he felt I should of stayed at his house......He then waited for me to drive off and he drove off the opposite direction... What just happened???

I'll tell you the truth...
a lot of people in law enforcement, unfortunately, find themselves hanging out with sheisty people that are up to no good.. it could have been something as simple as the friend you took a pic of was into something illegal (maybe with your ex, maybe not) and photos = proof so he flipped...
a lot of people (definitely NOT all but a lot) like that that are doing things they have no business doing act crazy in that way when it comes to pictures/proof...

But either way, if he is or isn't, i'm glad he did what he did...
as another poster mentioned, you dodged a bullet- first off no one needs a man that can't defend his woman and second off no one needs someone that could potentially have questionable friends... thank goodness you can still return to your life down south...you took a big risk coming up north, BUT, it paid off for you, definitely.. at least you'll never have a question in your heart about what could've been.. you've seen it first hand and now you can move forward...and, for that matter, far away from him...

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I don't want to move back home for some man. I came hear to further my career and I will not let this break me!!
What lead up to this breakup I think was his insecurity and not mines.... He was a fitness buff. Always worried about how he looked or what people said about him. Whenever we had a disagreement. He would run to a million people and ask advice and would come back and tell me oh he or she said....blah blah blah. And he's 33!! The arguments he picked with me were over stupis things. That I can't remember to tell you guys. I believe he subconsciously sabotaged this because he knows that I'm looking for the next step! He has history of letting good woman go.......such as doctors. Social workers. Lawyers etc. Over stupid things. I have not called him nore has he but I'm supposed to go by his place to pick up my jack. I'm so nervous.... I don't want to cry or beg him when I see him. How do you guys think I should do when bi see him? P. S. He has history of women begging him to go back to them!

P. S. Sorry for the typos... I'm upset and typing and there was also another individual there taking pictures as well... He even took more than me so I did not see the big deal????

I just came in to say sorry that this happened to you but count it as a blessing in disquise trust me you will see clearer later. I think sometimes when men dog us we get lost like what did I do wrong and I don't deserve this. You are right you don't deserve such treatment and trust and believe he will regret what he did and will try to come back. Shut the door and don't open it again for him. I don't even know him and I hate him. Try to remain strong I know it is hard but vent and cry all you can to get it out of your system later you will shake your head and wonder what you ever saw in him. Good luck keep your head up.

 

[LovingLady]

I disagree with the bolded. People walk all over doormats or people with low self-esteem, or people who are people pleasers, etc. etc. People like to say they are so nice but to me it may make you feel better but what's the motivation to make positive changes? You want to be stronger and wiser, not meaner (less nice). And men don't marry *****es, but they are attracted to women who are strong and stand up for themselves. IMO being a pushover is not the same as being "nice," two different things.

But I am happy that you are moving forward and have a positive attitude. Good luck!

Thank you. I was just doing to say this.

 

[FlyyBohemian]

He sounds self-absorbed with deep insecurities and control issues. Guys like that act like it's a privilege to be with them and they make the women they are with doubt themselves and their worth to make themselves feel better. His friend seems crazy too. Why would he trip over a picture? You can tell a lot about a dude from his friends. He even had the nerve to tell you that you can't act in public. I would have said "Son, when in the F#@$ did you start trying to be my damn father! I'm a grown *** woman! Get off my jock!" You shouldn't feel sorry for yourself. You should actually be feeling sorry for the insecure woman who ends up with him. Just tick him off your list and say NEXT!!

 

[Transformer]

It sounds like he's looking for specific image to hang on his arm and you don't fit the bill. This means he's not into you, he's into an image.

You should send him a thank you note for showing his a$$ so soon.

 

[*CherryPie*]

I finally got rid of a Police Officer a few months ago. He tried all the stuff that your ex tried, and MORE. The jealousy and the controlling was CRAZY! He tried to tell me that he was so jealous because I was so beautiful.......then why was he trying to change me? LOL

He had a real problem with me though. The problem was, I wasn't having it! I fought with him, and he hated that!

Most police officers are alcoholics too. So he had a lot going on.....

OP, be very happy that HE broke up with YOU! I'm still getting unwanted cards and visits from my ex. You're going to feel so GREAT when the confusion lifts.......because that kind of craziness certainly leaves you confused......and it gets much worse over time.