My best friend just proposed!

[phynestone]

I've already posted this on the off topic board, but wanted to move it here and get some spiritual advice from you ladies here as well. I had just gotten off of the phone with my ex (I know, I really need to stop talking to him) b/c I was so mad at him. He wants us to get back together and wait until I graduate to get married, but I don't think he's the one. Plus, I went through so much crap this past year b/c of him that it makes me even angrier just thinking about it. My best friend knows me like the back of my hand and so I decide to call him and cheer myself up. I start complaining about my ex and how he's getting on my nerves and then my best friend decides it's time to let some stuff out of the bag. He starts talking about how he wishes we were back together and how things would be different between us. Then he tells me he would like for us to get married and I'm thinking, 'Wow!' This has totally come out of left field. I never knew he felt this way about me and I'm sitting here in shock. I just don't know what to say. He's a nice guy and we've been friends since we were kids, but marriage? Not sure about that.

 

[misscrystal]

Wow is the word. I've never been in a serious relationship, but it sounds like your friend is a good guy and a stable figure in your life. Every woman needs a man like that. You should talk to him about this. I do think he's rushing things, but if you guys take things slow, you can decide for yourself whether a relationship is something you want to pursue. Don't force it!

 

[locabouthair]

aww that's so sweet. i agree take things slow with you best friend if yo decide to start a relationship with him.

 

[HoneyDew]

Don't jump into anything too quick. It seems like you still have unresolved issues with the ex. It would not be fair for you or for your friend to have that lingering.

One the other hand, a good man can help you get over your unresolved issues, though. That is what happened to me. I still had issues with my ex and I knew that he was not good for me. It took meeting a good, strong, moral, loving, family-oriented man to show me how it is really supposed to be done! It was the best thing that happened to me. But I still took it slow. It took a year of dating him before I realized that my heart was ready to even THINK about marriage.

Just take it slow, girl. But keep your heart and your mind open so that you don't risk losing a good man or friend, either.

 

[Sweet C]

Don't jump into anything too quick. It seems like you still have unresolved issues with the ex. It would not be fair for you or for your friend to have that lingering.

One the other hand, a good man can help you get over your unresolved issues, though. That is what happened to me. I still had issues with my ex and I knew that he was not good for me. It took meeting a good, strong, moral, loving, family-oriented man to show me how it is really supposed to be done! It was the best thing that happened to me. But I still took it slow. It took a year of dating him before I realized that my heart was ready to even THINK about marriage.

Just take it slow, girl. But keep your heart and your mind open so that you don't risk losing a good man or friend, either.

I would just take things slow. I think maybe your best friend was a little too anxious to get out what he had no doubtly been feeling for a long time. He just kinda bombarded you with all of these thoughts, so it all came out in one big swoop. Before you even consider the possibility of rlp with your best friend, you need to rid the ex from your life. If you don't think he's the one, then you need to let him go. Most importantly, pray and ask the Lord to guide every area of your life and to order your steps according to his Word. That way all things you do will be in his order.

 

[phynestone]

Sweet C and Honeydew-
Both of you are right on point. I do still have some unresolved issues with my ex, but I'm trying to resolve them. It's so hard staying away! My bf just wanted to tell me this stuff before I jumped the broom, but I have no groom in sight right now. I am keeping my heart and mind open, but he and I used to date and I just don't have those romantic feelings for him anymore.

I haven't had the balls to even talk to my best friend since he told me this, which was about two days ago. Marriage is something that's been on my mind recently, but I'm not ready to take the jump. There's so much time that I can spend being with me right now and I am enjoying it.

My best friend got accepted into grad school in the same town as me (not same school) but is reluctant to come out here b/c of his feelings. Now that he's told me this, I'm not sure if I want him coming out here either. Those romantic feelings I once had for him are gone and I don't know if they'll ever come back. We dated when I was in high school (he was in college at the time) and broke up primarily due to the distance. He lives in another state. The ex doesn't know a thing about it and I don't think I'll tell him. This is just too much for me to process.

 

[czyfaith77]

I've already posted this on the off topic board, but wanted to move it here and get some spiritual advice from you ladies here as well. I had just gotten off of the phone with my ex (I know, I really need to stop talking to him) b/c I was so mad at him. He wants us to get back together and wait until I graduate to get married, but I don't think he's the one. Plus, I went through so much crap this past year b/c of him that it makes me even angrier just thinking about it. My best friend knows me like the back of my hand and so I decide to call him and cheer myself up. I start complaining about my ex and how he's getting on my nerves and then my best friend decides it's time to let some stuff out of the bag. He starts talking about how he wishes we were back together and how things would be different between us. Then he tells me he would like for us to get married and I'm thinking, 'Wow!' This has totally come out of left field. I never knew he felt this way about me and I'm sitting here in shock. I just don't know what to say. He's a nice guy and we've been friends since we were kids, but marriage? Not sure about that.

Your story sounds almost identical to the storyline to "A Lova like No Otha" a novel by Stephanie Perry Moore, a Christian Fiction writer who lives in Atlanta. I enjoy her books. The character ends up falling for a nice man, who feels that her ex was not good for her. It was a good read.

You answered your own questions pertaining to your ex. Toxic relationships are not good. They just make you sick in some sort of way. Either way it goes, I believe it would be best that you give yourself time and let God guide you in your decision making.

If in so God does direct you in the pathway of your friend, remember good relationships are based upon good friendships and both are founded on good and open communication.

 

[czyfaith77]

I would just take things slow. I think maybe your best friend was a little too anxious to get out what he had no doubtly been feeling for a long time. He just kinda bombarded you with all of these thoughts, so it all came out in one big swoop. Before you even consider the possibility of rlp with your best friend, you need to rid the ex from your life. If you don't think he's the one, then you need to let him go. Most importantly, pray and ask the Lord to guide every area of your life and to order your steps according to his Word. That way all things you do will be in his order.

In addition to what I said already, I agree.

 

[hottopic]

Let me start out by saying, "when one door closes and another one opens." Ask the Lord to guide you with the answer. Make sure the answer is from God and not from yourself or the devil. I asked God for a husband, and I jumped back into my ex's arm when he asked me to marry him. Turned out it was the devil answering my prayers and not God. But you know what, if it was not for the mistake of my ex...I would not have met my current boyfriend that I have been with for 3 1/2 going on 4 years. If it is too easy it is not of God....